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Ryland opened his eyes and for several minutes he just blinked up at the ceiling. He was trying not to think of the ache in his body, and was falling.
He sat up in bed despite the protest of his body. He pushed himself backwards so he could lean against the pillows and wall behind him. He felt too warm and cursed his inability for temperature regulation.
Reaching over to the nightstand he found his glasses and his phone, grabbing both he slid his glasses on before turning on his phone. No texts from Simon, he was probably still asleep.
There were a few reminders on his phone for the day, the first being that he had a video call with Rocky at noon, the second that he was going to the prison at four. It sounded exhausting already, and he debated seeing if he could cancel either of those things, even though he shouldn’t.
Looking at the time he noticed it was only eight, so he slipped his glasses back off and placed them down with his phone on the nightstand. He slipped back down further into the bed so he could try to rest some more. He didn’t, but laying down felt better than sitting up.
When he actually went to get out of bed around 11:30 he felt nauseous, more than usual. He reached for a vomit bag just in time for all of his stomach contents to come up. Spitting out the remaining bile he cringed, reaching for his water bottle on the nightstand.
He swished a small amount of water in his mouth and spit it into the bag. He twisted it closed and threw it in the trash can beside his bed, making a mental note to throw it out later.
Reaching for his phone he did see one large text from Simon.
Feeling sick again, doc thinks it’s the flu? I just want to sleep. Might cancel on my call with Adri, just feel like shit. Miss you. Don’t stress about this afternoon.
He already was, hence the anxiety vomit, but Simon didn’t need to know that. He tried to recall if this was Simon’s seventh or eighth time getting sick, it was a tad more than he had been but he was used to Earth’s germs, Simon wasn’t. He sent a message back.
Miss you too, I’m ok. If you do call tell them I say hi, not sure if they’ll be on the call with Rocky. Love you.
Moments later a text back
Love you too
Ryland scrolled on a couple apps on his phone before he realized it was almost noon. He grabbed his cane from beside his nightstand and used it to help him stand and hobble over to his desk. His body protested at the sudden change in positioning and he nearly passed out by the time he sat at the desk, cursing himself for moving so quickly.
He had a minute to recover before he popped open his laptop and accepted the in coming call from Rocky.
“Hi Grace!” Rocky cheered once the camera connected.
“Hey Rock, how you doing?” Ryland asked as he leaned back in his chair.
“Good good good, Rocky spend last Erid week preparing space ship to come to Earth.” Rocky chirped and Ryland smiled a bit at the idea. Rocky had brought up coming to visit, while Adrian made flat out plans to steal Ryland and Simon to come to Erid.
Not that Ryland would completely object if he was given the choice to go to Erid. His body was meant to be on Earth, not anymore, not after so long in space. Poor Simon had never lived on Earth in his universe, so his body wasn’t made for it anyway. Going to Erid might not completely solve their issues, but it was better than Earth.
Better than being treated like an experiment half the time, being quarantined and forced away from his boyfriend who was being treated equally as poorly. Better than being used by the people who sent him to his death in the first place, well except Stratt.
“What Grace thinking question?” Rocky asked, snapping Ryland out of his thoughts. He inhaled sharply and clicked onto his watch to check his heart rate, 115 bpm.
“Just trying to think about how long it would take you to get here.” Ryland said and Rocky chirped again.
“Two years.” Rocky calculated and Ryland sat up in his chair a bit more. His heart rate jumped to 125 bpm.
“Earth years?” Ryland questioned.
“Yes, always Earth years.” Rocky sassed, and Ryland was sure if he had eyes Rocky would be rolling them.
“Rock that’s a lot quicker than it took me to get here, and you’re coming from further.” Ryland pointed out. He took a long deep breath to try and calm his heart rate.
“Erid engineering team create space ship that works even faster, need to get to Earth quick.” Rocky pointed out and Ryland stared at the computer screen.
“Why do you need to be here faster?” Ryland asked, but he knew the answer before Rocky even replied.
“Rocky mate Adrian plan on taking Grace and Grace mate Simon away from Earth, asked to make it faster to spend more time with humans.” Rocky said and Ryland laughed. “Why Grace laugh question?”
“I think it’s cute, sweet even, that you guys want to take us away from here.” Ryland admitted and Rocky let out a worried trill.
“Friend Grace having second thoughts about leaving Earth again question?” Rocky asked but Ryland was quick to shake his head. He couldn't wait until then, he would start counting down the days as soon as they left.
“No, no, I do want to Rock I do. It honestly would be better for me and my body to be back in space anyway.” Ryland sighed. It would be good for Simon too, he was suffering more than anything.
“Grace health still bad bad bad question?” Rocky wondered and Ryland put his hand over his face as he sighed and rubbed at his eyes.
“You could say that. At this point it’s POTS, constant nausea, the chronic pain from gravity on my joints, I’m immunocompromised so I’m more susceptible to illnesses, chronic migraines, and constant blood pressure issues. It’s miserable and it’s not getting any better, and probably won’t.” Ryland admitted honestly.
“Rocky make sure ship leaves soon, come get Grace and Simon.” Rocky promised and Ryland gave another small smile.
“Thanks Rock.”
Ryland was back in bed. He had texted Simon about how Rocky and Adrian could make it in two years but he hadn’t answered, probably asleep. Ryland wanted to fall back asleep himself but he was being picked up in twenty minutes for his ride to the prison.
He needed to get up and get his sweater on, but his body felt so heavy, his heart going too fast even when laying down. He took his meds today right? He couldn’t remember.
Fuck this.
Ryland forced himself up in bed and pocketed his phone. He was going to be wearing sweat pants and his graphic tee, if anyone had a problem they could kiss his ass. God he spent too much time around Simon he swore like a sailor now even in his own head.
Ryland grabbed his cane and slipped on a pair of crocs by his front door, grabbing his sweater and stepping outside right as a car pulled up. A driver up front and when he opened the door to the back seat Carl was sitting across from him.
Ryland had seen Carl a few times since returning to Earth. He had mixed feelings for the man, he understood that he was just playing his part, that he believed in Ryland more than anything, but the betrayal still stung. Not to mention the physical toll that his body had taken coming back to Earth. He still would be friendly, but they weren’t friends.
“Hey Grace.” Carl said and Ryland waved his hand a bit as he got into the car, settling his cane between his legs.
“Hello.” Ryland said briefly as the car took off down the road.
“You’re visiting Stratt today right?” Carl asked and Ryland nodded. “She’s who I’m seeing after you.”
“Fun.” Ryland mumbled. The rest of the ride was mostly set in silence, he didn’t have much to say to Carl anyway.
After going through the xray machine Ryland was set in a room with several tables, windows on every wall, several guards outside the doors. This was his first time seeing Stratt since returning, so he didn’t know what to expect.
Stratt looked pretty much the same, her hair had just gone mostly grey. It clashed with the orange jumpsuit she was wearing. Beyond that she looked almost like she did the day she sent him to his supposed death.
He felt uncomfortable already.
“Hello Dr. Grace.” She greeted as she sat down across the table from him.
“Hello Stratt.” Ryland greeted coolly.
“How are you doing?” She asked and for reason that pissed him off.
“Let’s cut the small talk, I was told you had something to say to me.” Ryland snapped at her and her face remained neutral. She just nodded before speaking.
“Right, yes. I wanted to thank you for all of your hard work and effort in helping save our sun.” She said and Ryland paused, briefly hoping there was more to be said.
“That’s it?” He asked as he raised his eyebrows. He felt himself frown, that’s all she could muster? Years and years apart and all she had to say was thank you?
“What do you mean?” She asked in returning, tilting her head ever so slightly to the side.
“You don’t want to I dunno maybe apologize for sending me up into space against my will?” He asked with a scoff.
“But I’m not sorry, I don’t regret it and I will not apologize for it.” She said plainly. He felt himself grow angry at her words.
“Then why am I here?” He asked as he moved to stand up.
“Did you really come all this way just for an apology?” She questioned and he paused his movements. He didn’t give her the decency of looking at her.
“I don’t know what I expected in coming here but it wasn’t a measly thank you for saving the universe.” He snapped.
“Well that’s what I had to say to you.” Stratt admitted plainly. Ryland rolled his eyes.
“You want to know what I’ve always wanted to say to you?” Ryland asked.
“What?” She wondered. Ryland took a deep breath and finally looked her in the eyes.
“Our bodies were never meant to live in space.” Ryland pointed out as he leaned his cane against the table again.
“Yes I know that.” Stratt said at once. Ryland frowned further, if that was even possible.
“Do you? Do you know that? Because I’m the only one who’s ever been up there that long, and they’re still studying me like I’m the next cure for cancer.” Ryland wanted to laugh. He had no idea how much she had been told about him since his return.
“From the research we had until you came back it showed that the longer in space the worse it is on the body, so to some degree yes I did know.” Stratt admitted and Ryland felt another wave of nausea wash over him.
“Do you feel even a tiny bit sorry for what happened to me, for what you did to me?” He asked and he watched as her eyes glossed over just slightly, the most emotion he had seen out of her this whole conversation.
“You had the option to take your own life just like the others, you chose to come back.” She eventually said in her typical cool tone.
“I didn’t even want to go in the first place, are you crazy? You chose to murder me and you’re thinking I’m the insane one for not ending my own life?” Ryland scoffed at her, but she shrugged.
“Do you prefer this alternative? You seem quite unhappy with the way things are now.” She pointed out as she glanced down to the cane still resting there. He shifted in his seat, mostly due to the dull ache that had begun to grow in his hip the longer he sat there.
“I would have preferred for you not to drug me and ship me off to my death because you assumed I was humanity's last hope.” He spat out and she tilted her head at him in the same way she used to years ago when she disagreed with him but didn’t want to out right admit it, though she would this time.
“Well my assumption wasn’t wrong, and you left me no choice. It is not my fault you have continued to make your own choices like returning to Earth. You cannot blame me for that.” And he wanted to laugh at the last sentence. He did blame her, there was no way he couldn’t.
“I blame you for everything, I really, really do. I blame you for drugging me, I blame you for sending me to my death, I blame you for the belief that I should have just ended my own life instead of wanting to return to the one I once had. I blame you for every sickness and chronic illness I now have, I blame you for every last bit of fucked up shit I’ve had to go through.” Ryland ranted for a moment. Stratt’s eyebrows raised when he swore, the first time ever hearing curse words come from the man’s mouth.
“That is your prerogative I suppose.” She eventually replied and Ryland wasn’t a man for violence but honestly he wanted to slap her across the face. He barely restrained himself.
“Do you have any remorse?” Ryland asked softly, and he could feel his heart beating in his throat. That feeling wasn’t mixing well with the nausea.
“Humanity needed to be saved, I will never be remorseful for what I’ve done.” She admitted honestly and he felt his stomach drop. Deep down a part of him always knew that, knew she wouldn’t be sorry, but it still hurt hearing it for some reason.
“You ruined me Stratt.” He sighed as tears welled in his eyes slightly.
“That is your opinion Dr. Grace.” She shrugged. He wanted to do so many things, scream at her, slap her, run from this place, never stop running, run away to Erid with Simon, Rocky, and Adrian. He wanted to run away back towards the stars and never see the woman who sent him there in the first place again.
“I hate you Stratt.” Ryland admitted as tears finally fell from his face.
“That is alright. I told you I would be the world's whipping boy, and that’s fine by me.” She sighed.