Chapter Text
Kinjou looked over the members of the Sohoku High School cycling club. Or, he might have just been staring off into space. With his sunglasses on, it was impossible to tell.
“Everyone, we have a problem,” he said, his expression as inscrutable as ever. “We have no money,”
He took out a clipboard, and began to flip through some intimidating-looking spreadsheets.
“I looked over our budget for the last month,” he continued, “and there were some rather...interesting charges,”
“THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!” screamed Naruko, and tried to run away - however, Tadokoro caught him easily. The poor boy was left spinning his wheels in place, only exhausting himself further, until he nearly fainted.
“Anyways,” said Kinjou. “We aren’t here to pin blame on anyone,”
He took off his sunglasses, and his intense gaze caused everyone to squint. He looked over all of them carefully, and his eyes finally settled. “Especially not Makishima,”
Makishima blanched. “W-what?”
Pretending that he hadn’t heard Makishima, Kinjou continued talking. “As we are several tens of thousands of yen into the red, I have made the executive decision for us to do fundraising,”
Onoda lit up. So this would be his carefree high school life - a life of fully enjoying the school club experience, of imploring fellow classmates to support their team. And of course, they would all bond from this. “Like a bake sale?”
“Not like a bake sale,” said Kinjou. “I have decided...for us to hold a date raffle,”
Both Tadokoro and Makishima boggled. The first years, being more ignorant of the world, were not able to react so violently. They tilted their heads to the side and their wide eyes were almost endearing.
“A...a date raffle?”
“Basically, we will sell tickets,” said Kinjou, “towards winning a date with each of us,”
The club room erupted into chaos. Tadokoro and Makishima started yelling and flailing around. Naruko and Onoda held each other and cried real tears. Meanwhile, Imaizumi continued eating his granola bar. It was chocolate chip peanut butter flavored, and provided excellent post-cycling nutrition.
“A date raffle,” he said, and finished the rest of the granola bar.
“The basketball club did something like that,” Kinjou added, “and it was a success. I think - no, I believe, that we too, could raise money for the club, and have some fun at the same time,”
“Fun??” screamed Makishima. “FUN??!?!”
“I - I thought we were a team!” Tadokoro shouted. “You can’t just - just decide these things on your own!”
Kinjou folded his arms across his chest. That way, his pecs would look bigger, and therefore, he would look more like a captain - like he knew what he was doing. Whether he actually did or not was irrelevant. “Okay then. Let’s vote. Who wants to do a date raffle to raise money for our club, our dear cycling club, which has supported us all through these turbulent high school years? Our club, which has brought us all together, and taught us all the value of teamwork - which has allowed us to grow as people. Also, I got complimented on my thighs earlier today - these thighs from cycling, day after day,”
He raised his hand. Imaizumi followed suit.
“Hotshot, you - “
Imaizumi cut Naruko off. “You heard our captain. This is team bonding - this will strengthen us all,”
“I don’t care,” said Naruko, and laughed.
“I wasn’t talking to you,”
As Naruko squawked in protest, Imaizumi focused his attention onto Onoda. “Onoda, listen to me. These are the precious days of your high school life. We have been given an opportunity to live these days to the fullest - and you don’t want to accept it?”
“I do!” exclaimed Onoda, and raised his hand high. He and Imaizumi turned their attention to Naruko, who began to grow pale.
“Oh no no no no - “
“Naruko, this might be your only chance to date a girl,”
Naruko seemed to take massive offense to this. “It won’t be my ONLY chance,” he said, and laughed. But it wasn’t real laughter. It fell short part way through, until it faded into nothing. Somehow, that was even more pathetic than not laughing in the first place. “I’ll have plenty of chances,”
Imaizumi looked deeper into his soul. “Will you?”
Naruko tried to look away. But it was impossible - Imaizumi had already seen his deepest fears, his most secret desires. In the blink of an eye, he had been torn raw, exposed for all to see. He shuddered and trembled, coming closer and closer to terms with his own feeble mortality.
He raised his hand. Kinjou nodded.
“Majority rule,” he said. “I’ll set it up tonight,”
He stroked his chin, pondering more.
“Just to make it more worth it,” he said, “whoever sells the most tickets will get a prize,”
“A prize,” murmured Makishima. His formerly dead eyes lit up. “A prize!”
“Yes, a prize,” said Kinjou, as if he were explaining the concept of the sky, or the number two.
He clapped his hands. “Team, break!”
As they all began to gather up their things, Onoda’s eyes sparkled. “This is gonna be so fun!” He hummed a happy tune to himself, but somehow, it transitioned into a minor key. It made his song take on something sinister.
For a second, Imaizumi was scared. What if his trust in Kinjou failed him? Was it too late to back out now? And, did they still have his favorite bubble bath at home - strawberry scented, in the bunny-shaped container?
“You look constipated, Hotshot,”
“Shut up,” said Imaizumi, and kicked Naruko in the shin.