Chapter Text
07/01/2026, 03:40 pm
ello mate - benedickt
ello mate: why do u insist on vetoing my ideaaa
benedickt: bcs its stupid, ello
ello mate: tis not! I aksed franny
ello mate: she seems to think im quite brilliant
benedickt: fran seems to think anything is “quite brilliant” if shes distracted by her piano
ello mate:
ello mate: daph agrees
benedickt: she hardly hears anything correctly nowadays with simons dick constantly shoved up her bum
ello mate: why must u be so vulgar?
benedickt: u are hardly the person to be lecturing me on my speech, eloise
ello mate: also
ello mate: y do you refuse to double text?
benedickt: why do u refuse to read full sentences? i remember you to b quite fond of reading
ello mate: yh, when theyre interesting
ello mate: i hardly find ur dry responses entertaining
benedickt: and yet u reply
07/01/2026, 03:47 pm
ello mate - benedickt
benedickt: petty bastard
09/01/2026, 02:57 am
Eloise Bridgerton has made a group chat!
Eloise Bridgerton has added eight (8) people!
Eloise had added five (5) other people!
Eloise Bridgerton had renamed the chat!
Eloise Bridgerton has renamed herself as ‘ello mate’
ello mate: my idea is amazing
ello mate: fuck you, beneDICKt
09/01/2026, 07:42 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
Benedict Bridgerton: oh for fucks, eloise.
09/01/2026, 08:24 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
Violet Bridgerton: What is the matter now?
Violet Briderton: Eloise, why are you mad at Benedict?
ello mate: tis not benedict i am mad at
ello mate: tis beneDICKt, mother
Francessca Bridgerton: how do i mute this?
Francessca Bridgerton: i cannot hear anything iver this stupid phones incessant chirping
ello mate: just lower your notif volume
ello mate: or better yet, putyour phone on dnd
Francessca Bridgerton: oh yh
Francessca Bridgerton: thx, elle
ello mate: np
John Stirling: why am i… here
ello mate: ur in the family, no?
John Stirling: fran nd i broke up like three years ago, elle
ello mate: oh yeahhhhh
ello mate: wtv, ur still our cousin in law
John Stirling: chaela and fran have only been dating for two weeks
ello mate: well
ello mate: wtv, john, js be grateful ur here
John Stirling: i dont think i want to be
ello mate: well thats too fuckin bad, isnt it?
ello mate has renamed John Stirling to ‘unmotto’
unmotto:
unmotto: why?
ello mate: bcs our fmailies motto is “family above all else”
ello mate: and ur not technically family
unmotto: ah, i see
09/01/2026, 08:36 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
Violet Bridgerton: You haven’t answered my question, Eloise
Violet Bridgerton: John, you are still considered family in my house
unmotto: ty, mrs bridgerton
Violet Bridgerton: Violet
ello mate: violet
ello mate: seriously, mama
ello mate: when are u gonna let that go?
ello mate: the man is never calling u violet
Violet Bridgerton: One day, Eloise
Violet Bridgerton: I also have yet to hear why you are angry with Benedict
ello mate: the point is not why i am mad at benedickt
ello mate: the point is why benedickt refuses to agree
ello mate: that my idea is amazing!
ello mate: @Benedict Bridgerton
Daphne Bridgerton: what idea?
ello mate: fml
ello mate: i lichrally said it to ur face at lunch yesterday
ello mate: albeit simons face as well
ello mate: since you were connected at the lips
ello mate: and i dont want to know where else
Daphne Bridgerton: shut up! mum is here
Violet Bridgerton: This is no information I haven’t heard, Daphne
Daphne Bridgerton has left this chat!
ello mate has added one (1) other person!
Daphne Bridgerton: fml
ello mate: someone certainly is
09/01/2026, 08:53 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
Benedict Bridgerton: WHAT, ELOISE, WHAT
ello mate: fran agrees this is a brilliant idea
Benedict Bridgerton: frans still in the music room, i can hear her playing right now, and i know she doesnt like to play with hre phone on
ello mate: shut up, honestly
ello mate: why must you know everything abt everyone
Benedict Bridgerton: sophie tells me
ello mate: sophie? u mean sophie baek?
ello mate: one of the housekeepers?
ello mate: isnt she the one who cleans the weasels room?
Benedict Bridgerton: yes, ello, that sophie baek
Hyacinth Bridgerton: i am no weasel!
ello mate: no but u r a busybody
Benedict Bridgerton: a b c d e f g
ello mate: also
ello mate: when did u get here?
ello mate: have u been lurking this entire time?
ello mate: fuck off, beneDICKt
Hyacinth Bridgerton: well
Hyacinth Bridgerton: i was afraid if i said anything i would be bullied
ello mate: why would we bully you?
ello mate: no one would waste their breath insulting u
Violet Bridgerton: Eloise, be nice, your sister has done nothing wrong
Benedict Bridgerton has renamed himself to ‘airbnb’
airbnb has renamed Violet Briderton to ‘mumsy <3’
airbnb has renamed Hyacinth Bridergton to ‘hiya cindy’
airbnb has renamed Daphne Bridgerton to ‘scratchy knees’
airbnb has renamed ello mate to ‘ebay’
airbnb has renamed Gregory Bridgerton to ‘greggsbakeoff’
airbnb has renamed Anthony Bridgerton to ‘thorny breath’
airbnb has renamed Colin Bridgerton to ‘cumanizer’
airbnb has renamed Francessca Bridgerton to ‘fortepiano’
hiya cindy: why hiya cindy?
ebay: lmao ebay
airbnb: u couldnt say hyacinth when you were younger, so, you said “hiya cindy” and everyone called you cindy for a while until u finally learned your own name
ebay: OH YEAH
ebay: oh that was such fun
ebay: i miss cindy
hiya cindy: hey!
mumsy <3: Oh, she was so cute, she would just repeat “hiya cindy” all day, and people thought her name was Cindy!
airbnb: u type like such a mum
hiya cindy: i dont remember this bit of history
ebay: good, now we can reminisce about u and u wont get it
ebay: amazing!!
mumsy <3: Well, I would hope so, considering ive been one for at least 20+ years
09/01/2026, 10:02 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
thorny breath: what is this?
thorny breath: why is this my name?
thorny breath: wtf?
09/01/2026, 10:24 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
Kathani Sharma: oh my, you were not kidding
ebay: kate! my second favorite of my brothers girlfriends!
Kathani Sharma: i’m assuming the first is penelope?
ebay: yes, unfortunately she sits on a very high throne that is hard to step off of
Kathani Sharma: well, i hope she does not get lonely up there
ebay: off topic, but cna i change ur name?
ebay: its just a bit formal is all
Kathani Sharma: go ahead, i too think its a little direct
ebay: thx!
ebay has renamed Kathani Sharma to ‘tahani’
tahani: ah, the good place?
ebay: YESS
ebay: its the greatest show of all timeee
ebay: have you watched?
tahani: i’m a bit ashamed to admit i watched the entire thing in one sitting
ebay: honestly the only way to watch a show
thorny breath: elle, stop bothering kate and go do something else
tahani: she is not bothering me, anthony
tahani: we are simply bonding over our love for the good place
ebay: such a shame you called it a “bright piece of crap that isnt worth my time” after watching the first minute of the first episode
thorny breath: tis predictable and repetitive, elle
ebay: u would not think so if you had watched it
tahani: anthony! it is so complex, and mindblowing, why do you dislike it?
ebay: he does not dislike it, he simply has not witnessed its greatness yet
tahani: then i shall put it upon myself to make him watch
ebay: YESSS PLEASE
ebay: he needs to be cultured!!
thorny breath: ihml
tahani: you wont once you watch the good place
thorny breath: ill believe it when i see it, love
10/01/2026, 06:34 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
fortepiano: why do you refuse to associate me with anything else other than my piano, benny?
airbnb: idk, why do u insist on calling me benny?
fortepiano: benedict is too long
airbnb: its lichrally one syllable off from benny, and three ketters from benny
fortepiano: wtv i can do what i want
airbnb: and u always do
10/01/2026, 11:08 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
ebay: why on earth did you ppl wake up at such an hour?
ebay: i just woke up!
airbnb: yh cuz u were up all night messaging someone
ebay: how tf do u know that???
ebay: nvm its sophie, isnt it?
airbnb: sophie was working late last night
ebay: yep
10/01/2026, 11:18 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
greggsbakeoff: i come home from nicks house
greggsbakeoff: and tgis is whats transpiring on my phone??
hiya cindy: have u not checked ur phone?
greggsbakeoff: no cuz i was busy actually socializing, weasel
hiya cindy: i am not a weasel!!!
10/01/2026, 11:27 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
Penelope Featherington: do i want to know what this is..?
ebay: no
Penelope Featherington: great, glad we established that
ebay: me as well
10/01/2026, 11:31 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
cuminizer: i should really open my phone more
cuminizer: wtf is ny name
greggsbakeoff: perhaps u shouldnt
ebay: you absokutly should!!!
ebay: this is the best thing to have ever happened in your lives!!
cuminizer: tis not
ebay: tis so
10/01/2026, 11:34 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
greggsbakeoff: where has hyacinth gone?
greggsbakeoff: nicky nd i ave been waiting for her
ebay: where? and for whqt?
10/01/2026, 11:37 am
fuck you, beneDICKt
ebay: wow. glad to jnow im loved by this family