Chapter Text
Jackson S. Augustine. A real wild card. The man could turn heads just by walking in a room, practically having a gravitational pull that lured anyone to that charming persona of his. Whether it was Jackson, or his alter-ego, Gamma Jack; he always managed to catch the attention of those around him. His ability to fit in with all these different people will never fail to leave me awe-struck. Sometimes, I would ponder on just how he was able to do these things with ease. Though, it must’ve been a no-brainer. Jackson was a spirit who never let his limits define him. Everyday he brought something new to the table; a breath of fresh air more than anything else. There were times I’d find myself wondering if having his appearance would make people look my way too. If having that personality could make me fit in too.
It was difficult not to feel jealous.
But, maybe I saw things differently. Instead of trying to sully Gamma Jack just as other supers did, it became more of an admiration. If it weren’t for him, Frozone, and Mr. Incredible, I doubt that there would ever be a Gazerbeam. It was…difficult to fit in. When I first introduced myself they took me in like a friend they’ve known for ages, and that will mean more to me than they’ll ever know. Noticing Lucius and Bob’s close friendship, I was basically pushed to have a conversation with Jackson. At first, it was excruciatingly unbearable. I may be overreacting, but all Gamma Jack was interested in talking about was his own introduction to being a super while flexing every now and then to show off. The only times he’d ask me anything was when he was curious about my ocular lasers or my love life– no, sex life to be exact. His idea of love was constantly getting with different women, not bothering to stay with one when there were many swooning over him. It was similar to the way I’d seen Psycwave sweep the floor with tons of men, though the difference was that Gamma Jack at least flirted his way into their hearts; Psycwave just forced it with that manipulative power. It was something that never sat right with me.
I was nothing but honest the whole conversation, but despite my lack in relationships, Jackson didn’t seem to mind it. He made fun of me, sure, with a situation like mine who wouldn’t?
“If you focus on somethin’ too much, your lasers activate?” His immediate burst into laughter was agitating, but somehow welcoming. Perhaps that was giving him too much credit. “How do ya do it when looking at the ladies?” He chuckled, noticing the discomfort and patting me on the shoulder as if I were an old pal. “Don’t even worry about it man. Soon you’ll be a super, and you can put alotta that stuff behind ya. You’ll be just fine with me, Bob, n’ Lucius.” That alone was…enough. I was already taking up Bob’s offer of becoming a super, but hearing that reassurance come from someone like Jackson made it all the better. If I become someone who could smile at the crowd like Jackson does..I’d feel a lot better about myself.
I cleared my throat, and stared at the wall beside him to at least look invested. “It– uh, would be Bob, Lucius, and I.” The statement came flat out, and for some reason it made him laugh harder until Lucius started making fun of his grammar. That day felt shorter than it should’ve, and that was a first for me. Though, it’d be one of many. Just the beginning of it all.
Dealing with villains was a hassle, but doing it with my team made up for it. This time period was one of the greatest, might I say. I did my job, and I did it well. That alone with the other supers was all I needed. I had a group. I..fit in! At least, I thought I did.
When I became a part of the Thrilling Three as Dynaguy’s replacement, nervousness flooded through my veins. It was so hard talking to people that weren’t– my specific team. Getting to know other supers was always great, but working with them might’ve not been my strong suit. The day I’d been appointed to work with Phylange and Apogee was nervewracking. I wasn’t sure it was in me to work with these guys. It was fun introducing myself and offering my abilities to their fullest, but it constantly felt as if the two..disliked me. I figured it was the nerves speaking for me, but it wasn’t that.
In moments like these I would offer to patrol; make myself useful to the NSA despite it being an excuse to sit out and think about problems like these when I shouldn’t. The top of a building was just so relaxing when it was a sunny day with a gentle breeze. Moreover, that day was when I met Jackson Augustine and not Gamma Jack himself.
My anxiety extended to an extreme, which was why I offered to patrol. I’d sat atop one of the many buildings in Metroville, taking the time to think to myself whilst focusing on any danger that might present itself. Replacing a hero like Dynaguy was a big deal. I didn’t want to make Apogee and Phylange feel like I was trying to be the new Dynaguy. He’d been an inspiration, and I sure didn’t plan on changing that. Recently, it felt as if the two were distant from me and I couldn’t understand why. Until now. The stress was a lot for me, and the “patrol” became more of a pity party if I were to be honest.
“Gazerbeam! You’re on duty, ain’t ‘cha? What’s with the pool of sorrow goin’ on?” That voice was familiar. Oh, to hell with it. How could the day get any worse?
A drop of rain fell before me, and one became two. Eventually, I found myself under the entryway to the roof with Gamma Jack since there was a tin roof covering that specific area. A sigh escaped from my lips and I looked afar at the now cloudy skies. I’ve done it again. I’ve spoken too soon. Constant grumbling under my breath must’ve been the icebreaker for conversation, because Jackson started one even after noticing my less than happy countenance. “So, can I know what was botherin’ ya so much earlier?” He murmured, staring at me with genuine interest. It was a first for me at the time. The Gamma Jack was actually wondering what was on my mind instead of his usual talk about attractive women. The silence was prolonged, and when I looked back over he was still there. His eyes had gotten a little wider now that my attention was on him, and he began to awkwardly use his index fingers to drum at his knees as he sat with them to his chest.
A long, long exasperated groan came from me. I was overreacting again, yes, but could I be blamed for it? I was about to express my troubles to Gamma Jack.
“It’s about Apogee and Phylange; the Thrilling Three–” My explanation hadn’t even reached its point and Gamma Jack was already butting in. “Oh! I thought f’sure this was about a lady!” He commented quickly, waving his hand dismissively. “Those two posers are a total walk in the park! Which one do I gotta take out for ya?” He stretched, that shit-eating grin appearing on his face. The silence became unbearable again, and I refused to look at the other guy. Just when I thought this could turn out to be a genuine conversation.
Then I felt that familiar hand on my shoulder. The same one from the diner; before Gazerbeam. “Look, uh..I’m not the best at this type’a stuff. Just– talk and I’ll pick up the details quickly, ‘kay?” Jackson mumbled, moving his hand away and waiting for any response. I glared at him, but huffed in defeat. Resting a hand on my visor, I continued what I originally had to say beforehand. To my surprise, Jackson listened intently this time. “I overheard Apogee telling people that the group was now the Thrilling One..plus two.” My grip tightened on the visor; distress showing underneath my usual calm. The rain had gotten pretty bad. The tin roof kept it from soaking us, waterfalls of precipitation pouring just a meter ahead. When Jackson didn’t say anything I took it as a sign to keep going. “Phylange thinks of it as “Gazerbeam’s Gang.” Seriously, why would they say that?” I removed the damn visor in frustration and looked over at Jackson. He looked a little lost in thought, but collected himself, slumping against the wall.
“They’re probably just jealous. Screw ‘em.” He spat, crossing his arms. I wasn’t having it. “C’mon, take this seriously!” I nudged him, and he chuckled a second before rolling his eyes and putting on a solemn expression. “I’m very serious.” He said, scooting a little closer and using his hands to motion his next few words. “Really! I mean it! Apogee can’t even use her dumb skills in the dark! And Phylange gets laryngitis every time he tries too hard to use his!” Jackson whipped his head around to narrow his eyes. “They’re only tryna make you feel guilty because you can actually use your ability all the time without gettin’ tired or havin’ a limit. Don’t sweat it, if they ever give ya a hard time don’t forget who you’re friends with.” He laughed, picking himself up and holding a hand out in the rain. It was..comforting to hear. I nodded and stared at Jackson in a moment of awe until a beam went shooting out, and Jackson moved just in time. “Holy–!” His cape wasn’t as lucky, and both of us eyed the steaming hole burnt through the cloth. Jackson just scoffed and held out the cape in the rain, allowing it to cool down the spot.
“Sorry.” I adjusted my sitting position, now looking straight forward to avoid that happening again. “Oh, Simon, how many times have I gotta say it ain’t a big deal?” That was another thing I found admirable about Jackson. He never truly judged my ocular lasers. Other supers tend to think I’ll be ignoring them flat when in fact it’s the complete opposite. They’d find the power dangerous and would use it as a reason to avoid me in general. Jack never did that. Actually, he’d never once questioned anything related to it. Around him I really felt..human. Maybe it was a stretch, but it was the truth nonetheless. Normality was one of my favorite things. When I wasn’t Gazerbeam, it was a harsh world. I would suck myself up in cases and files until I fell asleep at my desk. Both pieces of me had their issues. Supers didn’t find interest in spending time with Gazerbeam, but it wasn’t like Simon J. Paladino had it any better.
I must’ve been puzzling myself too much. “GB! Earth to Simon?”
I blinked and noticed Jackson waving his hand in front of my face. “Man, seriously. If it’s botherin’ you that much I can throw a mean right hook.” His eyebrows knitted in a hint of frustration and it got a small smile out of me. Jackson could be a pain in the neck, but he sure did know how to put a grin on my face. “There’s the Simon I know!” He slid back down the wall until he was sitting right beside me. It stayed that way until we got word that Bomb Voyage was loose.
From that day forward Gamma Jack truly became just Jackson to me. Whenever I’d hear others complain about his antics, my opinion was that they were overreacting. If he’d get into an argument with Hypershock, I was usually on his side. It was the least I could do. Out of all the people here; excluding Bob and Lucius of course, I got along with Jackson the most. That issue with the Thrilling Three was no longer an issue after I agreed we should disband the group. It was a sudden boost of confidence I had gotten after that day, and I think Apogee and Phylange weren’t expecting it at all. It…put a smile on my face.
There was a specific date in which everything changed. At that moment in time it felt like the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to a person like me.
It was the day Bob was getting married. He and Elastigirl had hit it off. I’d even gotten the opportunity to talk to Helen myself. She was definitely the one for him; I knew that much. Weddings were always my favorite events to attend. Somehow, I just enjoyed seeing couples in love. Maybe it was cheesy, but it was a genuine emotion to notice how two souls were in lifted spirits, nothing that could possibly ruin it. Someday, somehow, I wished I could be in that position one day.
Watching Bob be ecstatic whilst seeing Helen in that dress will always be a memory of mine to favor. It was an amazing moment for everyone who attended. Though…during the ceremony, I hadn’t seen Jackson at all. I was sure I’d seen him earlier. After the wedding, everyone was looking forward to the afterparty, and began to leave the church. That’s when I saw him. He was leaning against the altar rail outside, his face resting in his palm as he fiddled around with what looked like a cigarette. It wasn’t like him to be so lost in thought, so like any decent person would, I ignored everyone leaving and headed over toward him.
“Hey,” I started, not knowing how to jumpstart this interaction. I went ahead and put a hand on the railing, watching Jackson turn his head to look at me. “Oh, hey.” His response was curt. Wow, this was awkward. I’d gotten used to Jackson’s outgoing personality and how he’d always be the one to speak up. Tapping my index finger on the rail I tried to keep it going. Lord knows I’ve never been good at this. “Why weren’t you inside earlier? I was looking all over the place for you. You..missed the main part of the wedding.” That must’ve gotten a kick out of him. A blooming frown was evident on his face and with a sigh his eyes just darted back at the cigarette he was playing around with. “..I didn’t know you smoke.” Jackson glanced back over at me and grimaced before pushing the burning bud into the railing, watching it go out with a line of smoke. “I don’t. F’some reason I like watchin’ it deteriorate all by itself. I’d never risk my lungs like that. Just look at Dicker. Sometimes I’m surprised his haven’t collapsed.” He scoffed, attempting at a smile.
I was quiet for the most part, and he knew why. I was waiting for him to answer my other question. With a groan, he scanned the area before grabbing my arm and flying up. A gasp elicited from me since I wasn’t used to flying. A while back we had thought it’d be cool to do a flying lasers trick against villains, but…we’re still working on that.
It was quick, my feet landing on the top of the church. Jackson had sat down already, so I figured I’d do the same. Was this serious? I wasn’t sure if I was ready for any comforting that he might’ve needed. Though, thinking back to my issues with the Thrilling Three, he was there when I needed him. I could do the same. I think.
Anyways, that frown on his face made it obvious he wasn’t in the best of spirits, and he even started whining to himself and cursing under his breath. I couldn’t even ask what was wrong since Jackson just threw his eyemask and laid back. ”Fuuuuck.” He grumbled with annoyance. There were a million things I thought this could be about, but what came out of his mouth was the one thing I hadn’t expected. “Do ya ever think we’ll find love like that someday?”
Wow. Like I said; unexpected. Was this really coming from Gamma Jack?
A long silence followed. It wasn’t something I was sure I could answer. Yet, I’ve had similar thoughts before. Seeing Helen and Bob be sappy and romantic made me somewhat envious of the couple. It was challenging to have something like that, especially being a super. Abilities either scared people off, or created trust issues. You could always couple up with another super, but most of the time it didn’t end all too well. Those two lovebirds sure got lucky. But what confused me was why Gamma Jack was asking this question. This was the ladies’ man we were talking about. I stayed seated, but looked back to see Jackson staring up at the night sky. Sometimes this visor wasn’t that bad at all. I could look at everything so clearly without ever having to look away. I’ll always thank Edna for that.
“..What makes you ask that?” Simple. Just enough curiosity to get a decent answer out of the other. Jackson continued to mumble curses to himself, pointing a finger at me and raising his voice. “Well–! Have ya ever thought about settlin’ down one day? Gettin’ to do the same thing Helen n’ Bob do? It just– Oh, nevermind!” He hid his face in his hands, refusing to contemplate any longer. But now, I was too curious about the point he was trying to get across. If I kept nagging at him about it, he definitely wouldn’t open up. I went with a calmer approach, inhaling a breath of air and laying back with him. “Of course I have. Settling down has been on my mind for the longest. Are you saying you’re looking to do the same?”
Maybe this was another issue. Recently, my feelings toward Jackson have become rather..complex.
After Bob and Helen first started dating, I found myself looking for something similar. Though, there was no one that met my requirements. And, when they did, it would usually be the lasers that pushed them away. Or just me. I couldn’t bring myself to think of hurting someone with them one day. All that fault on me made me queasy. Jackson..well, made those certain attributes about me..normal. It was never an issue to him whenever we decided to hangout while we weren’t on super business. That alone, along with that dashing personality made me understand why so many people would fawn over the man. This was unlike anything I’ve experienced before. A panic knotted in my stomach often around the blonde. Eventually, this was an internal war clashing in my mind. I had no idea what to do about it until Thunderhead spoke to me about this issue. I suppose my actions had become obvious, and the other hero had a long talk with me. Of course, I trusted Thunderhead, and having no one else to confide in, I gave into the help he was offering. Apparently, he and Scott weren’t just roommates as I’d thought prior to our conversation. Now, with this information, it made me question my thoughts on Jackson; Gamma Jack. Hell, it didn’t matter which side. These curious thoughts carried throughout the past few months and stayed pushed down. At least, until now? That question was enough to get my heart skipping a beat.
Just, what exactly was he trying to say?
Jackson turned his head, noticing how I was laying beside him and bit his lip. “Look. This isn’t me askin’ for some kinda help. So–..if that’s what you thought, you’re wrong.” He huffed, whipping his head in the other direction. “It was only a question, Si. You know I wouldn’t give up my lifestyle for the world.” He laughed, but there was a hint of nervousness seeped in there.
Reluctantly, I did the one thing I hadn’t planned on: pushing him. With people like Gamma Jack, it was always one way or the other. If he wasn’t going to open up willingly, I assumed he needed a shove. Knowing him, turning things into a challenge would do the trick. “Are you afraid to share your problems? It’s alright if you can’t.” His head snapped back in my direction and he waved his hands in desperation. “What? No, no! I’m not afraid of shit! I’m only givin’ “what if’s” that are never gonna happen! It was– uh, one of those uh– hypotheticals! Yeah!”
Now that was a load of crap. Why was it always so difficult with this one? Why did he look especially handsome when the moonlight shone over his features? Why was I getting off track?
As it turns out, Jackson could tell I wasn’t having it. Must’ve been my “resting bitch face,” or so he calls it. Said the term would eventually become popular if he kept saying it. His expression sunk and he finally rubbed his temples in defeat.
“Okay, okay! I get it! I’m not the most convincin’ person.” Jackson groaned, straightening himself and finding the right words to say. “What I mean is..ugh, why is this so annoyin’?” A long sigh came from me in response. “Just get to your point.” That sure did it. “Don’t you think findin’ a lover would be hard? Like, what if I met someone? I’m really digging ‘em, but then I show a little too much and they don’t find interest anymore?”
It was still shocking to me that someone like Jackson would be asking this. I figured this would be the least of his worries. “Show too much? Jackson, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that sort of..your thing?”
“No! I mean reveal too much about myself! What if they don’t like who I am behind Gamma Jack? Not that I’m that different! I think.” Ah. It was one of those questions. Though doesn’t he just act all the same even when he isn’t off being Gamma Jack?
He sat up and looked back at me. “No, Si. I don’t mean the guy who tries to attract ladies at the bars we go to. I mean me. Literally me.” Oops. Did I make it too obvious what I was thinking about? Well, at least he was being more open now. This was better. I can really understand what he’s trying to say now that he isn’t fumbling with his words. I sat up along with him and smiled. “You mean the Jackson that enjoys solving rubix cubes in his spare time? The one that actually loves calculus problems yet calls everyone around him a nerd—“ His hand landed on my mouth and despite the dim lighting I could tell his ears were as red as tomatoes.
“Alright, alright! Enough of that! You’d— probably do those for fun too if that was all ya got growing up. Being a kid under government surveillance wasn’t the best, ‘kay?”
“Still..I doubt it would make you any less attractive. Everyone is different, and you just have to find the right person; the one that’ll see you for you. Is there anyone that makes you feel that way?” Jackson was quiet. I was unsure if he had an answer, or was contemplating the question. He just kept staring at me. “Unless you aren’t ready for that kind of thing yet. I know how you are with relationships.” It was only the truth. Jackson would engage in these hookups, but it’d never go further than that. Other supers were convinced he was a player, which did make sense, but I’d always seen it as a way to avoid relationships. Of course, I wouldn’t know. Though, by the way he was fiddling with his thumbs I might’ve hit the nail on the head. “It’s complicated. I just don’t think the real Jack is that interestin’, Si.”
Again with the sudden self doubt. It was..frustrating me. Couldn’t he see that those traits only make him all the better?
My hands clenched down on my thighs. “Well I do.” I scooted closer without thinking.
Jackson only slumped forward in defeat. Trying not to be a buzzkill, he laughed and patted my shoulder repeatedly. “That’s because you’re my friend, Si. The difference is pretty distinct.” Was it selfish to think about what made it so different? I removed the visor from my head and kept my head straight. I really didn’t want to look at Jackson after the impulsive words that came out. “What if that isn’t good enough for me?”
Silence. Suddenly I felt nervous. From my peripheral vision Jackson wasn’t making any movement. Just a sudden “What?”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I slowly turned in his direction and thought if I dared to open my eyes lasers would fly everywhere. Thunderhead said clearly stating your intention is a good thing. Was I doing that correctly?
“I said that isn’t good enough for me.” My words came out with more clarity this time. That confidence lasted a few seconds before I started chewing on my lip. “What I meant is–..Anybody would find you great even if you tell them too much about yourself. Instead of molding yourself to fit their likes and dislikes, they should simply like you for you.” At the moment I couldn’t really stop myself from talking. And to my surprise, Jackson didn’t interfere. “Gamma Jack is astounding. Everyday I tell myself to have a more stylish fighting style, create an atmosphere where the room brightens up when I walk in, and smile all the time. Oh, that smile..you just know how to stand out.” I was quite lost in my words, I hadn’t even thought about how Jackson would react, nor how cheesy I must’ve sounded. “But, Jackson is just as amazing. The glimmer in your eyes when you finish another one of those thousand piece puzzles, each time a kid slanders fish and chips you’re quick to go on a thirty minute tangent on why that specific dish is better than whatever else they order…it’s what makes you unique. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.” I’m sure there must’ve been a goofy grin on my face, but I didn’t care. Everything I said was nothing but the truth.
Jackson was quiet, and I was already rambling…
I lifted my head and noticed he was like a statue. His body was stiff, and his eyes were on me. The moon provided as a spotlight almost; the way it made his traits pop. I couldn’t focus for too long, but maybe I was letting things get to my head. Be clear and forward…How would I go about doing that? Was all that swirled throughout my head as I subtly leaned forward, and for a second I could’ve sworn he did too.
“Any part of you, alter-ego or not…is amazing. If you find someone..who appreciates both worlds, then that person..” I trailed off, hastily moving forward anxiously before Jackson could say anything.
The whole thing was magical at first, surprisingly. When I’d clashed my lips against his, there was no telling what would happen next. After all, I was so quick that I’m shocked I didn’t headbutt him. My hands were practically clenching the roofing beneath me, and utter panic flooded through my veins.
But then I felt the way Jackson began moving his lips against mine; reciprocating the kiss. It made my stomach knot. Was this really happening? The way I melted must’ve been unreal. Every single thing about this felt unreal. It’s been a long time since I’ve shared a kiss with another. My hand reached up and caressed Jackson’s cheek. He even started to part his mouth, but he cut it short by pushing me away. I’d fallen back, slightly panting from the heat of the moment, but wondered what happened. Jackson looked angry; rather conflicted.
Swiftly, he stood up and took a step back, now staring at the floor. “I..” He trailed off, his fingertips brushing ever so gently against his bottom lip. “I like women, Simon.” He stated, not bothering to look in my direction. Right. I should’ve known better than to try that. But, it enraged me. I couldn’t help but act out.
“..Then why didn’t you pull away?”
It was louder than I would’ve preferred, but I suppose it was a response to the way my blood was boiling. We had kissed for over a minute. “Why did you give me hope?” It was selfish to ask these questions, yet I wanted answers. It was selfish to show how I felt when Jackson was finally giving me that trust I’d been waiting patiently for, but I’ve already blurted out too much. Most he would do was avoid me like everyone else.
And then I’d lose one of the only people that genuinely enjoyed my company. Why did I take the gamble? Why were my eyes stinging so much?
It was all becoming blurry. Jackson didn’t give me an answer.
“Why didn’t you push me earlier..? Say no earlier?” I couldn’t help all the questions coming out. The confusion and disappointment of the outcome was just too much. I should’ve known hoping for too much was stupid. This was the ladies man as I’ve said before.
“..I don’t know. I just— don’t fuckin’ know, Si, lay off.” He responded, walking to the edge of the church roof. “I—..I gotta go.” Jackson said quietly, glancing over the city, then back at me before taking flight. He’d disappeared behind the tons of buildings in the distance, and I suppose that was that.
Now, there was nothing but silence. The wind was gentle, and I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I kissed Jackson! Just what in the ever-loving hell was I thinking?
At that time, I wasn’t sure yet, but there was one thing I was sure of..
Tomorrow will be extremely awkward.