Work Text:
Kunikida awoke to the sunlight shining in his face, which wasn’t too strange, sometimes the land of sleep let him open his eyes a couple minutes before his alarm. When that happens, he patiently waits for his alarm to go off before starting his morning routine. However, when he lifted his wrist to look at his watch, the time read 7:12 instead of 6:30 when he usually woke up!
The blonde quickly grabs his phone off his nightstand. When he presses on the power button, his screen fails to light up. This is concerning, considering he has time in his schedule to charge his phone before bed, sometimes even keeping it plugged in while he is asleep. Eventually, the dead battery icon flashes.
Kunikida doesn’t remember his night at home all that well. He does remember having a stakeout mission with Kyouka, who he let play a game he downloaded for that exact scenario. That must have been where the battery went. They stayed out into the late hours of the night, and the subsequent fight hadn’t been very energizing. Eventually, he comes to the conclusion that after his late night, he forgot to charge his phone before bed. His tiredness also led to him sleeping later than he usually did.
The Idealist immediately shot straight out of bed, performing the essential counterparts of his morning routine as quickly as he could while still being thorough. He even cut corners and made instant oatmeal instead of his usual home-cooked meal! Eventually he was out the door and at the agency just 15 minutes after he was supposed to. Sure it was less than ideal, but he was proud to say he would more than make up for the lost time.
Kunikida was nervous of the chaos that would break out if nobody was there to keep Dazai in line, however, he believed in his coworkers abilities to properly deal with anything that comes their way. And with that in mind, he opened the door.
“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEE!!!”
-
When Atsushi came into work, and his beloved, idealistic, perfectionist mentor wasn’t at his desk typing away, he almost burst into tears right there. Nonetheless, he pulled himself together and asked one of their clerks, Haruno, if he had shown up that day. It was only after she anxiously said he hadn’t even called in sick, that he allowed the tears to fall. After all, what has the world come to that the only person he could rely on to always be performing by his ideals, didn’t show up? He could only believe poor Kunikida was in some horrible accident.
-
When Yosano burst into the agency, singing her greetings, only to find the office empty aside from Atsushi hugging his knees, crying and muttering incomprehensible words that sounded strangely like , ‘He can’t be dead, what about all of Dazai-sans’s tardy paperwork?’ She was very worried. When she checked in with Haruno, she was told Kunikida hadn’t shown up! Apparently, he didn’t even call in sick! Needless to say, she immediately got to work polishing her chainsaw.
-
When Kyouka quietly snuck into the agency and was greeted with the sight of Atsushi having a mental breakdown with the infirmary door open to reveal a Yosano with a sadistic smile, she thought nothing of it. That was until she realized there was a stark absence of the clacking of laptop keys. When she looked around and immediately noticed the lack of Kunikida, she joined Yosano in knife sharpening.
-
When Dazai strolled into the agency, fashionably late as always, (though not as late as usual. He had gotten an itch in lower ear and was searching for the person he was meant to ragebait.) and was greeted to the sight of Atsushi having a full blown panic attack, Kyouka and Yosano conspiring, Kenji giving his plant a pep talk, Junichiro glaring at Kunikida’s desk, and the president himself eyeing the room the guns are stored in, he knew something was off. Immediately noticing the lack of reprimands for being late, and seeing no other person who was acceptable to be a victim of his ragebaiting (if he tried anything he might just die), he sat in his desk and stared at the ceiling fan.
-
And when Ranpo walked into the agency, only letting out maniacal laughter, everyone knew they were doomed.
-
Kunikida took in the scene in front of him with wide eyes. Atsushi, the culprit of the scream, was red faced from crying, sitting on the couch with a frankly insane grin. Yosano was sharpening her scalpels with a just as disturbing expression, and Kyouka was sitting with her sharpening her various knives. Kenji was sternly talking to his plant, clearly trying not to raise his voice. Junichiro was making fists at Kunikida's own desk. Even the president was acting strange, observing the scene with furrowed brows and eying the weapon storage every now and then. However, the most disturbing thing was Dazai, he was sitting in his chair properly not making any noise, and staring at the ceiling with dead eyes.
When Kunikida finally took in the scene, he was immediately on guard.
“Did something happen!?” Instantly, every single eye in the room looked at him. It was disturbing, as they weren’t even blinking.
“Kunikida-san?” It was Kenji who spoke first, his innocent eyes looking up nervously. “I thought something happened to you! I’m so glad you’re OK!”
“Damn Kunikida. You had us worried for a second.”
“Kunikida-san! I thought you died!”
“Oh Kunikida-kun~ you worried us so much, I can’t believe you could do this!”
“WHAT are you guys talking about?” Kunikida was confused. “What do you mean,
I thought you were dead’ why would I be dead?”
“Well~” It was Dazai who explained, “When our perfectionist idealistic Kunikida is late without even calling, what are we to assume other than that something horrible has happened!” The dead look on his face was gone, replaced with his usual cheerful smile.
“You do have a point… I deeply apologise for worrying everybody, but I must ask that you all get back to work!” The last part was shouted rather aggressively, but nobody minded grateful to have their Kunikida back.