Chapter Text
“Kris, you should really go to bed.”
Barely five seconds after Asriel had sent the message, he found himself rubbing his eyes, the glare of the computer screen softly stinging at him in the otherwise totally dark room. He was lucky enough to not have a roommate, so him being up this late wasn’t bothering anyone. He glanced at the timestamp of the message. 01:13. He had class tomorrow, but it was in the afternoon, so he wasn’t too worried about it having a knock-on effect. In his head, he’d already calculated it perfectly: he could go to bed at 2am, and assuming he got an uninterrupted eight hours, be up at 10 and be out the door and on his morning run for 10:30. If he got back after an hour of that, had a shower and a late breakfast, he’d probably even be able to walk to campus rather than take the bus, which was always stuffy and kind of stank of damp, which was an odd thing for a bus to stink of, or at least he thought so.
“I don’t want to.” The response from his sibling came quickly, as it always did. “You’ll be busy tomorrow, and we won’t be able to talk as much.”
Kris had a way of saying things like that which really stung, not because they wanted to inflict some sort of guilt or pain on Asriel, but because they were sobering reminders of just how far he was from his family. He was coming up on his last week of his first year of university, and before he left he had steeled himself not to come back home until he could be sure that he’d be able to go back when the time came. There was a real risk of him staying if he undershot it, never returning to his ground-floor dorm room, or his slightly grimy (but importantly not GROSS) shared kitchen. He told his family of his plan, and they actually understood. His mother’s eyes pricked with tears, and his father’s wide smile fell, but both of them understood who their boy was, and they understood that time away from Hometown would do him some good. Kris was harder to get through to. Asriel had always had a best friend in his sibling, a little shadow who wore fake red horns, and so the news that their big brother and best friend was going away for a year, well… It was hard on the kid. Asriel tried to do all their favourite things together before he left, to the point he was hearing the Super Smashing Fighters opening theme in his sleep, but it didn’t stop Kris from hiding his suitcase the morning his coach was set to leave Hometown. The family searched all morning and into the afternoon, only to find it in the trash-can outside. Asriel wasn’t mad, he just hugged his sibling and tried not to cry.
“It’s alright, hey… I’m gonna tell Mum and Dad tomorrow, but obviously you had to be the first to know. If I can finish up a few final projects early, I might be able to come home next week instead of later in the month.” Asriel knew he’d have to work his butt off to achieve this, and part of him was going to hold off on saying it… but if it would bring his sib some comfort, then he’d just HAVE to work his butt off. Nothing else to it.
“Seriously?!” The response came like lightning, and Asriel couldn’t help but chuckle at the rare passion oozing from the screen. He didn’t even have time to respond before another message came flooding in, and another.
“What day?”
“Are you going to be here for the festival?”
He could imagine Kris’ smile behind the screen, and his own mouth curled at the thought. It was a goofy smile, and the thought just reminded him just how badly he was missing them. He knew the first chance he got, he’d take them for hot chocolate, just like they used to get. He pressed his hands to the keyboard.
“I don’t know, hopefully I’ll make it in time, though. I’ll let you know if I figure it out sooner.”
“Are you bringing me anything back?”
“Yep. You, Mum, Dad, the Holidays, Pizzapants… I’ve got a little something for basically everyone, Ha Ha Ha.”
“What did you get me?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“:(“
“Alright, come on. Time for bed.”
There was a pause in responses for a few seconds, punctuated by Asriel blinking harshly and needing to rub his eyes once more, a soft headache forming around the front of his skull and base of his horns. They’d been talking for a few hours now, so it was no surprise. He reached for the bottom drawer of his desk, pulling it out and grabbing some low-dose painkillers. He stood up and grabbed his empty water bottle, and then heard the ding of his computer once again. He’d respond in a second -- Sorry, Kris. Filling his empty bottle at the sink in his en-suite, he took a minute to splash his face. A second distant ding motivated him to take his tablet and make his way back to his computer. When he sat down, he saw the last two messages his sibling had sent.
“I don’t know if I can sleep. I have a bad feeling. Like something bad is going to happen.”
“Sorry, I don’t know what I’m talking about, ignore me. Goodnight Azzy.”
He let out a tense sigh. He hoped Kris was doing okay. They’d had a really hard few years, and after they stopped going to therapy, well… it just wrecked his heart to think of it too much. Still, he’d be home soon enough. He had been planning on strong-arming a reconciliation between Noelle and Kris for some time – or well, maybe strong-arming is the wrong way to put it… They were still cordial, after all, but they used to be inseparable. Back when Dess was here, their two families were basically one. Everything changed when she went missing.
Another sigh escaped his lips as he shut the window, and everything else on his PC, so he could stare at his homescreen. An uploaded scan of a photo his mum had taken when Bloodcrushers (their little band, not the film series) were at the peak of their powers… He was on drums, with stupid black paint on his face to give him a ‘rocker’ look. Originally, he was their singer, but when Noelle asked to join the band, he was never going to say no to her asking for the mic. Dess matched him, but he thought she didn’t look stupid at all with it on. She looked amazing. Her guitar was also painted, which in hindsight was a terrible idea, but it covered up some of the scratches and dents she had accrued from multiple (not fully committal) attempts to smash it after a set. Noelle and Kris were there, singing and playing the keyboard respectively, but Noelle didn’t want anything even slightly related to something as scary as ‘corpse paint’ on her face, and while Kris had begged, Dess’ cheap liquid eyeliner (the one that she had “not stolen, but totally forgotten to pay for”) ran out before they could get anything. Dess had to give them basically all of her jewellery to convince Kris to still perform, so they were draped in spiked bracelets and various sharp-looking necklaces. His eyes fall to Dess, and his heart pounds familiarly. She had just dyed her horns, and Mrs. Holiday tried to forbid the performance out of retaliation, but the whole town had shown up. That was probably the happiest Dess had ever been, Asriel found himself thinking as he stared at her face. Her smile was wide, her eyes alight with a determination that persisted, even years on through a screen.
It was undoubtedly an ‘Eff You’ look. In those last few months before she went, the issues she had with her mum had really spiralled out of control. They weren’t always at each other's throats, but when they did fight… Well, Asriel was unlucky enough to catch a couple. They didn’t sound like a mother and daughter should, or… at least that’s what he thought. The way they screamed at each other, it… he couldn’t imagine it. Even when his own parents got a divorce, it was all so polite. It was like watching something from another world.
That was how most things with Dess were. She was something else entirely, completely different from anyone else in that town. Sometimes he felt like he was the only one who understood that. Other times, he felt like everyone understood exactly who Dess Holiday was but him. She was always reinventing herself, changing things, trying things out and just as easily shedding them. She pushed him to do the same, albeit he never went nearly as far as her. He felt like everyone understood who she was because everyone understood she was gone, and he still spent most nights staring at this damn photo, remembering it all.
It’s hard to let something you love go. It’s even harder if you don’t get a goodbye.