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Victory is bitter, when half of those you love aren't alive to see it through.
The Red Keep is different than she remembers it being, far colder and fR more hostile than years past. Bright, warm fires no longer shine against the walls, no longer do they ignite the halls and people with life. The air around her hosted a perilously cold chill, seeping into her bones with sharp, icy claws.
Memories flash aggressively as she walks the empty corridors, a life long passed flickering across her mind. A life no longer her reality.
The shrill, high-pitched laughter of children, her siblings, as they wrecked havoc on all around them. The chastising and yells of exhausted parents and septa’s as they chased them endlessly through the halls. The conditional love of her mother, who sold her at the first opportunity possible, who scolded and shunned her when she chose her betrothed and his family over her and her traitorous brother.
Alicent was never a true mother to her anyway.
These walls were never her true home. Her brothers were never truly her family.
But she has a new family now.
Her fingers ghost over the fabric of her dress, caressing the minuscule bump underneath her hand, as if she would magically feel the babe growing just beneath the skin. It wasn't planned. None of this was planned, really.
She's happy… she thinks as she walks slowly. Children were bright and innocent, unmarred by the cruel reality of this world- something she desperately misses. Perhaps, her child would bring some warmth to this stony castle and some light to their lives now that the war is almost over.
She presses her hand against the wall as goes, feeling the cold, moist stone underneath her fingers. It reminds her of Dragonstone for a moment and the fiery smell of smoke and brimstone ghost over her nose like a painful memory. The thought alone makes her stomach churn painfully and her hand rips away from the wall before she presses it tightly against her sternum, trying to force down the rising bile.
It burns, clawing at her throat with dragon fire, forcing a cough out of her clenching throat. But she persists, her legs speeding up as she rushes back to her chambers- back to Jace. Two, armor clad guards flank her, metal jingling loudly as they rush forward, concern etched into their faces at her panic. But she pays them no mind, choosing instead to press her hand against her lips as she sprints towards the door just feet away.
It screeches under her grasps as she wrenches it open with a quivering gasp. With no warning, she slams it in her guards face, yelling desperately through the thick, impenetrable wood.
“D-do not, mmmmm,” she heaves and whines, pressing her face against the door, “d-do not let anyone in, ser’s”
Muffled, baritone voices sound through the wooden door, concern laced in their tone as they heed her commands, barring the room from entry. But she barely hears them as she sprints to the closest basin, clutching the white porcelain as she braces her body for the coming trials.
She heaves into it, spilling the contents of her guts into the clean basin with a loud, whimpering groan. Faintly, she can hear Jace stir through the commotion, a low whimper that resonates silently through her agony.
“Hggmmh,” she groans and heaves again, bile spilling out of her mouth, burning everything in its path. “N-no, no.”
Something shuffles towards her slowly, bare feet quietly plattering against the cold, stone ground as Jace moves. He winces as he approaches her hunched figure, his face twisting in pain as he extends a hand towards her before pressing it against her spine. She jolts under his touch and a low whimper escapes her lips once she dry heaves again.
“My love,” his voice is strained and weak, “what is wrong? Here, l-let me call for a maester.”
He turns to yell at the guards, but she reaches forward grasping onto his wrist with a shaking hand. The heaving doesn't stop however, and she whines even louder as bile dribbles down her lips and onto the stone floor. Jacaerys turns and holds her through, each sob and heave, stroking her back as he leans onto the wall in front of them for support. Pain spikes in his chest and back, but he ignores it in favor of her.
“Please, my love, speak to me. What is wrong?”
She pulls back from the basin, wiping her wrist across her lips as she heaves and cries for air. Her face is flush and dripping with sweat, bile and spit smeared against her chin and lips. She washes it away the best she can, dumping water onto her hand and scrubbing at her face desperately, trying to remove the disgusting ooze. They stand there in silence for a moment once she finishes, Jace palling with every passing second before she pulls away, gently guiding him back towards the bed.
“Do not fret over me, my prince,” she whispers and coughs slightly before helping him into the bed. “I am quite alright. There is nothing you can do to help me right now.”
He leans forward, grasping at her hands whilst he speaks softly, “but the maester-”
“I just returned from speaking with him, Jace. I-”
“Then what is wrong, my love?”
He brings her fingers up to his lips before pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to her knuckles as he looks up at her with glassy eyes. Through his dark, thick lashes, she can see his brown eyes flickering over her face, looking for any signs of sickness.
“If you would let me speak-”
“You need a gentle push occasionally,” he smirks and presses a kiss to the inside of her wrist, feeling her heart flutter under his lips. “You would not speak unless I demanded it of you. My wife prefers to keep her health a secret from her husband.”
“Yes, well when your husband is abed fighting for his life due to his own arrogance and-”
“His own arrogance, hmmm.” He presses his cheek against her palm, cocking an eyebrow up towards her as he whispers teasingly. “I keenly remember the battle being won. It would appear my arrogance is warranted, wouldn't you think?”
“N-no,” she pulls her hand away from her, tucking it against her stomach as she sits down next to him, the bed dipping under her weight. But, of course, his hands find hers again, his fingers intertwining with hers in her lap, thumb stroking the back of her hand. “No, not when you almost died for it, Jace. A victory is not worth anything if you are not here. Not when-”
She stops herself, her throat closing as her heart clenches painfully in her chest, her fingers trying to soothe the pain away.
But Jace pushes, “And yet, I live. And yet, my mother has been crowned queen, with me as her heir and you my princess.”
There's a long pause before she speak again, her voice strained and weak.
“I….. I watched as they carried you off of Moondancer, Jace. You were…. You were so grey, your skin so cold against mine… you were clinging to life by a thread. What would we do if we lost you that day?”
“You and mother-”
“No, Jace! Not…” she sighs and grabs his hand, pressing it against her stomach, stroking his fingers with hers. They tremble together and her body begins to uncontrollably shake, tears pooling her eyes as his widen. “Us. I would've been a widow… our child fatherless. And you sit here and pretend as if-”
“O-our child?”
The bed shakes as he moves, pressing his hand firmer against the growing expanse of her stomach, desperately trying to feel the life forming inside of her. Tears well in his eyes as he sits up, the pain no longer registering as adrenaline surges through him.
“Our child, Jace.”
“... you are?”
“Pregnant, yes.”
Everything shatters as he falls into her, pressing his face into her whilst a sob escapes his throat, his hands grasping at her shoulders. Her tears fall freely now, trailing down her face in cold streams and pooling in his dull, black hair. Slowly her hands trail up his arms before they tangle in the dark strands, pulling him even closer whilst rocking him as if he were a child.
She speaks first, “I suspected it for a while, in Dragonstone… before the battle. When they brought you back, so cold and lifeless, I-I assumed the worst and I broke…there was nothing left of me then……”
“I-I'm sorry… I'm so sorry.” He hiccups into her neck, his warm breath brushing against her skin.
“You fought for weeks, clinging to life like a babe clings to their mother. There were times that I thought all hope was lost, but here you are- flushed with life. Still clinging to me.”
A choked laugh escapes his lips and he pulls back, willing the tears away with trembling lips and hands. They smile at each other before he speaks, his voice wavering and he looks down at the small curve of her stomach.
“I would not have gone if I-”
“Yes you would have,” she presses her face against his, her nose bumping against the curve of his jaw. “You are too prideful, my prince.”
Small, pained laughter fills the air and he nuzzles his head against her before turning, pressing his nose against hers. His lips ghost over hers and she pulls back suddenly, wincing as he whines pathetically.
“I- I am unclean right now. Let me call-”
“I do not care.”
Immediately he pulls her back towards him, pressing his lips against her with a burning ferocity. She sighs into his lips, tilting her head and falling into the feeling of his body against hers. The kiss only lasts a few short moments, their lips moving together in perfect harmony, passion pulsing through their bodies.
He pulls back, his lips tickling her skin before he presses a chaste kiss to her lips, chuckling at the way she chases him for more. When they part, he stares at her for a moment, adoration filling his half-lidded gaze.
“How long?”
“The maester stated close to four moons. Which, according to my memories… would be quite accurate.”
His fingers find her stomach again, pressing against the small bump that blooms just beneath his hand. A gasp escapes him as his lips part, shock and love plastered onto his face.
“My child is-”
“Our child… I will not have my efforts diminish-”
“Our child. Our child is growing right here… I can scarcely believe it….” Suddenly he shoots up, groaning as he hobbles forward. With a loud gasp, she stands and follows him, her hands reaching out to pull him back into bed. “We need to inform my mother! We need to celebra-”
An exasperated groan escapes her lips and she rushes forward, blocking his path with a pointed glare.
“Jace! That can wait,” she laughs suddenly and grabs his shoulders, pulling him into her once more. Automatically, his hands find her waist, his fingers kneading at the covered skin. “For now, I would like to celebrate alone with my husband.”
“Alone?”
She slaps his shoulder, forcing a pained laugh from his lips, “not like that! Well………… maybe.”
He pushes her back and she falls against the bed, giggling as he gently lands on top of her, careful not to press too hard into her abdomen. It's not sexual, just purely playful as he shoves his face into her neck and smiles, his lips tickling her skin- forcing even more laughs from her lips. When he pulls back, he beams at her, his black curls beautifully framing his strong, perfect face.
“You have made me the happiest man in all of Westeros! I shall erect statues in your name, host parties in your honor! I can scarcely wait to meet them….” He presses his face against her neck again, sighing into her skin as her fingers thread at the nape of his neck, massaging the skin gently. “We shall have many children, I think. A small army to-”
“Let us get past the first one, my love.”
“Ahh, if you insist”
With a groan he shifts, plopping back against the pillows as the adrenaline leaves him, the pain settling back in.
“You over exerted yourself, haven't you?”
“No, I am quite alright. I am just resting my eyes for a moment.”
“Hmmm, certainly.” She stands and looks down at him with barely concealed humor, before offering her his hand to help him move. “You should rest again Jace. Far too much excitement and you'll perish.”
With a groan he moves back against the head of the bed, falling into the pillows before smirking up at her with tired, glassy eyes.
“I am not so easy to kill, my love.”
“Yes, you are quite resilient, aren't you?” She presses a kiss to his forehead before trailing down his face, peppering him with love. His eyebrow, his eye, his nose, his cupid bow. They settle on his lips and she presses a soft kiss there, lingering as she whispers into his mouth. “Sleep, my love. We shall be here when you awaken.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”