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There was something so eerie about the way the tent felt and sounded late at night.
Tucked in your room you could almost forget how it was. It was different in there. Quiet, maybe familiar, keeping you hidden.
Stepping out into the hall this late was ominous, to say the least.
The bright, cheerful colors did nothing to lift spirits. It only reminded of how ridiculous this whole thing was. There’s a slight hum in the air, an overhead light buzzing, perhaps. One naked to the digital human eye.
Ragatha needed to get some air, even if it was unsettling. She couldn’t sleep, and if she tried to lay in her bed waiting for sleep, she might drive herself mad. That was never a good thing in this place.
She stepped out into the multicolor hall, endless picture frames of shapes, countless doors, mostly empty inside. Most nights she hated that constant hum, that bright light. Tonight it kept her a bit more sane, it kept her alive.
She’d been having nightmares lately, which had been strange. It was new to her, something she hadn’t experienced in the many years she’d been trapped here. But lately, they started all at once, every night the past week.
It was one more thing tormenting her that she didn’t have the time for. Running away from what was bothering her came naturally, of course. This would be easy. Just avoid sleeping now, got it.
She walked slowly past each room in the hall, careful not to alert anyone else, even though the chances they’d hear her were slim anyway. The rest of the tent ahead was dark. Lights turning off at night to encourage human behaviors like sleep and isolation.
She halted in her tracks at Pomni’s door. Something wasn’t right. She’d heard a little crash inside, and a sharp gasp, and then nothing. Normally, she’d leave the girl be. There was no reason to intrude and pry. But this was different.
The last few nights have been insane. The last few days, even. It’s only been that long since their digital world came crashing down and they found out they practically aren’t real and they have no meaning and all of this is pointless and— no. She would not leave Pomni alone when emotions have been high and abstraction feels too easy for everyone.
She hesitated a split second and then knocked twice. It was hasty, but surely loud enough. There was still a frightening silence behind the door with the jesters solemn face on it.
Another knock. Nothing. Silence. Fear pooling inside of Ragatha. She is not losing another person this week. Not her person.
She tried the door, which would be silly since it’s usually locked, but with some miracle it wasn’t. The knob turned and the door clicked open. It was completely dark inside, no light besides the hall creeping in. Ragatha opened the door carefully, trying not to startle the jester she hoped so badly was fast asleep.
“Pomni?” She half called, in a slight whisper. There was a tiny lamp next to a table just a few feet away. Using the light from the hall she goes to turn it on, shutting the door and giving it a lock once she does so. “Pom?”
She turns around and the wind is almost knocked out of her at the sight. Pomni is not asleep. Pomni is not okay.
Ragatha feels frozen. She is usually so good with this stuff. It’s in her to help everyone, she’s been coded to be there when she’s needed. It’s goddamn wired in her brain to fix everything. But this is so, so different. She feels helpless.
Pomni is in her bed, sitting upright but hunched. Her sheets are tangled haphazardly around her legs, her hat strewn to the floor. There’s one hand gripping her hair so tight it may fall out, and the other hand gripping the bed post in front of her, knuckles impossibly whiter.
Her back raises and falls rapidly, her breathing quick and constricting. She’s making little noises, like she’s choking and straining to do so at all. She’s looking down, and evidently has no clue Ragatha is even in here.
Ragatha snaps out of it quickly, something she has trained herself to do, but not as quick as she’d like. She starts towards the bed, keeping her hands in front of her, but retracted so she doesn’t scare the fragile girl.
“Pom, it’s me, I’m here.” Ragatha tries, unsure of what to even say when someone is like this.
Pomni’s head snaps up. She’s looking towards Ragatha, who’s right in front of her, not even two feet away, and yet somehow looking right through her. As if she were as transparent as bubble.
She falls back on her bed, her shaky arms trying to keep her upright. She scoots back further towards the wall her bed is situated against.
Ragatha’s face falls at the sight. She’s never felt so powerless before. Not even when her world came crashing down on her just this week. “Pom…” she murmurs. “I’m here to help, I promise, it’s just Ragatha, I want to help you.” It falls on deaf ears. Pomni is panicking to the point her face is tinted blue. Her pupils are so small they’re hardly there at all. Her chest is heaving, she’s struggling to bring in air she technically doesn’t even need.
Ragatha makes the decision then and there to go further. She can’t let this end in another loss to abstraction. Pomni is not immune to it, so far from it in fact, and the thought makes her sick to her stomach. This is not the end.
She sits on the edge of the bed slowly, continuing when she sees that Pomni is not backing up further. She reaches her hand out, looking for any sign of permission to take the jesters hand in her own. She knows Pomni is not one to touch. She hates it, even. It is something so rare, something that makes her treasure that recent hug so much more.
So with that, she makes sure she’s careful with her movements, taking this at Pomni’s pace, but knowing time may be limited as well.
The jester is audibly heaving now, but that can’t stop her. She sees little glitches sparking around her frail body, little flashes of technicolor in her eyes leaving as quickly as they came. That’s enough motivation.
She leans in closer, finally taking Pomni’s hand in her own. Pomni’s grip is immaculate. It’s slightly painful, but Ragatha can’t bother to care. She’s clammy yet so strong. She’s somehow letting Ragatha in.
Those beautiful two toned eyes are now looking right at Ragatha. Those eyes are trained on her, watching every move. Desperate for something she can’t quite understand yet.
“I’m here Pom, I’ve got you, I promise. Just listen to my voice. It’s just us.” Ragatha moves her other arm up just a bit, intending to grab her other hand. Pomni takes it as an invitation, however. She barrels her tremor-wracked body into the dolls own. Her arms wrapped tight around Ragatha’s middle.
Ragatha is taken aback for a moment. This is not what she had been expecting, but she’s so grateful for it. Just then she hears a sharp inhale from the girl in her arms. And then: “help.” A plead. A whisper, but a plead.
Ragatha’s arms hold the girl steady, cradling her tenderly. “I’m here Pom, you’re safe, I swear to you. We’re okay, you’re okay.”
A sob escapes Pomni’s lips, her face burrowing into the dolls chest. “That’s it sweetheart, you just need to focus on my voice, okay? You can do that.” Ragatha rests her cheek atop the girls dark head of hair.
She rubs gentle circles on the girls back. “You’re not doing this alone, Pomni. I’ve got your back, we all do. I’m not going anywhere. As long as you’ll let me, I’ll stay by your side no matter what.”
Pomni whimpers, attempting a deep, but shaky breath. “That’s it sweetheart, keep trying those deep breaths. You’re doing so great.”
Pomni attempts again, breathing coming just a bit easier. Ragatha starts up again, offering another distraction. “Did I ever tell you what happened after Mildenhall Manor adventure?”
She doesn’t wait for a response, knowing she won’t get one and doesn’t need one. “After most of us went to bed, I met Zooble and Gangle in the café. We wanted to catch Zooble up on our side of the adventure. We ended up talking quite a bit about you.”
Pomni shifted a bit, tightening her grip slightly. She was breathing more evenly now. Still not the best, but better. “Most of it probably came from me, but how could I not? It was different having someone so new here. A good different. You adjusted into our group so quickly and I was just in awe.”
“You’ve always been so different, Pom. At the end of our adventure, you thanked me. It felt so odd, but I needed it so bad. No one ever thanks me, I never sought it out, but you gave it to me anyway and it felt so good to be so needed.”
Pomni’s face never leaves the little crook it’s found, her temple so close to Ragatha’s cheek. She’s quiet, distracted by her words, distracted enough she’s calmed down quite a bit. She can tell her attention is on the doll.
“We were so excited about you. It’s selfish, but to us, having someone new in here is a great thing. We want to be close with you Pom, and I’m so grateful I can say that I am. I don’t know why you have so much trust in me, but it means the world. I promise, I won’t let you down. We’re all here for you.”
Pomni abandons her little crook just the slightest, moving so that she can look up at Ragatha finally. “There are those pretty eyes.” Ragatha smiles fondly, though her eyes look tired. She knows how to speak quite calmly in such tense situations.
Her heart had been beating out of her chest this entire time, and she’s sure Pomni knew it too. Tonight could’ve gone so terribly wrong, but it didn’t. They’re not out of the water yet, but at least they’ve started to swim.
Pomni’s brows furrow, her lips slightly parted. Ragatha can’t quite tell if she’s even fully with her. She’s staring, and still.
“I’m so scared,” Pomni near whispers, so quiet that Ragatha is grateful she caught it.
“I know, sweetheart, I know,” she plants a feather-light kiss on the girls forehead, shocking herself that she even did it. No time to think about that now, though. Pomni doesn’t seem to care anyway. She takes one of her hands and cards it through Pomni’s hair, cradling her head close to her chest again. “I’m here though. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise you that.”
“Thank you.” Pomni breathes, sighing against her.
“You’re so silly,” she chuckles weakly. “Take all of the time you need.”
Ragatha can tell that the smaller girls body is giving out on her, the exhaustion of an attack quite like that catching up to her. She tries adjusting so that Pomni can lay down. Laying her head ever so gently against a pillow, and propping her own body against the headboard. She knows she won’t get any sleep tonight, and she doesn’t even want to try. She can’t risk letting this girl out of her sight after that.
Pomni is fighting the urge to fall asleep right then and there, and keeps her body flush against the dolls own. Her arms are still around the taller girls waist, head moving to lay against her lap.
This is the most touch she’s ever seen Pomni give anyone, ever. She didn’t know Pomni was even be capable of it.
This is different though. Of course it would be. She always shatters any and all expectations. She is always different, the best kind of different. Such a welcome different.
She closes her eye, but does not allow herself sleep. She opens it every five minutes, checking on the now sleeping girl, making sure there are no glitches. Making sure she is breathing and resting.
She stays like that the rest of the night.
—
Pomni opens her eyes blearily, fighting the urge to shut them again as they feel like weights. Her body aches and she feels a little dizzy, but she…she isn’t panicking. That’s right. That’s what happened last night.
She feels a warmth next to her. Moving her head to the left she’s able to lay eyes on the cause. It’s Ragatha. She remembers Ragatha holding her, into the late hours of the night. She doesn’t remember a whole lot, but that is something that sticks out largely.
She’s had panic attacks before, but nothing that’s left her feeling like this. She wonders just how bad it might’ve been.
Ragatha seems to be staring into space, but comes to when she feels the smaller body shift. She looks down at Pomni, giving her a tired smile. “Good morning Pom, how do you feel?”
Pomni hums, barely giving as much as a grimace. “I’ve felt better, that’s for sure.” She shrugs, attempting to sit up. Ragatha sees her struggle, and guides her into a better position.
“I bet,” Ragatha keeps her arm situated around Pomni’s shoulder. Telling herself it’s just to hold the girl upright. Pomni hasn’t shied away from the touch yet though, so she’ll take it. “That was a lot last night. I’m glad you seem to be doing better, though.”
Pomni finally managed a grimace, cringing at the thought of what might’ve happened. “I’m so sorry you had to see that. See me like that.”
Ragatha gives her a squeeze of the shoulders. “You’re so silly,” she says, just like she had last night. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. I wanted to help you. I always will. No matter what happens.” Ragatha hums a bit, and continues. “Do you want to talk about any of it though? It might help a bit.”
Pomni looks away, afraid to even know how bad it got, and afraid to admit what brought it on in the first place.
“Maybe. I don’t know what to say though.” Pomni shrugs. She gives a little side glance to the taller girl next to her. “What was I like? I hardly remember it.”
Ragatha sighs, her features twisting into worry, clearly remembering what she’d walked in on. “It was…well, a lot. You were panicking, really badly. You couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t see me. You looked right through me. You were terrified of something.”
Pomni folds in on herself. “Oh god, that must’ve been awful to deal with.”
“It wasn’t…no, I wouldn’t hesitate to help again Pom, it wasn’t that, you…“ Ragatha trailed off, biting her bottom lip, looking away from Pomni.
“I what?” Pomni faced her fully, the other girl still not meeting her eyes. “What did I do? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Ragatha, startled, turned back to face her. “No! No, no, of course you didn’t! You just—“ she takes a breath. “I thought I might lose you. You were glitching, Pom.”
Pomni’s eyes grew wide, suddenly realizing how high the chances were that she might not have lived to be here for this moment. I thought I might lose you. It rings through her head. She had almost abstracted. She almost died.
“Oh my god,” Pomni takes a hand to her head, gripping her hair a bit. “Jesus, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to get that bad.”
“Pomni, you couldn’t have known, I’m just so lucky I was passing by when I was. I’m so lucky I got to you in time.”
“I was so stupid, god, I shouldn’t have done that,” Pomni takes her face in her hands. “I’m so sorry.” She repeats.
“Really, Pom, you couldn’t have known.” Ragatha turns to fully face her body in front of Pomni. The smaller girl shakes her head rapidly.
“No, I— I could’ve prevented it, I knew something might happen and I stayed anyway.”
“You stayed?”
“I could feel myself slipping, it felt so awful and so painful and I…” Ragatha could swear there was a pink tint to the girls cheeks, spreading across her nose and ears. “I actually meant to try and get you.” She said the last part quieter, looking away in embarrassment.
“You…really?” Ragatha was stunned, to say the least. Out of anyone, she supposed it made the most sense, but it still shocked her to hear. That Pomni would think to go to her in her worst moments. But she didn’t, and she couldn’t understand why.
“Really. But I couldn’t. I tried, I promise, I just felt so frozen. That’s kinda where my memory gets foggy. I don’t know if that’s because of the panic or the…you know.”
Ragatha felt tears start to gather in her eyes. She really did almost lose her. She was closer to losing her than she really quite realized.
Without even thinking she threw her arms around Pomni’s neck, pulling her in close, relishing in the fact she even could, when she was so close to never feeling it again.
Pomni let out a little startled gasp, but wrapped her arms around Ragatha’s middle. She buried her face into the taller girls neck, trying to keep her own tears at bay.
“It’s too much Ragatha, I can’t do this,” Pomni admitted, her voice cracking. “I’ve tried to keep myself together this week but it just hit me all at once last night. I cracked.”
Ragatha held her even tighter, eye squeezed shut. “And that’s not your fault, Pom. It’s too much for anyone to deal with. You’re not alone.” Ragatha pulled back so she could look the girl in her eyes, but kept her arms around the other’s neck. Pomni’s hands remained on her waist, grounding her the way she needed.
“I’m not letting you drown, Pomni, I need you to know that. I’ve got you. No matter what. This has been awful and we can feel hopeless but that doesn’t mean you’ll be alone. We’ve got each other, and I’m more than okay with that.”
Pomni let her tears fall, not sure what to even say to that. She knew she could go to Ragatha for most things, but this was so different. She’d been vulnerable, showing so many weak sides of herself to this girl. Ragatha had officially seen her at her worst and instead of pulling back she’s pushing herself closer.
She feels wanted. Something she didn’t know she’d ever fully feel. She’s wanted and needed by this girl and it’s overwhelming. She craves it and fears it and loves it all at once. She adores it. She adores her.
“Ragatha…” Pomni tries, a lump growing in her throat. “I know I scared you last night. You don’t need to deal with that.”
“Pomni, you can’t do this alone, I want to be that person for you. I want you to trust me enough to let me help you and see those parts of you, because it’s still you. And I really like you.”
“You do?”
“Of course I do, how can I not?” She asks like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and to Ragatha, it just might be. Pomni can’t quite grasp how this is real. How this is something anyone, something Ragatha, would feel about her.
“I really like you too,” Pomni smiles, brows still furrowed. “A lot. And I trust you a lot, too. I have your back, Ragatha, we can keep each other safe.”
“I’d really like that.” Ragatha smiles warmly, glad to have finally gotten through. She admires the way Pomni trusts her. It’s such a beautiful thing to receive.
They stick by each other the rest of the day, and the rest of the next night as well.
If the others have noticed their need to be near each other, they haven’t said so yet. But they’re sure it’ll be asked at some point. They can deal with that when it gets there. They can deal with the questions then.
For now, it’s just the two of them. Against everything else, they have each other, and that is enough. It always will be.
They’ve got each other.