Happy New Year

The party is loud, too loud.

Music shakes the walls around Megumi as he crowds himself into a corner and tries to make himself look as small as he feels. Bodies swim all around him: drunk people, sweaty people, loud people—everything Megumi tries to stay away from at all costs.

If he didn't know better, he'd think he was at some shitty frat party. All he knows is that he was dragged here by Yuuji and Nobara for New Year's and that they'd ventured off because they apparently have better things to do.

It all leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, or maybe that's whatever concoction of cheap alcohol is in his red solo cup. Whatever he's drinking, it gets the job done. He takes another sip; it burns going down his throat and settles warm into his veins.

He'd much rather be at home, sleeping through midnight and waking up to the new year. At least he'd like Yuuji to be here at his side; he's the only one who makes events like these somewhat bearable. But things are weird between them; maybe it's just one-sided, or maybe Yuuji has just grown tired of him. Megumi's probably overthinking.

He takes another sip of his drink.

Yuuji was out of town for a mission, somewhere in Hokkaido for Megumi's twenty-second birthday. Megumi gets it; you almost never get to choose when missions come up and where they'll be. He knows the last thing Yuuji needs is the board being even more upset with him because he decided to reschedule or pass the mission onto somebody else.

But Yuuji being so far away made him feel empty inside.

The only thing he heard from him was a message at 11:36pm that read:

happy birthdayy megumiiii <3 I miss u :(

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What followed after was a selfie of Yuuji in his hotel room, squinting at the light from his phone's flashlight contrasting with the dark. His hair is still damp from what Megumi assumes to have been a shower; his face is beat up, nothing Megumi hasn't seen before. Shoko will be able to clean it up. On his face there's a small frown. Megumi was just happy to see his face.

Megumi missed him so bad, and he hadn't even been gone for a week.

Normally, Megumi would've been fast asleep at that hour, but he lied awake in his bed from the lack of contact with Yuuji. His birthday—December in general—has always been a hard time for Megumi. Well, not always. But ever since 2018, things have been different. Too many bad things happened in winter. He hates it.

He hates how cold it gets, he hates his birthday, he hates December 24th, he hates what happened in Shinjuku, he hates all the holidays, he hates how busy it gets, he hates how much he misses his sister, he hates how much he misses that stupid white-haired idiot, and he hates how he barely got to talk to Yuuji on his birthday to get him through it, and that he left him alone at this stupid fucking party.

Despite the fact that he heard from Yuuji that night, sleep still never came.

All he wanted was for Yuuji to be there like he always was every other birthday. He wanted to receive a sweet homemade gift from him and have cake with him and Nobara and let Yuuji follow him to his bedroom, where they would watch maybe half of a shitty movie and he would fall asleep on Yuuji's shoulder.

He told himself it would be alright, that he and Yuuji would have all the time in the world to hang out and make up for lost time. But something—more like someone—put a fork in the road.

Oshawa's in town, and now apparently Megumi is chopped liver. She came for New Year's and clearly is still enamored with Yuuji. Megumi never disliked Ozawa; she's likable, and Yuuji seems to like her well enough. To be fair, they do have one thing in common:

They both are embarrassingly in love with Yuuji.

But Yuuji clearly seems to only like one of them back. And it's not the one he left alone at the party.

Megumi can't say he's surprised; why would someone like Yuuji ever like him back? It just doesn't make sense. Guys like Itadori Yuuji don't go out with guys like Fushiguro Megumi.

And that's fine.

But ever since Megumi met Ozawa, way back when they were fifteen, something just rubbed him the wrong way. Not about her, necessarily, but about the way she looked at Yuuji. Just seeing the two of them going on their little date made his stomach churn with jealousy. Not that he'd ever admit that to anybody, no matter how much Nobara bugged him about it.

But Megumi could never truly hate something or someone that Yuuji liked. Even those stupid fucking wormo movies.

But then Shibuya happened, and then the Culling Games, and then Shinjuku. And Yuuji and Ozawa hadn't spoken very much with everything going on.

But they aren't fifteen anymore. They haven't been fifteen in a long time. It doesn't matter how many nights Yuuji spent holding Megumi through his nightmares, putting him back together time and time again when he couldn't shower without having a breakdown or go to sleep without waking up and crying for his sister.

It doesn't matter because now Megumi gets to see his best friend who he's madly in love with walk into the room with Ozawa trailing too close behind for comfort. He buries his face in his cup and takes another sip.

It doesn't taste any better. If anything, it tastes worse.

He watches from afar like some sort of serial killer as they converse. Ozawa's hair is longer now,she's wearing an off the shoulder sweater, cutting off right above her hip where a small line of skin shows before a flowy skirt that reaches her ankles.

Megumi can't even trick his brain into believing that she isn't beautiful. He hates that he knows that she's beautiful and that she's Yuuji's type.

She laughs at something Yuuji said, turning a shade of pink as she tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

Megumi could vomit right then and there. He takes a look at Yuuji, and his stomach twists. He's just being Yuuji, funny, beautiful, captivating Yuuji.

He can't even make himself be mad at Yuuji. He could never. He can't bring himself to hate Ozawa either. That only leaves himself to be mad at. He can't drag his eyes away from them.

It's pathetic.

He can't wait to go home.

"Damn Megumi, who pissed in your cereal?"

Nobara. Of course.

Megumi turns his head to see Nobara waltzing in without a care in the world.

Maki must be off somewhere else, he thinks.

There's a fluidity to her moments and speech that tells Megumi she's already getting tipsy, most likely courtesy of whatever is in the red solo cup she holds.

She stands there with a disapproving and prying look in her eye. Arms crossed.

"I'm fine, Nobara. What do you want?" Megumi grits out, trying to play off the fact that he's watching the man he's been in love with since he was fifteen flirt and hit it off with a girl who has made it known she has a crush on him.

Everything is fine.

Play it cool. Nobara doesn't have to know anything.

Nobara quirks her brow, clearly not buying whatever Megumi is trying to tell her. She does a quick scan of their surroundings, searching for something. Megumi keeps his eyes steady on the floor in front of him, trying not to draw attention to the fact he's been staring at Yuuji and Ozawa for the entire time they've been in this room together.

Nobara finds her target, eyes locking on Yuuji and Ozawa. She frowns in confusion, pressing her lips together, then nodding in understanding. "Not a fan of Ozawa, are ya?" She gives him an accusatory stare and tilts her head.

Well, shit.

Megumi swallows hard, hoping the bitter taste of jealousy in his mouth will go down with it. He tries to play it off, knowing Nobara will see right through his act anyhow. He meets her eyes and straightens his shoulders.

It's fine.

"I don't really know her all that well; she seems fine," he says, faking indifference. He takes another sip of his drink before shrugging his shoulders and looking to the side where Ozawa and Yuuji continue their conversation.

Nobara barks out a laugh, not believing him for a second. "So I'm meant to believe that Yuuji hanging out with Ozawa isn't the reason you've been moping this entire time?" She tilts her head, daring him to tell her she's wrong.

And that's the part Megumi hates most; he knows she's right.

"You know I don't like parties." Megumi purses his lips, meeting Nobara's eyes again.

Nobara's demeanor softens, turning into something softer. Not pity, but an understanding.

She knows. She knows he's in love with Yuuji. Anyone with eyes to see it knows. Megumi knows that too.

It's written in the way he looks at him, in the fact that Yuuji is one of the only people whom he lets see him at his worst. And it's written in the fact that he needs Yuuji like he needs air to breathe. And now that Yuuji is spending time with somebody else, all that air has been torn away from him.

So when Nobara's face changes, he knows there's no point in keeping up the act. Megumi lets out a long breath before biting his lip and letting his eyes fall to the floor.

Nobara sighs and points to Yuuji with her cup after taking a sip. "You should have a talk with him."

Megumi scoffs. "He seems kind of preoccupied." The words are an attempt at bitterness, but Nobara sees right through it, moving to stand shoulder to shoulder with him as they watch Yuuji and Ozawa laugh.

They watch for a few moments, neither of them talking. The room is filled with voices and music, all morphing into one giant entity that floats mindlessly in Megumi's brain.

Nobara is the one to break the silence, returning her eyes to Megumi. "You know how much he cares about you, right?"

Megumi gives a curt nod.

Not in the same way I care about him.

Nobara continues. "Okay, well, this," she waves her hand in Yuuji and Ozawa's general direction, "doesn't change any of that. You hear me?" Megumi gives another nod. "You know how Yuuji is; he's just being friendly. Plus, I'm sure he likes you a whole lot more." She adds, trying to lighten the mood.

It does little to soothe Megumi, but he appreciates the effort, truly. He doesn't need Nobara worried about him tonight.

"Thanks," he says.

She gives a small smile before checking her phone. "Oh shit, it's almost midnight. I'm gonna go find Maki. You okay if I head out?"

Megumi nods. Nobara stays for a second to make sure, then she turns to head out after waving goodbye.

Megumi fishes his phone out of his pocket to check the time.

11:57

Three minutes until midnight. Three minutes until Megumi can leave this stupid party and self-loathe in peace. Three more minutes of watching Yuuji and Ozawa hit it off.

This just reminds him of why he hates this time of year. He misses those quiet New Year's Eves more than anything right now, ones spent with Nobara and Yuuji huddled together in one of their apartments, usually Yuuji's because Nobara didn't want "smelly boys in her place," and Yuuji always offered.

Once midnight would pass, Nobara would head home, but Megumi would always stick around, not wanting to say goodbye yet. He knew if he went to his own apartment, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep, and if he did, nightmares would just come his way.

So he would stay, and he and Yuuji would get comfortable under the blankets and talk until one of them inevitably fell asleep, and Megumi would wake up in his arms that morning.

Neither of them would mention it, and they'd do it again the next year.

Because that's just the kind of guy Yuuji is.

And that's exactly why Megumi is madly in love with him.

And that's probably why Megumi feels a painful lump grow in his throat as he reminisces. He blinks away the tears that fight his eyes.

This isn't the place to cry.

But the party is so loud, he's too hot, sweat is sticking to the back of his neck, he's had too much to drink, and the alcohol is stirring unpleasantly in his stomach.

He can't catch his breath. He tugs at the neckline of his shirt and checks his phone again.

11:59

He can make it.

People around him start to chant. There are ten seconds until 2025.

Ten

Megumi clicks his phone shut and slides it back in his pocket.

Nine

Megumi looks back at Yuuji and Ozawa. He bites his lip, the pain grounding him, and sucks in a breath through his nose.

Eight

Yuuji and Ozawa continue their conversation, laughing and smiling like they're the only people in the room.

Seven

They finish whatever they were saying and begin to count down.

Yuuji should be counting with me, Megumi thinks.

Six

Ozawa steps closer to Yuuji, causing him to look slightly up at her with those stupid big brown puppy eyes that Megumi loves. She smiles shyly, briefly looking down at her feet. Yuuji's lips slow, counting coming to a stop.

Five

Megumi takes a deep breath and throws back the rest of his drink; he grimaces and throws the cup on the floor. He knows better than to do that; in any other scenario he would, but he can't think straight.

Four

Ozawa whispers something to Yuuji. Megumi can't bear to watch. The alcohol is settling weird in his stomach. Fuck, did he eat before this? He should've known better than to drink on an empty stomach. He needs to get out of here.

Three

Megumi starts pushing his way through the crowd; it feels like he's going to pass out. Is he dying? He spots an exit, needing to get there before he loses his shit. He's gonna have to push his way around Yuuji and Ozawa somehow.

Two

Ozawa stars to lean in, slowly closing the distance between her and Yuuji. Her eyes nervously flick between his eyes and lips. Yuuji tenses up, staring at her lips, his own slightly parted.

One

Ozawa moves to close the distance, tilting her head, moving in for her New Year's kiss. The kiss is over as soon as it started.

The first second of the new year, Yuuji tenses away with a guilty expression on his face, and Ozawa scrambles for an apology. The people around them erupt, screaming and shouting in celebration of the new year. There are only three people who aren't.

That's when Yuuji sees Megumi, frozen in place, as he watches his best friend—the man who he's in love with—kiss somebody else. He shouldn't be mad; he has absolutely no right to be mad over anything that's happened all night.

He watched Yuuji back away, he watched him tense up, and he saw the guilt.

Megumi feels like shit. Yuuji's eyes widen with something akin to fear when he meets Megumi's eyes, and Ozawa looks like she wants the world to swallow her whole.

Yuuji says something to him, but Megumi can't hear anything. Everything is too loud, too many people are bumping into him, he's madly in love with Yuuji, and he's going to be sick.

Megumi starts clumsily shoving his way to the nearest door, nearly tripping over his own feet. He needs to get outside and get home as soon as possible so he can throw up whatever shit he drank and sleep through the night.

But he knows in reality he'll just toss and turn.

Luckily Yuuji isn't following him, unless he stayed a few paces behind to talk to Ozawa.

Fuck, he's lucky if he's able to make it home before he throws up.

He finds the front door; he's almost there. People are giving him odd looks; he can feel their stares as he unlatches the door and lets it slam shut behind him.

The heat and noise from the party immediately get sucked away once he steps outside. The first thing he hears is the rain; he's under an overhang now, but it's pouring outside. Slanted rain sprays down at the sidewalk and road ahead of him.

It's peaceful outside, save for the yelling in his head and the dull thump of the party behind him. It's nice and cool; normally it would be too cold for Megumi, but it feels like he has a fever right now, so it adds relief.

He hadn't realized how hard his heart had been thumping in his chest until he stepped outside; he can feel blood pumping throughout his entire body. Everything feels like it's working in overdrive.

He needs to focus on his task: getting home.

Nobara brought him with her, so that's out of the question; he'll have to take the metro or maybe call a cab. He steps off the porch, water immediately spraying all over him. He hopes to God there's a station near him as he fumbles with his phone, walking down the driveway, trying to navigate his maps app.

It's hopeless, the water droplets crowd the screen and make it practically unusable, the app moves on its own, swiping between pages and clicking random buttons.

He frantically tries to wipe it with his sleeve and shield it, but it's no use.

Panic rises in Megumi's chest as he tries to take breaths and self-regulates. His head swims with frustration as he fumbles with his phone and fights back tears. The world feels like it's tilting beneath him again; he's too wet, he's too drunk, it's too late out, and he needs a ride.

Yuuji isn't here; he wants Yuuji here. He wants Yuuji to bring him to his car, take him back to his place, and give him a warm, dry set of clothes, and he could sleep in Yuuji's bed and eat his cooking and—

He misses him so bad he doesn't even realize he's crying until he lets out a choked hiccup. He presses his lips shut and wills himself to breathe slowly through his nose, but he feels frozen in place.

Is he going to die out here? Where's Yuuji? If Yuuji were here, then maybe Megumi could get it together. Should he go back in there? Is Yuuji mad at him? Where is he, goddammit—

The ringing in his ears is so loud he doesn't even hear Yuuji shouting his name until he's standing out in the rain with him.

"Megumi! What the hell is going on?"

Megumi's fingers fumble to click his phone shut as he meets Yuuji's eyes. There's a desperation to Yuuji's voice that throws Megumi off. His chest is rising and falling noticeably fast, his eyes are full of worry, and there is some sort of need that Megumi can't place.

Megumi just hopes that Yuuji can't tell he's been crying.

"I'm fine, Yuuji; just go back inside." Megumi tries to keep his voice level in an attempt to hide how shaken he is. He can always just blame it on the cold rain.

Yuuji looks at him like he has a third head, nearly scoffing under his breath. "Megumi, talk to me," he pleads. "What's going on?" Yuuji yells over the rain as it soaks his hair and clothes, leaving him looking like a wet dog left to sleep outside. Megumi doesn't look much better; his hair is completely weighed down, leaving it soaked and flat against his head.

What is he even meant to say? "I've been in love with you since we were kids, and I depend on you so much it's driving me mad."

Yuuji has fully cornered him; Megumi will just have to deflect.

"Nothing's going on—" His voice comes out shaky, almost frantic, trying to desperately mask his panic.

"Are you crying?" Yuuji cuts him off, concerned, and takes a step closer. His turned soft is soft, like it usually is; it makes Megumi want to sob even more.

Megumi scrambles for an excuse; he had hoped the rain would wash away his tears and get rid of the evidence. But Yuuji saw right through it, like he always does.

Megumi shakes his head. "Yuuji, I told you, I'm fine." He stresses.

Yuuji looks on the verge of tears; he looks hurt. He shakes his head. "Let me take you home, please. We're gonna get sick out here if we stay any longer."

"It's fine!" Megumi nearly yells. "I'll just take the metro."

God, he feels like a little kid, pushing away help when it's offered to him by the ones he loves most. It's pathetic; he's twenty-two years old, and his stubbornness won't accept help from the man he loves most.

"What is this about!?" Yuuji yells, a desperate plea. "Is this about Ozawa?"

Fuck. He knows.

Megumi's heart beats rappidly in his chest. Everything's spinning again. He has to swallow the lump that forms in his throat. He feels like a deer in headlights.

"What? No, I-I don't even know Ozawa all that well." He feigns innocence as his head spins.

Yuuji takes another step forward, determination in his gaze. "No," he draws out slowly. "Is this about her trying to kiss me." He tries to put up an assertive front, but his eyes give him away.

"She did kiss you!" Megumi bursts, half sobbing. It feels like his sanity is fraying at the seams. He has to be going crazy.

"So it is about the kiss!"

Anger stirs in Megumi's gut; he feels so fucking helpless. He's doing it to himself; he won't accept Yuuji's help. He's pushing him away when, truly, the only thing he wants is Yuuji to put him back together. He feels so nauseous.

Megumi, are you jealous? Because Ozawa and I are just friends, you know that," he stresses. "It's nothing more," Yuuji says the last part carefully, as if he doesn't want to break Megumi.

The ground sways beneath Megumi's feet. He's going to die, or pass out, or throw up, or do all at once.

Yuuji knows; he has to know.

This is going to ruin everything. Megumi frantically shakes his head. This fight might be the end of them; he has to swallow the bile that forces its way up his throat.

His words slur as he speaks. "No! It's not about that; just forget it, Yuuji!" He's fighting sobs as he runs his hands through his soaking wet hair, getting the strands out of his face.

"Then what is it about?" Yuuji's voice breaks as he begs Megumi to tell him; he tries to seem strong, but he's just as hurt as Megumi is. "Is it because I missed your birthday?" He approaches the subject with caution.

"I needed you, Yuuji!" Megumi sobs, tears rolling down his face. He's embarrassed to be crying; he feels so childish. He knows it wasn't his fault, but it still feels like Yuuji took a piece of his heart to that mission and left it there.

Yuuji bites his lip as tears well in his eyes; Megumi continues before he can say anything. "You know how hard my birthday is for me, and you weren't there." He buries his head into his hands as he sobs, curling in on himself.

His tears mix with the rain pouring down on him; he can't tell where his tears end and the rain begins.

"Megumi," Yuuji's voice catches in his throat where a painful lump grows. "Please, let me take you home, w-we—" He takes a breath, trying to control the tears in his eyes. "We can talk about this in the morning." Just please Megumi."

Yuuji's pleas are going to make Megumi sick to his stomach.

"Go inside, Yuuji," Megumi grits out.

"No!" Yuuji cries. "I'm not leaving you like this!" He runs his hands over his face, drawing in a breath through his nose.

"Why do you care!?" Megumi yells over the rain, hands clenching at his side while he digs his nails into his palms. He hates yelling at Yuuji, he hates fighting with Yuuji, he hates this so much.

Because he knows deep down that he loves him, and that's not going anywhere.

"Because you're my best friend!" Yuuji yells back, words drenched in near betrayal. As if the question itself hurt him, because it should be the most obvious thing in the world. "You mean so much to me, and I can't stand seeing you like this!"

"Why!? I don't get it!" Megumi sobs, too tired to think anything else to say. "I'm just fucking things up and getting in the way! You should be in there." —Megumi waves his hands at the house in front of him—"Not out here with me. Fuck,Yuuji, you deserve so much more than me! But that's what I do! I weigh you down, I'm fucking things up, I ruined your New Year's I—"

"That's a lie!" Yuuji bellows into the rain, desperation dripping from his words. Begging Megumi to listen to him, begging Megumi to believe that he deserves care. "Megumi, please don't say that!'

"No, it isn't!" Megumi chokes out, unfamiliar anger coursing through his veins like lightning. He can't figure out why he feels so strongly about this. He knows Yuuji cares about him. So why does it feel foreign almost? He can feel the blood draining from his head. His ears are ringing; he needs to sit down.

"Yes, it is!" Yuuji's voice is strained with pain and from yelling. He's choking on his tears as he fumbles to get more words out. He's frustrated, and Megumi can't even blame him. He has every right to be mad at Megumi, to leave him out here in the pouring rain. But it's Yuuji Itadori, so he persists. "Why can't you see it, Megumi? Why can't you see what—"

Megumi can't listen to him for another second; he has no idea why. But if he listens to Yuuji list everything about Megumi that makes him "worth caring for," he might lose it. He's too drunk to come up with an excuse or a way to steer the conversation away from himself.

Because he's so clearly not okay. And he hates that Yuuji sees him like this. Even though, realistically, Yuuji is the only person Megumi feels like he can be seen by. He doesn't want to feel broken anymore. Shinjuku was years ago, but he still carries it everywhere. He still leans on Yuuji like a crutch when he knows that's not what he deserves.

So Megumi asks him again, cutting him off.

"Why do you care!?" Megumi screams, words echoing and ricocheting off the empty streets. His words slur and his throat burns. It all hurts.

He's not even sure that he wants an answer from Yuuji. Listening to him explain why he cares about Megumi, knowing that he doesn't feel the same way about him, is going to make Megumi want to throw up his internal organs.

But what Yuuji says—or yells—back is the last thing he expected.

"Because I love you!" He fires back, defeated, like Megumi should've known all along. Like he's been keeping it bottled up for years, and this was his last straw.

Megumi's world spins upside down. The world goes quiet. The only sound on the street is his labored breathing and the rain.

Because, what the fuck?

His heartbeat feels like it's going at a million miles per hour; everything's spinning. God, he's had too much to drink. This has to be some kind of sick joke, or Megumi's mind playing tricks on him.

Yuuji looks defeated. He's standing there, in the pouring rain, shoulders slumped, chest heaving, because this is not at all how he wanted to tell Megumi.

He wanted it to be the perfect day, where he would plan a picnic or go to the park or do something nice and quiet, just the kind of thing Megumi likes. But of course.

He had to tell him during a fight, because Yuuji couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Megumi stands there, dumbfounded, like he's about to wake up from some sick dream to find that his feelings are still very much unreciprocated.

Megumi tries to spit something out; his mind is working too fast; he can't focus on one thing to say; it all jumbles together into one giant clump of panicked fragments.

"What?" Megumi breathes, a helpless attempt at collecting all his thoughts into one word.

Of course Yuuji has to say something like this when his brain is already scrambled; of course he has to say it in the pouring rain on New Year's; of course he has to say it when Megumi is already having a shit week and he's uncomfortably drunk.

Yuuji's lips quiver, and it's clear he's trying to hold on to whatever shred of reason he has left.

He gives a big sigh and brings a hand up to his head. "Fuck, Megumi." He looks around helplessly, as if the empty, rain-filled streets could pose an answer for him. "I'm in love with you. I—his voice breaks—"I feel like I've always been." He poses it like a question, as if Megumi could possibly tell him how he's feeling. "I don't think there has ever been a time where I wasn't in love with you." He gives a half laugh, like he can't even believe what he's saying.

"Fuck, I know this isn't what you want to hear. But that's why I care," Yuuji stresses, voice cracking with emotion. "It's because I love you. And if only you could see yourself the way I saw you, you— you would understand why I do—"

"Yuuji, shut up."

"—You would understand why I care—"

"Yuuji, shut up." Megumi says, more stern this time.

"—You would understand why—"

Megumi cuts him off with a kiss.

It's the most impulsive, drunk, and stupid fucking decision he could've possibly made. But after years of choking on his unreciprocated feelings, here Yuuji is, pouring his heart out to him in the rain like they're in some sort of fucking movie.

Megumi closed the distance in a few quick steps, grabbing Yuuji's face and crashing their lips together. It's desperate and messy and everything their first kiss shouldn't be.

It was supposed to be quiet and peaceful, and Yuuji was supposed to smile into the kiss and gently run his fingers through Megumi's hair while Megumi softly cradles his face.

But it's the two of them; it seems they can never love each other the right way.

Their teeth clash and noses bump. Yuuji freezes up, letting his sentence die in his throat. He doesn't move away, but he doesn't lean into it either. They're just stuck in this weird limbo of pressing their cold, unmoving lips together.

Megumi's about to think it's a lost cause. Of course. He'd be the only person in human history to kiss someone after they confessed their love and for it to backfire.

Megumi sucks in a shaky breath through his nose, willing himself to pull away. The millisecond he does, Yuuji is pulling him back in. He grabs the hem of his jacket and slots their lips together.

Megumi wraps his arms around Yuuji, atop his shoulders and loosely around his neck, as he presses their chests together.

The rain pours down on them as they kiss, mouths moving in a frantic, desperate rhythm. As if they're making up for lost time. And in a way, they are. They sob into the kiss, tears merging with the rain.

They're making up for every touch that lingered too long, every night they shared together, every moment where none of them had the courage to reach out. For seven years of tripping over their own feelings and letting it influence them.

Megumi wants to memorize the feeling of Yuuji's lips on his. It feels like he's trying to eat him alive. It's open-mouthed and messy. It's everything Megumi's been dreaming about, and he's right in his hands.

Yuuji brings a hand to the back of his head, running his fingers through soaked, black strands. He brings his other hand to the small of his back, pressing the pads of his fingers into the fabric.

Megumi nips lightly at Yuuji's bottom lip, pulling a sigh from him.

A possessive hunger grows in his gut.

I did that. He's affected by me.

Yuuji tilts his head and deepens the kiss.

Megumi can't catch his breath. Everything feels like it's moving too fast, but like it's also moving in slow motion, like he's wading through syrup.

Megumi pulls away, keeping his forehead pressed against Yuuji's, breathing in against them. He feels like such an idiot.

"I'm sorry, Yuuji," Megumi says, a breathy whisper.

Yuuji's expression shifts to worry, but before he can say anything, Megumi cuts him off.

"I love you too." Megumi buries his head into the crook of Yuuji's neck. "I never thought you'd want me back; I'm so sorry."

He doesn't even know what he's saying. His mind is a jumble of love, and confusion, and hurt, and worry, and alcohol.

But he knows he's so cold out here, in the December rain, and Yuuji is so, so warm.

Yuuji returns the embrace, softly murmuring in his ear over the rain. "It's okay, Megumi. You have nothing to be sorry about." He reassures. "Just let me take you home."

Megumi nods into the crook of his neck. All he feels is guilt weighing down on him. He detaches himself from Yuuji's hold. Yuuji brings a hand up to his cheek and carefully wipes the tears from his face.

"W-What about Ozawa?" Megumi sniffles.

Yuuji brushes the bangs out of Megumi's face as he softly responds. "Don't worry about Ozawa. I talked to her before I came out here."

Megumi gives a slow nod, cringing as he watches the memory of Ozawa kissing Yuuji play in his mind.

"C'mon, my car's this way." Yuuji idly intertwines their fingers as he leads Megumi.

Megumi has so many questions, he can't even pinpoint one to say, so he just worldlessly follows Yuuji to his car.

It's parked not far down the road; Megumi can see it in the streetlights from where they stand. Upon arrival, Yuuji brings Megumi to the passenger side and opens the door, motioning for Megumi to get in. Yuuji wears a knowing grin on his face.

Stupid.

"I don't wanna get your car all wet." Megumi swallows, feeling strangely emotional. He wraps his arms around himself.

Yuuji just shrugs. "We gotta head home somehow."

Megumi gets in, grimacing at the sound of his wet clothes against the leather. For the moment he has alone before Yuuji gets in the car, he leans his head back and just sighs.

It's been a long day—well, two days.

Yuuji plops into the driver's seat and starts the car, pulling out into the street. Megumi's grateful to sit down. He slumps into the seat, exhaustion settling deep into his bones. He props his knees up on the dashboard and tilts his heavy head to the side to watch Yuuji drive.

There's surprisingly not a lot of traffic; Yuuji takes a back road, knowing better than to go on any main ones. Sleep tugs down on Megumi's eyelids. But he doesn't want to pull them away from Yuuji.

The streetlights illuminate Yuuji's face so nicely; they aren't too harsh, just bright enough to give him an almost ethereal glow. Although it's probably the alcohol making Megumi think that.

It almost reminds him of being a little kid, trying not to fall asleep in the back of Gojo's car as he drove him and Tsumiki back from God knows what. It always felt so late into the night, when in reality it was probably only eight. He'd watch the streetlights go by, counting the road signs and looking at the lights coming from people's houses and corner stores.

He feels like that now. But his eyes are fixed on Yuuji. They're at a stoplight; the red light glows on his face, and it makes Megumi's heart hurt in a way, like it wants to reach out and just keep Yuuji all to himself.

Yuuji drums on the steering wheel with his fingers and returns Megumi's gaze.

Yuuji's eyes soften at the sight of Megumi. He's looking at Yuuji with half-lidded eyes, and it's completely obvious he's been admiring him this entire car ride. But Megumi is too drunk and too tired to care.

He doesn't want to leave. He doesn't want to be dropped off at his apartment. He doesn't want to peel off his soaking wet clothes. He doesn't want to go to bed and wake up alone and hungover.

"Yuuji," Megumi murmurs, lazily reaching his hand out to the center console.

Yuuji brings a hand off the steering wheel and intertwines their fingers. "Yeah?" he responds softly.

Megumi brings his gaze down to their hands, not wanting to meet Yuuji's eyes. "Can you just take me to your place?" he pauses. "I don't—I don't wanna be alone." The last bit comes out softer, almost embarrassed.

He feels weirdly vulnerable saying it; it holds depth.

Because they both know Megumi isn't asking not to be alone, he's asking to be with Yuuji.

Yuuji squeezes his hand. "Okay."

The rest of the drive isn't long; Megumi spends it mindlessly playing with Yuuji's hand. It has all its fingers, which can't be said for the other one. Megumi drags his fingers over Yuuji's knuckles; he traces the callouses and scars he has from fighting, he traces his nail beds, he feels the pads of his fingers, and he maneuvers his hand to rest his fingers on the pulse point of Yuuji's wrist, listening to the subtle beats.

Thump, thump, thump,

A subtle reminder that Yuuji is here, that he's alive.

They make it the whole way home like that, until Yuuji has to let go of Megumi's hold to shut the car off. It's barely drizzling where Yuuji lives. Yuuji gets out of the car and swiftly makes his way to the other side to open the door for Megumi.

"What a gentleman." Megumi subtly mocks as he gets out of the car.

Yuuji gives a slight laugh before shutting the door behind Megumi.

Megumi can't wait to change into warm clothes and finally crawl into bed.

He then stops dead in his tracks when Yuuji brings him to the staircase, and he remembers Yuuji lives on probably the highest floor possible in this damn apartment complex.

He looks at the stairs like they personally wronged him, buries his face into his hands, and lets out a deep sigh.

Yuuji chuckles. "You'll be fine; it's only a few flights."

Megumi brings his hands down and glares at him. "A few too many," he grumbles.

Yuuji smiles and wraps his arm around Megumi's waist as support. Megumi leans into the touch as they step onto the first step.

"I'm not that drunk." He mutters, despite bringing an arm around Yuuji's shoulder.

"Yeah, but you like it," Yuuji replies sweetly.

Megumi doesn't respond.

Yuuji's touch anchors him to reality. He focuses on the steady hold of his waist through their wet clothes, the smell of rain, and soft notes of citrus coming from Yuuji, the way he resembles a wet dog.

But in a cute way, of course.

He pulls himself up each step, leaning against Yuuji for support, probably more than needed. They fall into a steady rhythm of climbing up each flight. After the first few, his legs start to burn; he knows Yuuji's place is close, but it feels like his legs are turning to jello.

On the way up, Megumi's foot catches the step, and he goes tumbling forward, ready to accept his fate, but before he hits the ground, Yuuji's arms are scooping him back upright.

"Easy, easy. I've got you." Yuuji soothes, giving Megumi's waist a light squeeze.

Megumi steadies himself on the railing. He meets Yuuji's eyes and just wants to collapse into his arms.

"You okay?" Yuuji asks.

Megumi nods, taking a deep breath.

God, he wants to kiss him again.

They don't have to climb much longer before they reach Yuuji's door. He keeps his hold on Megumi as he fishes his keys out of his pocket.

He unlocks the door and leads Megumi inside his apartment. Megumi feels immediate relief as he steps in. It's nice and warm, and it smells like Yuuji.

The apartment's fairly new, but Yuuji has settled in nicely. It's comforting, it's cozy, and it feels like home already.

They take off their shoes at the entry, and Megumi follows Yuuji to his bedroom.

The space is just so Yuuji. It's times like these when Megumi remembers Yuuji is still that same fifteen-year-old kid who swallowed that godforsaken finger. He has his manga collection on his bookshelf, photos of him, Megumi, and Nobara hung up, and posters all around the walls.

It's so fitting it makes Megumi's stomach hurt.

While Megumi looks around, Yuuji is rummaging throughout his dresser for clothes.

He walks over to Megumi and hands out what looks like a pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, socks, and some underwear.

The underwear feels a bit overkill, but Megumi doesn't want to sleep in rain-soaked boxers.

"Change into these," Yuuji says as he hands Megumi the clothes, pressing their hands together momentarily. "The bathroom's just down the hall."

Megumi nods and gives a quiet, "Okay" as he heads out.

He shuts the bathroom door behind him and gets a good look in the mirror. His clothes are darkened with rain, and his hair has begun to dry, but it sticks up awkwardly—more than usual—and some parts are still weighed down; he doesn't even have to try and brush it to know that it's tangled.

He peels off all his wet clothes, feeling relieved—and cold—when they finally drop to the floor. He then dresses himself in Yuuji's clothes. They're nice and warm and dry. And he's trying not to think about the fact that they smell like Yuuji's home and laundry detergent.

The pants fit fine; the sweatshirt is a little big, but Yuuji's bulkier than him, so it makes sense. He wants to shower; there's still rain residue and sweat on him, but he's so beat he'll just do it in the morning.

Megumi rummages around for a brush or comb and tries to work through his knotted spikes of wet hair. Once he's tamed it enough, he folds his wet clothes before shutting off the light and opening the door, but first, he breathes in the smell of Yuuji's sweatshirt like the lovesick fool he is.

He puts his clothes into a neat pile in Yuuji's room, taking note of the fact Yuuji isn't in there. Megumi heads back out the hallway to find Yuuji in the kitchen.

Yuuji brightens at the sight of Megumi. "Hey, did everything fit okay?"

Megumi gives a nod. "Yeah, thank you, by the way." He makes his way to the counter, sitting down on a stool.

"Of course," Yuuji smiles. "By the way, have you eaten?"

Megumi shakes his head, becoming suddenly aware of the dull hunger in his gut.

Yuuji gives him a look. "You shouldn't drink on an empty stomach, y'know." He grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water, setting it down in front of Megumi.

"Drink this, and I think I have some onigiri somewhere around here."

Megumi mumbles a "thank you" and picks up the glass in front of him, slowly drinking it while Yuuji unwraps onigiri from the fridge.

When done, Yuuji moves another stool beside Megumi and plops down, putting them shoulder to shoulder. He hands Megumi an onigiri and begins to eat one for himself.

They sit there in silence, eating their onigiri, in the dim light of Yuuji's kitchen. In the midst of it, Yuuji plops his head down on Megumi's shoulder, and Megumi follows suit, stacking his head on Yuuji's.

Megumi slows his movements, taking his time chewing, an excuse to continue the moment longer. He focuses on the comforting weight on his shoulder, the way Yuuji's damp hair tickles his cheek, and the way he can feel Yuuji's jaw moving as he chews.

The moment ends too soon; they both finish their onigiri, and Megumi takes a final sip of water from his glass. After shutting off the lights, Yuuji leads the way to the bathroom.

"Let's brush our teeth; I should have an extra toothbrush you can use."

Yuuji flicks on the bathroom light and searches through a cabinet or two before pulling out a new toothbrush for Megumi to use. Megumi thanks him, grateful to finally wash out the taste of that awful drink back at the party.

They brush their teeth shoulder to shoulder, leaning into each other. Megumi keeps his eyes focused on the countertop. It feels oddly domestic; he's wearing Yuuji's clothes, and they're brushing their teeth together in Yuuji's apartment after confessing and kissing in the rain.

After confessing and kissing in the rain.

Right.

About that.

They should probably have a talk.

When they finish up, Megumi follows Yuuji to his bed. Megumi could always sleep on the couch; there's a pullout, they both know it. But both opt not to bring it up and to just cram into the same bed together, knowing a Yuuji's bed isn't designed for two grown men.

Yuuji climbs under the covers; Megumi follows, situating himself to lie on his side, facing Yuuji. Exhaustion settles into his bones, and he lets out a satisfied sigh as he settles into the mattress, ready to end the day.

Yuuji shuts off the lamp, and the room floods with darkness; the only thing illuminating them is the moonlight through the curtains. Yuuji settles down, scooting closer to Megumi.

He lays his head on his cheek and puts himself face-to-face with Megumi, brown eyes staring into pools of green.

The first thing Megumi thinks is how close Yuuji is. Their noses are extremely close to touching; he can feel the subtle exhale of Yuuji's breathing on his face. Their legs bump beneath the covers. Megumi curls his legs towards his chest a little, just so his legs press further into Yuuji's.

The second thing Megumi thinks is how beautiful Yuuji is. His eyes are studying Megumi; they look so pretty in the moonlight. Everything about Yuuji looks pretty in the moonlight. But Megumi can't help but think he looks even better in the sun, during golden hour, especially. It's barely light enough for Megumi to see him; he has to squint to see the details. But he doesn't need sunlight to see the little things about Yuuji. He's spent enough time admiring him to know where every scar, freckle, and attribute lies. Even in the wintertime, when Yuuji's freckles aren't very apparent, he knows where they are. God, he could look at him for hours.

All of the tiredness seems to have left his body. He feels wide awake; just looking at Yuuji makes him feel alive.

He can feel the weight of Yuuji's eyes on him, shamelessly admiring him.

The third thing Megumi thinks is, are they going to have a talk? They didn't really have one necessarily, unless they count recklessly telling each other they love each other and kissing in the rain a talk. I mean, sure, it clarifies some things, but closing those doors just means opening new ones.

As if Yuuji read his mind, he speaks. "Sooo," he draws out. "Are we gonna talk about it?"

Megumi takes a moment to gather his thoughts before taking a breath. "We probably should."

Yuuji nods his head before looking down; he takes hold of Megumi's hand with his free hand, idly intertwining their fingers and playing with them. He brings their conjoined hands to Yuuji's chest. "I mean what I said. " He begins, his voice quiet.

"I did too," Megumi follows. They're being vague, sure, but Megumi doesn't want to push. Silence lingers between them for a moment; at least they got that out of the way.

"I really do love you, Megumi." Yuuji whispers, his voice full of conviction.

Megumi meets his eyes; he can't believe he's hearing Yuuji say it again. His eyes are blown wide with truth.

Megumi gingerly closed the distance between them, pressing their foreheads together, breathing him in. "I've loved you ever since we were kids." Megumi whispers back.

Yuuji smiles against him, squeezing his hand. "It's always been you, Megumi. You're it for me."

Megumi draws in a shaky breath, feeling his eyes water with emotion. His chest swells with all the love it holds for Yuuji.

"Me too," Megumi breathes. "Only you, Yuuji."

Yuuji pulls away slightly to get a better look at Megumi. There's a slight want in his gaze that Megumi isn't sure what to do with. He lets go of Megumi's hand and brings it to the back of Megumi's head, thumb resting against his cheek.

Megumi leans into the warmth pressed against him. Yuuji slowly props himself up on his elbow, slightly hovering over Megumi. Megumi does the same, bringing them closer together. Yuuji slides his hands deeper into dark locks of raven hair.

"I really wanna kiss you again," Yuuji says, barely a whisper.

"Me too."

Yuuji closes the distance slowly, tilting his head. When their lips finally meet, it feels like a breath of fresh air. Megumi melts into the kiss. Their lips move in a lazy tandem, movements slowed, savoring every touch.

It's nothing like their last kiss. It's not desperate, it's not messy, it's just the two of them in Yuuji's bed, treasuring the gentle feeling of their lips against each other.

They know there are still things they need to figure out, but they know they have time.

So for now, they can just kiss each other, with the knowledge that they love each other buzzing beneath every movement.

Yuuji continues to kiss him as he slowly crawls on top of Megumi. Megumi lies down on his back and runs a hand through Yuuji's hair and up and down his back with the other, mapping out lean muscle beneath his sweatshirt. Yuuji settles his weight on top of him, like a blanket. He hikes his leg up and presses himself into Megumi further, getting them as close as possible. Megumi lets out a satisfied sigh, and Yuuji smiles into the kiss.

Yuuji barely props himself up on his elbows, just enough to continue kissing Megumi. He cradles his face with both hands and tilts his head, kissing Megumi deeper.

They slow down shortly after, lips barely moving against each other, not wanting to pull away. Eventually, Yuuji breaks away, craning his neck up to look at Megumi in the eye.

His blush is painfully noticeable, even in the moonlight. Pride swells within Megumi at the sight. He gives him the sappiest smile and nuzzles his head into the crook of his neck. Megumi feels heat creep to his cheeks. He turns his head and plants a kiss on Yuuji's hair.

Yuuji adjusts himself so he's laying his head on Megumi's chest, ear planted right where his heart is. "There's still something else I wanna talk about." He murmurers.

"Okay," Megumi says, giving him time to speak.

"I'm really sorry I wasn't around for your birthday," he begins. "I know how hard it is for you, and I really should've been there."

Megumi lets out a deep sigh and brings a hand to the nape of Yuuji's neck, running it through his hair. "It's alright."

Yuuji nods against him. "And I'm sorry for leaving you at that party. That was really shitty of me. And Ozawa and I are just friends, I promise. I had a talk with her, but I'm still so sorry if I ever made you feel like—"

"Yuuji," Megumi cuts him off, voice steady and grounding.

Yuuji looks up at him with a slight look of worry.

Megumi brings a hand to his cheek. "It's okay," he says softly. "I'm not mad at you." He combs his hand through Yuuji's hair as he speaks. "I love you, and I'm sorry for lashing out at you earlier; that was unfair of me."

Yuuji takes a deep breath. "I love you too."

Megumi smiles and presses another kiss to his head.

He wraps his arms around Yuuji and holds him close; Yuuji curls farther around him. Megumi breaths him in, smelling the subtle scent of rain and his laundry detergent around him.

Yuuji's hand settles on Megumi's arm, and his thumb rubs smooth circles on him through the fabric.

They lie awake for a while longer. Megumi watches the rise and fall of Yuuji's chest and how peaceful he looks curled up against Megumi. The event of the past night settles down on him, like a warm blanket.

They don't need to have a label for what they are; they can just be Megumi and Yuuji, two souls forever enamored with each other.

Megumi wants to stay here forever, hold Yuuji against him for forever, and love him forever. He wants to squeeze Yuuji so close that they become one.

All mine.

He thinks of all the moments that let him here, seven years in the making.

Seven years of thinking his feelings were unreciprocated.

Seven years of pining like an idiot.

Seven years of thinking it was never going to happen.

Seven years of being madly in love with Itadori Yuuji.

Just to be here. What a start to the new year. He can't wait to wake up to Yuuji in his arms, and have breakfast, and hold him, and kiss him. God, he wants to spend the rest of his life with him. He wants to get married and get a farmhouse out in the countryside and live with him forever.

Megumi knows he's got a ways to go, but he lets himself dream. Dream of his life with Yuuji.

He feels his eyes start to grow heavy, sleep coming his way. Yuuji stirs for a moment, snuggling closer to Megumi. "G'night, Megumi." He mumbles, his voice laced with sleep.

Megumi cradles Yuuji's head and buries his nose in tufts of pink hair. "Goodnight, Yuuji."

Megumi feels himself start to melt into a deep sleep; the only thing his mind is registering is the feeling of Yuuji on top of him, and the warmth he brings.

Right before Megumi slips into deep sleep, he hears Yuuji speak.

"Oh, and by the way, Megumi," he yawns, stirring slightly. "Happy new year."