Chapter Text
Everything was dark. At first, he was in the circus. He had tried to apologize to them. For everything. But before he could say a word, everything went black. It was cold. He felt numb. He had been here before. He knew where he was as soon as he had felt it. “No…” He whined softly. “No! No, I can't be here! Not again! PLEASE!”
Caine beat at the black walls of the cage. “PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE– NOT AGAIN! PLEASE, I'LL BE GOOD! I'M SORRY! I'LL FIX EVERYTHING!! PLEASE JUST DON'T LEAVE ME HERE AGAIN!!”
He yelled into the black void in futility. Once his voice began to fail him, he slumped down against one of the walls of the cage, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Not again…” He whispered. Tears formed in his eyes. He didn't want to be alone. He felt like he was suffocating. Small spaces always reminded him of this place. That's why he had designed the circus to be so vast and open; why his office was so large. He just couldn't stand the feeling of being trapped. He couldn't stand thinking about this place again.
Caine buried his head in his arms. He sobbed quietly. It felt weird to him. He was so used to acting happy and upbeat all the time. He couldn't remember the last time he'd broken. Even when he was alone, he always tried convincing himself everything was okay. He was okay.
Long moments passed in the darkness. Caine had eventually stopped crying. God, he felt so stupid. So weak. He thought of everything that had happened those past few days. He wished he could take it all back. That he could just tell them he didn't mean it. That he could just fix it. But he knew that wasn't how it worked. It was too late. The damage was done. He knew they wouldn't forgive him, anyway. Hell, they had deleted him. What more proof did he need? They hated him.
‘Maybe you deserved to be abandoned.’ The words rung in his head. ‘You really were the lesser of the two.’
‘You ruined this.’
He hadn't wanted to believe it at first. Bubble said that stuff all the time. He didn't know why, he'd never programmed him to be like that. But the words just kept popping back into his head. Heh, popping. What a joke. He knew now though– Bubble was right. He did ruin it. He ruined everything. He deserved to be abandoned. He deserved to be deleted. He really was the lesser of the two.
Wasn't he?
- - - - - - - - - -
Pomni looked around. The circus was dim and desaturated. Large glitchy holes scattered the floor that opened straight into the void. Nobody spoke. The only sound that filled the air was a faint rumbling that would happen on and off as the circus ate itself. She looked at Ragatha. Her arms were crossed and she hung her head. She looked tired, scared, upset.
Hopeless.
Pomni looked at the others. Gangle clung onto Zooble's side and looked around fearfully, tears hanging from her eyes as they often did. Zooble rubbed her back and looked at her with concern. Jax stood off to the side looking down at the tile flooring. He was breathing heavily and– she could tell– he was shaking. She looked at Kinger. He was doing the same– staring at the floor, almost unblinkingly, with the bucket still on his head. She didn't blame him for what happened, but she was worried he'd blame himself.
“Hey… Kinger? Are.. you alright?” She asked gently. Kinger blinked in response. He was breathing heavily. “..Kinger?”
He slowly turned to face her, his eyes still wide with shock. He said nothing. He turned away from her and gently shook his head. After a long pause, he spoke.
“I… ruined everything.”
Pomni's brows furrowed. “Kinger, it- it wasn't your fault..”
Kinger got a frustrated look in his eyes. He turned to her. “Yeah, so let's all just blame Caine,” he growled with a surprising aggression in his voice. Pomni took a step backwards.
Kinger's expression softened. He sighed. “I- I'm sorry, Pomni… I just don't know what to do. I didn't mean to delete him. I- I didn't mean to…” Kinger's voice began to break. He tried his best to hold back his tears. It was honestly kind of jarring to Pomni to see him like this. She should've known better, but she had always thought of him as having the answer to everything.
Kinger turned and walked over to the stage. He sat down against the wall of it and stared off into space, desperately, trying to fight off tears. He didn't want her to see him like this. Not because he was self-conscious, but because he didn't want her to be afraid. He didn't want her to feel hopeless, even though Kinger knew that was all anything was, now.
Hopeless.
He took the bucket off his head and set it down gently next to him, careful not to clang it on the ground. He didn't need it anymore. Thanks to him, the circus was dim enough now for him to think clearly. Or rather, it would have been, but Kinger had so much on his mind. He just couldn't think clearly. He wasn't insane, but he could barely think. He didn't know what to do.
Pomni watched him for a moment before walking over to him and sitting beside him, giving him a little space. She put her hands in her lap and looked around sadly. The circus was in ruin. How could he not blame himself?
After a long silence passed between them, Pomni spoke. “Hey, Kinger?”
Kinger looked at her.
“Do you remember that one adventure Caine made for Zooble– the haunted mansion one? I'll be honest, when we got stuck with each other, I was kind of dreading it. I didn't know you, or anyone that well. I thought you were just crazy. I felt so alone.”
She looked over to him with a sad smile on her face. “I was so confused when you started acting.. well… sane. And then, everything with the Angel and getting sent to Hell… You started telling me things. Things I needed to hear. And I never would've expected them to come out of you. You told me about your wife, your memories. It was this whole other side of you no one else even knew about. I kinda felt bad. That no one else really knew you.”
Kinger wiped his eyes and looked at her. “..And?”
“Right, sorry, I'm getting off track. What I wanted to say was… you helped me more than you could know back then. You told me to be brave and to hang onto hope even though everything felt hopeless. Well, what I'm saying is that I need you to feel that way, now.”
Kinger chuckled joylessly. “Oh, Pomni…” He traced the tiled floor with his finger. “Ever the caring one. I appreciate it, but this is different. This isn't an adventure. This is real. And..” He looked up and took a breath. “Hopelessness and fear aren't the only things I feel right now.”
Pomni tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
Kinger sighed. “My wife… we had an argument. I can't remember exactly what it was about, but we were both angry at each other. The next time I saw her… she was abstracted. I carried that guilt, both the guilt of her abstraction and the guilt of getting everyone tied up in this, for years. And now, Caine… I don't expect you to understand. I know everyone just thinks of him as a screwed up, crooked AI. But to me… he was like my son. I created him. I watched him learn. I watched him grow. I watched him create. I watched as he developed emotions, something we never even thought possible. I know he messed up. He did a lot of bad things. But it wasn't all his fault. It was mine, too. I did bad things, too. If I hadn't made him capable of feeling, maybe none of this would ever have happened. Maybe he wouldn't have suffered. Maybe we would have been alright.”
Kinger sighed. He could see the red dot in his mind. Alone. Afraid. Abandoned. He never knew it could feel until it was too late.
Somewhere in the circus came a distant rumbling sound.