Chapter Text
“Get home safe, kid! You did great!”
Noelle gave a small smile under the roof of the police station, shoulders scrunched together in a poor attempt to keep warm. Undyne had offered a ride, but there wasn’t a whole lot of point in having her drive two whole street blocks to her house. She had been hoping that the weather would have relaxed during the long bus ride home. The overwhelming smell of petrichor and the sound of bullets pelting down onto the asphalt rubbed it in her face that she couldn't have been more wrong.
Noelle’s hoodie had long since been soaked through, uniform uncomfortably chafing against her drenched fur. The bottom of her spine ached, protesting the weight of her backpack filled with running shoes, a free shirt she had won from a raffle, and her two water bottles. Two season’s worth of blistering had culminated and she had to put the majority of her weight on her right leg. She tried to move quickly through the puddle infested pavement of Hometown, but her hip would flare fireworks of pain if her stride extended too far. Her skull felt like it was molting, a headache ripping open the cocoon of bone and signaling distress to her neurons.
Noelle had just gotten back from a multiple day track championship, in which she had had to compete both days. The 1500m hadn’t been the worst, mid-distance felt like a two-second sprint with the mileage training she had been putting in recently, and Jockington had even hit a PR in the same race! The hotel room she’d stayed in hadn’t been that comfortable though, and they didn’t have enough of their breakfast for everyone, so she gave most of her portion to Monster Kid. She had raced well in the 5K, only a few seconds off her personal best, but the combined effort had taken its overdue toll on her body.
All she could think about was a hot shower, a cup of hot coco, and a long night’s rest in her own bed.
Spending so much time in a big city had made her forget that Hometown had next-to-zero artificial light, and the lack of street lights was making avoiding the small muddy pools impossible. Noelle could barely see her own reflection in them, much less avoid the small splashes under her feet, pinching through her ankles. She didn’t even want to think about how her antlers felt right now, practically two soggy icebergs leaking into her hair. She hadn’t even been able to brush out her curls since the hotel, she probably probably looked more like a zombie then any Halloween costume.
She really, really preferred when it snowed.
After what felt like four geometry lessons from Alphys, she was finally in front of her house. For once Kris had nagged her enough during packing to remember her house key. This skipped the ten minute ordeal of being strung outside her house as a sad Holidaycrow, awkwardly staring at the camera while debating if she had enough energy to hop over the fence before the alarm went off.
“Noelle.”
She knew she should have read the horoscope before she got on that bus.
On the one hand, she was glad that her mother was waiting for her. The plain, unremarkable umbrella she held over her head was an oasis in her current state. Undeniably, it felt nice to be worried about, that she had decided making sure Noelle made it home was slightly more important than whatever tax write-off she had to approve at City Hall. It was difficult to see her expression at this time of night, but Noelle was hoping from the lack of immediate demands to go to her room that this would be closer to a nice conversation.
On the other hand, if it wasn't going to be nice, she wasn't sure how prepared she would be for it.
“H-Hi Mom. H-How’s…”
Noelle was attempting to make small talk when she realized her brain hadn’t actually gotten that far. All she could think about is how tantalizingly close to being out of the elements. Her teeth chattered together as she looked down at her own feet. Compared to her mother’s full government outfit, she looked closer to being homeless than standing on her own property. If not for the sound of the gate’s latch unclicking, there would be no evidence that Carol had moved at all, treating the wind as if it wasn’t directly gnawing into Noelle’s own bones.
“Was work alright? Hope it wasn’t anything troubling! The track meet took a bit long-”
“I’m aware, Noelle.”
Yeesh.
On the positive side, this meant that she had been paying attention to Noelle’s meet at least enough to monitor her location. Of course she would, duh! She didn’t know why she was even having thoughts like that. Quite obviously however, her mom didn’t seem too pleased. The most likely answer was the current time, she had gotten home quite a bit later than originally intended. Even if she had a tough time verbally expressing it, she was overprotective to a fault, and the current time definitely exceeded the unwritten curfew.
“Your times have been improving at a consistent rate since your injury, both of your races were adequate,”
Noelle let out a sigh of relief she didn’t know she was holding. She was concerned her mom’s desire for better numbers would overlap the context of her stress fracture.
“I cannot say the same for your grades that just came in.”
Oh.
That was worse.
“I-I’m sorry, Mom. R-Really! But it’s just a progress report! The g-grades aren’t actually final, fahaha. I know exactly what I’m missing and-”
“That isn’t what I asked for, Noelle.”
Noelle already felt a bump starting to swell in her throat, her diminished posture shrinking further under Carol’s unapologetic glare. More than anything else this was not the time in which she wanted to do this. She had been discussing with her friends (mostly Kris and Susie) about finding a way to stand up to her mother’s ironclad stubbornness. But she wasn’t anywhere close to ready now, she was just so cold. Noelle just wanted to get through this lecture, sulk about it in the shower a little, and sleep.
“...I’m really sorry, Mom. I’ll do better, okay? I’ll just go straight to bed.”
“You can’t let your grades slip because you can coast through it without consequence. That doesn’t earn you things in life.”
Noelle felt her mother’s eyes continually assaulting the paper-thin line of patience she had left. For the Angel’s sake it was two B’s! She had missed like two homework assignments because the website Alphys used for chemistry was older than her entire family tree combined, and there were no late deduction points. She could turn it in during summer school for all the district cares.
It didn’t matter, Noelle was a winner because she picked her battles, and right now she was not ready. She could review this later. Talk to Kris about what to do, how to properly articulate her feelings.
“...I understand.”
The fence gradually swung open, as if her compliance was the condition that allowed her into her own home. The signature on the contract that bound her to her mother. Her hand just moved barely to cover Noelle’s head under the umbrella, before putting it in her hand to relock the gate. She thought about how Kris’ mom would have enveloped them in a hug warmer than the heart of a mountain, fretting over the possibility of getting a cold.
Noelle was just so tired. Everything she wanted seemed to be out of reach of the cage she was currently walking into, the bars closing in behind her. She couldn’t tell what portions of her face were wet from the precipitation and how much were the tears she was failing to contain.
Carol didn’t turn to face her as Noelle slunk past her, whether she succeeded in keeping her limp a secret or if it simply wasn’t concerning enough was lost to interpretation. She was struggling to relock the gate in the dark, and Noelle stood there for a moment, peering out of a lack of anything else to do.
She had opened her mouth, about to offer assistance when Carol let out a gruff sigh and stopped moving.
“I’m just asking for a little more effort, Noelle. That’s all.”
She fiddled around for her phone to put on a flashlight. When she found its shape in the corner of her pocket, she considered she hadn’t gotten verbal confirmation from behind her.
Noelle was twitching violently, her teeth unevenly grinding against each other. She felt a vein trying to split her fur in two, her previously stone cold psyche doused in gasoline.
She was a plate shuddering from tremors of an earthquake threatening to tear a city apart. Her wound had been prodded and picked at, never torn off but never left alone long enough to heal. The complacent part of her brain was desperately trying to justify how it’d be best to just lower her gaze and let it go, but every surface of her body was boiling.
The silence hung over them in anticipation, the flash of lightning that preceded the storm.
“Are you ill from the weather? You know there are pills in the-”
“EFFORT?!?!
The plate shattered.
Her scream echoed off of the dense forest surrounding the property and carried up into the past the growing leaves hundreds of feet in the sky. It seemed to reverberate into the individual atoms of Carol’s antlers, freezing her in place as the keys clattered to the ground. The walls she had meticulously molded around her mother had been breached, and now there was nothing to stop the oncoming disaster.
The anxiety of not feeling adequate, the distress of being overworked, and years of built up rage erupted out of the cracks in Noelle’s shell. Her wrath sought after her mother like heat-seeking missiles, engulfing the both of them in Noelle’s blinding fury.
Hours and hours of crunching numbers and studying in the library until her eyes couldn’t put words together. Going on runs so long her knees would yell going up stairs. Her hands flew almost as fast as her mouth, her voice breaking every other word from the sheer intensity of her soul. Droplets rained down the sides of her face, cutting paths through wet fur.
It had been many moons since the Holiday manor had heard a voice raised this high, a relic of a more erratic yet still connected household. She was no longer the child who had hidden away from the clashes December and her mother would have at the dining room table. This was no argument, it was an ongoing calamity that would not wait for anybody but Noelle.
Her throat burned with accusations, her chest heaving with short, fast intakes of air that did not receive enough to return to her lungs. Her vision swam with blood rushing to her head while the rough outlines of her target wobbled in place.
WHY ISN’T IT EVER ENOUGH?
WHY DO YOU SPEND MORE TIME AS MAYOR THAN AS MOM?
WHAT MAKES ME SO USELESS?
Noelle couldn’t filter through her thoughts, thousands of microscopic moments clawed their way to get out of her head. Her hair shook with every word, blonde strands sticking out displaced from the torrent consuming her. The waves continued to crash against the cliff, each one more intense than the last. Her arms raised out aggressively, an expression of scorn as she was on the verge of another devastating attack.
A faint chime floated through the static in her head. The words died on her tongue, and she turned to the direction of the distraction. Distantly, the church bell was ringing. Occasionally Catti would ask Alvin for it to go off at midnight to appease the spirits of dark. Something about maintaining the order in relation to the Angel.
The low chords parted the ringing in her own ears and she shook off the cloud of rage she had absorbed. The rain was coming down harder now, now almost entirely piercing through her hoodie and directly into her scalp. Her backpack had come off in the frenzy, miraculously still closed but tipped over next to her. A frigid grip returned from the loss of her burning frustration, before deepening into a freezing realization when her vision cleared.
Carol stood aghast, the only indicator she was alive being the umbrella wavering in her hand. A puddle had begun to form around the long forgotten keys. The hurricane had shattered the temperate demeanor from her mother, ripped the element of control she was so reliant on. There was no calculated response, no smoking gun to put down the conversation. She was simply just another parent who had been stunned by her child. Her pupils were dilated with a level of shock that it wouldn’t have been a big leap to say she had been struck with lightning.
It certainly had the same effect.
A warped clarity sent a wave of panic all over Noelle’s body. Mrs. Advanced-Placement herself had just a yelling exhibition debut so earthshattering it would make Susie blush with modesty. As opposed to carefully and thoughtfully laying out her disagreements with her mother she had completely exploded all chances of ever recovering any respect from her for the rest of her life. Not even December had ever yelled to where it split the dust and molecules from her body.
If Noelle had been feeling terrible before, this was gonna be the reason for her premature falling down.
The two Holidays just stared at each other, both of them wanting to look away but neither able to muster the resolve. A deadlock of tension wound tighter and tighter around her throat, sinking deeper into her windpipe every second of inaction. Her insecurity took advantage of the carnage and slithered deeper into her psyche.
You’ve ruined everything. You always ruin everything.
It’s been a waste of time to put together this family after she left.
It’s always been you. You’ve always been the odd one out.
Your parents have suffered so much for this kind of behavior?
Noelle had lost.
She blitzed past her mother, heart stuck in her throat as she crashed into the metal gates, ignoring the brunt pain on her shins from the impact. Her exhausted lungs did not take kindly to being reintroduced to the lactic acid marinating in her bones but they didn’t have a choice, barely able to keep Noelle off the ground in a desperate sprint away from the ruins she’d left.
“NOELLE!!!”
Carol had attempted to grab her, but even with all the fatigue Noelle had practically teleported away and her hands only found air. She started to run after her, but her shins immediately distorted with a cramp that screamed out. She grit her teeth together and tried to ignore it until her heel dragged against a newly implanted footstep from her daughter and she crashed into her own lawn. Dirt clung to her thin skin and twisted her clothes form but Carol didn’t even notice.
The tempest was only getting louder around her, the forest bending to Mother Nature’s weeping. Every droplet was a blade of obscurity, an actively suffocating fog surrounding her. She held her leg and limped outside the gate, frantically looking around her, jumping out at every leaf flying in the breeze. She couldn’t lose her. Not again.
Noelle’s hooves slammed down into the asphalt, her stride not discriminating against any puddle, stick, or dropped wrapper unfortunate enough to be in the way. Her phone bounced erratically in her pocket, a fruitless warning on the screen that her heartbeat was above her usual cadence. Water swiped at her snout nearly as fast as it gushed from her own eyes, while she flew past every lightless house on her block.
Adrenaline had surged her explosion, but not even a minute later she felt a side stitch bleeding rapidly into her energy. She was nowhere close to physically recovered, and her already torn heart was about to shatter her ribcage. The bump she had taken into the fence to tear it open now ached in conjunction with the shin splints she had been suffering from for weeks. Her sneakers found mud instead of solid ground and she nearly capsized. She managed to keep her footing, but it killed her momentum.
Noelle looked down at the ground, her hands on her knees as she heaved while her body tried to pick between prioritizing taking in oxygen and hysterically crying. The lack of anybody had only made her demons more impossible to evade, thoughts being transfigured into curses and unspeakable evils clouding her mind. Despite everything she still could do nothing but avoid her problems when they got too close. Her breathing wasn’t getting any steadier. She couldn’t see through the fog. Noelle couldn’t see anything. Noelle couldn’t breathe.
A giant splash caused Noelle to instantly flip behind her. A sleek figure bounded around the corner, a sparrow dark as night closing in on her. For a moment she thought it was her mother, but it was too low to the ground to be any monster she recognized. She attempted to scream but nothing would come out of her voice. Was this how her sister felt that night? Is this where she went?
She crumpled. The world was too loud. She shut down. The world was too much.
“Elly?”
The world was silent.
The diminished space revolved around the vermilion moon above her, clouds parting to reveal her dream stabbed into the ground, beckoning to her. Involuntarily she felt herself a sunflower blooming, vines stretching out to reach the light. Her vulnerabilities never so apparent, yet looked after nonetheless.
Kris was shivering, their left arm not even fully in their sweater. They were hunched over, fighting off wheezing against the pressure of the storm. The shorts they had didn’t even graze their knees, a sock half on their foot while the other was soaked bare on the pavement. Their irises did not carry questions, only their pupils filled with a piercing relief.
They looked as though each passing second would be the last they’d be alive, and yet they stood strong enough to bend iron. The star hadn’t aligned, they had pulled themself into her orbit and between Noelle and the void. Catti said once that Kris walked among the dark. She hadn’t mentioned they had tamed it.
“Kr…Kri-”
There was no movement, only a difference of before and after Kris covering her. Their sweater encased the top of her body, submerging her into apple-scented fabric and hazy warmth. Their knees pressed into her own before sliding under them. The goosebumps on their skin felt the saturated overcoat of her fur. Their scarlet illuminance held her, a devastating softness reserved only for her to break from.
The storm continued, thudding against the barrier. The only thing Kris felt was the shape of their everything blended against their skin, Noelle’s sobs flowing down the stairs of her asylum.