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Three months ago, Kuroo and Kenma’s relationship had changed.
“I love you, Kenma,” Kuroo had said. “I'll always love you, but…” he stopped himself. “And I also like Bokuto.”
“Oh…” Kenma hadn't known what to say. A perfectly reasonable reaction, he would say, even now with hindsight. He could only just understand being in love with one person, let alone two.
“Why are you telling me this?” Kenma had asked, unsure if it was a breakup, a confession, or something else. It was something else.
Kuroo took a deep breath. He had spent a long time thinking about how to say this, Kenma found out later. “Do you know about polyamory?”
“Um, I've heard of it. Like, three people dating each other?”
“Yeah, that's a triad. That's one way to do polyamory, but there are a lot more. There are quads, solo poly, hierarchical poly, open and closed dynamics.”
Kenma blinked at his boyfriend. There were a lot of English loan words in there that he had never heard before. “How do you know so much about this?”
Kuroo scratched the back of his head. “I've been kind of… trying to research my way out of this moral dilemma.”
“Right…” That was a very Kuroo thing to do. “So, what did you find in your research?”
“Well, basically I figured out that you can do whatever you want as long as it works for everyone involved. So, I have a couple of ideas.” Kuroo looked to Kenma for approval before he continued. “We could still be primaries, if you want. That means, like, you would be my main relationship and Bokuto would be my secondary relationship. Really, I would love to be in a quad where we're all equal, but obviously I can't control everyone’s feelings.
“But I like the idea of having an open dynamic between the four of us. You, me, Bokuto and Akaashi. We can date anyone in the group—the polycule—but with no obligations. Like, you can just date me if you want, but if you and Akaashi hit it off, for example, you could date, no questions asked. Well, maybe give me a heads-up first, but anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Do you… hate the idea?”
It had been a lot for Kenma to take in and still was a lot three months later. He had never thought about being romantically interested in anyone else until then. He hadn't even considered the possibility, with him being demi-aroace. It had taken him long enough to figure out that he liked Kuroo. How could anything less than childhood best friends lead to being in love? And Kuroo. He liked someone else. Maybe two someones. It scared Kenma, knowing that he was replaceable. But he would do almost anything for Kuroo.
“I don't hate it, if it will make you happy. But I don't know… it's a lot.”
He had said yes, eventually, to the open polycule, after a lot of time thinking and a few more conversations. Kenma believed the rules of romance were made up anyway, why not break one more social norm? And as Kuroo had assured him, he didn't have to do anything if he didn't want to. They could just let things develop naturally.
Kuroo and Bokuto had gotten together soon after they had all agreed to the arrangement, but the other relationships had stayed the same. Bokuto and Akaashi. Kuroo and Kenma. Kuroo made sure Kenma knew he was still his number one.
It was September now, as Kenma sat on a bench in the third gymnasium, reflecting on their previous conversations. There were many things he hadn’t been sure about, but the feeling that he had now wasn’t something he had anticipated.
It was free practice during a long weekend training camp, and Bokuto and Akaashi were practicing spikes while Kuroo tried to block them. Kenma didn’t normally like to stay for extra practice, but Kuroo had dragged him along, saying something about wanting him to feel more included and that he actually had to be there for that to happen. Kenma didn’t like that he was right.
Kenma watched the others as he rested for a bit, apprehensive about joining in. They seemed to be having plenty of fun without him. Akaashi set the ball nice and high for Bokuto, who did a big run up and hit a sharp cross shot, skimming past Kuroo’s block.
“Wooh!” Bokuto cheered.
He turned to Akaashi and picked him up in a hug.
“Nice hit, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said, chuckling slightly.
“Nice toss!” Bokuto put Akaashi back on the ground and kissed him on the cheek. He then turned to Kuroo and stuck his tongue out at him playfully.
Kuroo laughed. “When do I get a kiss? If I block you?”
“No, no, no. I will be mad at you if you block me!” Bokuto folded his arms, scrunched up his face like he was thinking hard, then ducked under the net to give Kuroo a quick kiss on the cheek. He ran back to his side like nothing had happened and lined up for another toss.
Kenma had expected to feel jealous. It was strange, seeing his boyfriend with someone else. They had good chemistry; they just seemed like very good friends when they were around people who didn’t know. But Kenma could see that it was different. The way they looked at each other. It was familiar, only directed at someone else.
The jealousy was part of it, but Kenma wasn't that possessive as long as Kuroo made time for him. He had also been worried that he might feel pressured to date Bokuto or Akaashi before he was ready, but they had all given him plenty of space.
More than any of Kenma’s expected concerns, the thing that was bothering him the most, the feeling that weighed down on him as he watched the trio, was that he was getting left behind.
“Alright, Akaashi, let’s see who’ll get the next one.” Kuroo said with his signature sly grin.
Bokuto tossed the ball up for Akaashi to set, getting ready on his feet for a run up. Kuroo’s eyes were locked on him, watching for exactly where he was going to hit.
The ball reached Akaashi’s fingers, Bokuto started moving, then suddenly Akaashi’s hands changed direction, and he sent the ball over the net instead.
“Ah—” Kuroo watched the ball drop to the ground just as he was about to jump to block.
“Akaashi! I wanted to hit that!” Bokuto pouted. He had done a full jump and swing for nothing.
“Sorry, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said, not looking apologetic at all. “I’ve got to keep Kuroo-san on his toes.”
“Fuck you.” Kuroo laughed as he picked up the ball and threw it back at Akaashi.
Akaashi smiled smugly and passed the ball back to Bokuto. “Next one, Bokuto-san.”
From what Kenma could see, the others seemed to be adjusting to the polycule well. Bokuto and Kuroo’s relationship was developing steadily, and they seemed happy. The three of them were just as friendly with each other as before, and Akaashi was even willing to humour Kuroo’s flirtatious teasing now.
Kenma could imagine the three of them in a relationship together, but he wasn't sure where he would fit. He could only imagine himself as Kuroo’s first love, the quiet childhood friend left behind as they eventually grew apart.
Kuroo had said that they could just let their individual relationships develop or stay the same as they were. There was no pressure to force anything. But what would happen if Kenma couldn’t fall for anyone else? Would it really work like this forever, even if the other three fell in love without him?
Kenma stood up, needing a distraction from his spiralling thoughts. He walked over to the cart to take a ball. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should join the others. He could hear them yelling and laughing by the net. It was too awkward to interrupt.
He took the ball to the side of the court instead and warmed up with some setting against the wall. Kenma counted how many he could get in a row, letting the rhythm occupy his mind instead of thinking too much.
“Kozume,” Akaashi’s voice came from behind him. His family name sounded cold and distant, even though Akaashi’s tone was friendly.
Kenma caught the ball and turned around to meet Akaashi’s gaze.
“Do you want to do some passing?” he suggested.
Kenma thought about it for a second. He glanced at Kuroo and Bokuto, they had started practicing serves. Akaashi had come over to see him.
“Okay.”
Kenma moved away from the wall so they would have more room and tossed the ball in Akaashi's direction. They passed back and forth for a while. They were both experienced setters, so they didn’t have to move much to get to the ball.
“How are you finding the training camp so far?” Akaashi asked after tossing a high ball.
“Alright,” Kenma tossed the ball back. “We did beat you once.”
“You did.”
Kenma took his eyes off the ball for a second to see the competitive glint in Akaashi’s eye that he was used to seeing through the net.
“How about you?” Kenma asked as Akaashi passed the ball again.
“It’s good. Always good to try out new things at a training camp.”
“Mmm,” Kenma thought about the three of them spending so much time together, and not just on the court. Trying out new things, huh?
Suddenly, the ball was coming back to him at a low angle. Akaashi had spiked Kenma’s toss, catching him off guard. He stuck out his arms to receive the ball, but it spun off and hit the wall, knocking Kenma off balance.
“Sorry, I should have warned you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll get the next one.” Kenma stood back up straight. He had to pay attention.
They continued passing to each other, with some spikes and receives mixed in. It was fun, not nearly as awkward as he had thought it would be. Kenma found that he usually liked Akaashi’s company, on the rare occasion that they spent time together. They could just share a comfortable silence, or make friendly conversation, while their noisy boyfriends were off causing trouble.
“Did Kuroo-san tell you about last night?” Akaashi asked, starting the conversation up again.
“About what?” Kenma hadn’t heard anything especially noteworthy.
“About me and him…” Akaashi trailed off, realising that Kenma didn’t know. “I probably shouldn’t say. I’m sure Kuroo-san just hasn’t had a chance to tell you.”
“Just tell me.” Kenma could feel a twist of anxiety threatening to surface. It would only stress him out if he had to wait for Kuroo to say something.
Akaashi paused, tossed the ball back to Kenma before continuing. “We kissed. Just briefly.”
“Oh.” Kenma caught the ball, taking a moment to process. “So, are you and him…?”
“No, no. It was nothing really. Not yet at least.”
“Right.” His breathing suddenly felt shallow. Kenma avoided eye contact and tossed the ball back to Akaashi.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. Or we should have asked you first.”
“It’s okay, it’s part of the arrangement.”
“But still.”
But still, it was unexpected. Give me a heads up, Kuroo had said. A warning would have been nice.
Kenma should have known, he already had a sense that the others were moving on without him. Turns out he was right.
Neither of them said anything for a while, just sat with the awkwardness, passing the ball back and forth. The sound of the gym door sliding open broke the silence. Hinata, Tsukishima and Lev came in, bringing their overzealous energy with them.
“Kuroo-san! Bokuto-san!” Hinata yelled. “Can we practice with you?”
“Yo, Chibi-chan, Tsukki!” Kuroo greeted. “Come on in.”
“I’m also here!” Lev chimed in.
“Indeed you are, Lev,” Kuroo deadpanned, then turned to call across the gym. “Akaashi, Kenma, come over here so we can play a three-on-three.”
Akaashi looked briefly at Kenma before walking over to join the others. Kenma trailed behind. He knew this was a rowdy bunch, but he didn’t know exactly what to expect.
“Kenma! You’re here too?” Hinata jumped excitedly in front of him.
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Right,” Bokuto appeared behind Hinata and grabbed his shoulders. “The usual teams, then?”
“Yeah!”
Hinata joined Bokuto and Akaashi on the other side of the net. That left Kenma with Kuroo, Tsukishima and Lev. One too many.
“I’ll sit out,” Tsukishima offered. He didn’t seem all that keen to be there anyway.
“No, no, no,” Kuroo grabbed him by the arm and placed him in front of the net. “We still need to work on your blocking. And your enthusiasm.”
Tsukishima sighed but didn’t argue.
“I can sit out,” Kenma said. He should, really, he was the odd one out.
“You stay.” Kuroo’s voice was as soft as his eyes. “We need you to set for us.” He then turned to Lev who stood like a very tall deer caught in the headlights. “Lev, you go practice receives.”
“Ehhh? But I’ve been practicing with Yaku-san all afternoon!” he whined.
“Alright, then go do some spiking against a wall or something.” Kuroo waved his hand dismissively.
“Fine.” Lev begrudgingly dragged his feet over to the side of the gym.
The rest of them took their positions on the court, and Akaashi started them off with a serve. Tsukishima received it without too much trouble, sending the ball towards Kenma. He took a couple of steps to line up and tossed the ball to Kuroo. It was a good spike, skimming past the block. Hinata tried to dive for it, but the ball went flying off the court.
“Ahhrgh!” Hinata yelled in defeat.
“Nice toss,” Kuroo said and gave Kenma a high five.
“Nice kill.”
They reset, Kuroo serving next, and Kenma watched the players on the other side closely. Bokuto received the ball, Akaashi tossed, and Hinata ran in for a spike. Kuroo and Tsukishima were at the net ready to block, so Kenma hung back to cover for them.
Hinata jumped high, swung his arm back for a powerful hit, then switched to a feint at the last second, tipping over Kuroo and Tsukishima’s block.
“Feint! Nice, Hinata!” Bokuto yelled.
Kenma managed to pick up the ball and Kuroo ran across the court to cover for him.
“Tsukki!” he called as he set the ball up for him.
Tsukishima jumped and hit the ball down into the ground of their opponent’s court.
“Yeah!” Kuroo gave Tsukishima a double high five, then turned to Kenma to do the same.
Kenma let out a heavy breath and wiped the sweat from his forehead. It had been a long day, and he wasn’t sure how much longer his energy would last with this group.
As they played a few more points, Kenma watched the ball flying back and forth over the net, feeling himself slow down. The others seemed to have infinite energy, yelling and running for stray balls and not taking a second for a break. Kenma was still thinking about Kuroo and Akaashi, and Kuroo and Bokuto as he watched them play. He didn’t have much space left to think about strategy.
It was all getting too much for him.
“Kuroo,” he said before the next serve. “I think I’m gonna go back.”
“Oh, okay.” Kuroo patted his head. He looked disappointed, but understanding. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah.”
“Lev, you’re on!” Kuroo called, and Lev immediately dropped his ball and ran over excitedly.
Kenma made his way to the door, grabbed his water bottle, and headed outside into the quiet early evening air. He slid the door closed behind him, and finally, he was alone. He could finally take a breath.
He started walking along the pathway back to the main building. Visions of a warm bath, sweatpants and curling up with his PSP took over his busy thoughts of the day.
“Kozume,” a voice called out, pulling him out of his daydream.
His family name again. Cold, distant.
Kenma turned around to see Akaashi jogging to catch up. “Is something wrong?” he asked, wondering why Akaashi would be here.
“Oh, no, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to check that you were okay.” Akaashi looked at him with a hint of worry.
“I’m fine,” Kenma said. Nothing anyone else needed to worry about.
“That’s good,” Akaashi relaxed a little. “Just tired?”
“Mmm, kind of,” Kenma looked back towards the school building. “It just got a bit too much for me.”
Akaashi laughed quietly. “I get it. They can be a lot.”
“Yeah.” Kenma smiled.
It was quiet for a moment, and Kenma was about to continue along the path, when Akaashi spoke up again.
“If you’re not too tired, do you want to go for a walk with me?”
“Don’t you have to get back to the game?”
“I’m sure they can manage without me for a bit longer.”
Kenma hesitated. He was looking forward to having some alone time, but he got the feeling that Akaashi was extending an olive branch, and it would be rude not to take it.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” Akaashi smiled. “Do you want to go this way?” He pointed to the path leading to the courtyard.
Kenma nodded, and the two of them fell into step side by side, the sounds from the gym slowly disappearing.
“I just wanted to apologise again about earlier. About Kuroo-san and me,” Akaashi opened.
“You don’t have to apologise.” Kenma didn’t want Akaashi to feel bad about it, when it was his own inadequacies that were to blame.
“But it must bother you, right? If I were in your position, I would certainly have strong feelings about it.”
Feelings. Kenma had too much and not enough.
“It’s not that I’m jealous. Or, I guess I am, but I’m more mad at myself.”
“What do you mean?”
Kenma sighed. It was too much to explain. “I just feel like everyone is way better at this than me. I mean, how did you feel when Bokuto told you about the polycule idea?”
“He didn’t.” Akaashi paused and glanced at Kenma. “Kuroo-san did.”
“What?” Kenma didn’t know that. “Why?”
“Bokuto-san… he has a lot of feelings, but he’s not very good at talking about them. I think he was worried that he would mess it up if he had to do it alone.”
The feeling wasn’t completely unfamiliar to Kenma, but such a serious conversation seemed like a major thing to outsource to someone else. Akaashi was looking at him like he wasn’t sure if he should keep talking. Kenma wanted to know the full story. He wanted to know how they got here.
“What happened? What was the conversation like?”
Akaashi looked at the ground in front of him, thinking for a moment. They had arrived at the courtyard now, quiet and empty, barely an echo of the busy Shinzen school grounds of the daytime.
“Do you want to sit down?” Akaashi gestured to a nearby bench, and Kenma nodded, following to sit beside him.
“Bokuto-san texted me,” Akaashi started, watching his hands in his lap. “He asked me to come over and said that he wanted to talk to me about something. I had no idea what it was about, so I asked if I should be worried. He said no, but he didn’t explain. Maybe Kuroo-san told him not to.
“So I went to his house. Bokuto-san answered the door just like normal. I didn’t know Kuroo-san was there until we got to his room. I was confused, so I looked at Bokuto-san for an explanation and he said, ‘We wanted to talk to you’. We not I.”
Kenma could feel the anxiety in his stomach just listening to the story. If Kuroo had asked for his advice, he would have told him not to go.
“We all sat down and Kuroo-san asked if I knew about polyamory. He explained all of these things beyond the basic understanding I’d had before, all while Bokuto-san sat quietly next to me. I knew straight away what they were leading to, even though it was a while before they said it outright. Why else would Bokuto-san ask Kuroo-san to come over and help him explain?
“So, when Kuroo-san asked what I thought about polyamory, I said ‘Are you asking if I want to be in a polyamorous relationship with you?’ Kuroo-san and Bokuto-san looked at each other, then they explained what they were proposing, and that they liked each other. I assume it was the same explanation Kuroo-san had given to you, because he said that you had already agreed when I asked.”
So, it must have been after they had talked about it a few times already, Kenma realised. Akaashi still hadn’t known. Maybe they could have asked each other for advice, if either of them had felt like they could reach out.
“How did you feel, at the time?” he asked now.
Akaashi took a deep breath, leaning back against the bench. “I was feeling a lot of things, I guess. Shock, uncertainty, a little bit of hope, maybe. I asked a few questions, said I needed to think about it. Kuroo-san left soon after so Bokuto-san and I could talk alone.”
Akaashi hesitated, but it seemed like he had more to say. “I got a bit defensive with Bokuto-san. I was upset that he hadn’t talked to me directly. And I was jealous; I didn’t want to lose him. I was also a bit embarrassed because I thought Kuroo-san was implying that he wanted to date me, but he really only wanted to date Bokuto-san. Not that I had feelings for him then, but it was a lot to process.
“Bokuto-san made me feel better though. He hugged me tight and told me how much he loved me. We talked about it some more and eventually I decided to try it.”
He made it sound like the decision was the easy part. Kenma wanted to know more – why he had agreed and how he felt now and why he had kissed Kuroo and why Kuroo hadn’t told him about the kiss or about talking to Akaashi about the polycule for Bokuto.
Kenma wanted to know what he himself was feeling. But there wasn’t anything he could ask Akaashi to figure that out.
“How about you, Kozume? How did you react?”
Kenma tried not to flinch at his family name. “Um, I don’t know. Similar, I suppose.” No, that wasn’t quite right. He hadn’t been prepared to talk about himself.
He tried again. “I was… jealous too. And shocked. But it was just me and Kuroo when we talked about it. It felt like a normal conversation between us, in that way. I guess… I don’t know much about love, so I was open to hearing about polyamory from a theoretical point of view.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know much about love?”
Oh, they hadn’t talked about it before, Kenma realised. Akaashi probably didn’t know. “I’m demisexual and demiromantic.”
“Oh, I’ve heard of that.” There was a hint of recognition in Akaashi’s eyes as he tried to remember. “It means you don’t feel attraction unless you have a strong bond with someone, is that right?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Kenma said. He was glad he didn’t have to explain the whole thing. “I don’t have any experience with those kinds of feelings except for Kuroo, so there’s still a lot that I don’t understand. Polyamory doesn’t feel like that much more of a leap.”
“Are you interested in polyamory for yourself at all?”
Akaashi seemed genuinely interested, so Kenma thought that, maybe, he could try to be honest about his feelings. It wasn’t something he was used to putting into words.
“I didn’t think so, at first. It’s hard to imagine falling for anyone other than Kuroo. I thought that if we did the polycule, I could just be with Kuroo and you all could date whoever you wanted and that would be fine, but…”
“But what?” Akaashi gently prompted.
Kenma hesitated. “I guess I feel like I’m gonna be left behind,” he admitted. “I would be open to dating someone else if the circumstances were right, but I don’t know if that will ever happen.”
Akaashi was quiet as he processed what Kenma had said. There was something behind his eyes as he looked at Kenma, but he didn’t know how to decipher it.
“I see how that’s hard for you. It’s a complicated situation for all of us; we’re all going at different paces. It still feels new for me, too. But there’s room to change things if they’re not working.”
Kenma could already feel like this was the start of a change. A pathway of communication had been opened between them.
“How do you feel about it?” Kenma asked, wanting to understand more about Akaashi’s point of view. “Why did you agree to the polycule?”
It took him a second to answer, gaze returning out into the courtyard.
“The more I thought about it—after the initial shock—the more it seemed like a good idea. Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san are good friends; I didn’t want to stop them from getting closer. And, you know, I wouldn’t agree to a polycule with just anyone. I do like you, Kozume, and Kuroo-san too.”
“Kenma.”
“Hm?” Akaashi glanced at Kenma, like he didn’t realise what he had said.
“Just call me Kenma.” It didn’t feel right, hearing his family name right after I like you, even if it was just platonic.
“Oh, okay. Kenma.” There was a slight smile on his face as he tested out the name.
There was a moment of quiet between them, but it didn’t feel awkward. They could both take a moment to think – not everything had to be immediate.
Akaashi was a good friend. They operated in a lot of similar ways. It was nice to be around another introvert – a stable, calming presence. Kenma wondered why they had never talked like this before. He had never really had in depth, honest conversations with anyone except for Kuroo, but he felt like Akaashi would listen to anything he had to say.
Maybe there was one more thing he could ask.
“Can I ask… about you and Kuroo? How did the kiss happen?”
Akaashi sighed gently as he held Kenma’s gaze, like he had been expecting the question, even though he didn’t want to answer it.
“Okay. Of course you would want to know.” He shifted in his seat, getting ready to tell the story.
“Last night, the three of us were having dinner late. I had been thinking about… a lot of things. So, as we were leaving, I asked Kuroo-san if we could talk. Bokuto-san went ahead, and Kuroo-san and I found an empty classroom. I asked him for advice… about you.”
“Me?” Of all the things Kenma could have guessed, he never would have thought that would be what lead to them kissing.
“Yes. I was asking for advice on how to approach you.” Akaashi looked embarrassed, glancing between his hands and Kenma’s stunned face. “I said I wanted to be closer with you, but I didn’t know where to start. So, I was asking Kuroo-san what you respond well to, what you like to do. Things like that.”
“What did he say?” Kenma wasn’t even aware of what he responded well to, but Kuroo would know.
“The main thing was that you never make the first move. So, if I wanted something to happen, I would have to be the one to reach out. And I needed to make you feel comfortable, even though that can take a while.”
So that was why Akaashi had talked to him a few times today. Kenma had a hard time believing he was worth the effort, though. Why would Akaashi be interested in him?
“You know,” Akaashi continued, “You are Kuroo-san’s favourite conversation topic, so we were talking for quite a while. Not just about you, but it led to other things, and it ended up being a really nice conversation.
“Towards the end, I said that I liked spending more time with you and Kuroo-san, and that I wanted to do my part to make the polycule to work out. That was when Kuroo-san put his hand on mine, and he said, ‘Tell me to piss off if I’m out of line here, but can I kiss you?’. I wasn’t really thinking about the consequences—I got swept up in the moment—and I said yes.”
Kenma had expected everything to make sense once he had heard the story, but he just had more questions now. Akaashi—what was his intention? When he said that he liked Kenma, did that mean more than he had thought? It seemed like Akaashi and Kuroo hadn’t made the extent of their feelings very clear to each other either.
“So… do you have feelings for Kuroo?” he asked tentatively.
“I don’t know,” Akaashi sighed. “It was nice, in the moment, but if I think about it too much—if I think about Bokuto-san, and you, and this whole situation—I freak myself out. I guess… I’m open to exploring the possibility.”
“I see.” Kenma wondered what possibilities there might be. “How did Bokuto react when you told him?”
“He was excited,” Akaashi smiled as he remembered. “I told him as soon as I got back. I thought there were a few different ways it could go, but it was better than I expected. I think he hopes that all of us will get together in the end.”
“I wonder if we can…” Kenma said solemnly. He looked up at Akaashi, realising that he should have kept the thought to himself.
Akaashi put a hand on Kenma’s arm. “Don’t worry about it, Kenma. If things happen, great, if not, that’s totally fine too. There’s no pressure. That’s the good thing about polyamory – it’s flexible.”
Kenma looked at Akaashi’s hand on his arm. It was nice, comforting. He looked back up to meet Akaashi’s eyes. “Yeah. You’re right.”
They held eye contact for a moment, before Akaashi moved his hand away.
“Well, it’s getting late. I’m sure you want to rest,” Akaashi said as he went to stand.
Kenma followed. He took a breath, suddenly feeling awkward again, walking through the empty courtyard.
“I think I’m going to head back to the gym for a bit. See how the others are going,” Akaashi said, approaching the fork in the path.
“Okay. I’m gonna go inside and get some food.”
“Okay.”
Kenma turned down the path towards the school building, hearing Akaashi’s footsteps in the other direction.
“Kenma—” Akaashi called out, Kenma turned around. “See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
Akaashi smiled gently, taking a step backwards before turning around to keep walking. Kenma turned, a warm feeling growing inside of him. He shook off the smile that had forced itself onto his face and hurried back inside the school.
***
Kenma’s corner of the room was comfortable, as much as it could be in a room filled with other teenage boys. His hair was tucked behind his ears—fluffy and freshly dried from the bath—as he sat cross-legged on his futon, PSP in hand. The chatter from the room faded into the background as he focused on his game, though his mind was halfway between the fantasy world and his very real and complicated relationships.
It wasn’t long before familiar footsteps appeared in front of him, and he glanced up at Kuroo.
“Hey,” Kuroo smiled, kneeling down and kissing Kenma’s forehead.
Kenma stared at the pause screen of his game for a moment before looking back to Kuroo.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
Kuroo held his gaze, he must know what Kenma had in mind. He nodded, glancing at the room filled with their teammates. Not here. Kenma put down his PSP as Kuroo stood up and offered a hand to help Kenma up.
They slipped out of the room, Kenma following behind his boyfriend, hands still clasped loosely together. The hallway was quiet, and so was the first empty room that Kuroo tried. As Kuroo slid the door closed behind them, Kenma sat against the wall, tucking his knees up to his chest, and waited for Kuroo to sit down across from him.
“Do you have something you want to tell me?” Kenma asked, already knowing what the answer would be.
“Yeah, I do.” Kuroo started like he was about to go straight into it, then he paused. “Wait, how do you know?”
“Akaashi told me.”
“Oh. Right.” Kuroo ran his hands through his hair and looked at the floor between them. “I’m sorry, I should have told you earlier.” He reached forward, taking Kenma’s hands and meeting his eyes. “I was putting it off because I was nervous, and it never felt like a good time with all the training camp things happening. But I know that’s not an excuse.”
“So do you like him?” Kenma went straight to the thing he really wanted to know.
Kuroo seemed taken aback by the question but was confident when he answered. “Yeah. I like him. But I wasn’t planning on kissing him. I wasn’t planning on making any moves, I was just waiting to see how he felt, but when we were talking last night, it seemed like the right moment.”
At least it wasn’t a secret plan that Kuroo had deliberately kept from him. That’s not something that Kenma thought his boyfriend would ever do, but he had been surprised a few times already today.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you any of this, I know communication is important if this is going to work. I just didn’t want to upset you… are you okay, Kenma?”
Surprisingly, he was actually feeling okay now. “I was upset, when I first found out. But Akaashi and I talked about it, and about everything, and I don’t know… I guess it feels a bit less daunting.”
“Really?” Kuroo looked at him curiously. “You and Akaashi huh? Do you like him?”
Kenma shifted uncomfortably. “As a friend.”
“But this is new, right? You didn’t used to be that close?”
“I suppose,” he admitted.
A teasing smile appeared on Kuroo’s face, replacing the guilty look from earlier. He moved to Kenma’s side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“You’re cute.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Kenma huffed, he much preferred when Kuroo was the one under the microscope.
“Do we need to talk about how Bokuto convinced you to do the polyamory talk for him?”
“Ah, yeah. Maybe we don’t need to talk about that one.”
Kenma gave him a sharp look.
“He practically begged me, okay?” Kuroo said, as if that was a reasonable defence.
“So, you’ll do anything he asks just because you have a crush on him?”
“I can’t believe you think I’m that shallow. But, you know, within reason.”
Kenma let out a small laugh. “Seriously though, that was a bad idea.”
“I know.”
Kenma sighed, let himself relax into Kuroo, resting his head on his shoulder. After having worked out some of his feelings with Akaashi, he wanted to share it with Kuroo, too.
“I don’t think I’m jealous, in the sense of being worried that I’ll lose you. But I’m envious of how easy it is for you to love Bokuto and Akaashi.”
“Really?” Kuroo hummed thoughtfully. “I think that’s a good place to be. I know it’s different for you, but I don’t think it’s hard to fall in love. It happens quickly or slowly or not at all. It’s all the same in the end, right?”
“Maybe.” Kenma was no expert, but Kuroo couldn’t fully understand what it was like for him either. Kuroo was the only person with first-hand experience of seeing him fall in love, though. Maybe Kenma needed to be a bit more patient with himself.
***
Throughout the practice games the next morning, Kenma found himself watching both Kuroo and Akaashi more. He saw the two of them looking at each other from across the gym. Kenma could tell that something was different, now that he knew to look for it. There was a curiosity there, some kind of pull drawing their eyes together.
He caught Akaashi’s gaze a few times as well.
Nekoma was paired up with Karasuno for most of the morning games, so they didn’t get a chance to play against Fukurodani. Maybe it was for the best. Who knew how badly they might play if they were all this distracted.
It was always unpredictable playing against Karasuno. Hinata and Kageyama were still getting used to their new quick attack, and it would suddenly appear when all the conditions were just right. Kenma hadn’t figured out exactly what those conditions were yet. The other players always seemed to have something new to try as well, so it was hard to keep up.
Nekoma’s tried and true defensive strategies were enough to hold their ground, though, and Kenma knew just how hard his teammates worked to improve even if the results weren’t as flashy as Karasuno’s.
Kenma sat down next to Kuroo during a break between sets. Kuroo smiled at him and patted his head gently. Fukurodani were in the court next to them, still playing against Shinzen.
“Kenma!” Hinata came over to join them, drawing their attention from the neighbouring court. “That was a good set, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Kenma nodded. “It was a close one. Seems like you and Kageyama have almost got the new quick down perfect.”
“Arghhh, I don’t know,” Hinata grumbled, “I feel like the swoosh is not fast enough, so I can’t go bam like how I want, you know?”
Kenma didn’t know, but he nodded anyway.
“We’re gonna keep working on it in free practice later. Maybe if we get some blockers to help as well, it’ll feel more like a real game.”
“That’s a good idea,” Kenma agreed. Bokuto always said it was more fun to have a blocker when he practiced spikes. But maybe that was just an excuse to have Kuroo around.
If Hinata was busy somewhere else during free practice, Kenma wondered if the third gym might be quieter today. Maybe it could just be the four of them, if Kenma came along again.
“Hinata, did you say you needed blockers?” Lev appeared next to them.
“Yeah! You wanna join me and Kageyama?”
“For sure! Do you think Kageyama would set for me so I can do some spiking too?”
“Hmm, he’ll probably get grumpy about it, but I can ask!” Hinata bounded back to his teammates, yelling Kageyama’s name.
Kenma watched Hinata for a bit longer, wondering what he would think about their polycule if Kenma told him. Not many people knew at this stage, but Kenma would probably tell him if he asked. He wouldn’t count on Hinata’s advice though, judging by how often he and Kageyama would fight with each other instead of talking about their obviously mutual feelings.
When Kenma turned back to look at Kuroo, he was already watching him with a stupid smile on his face.
“What?” Kenma asked defensively.
“Nothing. I just think it’s cute that you and Chibi-chan are good friends.”
“I have friends. It’s normal.”
“And you’re getting closer with Akaashi. You’re so popular, I might start getting jealous,” Kuroo teased, nudging his shoulder.
“Shut up.” Kenma brushed him off and looked away. If Akaashi just so happened to be where he was looking, it wasn’t his fault.
“Come on, break’s over.” Kuroo stood up and gathered the team together for the next match.
After a few more games, it was finally time for a lunch break. A selection of fruit and barbequed meat was set up outside for all the teams to share. Even though summer was starting to come to an end, it was still warm enough to sit in the sun with some refreshing watermelon.
Kenma waited for the crowd to thin out a bit before he went in to collect a plate. Everyone had already gathered into groups by the time he was done – Kuroo was chatting to Karasuno’s captain and vice-captain, Bokuto and Akaashi were together beside the gym, Hinata and Kageyama seemed to be in a heated debate about something. Kenma didn’t feel like he could interrupt any of them, so he stood awkwardly by himself.
He didn’t mind being alone, really. Kuroo would come and find him eventually, and in the meantime, there was plenty he could learn from people-watching.
While looking around the grassy area, Kenma made sure he wasn’t too obviously staring, shifting his eyes between people and back down at his plate. He kept looking back at Akaashi and Bokuto, leaning against the wall of the gym. Bokuto had his arm around Akaashi, they were close together, talking casually. Akaashi had one foot up against the wall. He smiled at whatever Bokuto was saying, and his black curls looked glossy in the sunlight.
He looks nice, Kenma thought. He knew that Akaashi was conventionally attractive, but he hadn’t really noticed before how pretty his features were. They looked good together – Bokuto and Akaashi. Is this what Kuroo saw?
Kenma looked back to Kuroo, still taking to the Karasuno captains. Daichi and Sugawara. They were also a couple, another setter-spiker duo. They were objectively similar, in terms of looks, but Kenma didn’t feel the same draw as when he looked at Bokuto and Akaashi. Strange.
“Kenma!”
The loud voice startled Kenma, making him suddenly aware that he wasn’t invisible. It was Bokuto calling for him. He was waving Kenma over. There was no excuse to ignore him, so Kenma unfroze his feet and walked over to join the couple.
“Hey,” Bokuto greeted. “You looked lonely, so I thought I’d invite you over.”
“Oh, well, I was fine but…” Kenma looked awkwardly between them. Akaashi’s eye contact was too much. “Thanks.”
“Did you talk to Kuroo-san?” Akaashi asked. There was only one thing he could be referring to.
“Yeah. It was good. I think we’re good now,” Kenma said. Maybe there was a downside to telling Akaashi about everything. Now he had to talk about it again.
“I’m glad.” Akaashi brushed his hand against Kenma’s arm gently.
The hair on his arm stood on end at the touch. Ugh, why was he so embarrassed around Akaashi now?
“You should join us for free practice again today!” Bokuto added, saving Kenma from further awkwardness. “You had fun, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I wasn’t there for very long though.”
“You’ll have to stay for longer, then you’ll have even more fun!”
“Maybe.” If only everything were that simple. He was sure Bokuto was just being polite anyway. There was no reason he would want Kenma to be there.
“Akaashi, convince him!” Bokuto attempted at a whisper to his boyfriend.
Akaashi gave Bokuto a look, before turning to Kenma with a soft expression. “I would like it if you came, Kenma, but it’s up to you.”
“Okay.” Kenma was definitely not blushing.
It looked like he would be joining free practice after all.
***
A few more rounds of games took place after lunch. Nekoma lost to Fukurodani and Shinzen, and won against Ubugawa and Karasuno. The managers announced the total tallies from the past three days. As expected, Fukurodani was first, and Nekoma came in at a respectable third place.
Then it was time for free practice. Bokuto and Akaashi came over to join them, while Kenma stood awkwardly at Kuroo’s side.
“Let’s go! Free practice!” Bokuto cheered excitedly.
“Yeah bro, let’s go!” Kuroo grinned. “Are you coming, Kenma?”
He looked around at the others, eyes lingering on Akaashi. He nodded.
“Great.” Kuroo put his arm around Kenma and squeezed him gently.
When they arrived in the third gym, the large empty space echoed with their footsteps. It felt open – a place just for the four of them.
“Right,” Kuroo started. “What do we want to do? Spiking? Two-on-two?”
“Let’s do a two-on-two!” Bokuto said, claiming one side of the court. Akaashi followed, and Kuroo and Kenma took their side.
“Do you wanna try switching up the teams?” Bokuto suggested. “Maybe swap setters?”
Kenma looked at Kuroo, who was already watching to see his reaction. Kenma shrugged; he didn’t really mind, if that’s what the others wanted to do.
“Okay, let’s try it,” Kuroo said.
The two setters ducked under the net, swapping sides. It was rare for Kenma to see Kuroo on the opposite side of the net, even during their regular team practice they were usually paired together.
“Alright, let’s go Kenma!” Bokuto held his hand up, and Kenma tentatively high-fived him.
They took their positions on the court, Kenma and Akaashi standing opposite close to the net, that part hadn’t changed. Their eyes met briefly, and Akaashi smiled at him. There was no reason to be embarrassed, but Kenma looked away just in case.
Kuroo went easy on them for the first serve, Bokuto receiving it without too much trouble. Kenma ran to the ball and set it up for Bokuto to spike. Something about the timing must have been off, because it looked like Bokuto couldn’t hit the ball as hard as he usually could. Kuroo was in a good position to block—Kenma tried to move quickly, but the ball hit the ground before he could get there.
“Aghh, almost!” Bokuto sighed, throwing the ball back to Kuroo.
“How was the toss?” Kenma asked.
“It was fine! Maybe a bit higher.”
“Okay.”
Kenma glanced over at Akaashi. He was watching them, but he didn’t say anything. Bokuto always said that Akaashi’s tosses were perfect, but Kenma had never needed to know what exactly made them match up so well. Why would Bokuto want Kenma to toss for him when he already had his perfect setter?
Kuroo sent another serve over the net, this time Kenma was ready. From Bokuto’s receive, Kenma sent up a high toss, and Bokuto spiked the ball into the ground on the other side of the court.
It still wasn’t quite right; Kenma could tell that Bokuto had hesitated. This was going to take some trial and error.
It was Bokuto’s serve this time – he hit a strong jump serve and made Kuroo run across the court to pick it up.
“Bokuto! What the hell dude?” He barely had time to get his balance back before Akaashi had tossed to him and he attempted to hit it over. The ball spun into the net in front of Kenma, before unceremoniously dropping to the ground.
“Sorry,” Bokuto laughed, not sounding apologetic at all.
Only having two players on the court was rough, as Kenma came to learn over the next few rallies. He kept trying to match up with Bokuto, but it wasn’t quite clicking. It was tiring, having to cover half the court, and Bokuto was hard to predict from this new perspective.
Kenma was pretty sure he had figured out one thing though – why Bokuto had suggested swapping setters.
Kuroo and Akaashi were working together surprisingly well once they got used to each other. Their communication was smooth, they adjusted to each other’s strengths, they were having fun. Smiles, high-fives, words of encouragement. It was hard to look away, whether from jealousy or liking how they looked together. Bokuto was practically glowing. Kenma couldn’t decide what he was feeling.
“Should we take a break?” Kuroo said after about half an hour.
“Yes.” Kenma walked off the court, not waiting for everyone else to agree. He plopped down on the bench, pushing his sweat-damp hair out of his face.
Akaashi came over and sat down beside him. They hadn’t been this close since yesterday when they sat in the courtyard. It was warmer here, in the gym, though. Kenma could practically feel the body heat radiating from both of them as they caught their breath.
Though there was plenty of space on the benches, Bokuto and Kuroo were sitting on the floor in the middle of the court. Despite how sweaty they were, Bokuto had shuffled over to Kuroo’s side of the net and climbed on top of him. They were touching, Kuroo telling him off for being clingy, and then they were kissing. Kenma stared for a little too long.
He suddenly felt awkward as the situation caught up with him. He looked away, looked at Akaashi instead. That was a mistake. Akaashi looked back at him, brief eye contact and an awkward smile. If only they could go back to when it was easy to talk to each other.
“How do you deal with him?” Kenma tried.
“What?”
Ah—no, that didn’t sound right. It was supposed to be less awkward, not more.
“Not like that–” Kenma gestured vaguely towards their boyfriends on the floor. “I meant, like on the court. I can’t figure out how to match his timing.”
“Oh,” Akaashi laughed gently. “Um, there’s not much to it really. A high toss, a little off the net. If you just keep it consistent, he’ll match you.”
“Really? He always says your tosses are perfect. There’s no secret?”
“Trust me, they’re not perfect. I think he just says that because he likes me.” Akaashi smiled fondly. “We’re so used to each other now, I can make small adjustments to guide him and he barely notices. It might look more complicated than it really is.”
Kenma hummed, staring at the ground. Every spiker was different; it always took a while for him to figure out how to work with their play styles and their personalities. Off the court was just as hard. But once it worked, it worked.
“You know,” Akaashi added. “I think he’s trying, too.”
Kenma looked up at him, unsure of what he meant.
“To match up with you. To make it work.”
Kenma leaned back against the wall. Bokuto was sitting cross-legged now, holding one of Kuroo’s hands between his own as they chatted. Maybe he had been too quick to judge about a lot of things.
Once they had rested for long enough, they went back to the game of two-on-two. This time, Kenma was determined to figure Bokuto out.
When the first serve came over the net, Bokuto received it, and the ball came to Kenma. He tossed the ball up – a nice high set, a little off the net. Bokuto ran up for a spike, watching for the right timing, and hit the ball past Kuroo’s block. That seemed to work well enough.
“I’ll do the next one the same,” Kenma said as Bokuto stepped back to the middle of the court.
“Okay!”
It took a little while for the next opportunity after they served for a couple of rallies, but soon Kenma had his chance. Another set, as close as he could get it to the first, and Bokuto’s timing was on point. It was like he trusted Kenma completely, knew where the ball would be and went for it, hitting a hard spike into the ground. That was what Kenma was used to seeing from the other side of the net.
“Woah! That was awesome!” Bokuto cheered and came up to Kenma for a high-five.
“Nice kill.” Kenma smiled, then winced at the force behind Bokuto’s energetic high-five. He tried not to notice the stares coming from Kuroo and Akaashi.
He gave it a few more tries, just to make sure it was working. The same toss—or as close as he could get it—and Bokuto hit every one of them over to score a point. Kenma was starting to feel smug now, watching Kuroo get frustrated as more spikes went through his blocks.
“Nice, Kenma!” Bokuto high-fived him after another successful spike. “We’re on a roll!”
“Yeah.” Kenma smiled.
Akaashi threw the ball over, passing it back to Kenma for the next serve. He spun the ball in his hands, hesitating as he thought about whether to say the thing on his mind.
“Hey, Bokuto?” he started.
“Yeah?” Bokuto looked back at Kenma curiously.
“Why did you want me on your team?”
“Oh, I just thought it would be fun to mix it up a bit. We haven’t played together before, right?” Bokuto perked up as he explained, like he was proud of his idea. “And I want to get to know you better! Because you’re… what was that word that Kuroo said? A metaphor?”
There was a moment of confused silence before Kuroo figured out what he might be referring to. “You mean metamour?”
“Yes! Metamour! I want to get to know my metamour better!” Bokuto grinned.
“Your partner’s partner.” Kenma vaguely recalled the word coming up in their conversations about polyamory. “I guess that’s me.”
“Exactly!”
It was the first time he had really thought about it that way, but he and Bokuto did have that thread connecting them. Was that alone a reason to want to be close with someone? It would depend on the individual situation of course, but Bokuto seemed to think it was. Kenma really had underestimated him.
Before he could think too much about this revelation, Kenma moved his feet towards the back line. Right now, he just needed to get the ball over the net.
They played for a while longer, until they were too tired and hungry to continue. If it were up to Kenma, they would have stopped long before they did, but he pushed himself to stay with the group until they were all ready to leave. If the others were putting in so much effort, Kenma could try too.
Dinner was curry and rice that the managers had made – it was warm and comforting, even more so being with his friends. Kenma usually ate alone during training camps because he had managed to befriend only crazy people who worked too hard. It was nice though, listening to the conversation as they sat together in the cafeteria. Maybe it was worth all the exhaustion and soreness that would hit soon. Maybe, but probably not.
Once they were finished eating, they headed back to their rooms. As they walked together—Kuroo and Bokuto in the front, Akaashi beside Kenma—it started to feel like they were a cohesive group. He felt like they understood each other a little better than they had before.
“Hey, so…” Kuroo stopped and turned around to address Kenma and Akaashi. “Since it’s the last night of the training camp, Bokuto and I were hoping to spend some time alone together. Is that alright with you two?”
Kenma paused, waiting for Akaashi to answer first.
“That’s fine with me,” he said neutrally.
“Yeah, I guess I don’t mind,” Kenma agreed. He surprised himself, how much he really didn’t mind. It made sense that Kuroo and Bokuto would want to make the most of their time together when they didn’t usually get to see each other this much.
“Okay, we’ll see you later then.” Kuroo grinned as he turned to Bokuto. They branched off at the next turn, presumably to find an empty classroom where they wouldn’t be disturbed.
That left Kenma and Akaashi together, continuing down the corridor. It was quiet for a while, as neither of them initiated a conversation. Kenma felt like they had made some progress in their relationship, but he wondered if there were still some things left to say.
Where exactly they were headed, he wasn’t sure. Friendship, boyfriends, metamours, they were all pathways that Kenma could see, even if he didn’t know which ones were actually possible, let alone likely. He and Akaashi weren’t even metamours yet, Kenma had realised. There was one more degree of separation between them, even though he felt closer to Akaashi than Bokuto. They were all part of the same polycule, though, so maybe the degrees didn’t matter so much.
“Do you feel like the world gets smaller at a training camp?” Akaashi suddenly spoke up, but it looked like he had been thinking as much as Kenma had.
“What do you mean?”
“I had this feeling when Bokuto-san and I were first getting together as well. It’s like nothing else matters, nothing else exists for a few days except volleyball and friends and the person you like.” Akaashi looked somewhere into the distance. “But this is the last day. Tomorrow, we’re back to the real world.”
Kenma couldn’t exactly say that he was on the same page. He was happy to be going home, back to his own bedroom and routines and finally getting some rest. But he did understand what Akaashi was getting at. The world was smaller here. They wouldn’t see each other much after they left the next morning.
Akaashi slowed down, stopping by the wall instead of turning the corner to Fukurodani’s room. They weren’t ready to part ways yet. He caught Kenma’s eyes as he finally looked up.
“Do you like desserts?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah.” Kenma said, caught off guard by the random question.
“Do you want to go to a dessert café with me sometime?”
The way Akaashi said it, nervous and hopeful, made Kenma jump to conclusions.
“What, like a date or something?” Kenma phrased it as a joke, ready to dismiss the idea if he was wrong.
“Yeah. A date.” Akaashi didn’t waver in the slightest.
Oh. Kenma swallowed, his hands were suddenly sweaty. Was he actually serious about this?
“Um, okay. That could be nice.” There was no harm in trying, Kenma thought. In the worst case he would still get a slice of apple pie out of it.
“Great,” Akaashi smiled. He really was pretty. “I’ll text you.”
“Okay.”
Akaashi stepped away from the wall. It seemed like he was going to keep walking, but he hesitated. “Can we hug?”
Kenma was surprised, but he nodded. Akaashi closed the distance between them, it was a little awkward, but sweet.
“It’s a goodbye hug,” Akaashi said. “I wouldn’t do it in front of everyone tomorrow, but I’ll do it now instead.”
“A see you soon hug,” Kenma corrected.
“Yes.”
It was a good hug. Akaashi smelled different to Kuroo, but just as warm. He was a little shorter than Kuroo, but Kenma still fit snugly against his chest.
Akaashi must actually like him. It was a little late to be realising that now, but Kenma wasn’t the most observant with these things.
They pulled away from the hug and hesitated for a moment before going their separate ways down the corridor. Akaashi’s warmth lingered in Kenma’s chest. He still didn’t know what would happen after this, but that was okay. The possibilities seemed a little bigger now.