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“Hey, Hebimori-san."
During the night’s silence, Togano’s voice from the upper bed rang across the room.
"Yeah?" she replied from below.
"Write me a song.”
“H-Huh? Me?”
“Well, yeah. I’m pretty sure you’re the only person here that plays the guitar.”
“Even so, you should know that I can’t write songs yet.. I’ve only been practicing for about a month.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
In retrospect, asking someone — who didn’t know what a tuning peg was called until a month ago — to write a song probably wasn’t the brightest idea.
“Then, why’d you ask..?”
“In any case, just play a song for me — doesn’t have to be original,” she said, blatantly ignoring her question.
The room resumed its silence, and as the air she breathed in grew heavy, an awkwardness settled in her stomach.
Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that.
“You know what, just forget abo-“
“By the end of the week, then..?”
The rest of her words caught in her throat.
“I have club practice Friday.”
“I’ll wait. It’s not like I’m ever busy.”
“Oh, that’s right. You don’t do anything.”
She chuckled, and she could slightly hear Hebimori’s groan from below the bed.
“Friday, then," she said.
“Okay. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Silence resumed, and it had no intention of abandoning its place this time. With it growing longer and longer, the weight of her own words started to settle in her mind, making her want to pull it out with full force.
It was hard to take back something that had already sunk so deep, so instead of dwelling on it, she awaited tomorrow’s arrival.
Her eyes closed again, trying to picture what Hebimori’s expression looked like just now.
Her breathing grew heavy as she ran up to the hoop from the left side with the ball in both hands, eyes gazing at the general area of the square on the backboard.
Corner of the square. Corner of the square.
After she repeated it in her mind as if it were a ritual, she reached the hoop as she jumped with her right foot, shooting with her right hand.
The deafening bounces of the ball told her more than what her eyes could.
"Next!"
Since that was her last drill, she took the ball back and tossed it into the cart before sitting on the bench.
Layups weren't normally a problem, at least less so in comparison to free throws, so there should've been zero issues with today's drill practices. And yet, things such as jumping on the wrong foot, focusing on the wrong target — things that she had a hold of were treated as brand new concepts to her, and all of it was totally incomprehensible as to why.
She sighed
That was a lie.
She understood it perfectly well why this was happening.
It's because of what she asked last night.
"Write a song for me."
Maybe because it was late at night when she asked that, but even so, it was unusually selfish of her to ask such a thing, especially considering that it effectively defeats the purpose of the advice she gave to Hebimori.
Whose idea was it to take things slow again?
Okay, minus her hypocrisy, this still shouldn't be the type of thing she should be asking for. She had rarely wanted anything from anyone, even if it's from a friend. This still stood true, even with regards to Hebimori, who had been an inconspicuous roommate up until now.
So, why? Why was she so insistent on having not just any song played, but one for her?
She didn't know, but it's been gnawing at her ever since Hebimori played that song for Akebi, and seeing her practice it over and over again for the next time she'll play it for her ate away at the layers of her heart.
If that was the case, it's best not to think about it.
Just watch everyone else, and then listen to Hebimori's song.
That's all I have to do.
When her focus was back on the court, she found one of the club members performing a clean layup, something she had failed to do.
"Wow, Mio-chan's great at this, huh?" a club member sitting beside her said. "I wish I could do five in a row. Aren't you jealous, Togano-san?"
"A little bit."
"Well, me too, but don't let it get to you." She elbowed her arm. "Also, your form seemed a little off today. What's up? Bad day?"
"Something like that."
"'Something like that,' huh? Well, I won't pry."
Good, because I don't really know what it is myself.
She felt a little relieved at that, but something during their short conversation still caught her attention.
Jealousy.
Is that what it was?
Was she jealous that all Hebimori seemed to focus on was Komichi Akebi?
Her fingers curled tightly into her palm.
That wasn't it.
Of course it wasn’t.
It's just, it's a little vexing that the person who got Hebimori to this point in the first place was given very little credit, and that Akebi was at the center of it all.
But that wasn’t jealousy.
Her nails dug into her palm.
It was only a natural reaction.
“Togano-san?”
“Huh?”
When she looked up from the ground, she found Akebi standing next to her, inspecting her with a hint of scrutiny that made her feel a little out of place.
Why?
She was the last person she wanted to see.
“Oh, it is you! I couldn’t tell because your hair was covering your face, hehe..”
“What are you doing here, Akebi-san?”
“I saw everyone else leave the gym earlier, but I didn’t see you come out. I was wondering if you stayed behind, but I didn’t actually expect to see you here!”
When she looked around the gym, not a single soul but the two of them was present. If Akebi hadn’t come just now, she might’ve stayed here for an indefinite amount of time, leading her to potentially missing out on Hebimori's song.
They could’ve at least checked up on me or something.
“So, what are you doing here? Here to practice some more?”
“Oh, um, not really.”
“Really? It looked like you were pumping yourself up just now, looking at the way you had your hands clenched and everything!”
“Well, that’s..”
It’s not as if she could say that a part of the reason she was feeling this way was because of Akebi herself. Moreover, blame couldn’t even be directed onto her — it was all merely in her head; she knew that perfectly well.
It’s the reason she loathed herself at this very moment.
Because of that, she stayed silent, allowing the murky air surrounding her mind to be fully enclosed within it.
It felt deserving.
That’s why when Akebi came over and sat next to her, it left her feeling all the more perplexed.
“You know, there’s something I’ve noticed about you, Togano-san.”
Likewise, her vague words didn't make it any clearer.
“You work hard. Like, super hard! Whenever I pass by the gym after school, I sometimes see you staying after everyone else has left, practicing shooting the ball. I’ll even come back after some time and still find you practicing!” Akebi chuckled at that, and Togano felt her shoulders grow a little lighter. “I think your work ethic is one of the most admirable things about you, at least to me!”
“I see.” Togano smiled. “Thank you, Akebi-san.”
“Hehe, no problem. But, that’s probably why you’re feeling frustrated right now, huh?”
"What do you mean..?"
“You’re always so quiet, so it’s a little hard to know what you’re thinking. But, whenever you miss a shot or something, I can see the frustration on your face. Whenever I see that, I feel like you have a lot going on in your mind. At least, more than what your face could possibly let on.”
If there were telepathics in this world, then Togano was standing in front of one of them.
“…You really hit the mark.”
“Oh, did I?” She chuckled. “Honestly, I was a little scared and thought I might’ve been a bit too presumptuous.”
“No, not at all. I think hearing that from you laid off some tension in me, so thank you.”
“Then, it’s a mission success, heh heh! Since I’m here, do you think it’d be okay for you to share some of the things you’re conflicted with?”
“Share them..?”
“I mean, I know very little about basketball, but I hope I can help out somehow!”
That’s not what any of this is about..
Even so, if she can somehow talk about these inexplicable feelings with someone, even if it's with Akebi of all people, then it’s a step closer to understanding herself.
“It’s not about basketball, but..”
She took one deep breath in, then out.
“Hear me out, please.”
In the locker room, she was in the process of changing into her uniform.
Of course, there wouldn't be any universe out there where she would have told Akebi that the person having these pent-up feelings was herself, so after some overextended explaining that lacked any sort of subtlety, she managed to convince her the person in question was a club member.
Now, the advice she had received trended more on the side of being misunderstood, and there was even a case where 'she' was being misunderstood for a secret admirer.
She sighed as she closed her locker and went back out to the gym, finding Akebi still seated at the benches.
Despite that, she had still gotten considerable words.
"Togano-san!" she called from the benches. "All ready now?"
"Yeah."
Once she reached her, Akebi stood up, and with a cheerful expression, she reminded Togano of her words from earlier.
"Remember to tell your friend that it's okay to be a little selfish, especially if this person means a lot to her, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll tell her. Thank you, Akebi-san."
The smile that appeared on Akebi was bright, and they soon left the gym together.
When they reached outside, they found someone with a pigtail hairdo sitting on the steps, a guitar resting on their back.
“Hebimori-san?”
“Ah, it’s Hebimori-san!”
“Oh, T-Togano-san, Akebi-san!” She stood up, meeting their eyes as they walked towards her.
“What are you doing here? I thought you said you’d wait at the dorms.”
“Well, I did, but it was past the time you’d usually arrive, so I thought I’d look for you in the gym.”
Was she waiting here the whole time?
The implication that she made her wait over an hour more than what was intended put some weight on her shoulders.
That, and the possibility of Hebimori meeting Akebi before her bothered her, but she didn’t want to pay any mind to it.
“Sorry, you didn’t have to do that.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine. After all, you said that I don’t do anything, right?”
“I mean, yeah, but..”
"Oh, Hebimori-san, you're playing the guitar again?"
There it is.
She knew Akebi would notice it; there was simply no helping it, and yet there was still this distasteful, wretched ache in her chest when she said it.
I hate this.
"Yeah. Tonago-san wanted me to play for her."
"Really? I'd like to listen as well!"
I just want to leave already.
"Sorry, Akebi-san, but I want Togano-san to be the only one to listen to this."
Upon those unexpected words, her gaze immediately went to Hebimori.
She had said it like it was nothing, but something in her instincts told her that wasn't the case, and yet when she examined Hebimori's face, she couldn't decipher anything behind it.
These moments punctuated her desire to know Hebimori more — more than anyone else.
"Aw.. You're lucky, Togano-san.."
"Huh? Oh, um, I guess."
Akebi chuckled. "Well, in that case, I'll be heading home. My mom needs help with dinner, anyway." She turned to the right, and just before she turned the corner, she faced them once more and gave a wave goodbye. "See you two on Monday!"
The two waved back, and after a moment had passed, only they remained.
"Togano-san."
"Yeah?"
"Follow me, please."
With no reason to complain, she nodded, letting Hebimori take the lead as she followed slightly behind, wondering again what her expression was at the moment right now.
"Oh, it's this place."
They were nearing a round gazebo supported by four pillars with a table underneath, sitting close to the lake.
"Have you been here before?"
"No, but I sometimes see you hang out here after school."
"Ah, right.."
After closing the rest of the distance, they each sat on a stone cylinder serving as seats. As Hebimori began taking the guitar out of its case, Togano's eyes drifted to the lake.
The water reflected the sky's golden hour, surrounding them in a warm, orange glow. In the distance, she could make out a duck being followed by its four ducklings.
She's seen them more often than not, and every time she does, she feels a little envious of a bond that seemed so tightly knit, even if they're only ducks.
Must be nice.
She turned back to Hebimori, finding her with a guitar sitting on her lap.
Her hands, one at the strings and another on the neck, were in position, and she could play at any given moment.
Yet, it was only the sound of wind and trees rustling for a time, all the while Hebimori wore an indecipherable expression on her face.
For some reason, her cheeks also had a tint of red to them.
“Hebimori-san?”
That didn’t spark any responses out of her. In fact, she only shrank even further away.
I knew this was a bad idea.
I shouldn’t have been so selfish.
Her nails dug back into her palm, as if they were both puzzle pieces falling into place, naturally belonging to each other. The teeth biting into her lips shared the same story.
She stood up.
“I was just kidding about all of that.”
Hebimori looked up at her.
“Kidding? About what..?”
“You don’t have to play me a song, so let’s just go back to the dorms. It’s almost curfew, anyway.”
“Okay..”
Hebimori replied, but despite it, she continued to sit down, having the guitar in a steady position with zero signs of moving.
Instead of meddling in whatever she could be feeling, she decided to walk away, as if she were running.
However, as soon as she turned away from her, Togano felt something grab her hand.
The deep callouses in the fingertips made her more aware that it was Hebimori, and every muscle in her body started to tighten.
As she was about to speak up, a tense voice beat her to it.
“T-Togano-san.”
“Yeah..?”
“Thank you..”
Huh?
Nothing was making any sense, and it felt like she could wake up from a dream at any moment.
“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that..?”
“No, I mean..”
Hebimori’s grip tightened, and it took everything in her to not do the same and reciprocate the gesture.
“T-Togano-san, I’ve always wanted to play a song for you. It’s been on my mind ever since you helped me out of that stump. Not only that, but you’re always there to listen to me, even if you’re doing something else, like doing homework. You’ll even give me some advice, and I doubt you know the guitar any more than I do, but even so, I’ve followed every one of them, and I felt like my playing got better altogether. And-“
After seemingly realizing she talked too much, she averted her gaze, and the red tint in her face deepened.
“Sorry..”
To put it lightly, Togano found it adorable.
She chuckled, covering her mouth with a fist. “It’s okay. I think I get it,” she said. “But, I really don’t think I’m doing that much, and I don’t think you should actually be listening to all of my advice.”
“That may be true, but that’s not the point..”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, what I’m trying to say is..”
A few moments after those cryptic words, Hebimori redirected her eyes back onto Togano’s. It had a contrasting sense of directness and wariness in them, and she couldn’t tell what she was going to say next.
Because of that, her next words left her excruciatingly vulnerable.
“You mean a lot to me, M-Mai-san..”
Togano felt something hot arise in her face.
“But, I can’t possibly express all of that — not with words, at least. So..”
Using her other hand, she grasped Togano’s hand and enclosed it with her other, making her already sweaty palm more damp than it had to be.
“Listen to me, please.”
Nothing was said after that, not that Togano had any capability to speak, so she let go of Hebimori’s hand and sat down in place of a response.
The seat felt nonexistent, as if she was sitting on clouds.
Something was wrong.
“Then, I’ll be starting now..”
This shouldn’t be happening.
“I only spent a few days practicing it, so it might come off a little half-baked, but..”
Why?
“I hope you’ll like it.”
Why was her heart racing so fast?
She put her hand over her heart, gripping her shirt over it, as if feeling for a rhythm.
It was unstable, irregular, and out of tune — unlike the steady beat she was used to.
It was incomparable to the melody passing through her ears right now.
Her grip lightened, and she eventually lowered her hand.
With her ears acknowledging the presence of the guitar over her own heartbeat, her mind was numbed, and all it seemed to focus on was the noise around her. The serene flow of the lake, a bird’s tune accompanying the melody, and gentle winds carrying unspoken emotions. The world around them felt still, and it took its time to embrace them — just for this small, fleeting moment.
The playing itself wasn’t anything substantial, even she knew that. It was a recurring melody that seemed so simple that even an amateur could play it. There weren’t any lyrics to accompany it either, so some might say it felt relatively shallow.
Yet, despite that, each note had a sense that they were deliberately chosen, and the steadiness of her hands as she strummed the guitar was comparable to a clay artist at work, making it all the more commendable.
In the grand scheme of things, though, none of it mattered.
It was Hebimori playing, for her, and that alone was enough for Togano.
Her pulse had steadied, but even so, it had so much to say, and the guitar felt as though it was expressing everything for her.
She wanted to know what Hebimori was thinking right now, wondering if she was feeling the same thing as her.
She wondered if she would get to hear this again.
As with all things, the guitar faded with the setting sun, and there was only a cricket’s chirp to fill the stillness.
Hebimori let out a breath, giving the sense that she had been holding it in ever since she started.
“I found the melody online, a-and it seemed simple, so I thought I could give it a try. From that, though, I totally butchered it, so I don’t blame you if you think-“
Togano extended both arms and pulled Hebimori into her.
It was warm.
I really am selfish.
“T-Togano-san?”
“Um, sorry.”
“For what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Er..”
Judging from her tone, she couldn’t come up with anything to say, and frankly, Togano didn’t either.
Being in this position, her head resting over her shoulder, covered for every word they couldn’t speak right now, and she wanted to stay in it forever.
However, as if she couldn’t get any more selfish,
“Can I call you Oshizu?”
“Huh? Are you sure?”
“Yeah. And, drop the formality, please. Just call me Mai.”
If it weren’t for her indifferent tone and hidden face, the embarrassment she was withholding would’ve been practically screaming its presence to them.
Then, she felt two hands on her lower back.
“Then, I’ll call you Mai..”
“Mm.”
There was a constant thumping around her chest, and trying to discern who it came from was akin to making a full court shot.
“Oshizu?”
“Y-Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“For the song?”
“No, for figuring out what a tuning peg is.”
She chuckled, and she could discern Oshizu's groan beside her.
Yet, ever so slightly, she felt the hold around her waist tighten.
“You’re welcome..”
“Then, does that mean you’ll be playing more songs for me?”
"Isn’t that kind of a big ask..?”
“You’re right.”
At this point, she’s long stopped restraining herself.
“As long as you’ll be looking forward to them..”
Mai smiled.
“Always.”