Chapter Text
C1 - Robert
February 1918
The bitter wind whipped at her knees as she helped her colleagues of their vessel and back onto land.
"Remind me why we aren't allowed to wear trousers like the men?" Winifred Cox hissed as she rubbed at her legs.
"Because we're women, it isn't proper." Audrey replied.
"Bugger proper, proper isn't helpful when my leg has to be amputated from hypothermia." Dorothy Maxwell joined in with the complaining. Audrey gave them both a stern look.
"Think of it this way, if we ever end up in the water, trousers would weigh you down having all that material around both legs. Skirts are easier to get off as well." Truth be told Audrey wasn't adverse to wearing trousers especially on night duty but with her new leadership position she had a responsibility to keep the women in line.
"Oh well, Dotty would know more about that. What time did that William sneak you back in?" Winifred chortled, nudging at Dorothy's arm.
"I shouldn't be hearing this," Audrey covered her ears.
"You wouldn't tattle on me, would you?" Dorothy gave her a cheeky grin, Audrey rolled her eyes and they had a laugh.
"Ladies," a tall young seaman said and saluted them with a charming smiled as they reached the heart of the harbour, "how was your shift?" He asked, a perfectly generic question but he seemed to only be addressing Audrey. She nodded, with wide eyes, committing his face to her memory.
"It went well, got me report right here," she said after a moment of silence, tapping the folder under her arm.
"We transmitted over the radio too, or maybe you hadn't noticed us here as well," Dorothy said trying to get in his eye line. Audrey pulled her back and gave her a warning look. She rolled her eyes.
"Oh stop, he's one of Will's pals, Bobby Hall in't it?" Robert's head turned slowly, practically dragging his gaze away from Audrey.
"Robert, actually."
"Our apologies, Robert. Let's go Audrey, Dotty. We WRNs need our beauty sleep." Winifred pulled them away. As she walked away, Audrey looked over her shoulder at Robert 'Bobby' Hall, he was smiling at her. Her heart fluttered, maybe night duty wasn't all bad.
March 1952
Audrey turned the letter in her hand. She wasn't sure what to do with it. It was truly something she'd never expected to get delivered with the morning post. Audrey had pondered how he'd even found her in the first place but then again they hadn't exactly been quiet when she and Siegfried married, there was every chance he had seen the announcement in the papers even from Scarborough. The back door opened, Edward and Mary bounced in.
"Gran! Does Grandy have any farm calls today, oh can I show you the drawing I did, Dad can you get my drawing? I can name all the bones in a horse now, oh could we visit the Hulton estate and go horse riding, that Mr Hugh said I could last time we were all 'ere. I am so tired of looking at buildings!" Mary launched into a thousand things as her Dad put her little red suitcase on the floor. Audrey nodded along to the enthusiastic suggestions. It was a joy to have her here.
"We can do absolutely anything you want, Jimmy and Rosie will be down tomorrow and I think if we're extra nice we can convince Auntie Helen and Uncle James to letting you all have a sleepover here."
"Don't we need to convince Grandy too?"
"Oh, Grandy won't need that much convincing. He knows I know best." Audrey replied with a chuckle, glancing at Edward across the table. Mary settled on her Gran's lap, and only then noticed that the table wasn't empty.
"What's that?"
"A letter."
"From who?"
"Um," Audrey folded it over and looked at Edward who raised a brow and sat back in his chair before nodding, "it's from my first husband. Your Dad's Dad."
"My Dad's Dad? You mean Grandy isn't his Dad?"
"Ha, no Siegfried isn't my dad, love."
"Who is?"
"A man called Robert. I married him a long time ago and then I asked not to be."
"You got divorced you mean." Mary was no fool.
"I did."
"So, why is Grandy, my Grandy if he isn't Dad's Dad?"
"Because he's your Gran's husband, he's my stepdad. Most importantly, he's your Grandy because he loves you and would do absolutely anything for you." Mary considered this answer, chewing at her bottom lip. She tried to think about the times Grandy had said no to her and she could only count a few and being honest with herself they were only times when something was dangerous. Like the time with the really big bull she wanted to help examine. That probably could have crushed her. Or the time she was sick but still really wanted chocolate, she probably would have gotten sicker. Edward stared at the letter, he'd gone quite pale. Mary frowned at her Dad's reaction; it was just a letter, wasn't it?
"My friend Fred says his Dad hits him, did your Dad hit you?" Mary asks suddenly as Edward starts reading the letter for himself. They both looked at Mary. She'd never asked something so serious before.
"He did." Edward said plainly. He didn't want to scare his daughter but she was getting older, and she was far from a stupid girl so he felt no reason to lie to her. Her lip wobbled, then she blinked. Mary turned to her Gran.
"Did he hit you too?"
"Sometimes, he wasn't very well you see. He served in the Great War and things got muddled in his mind, he were a lost man, love."
"But Dad served in the war, all over the place, and he isn't lost. My Dad doesn't hit me," Mary shook her head.
"And he never would, poppet, but everyone's mind is different. Robert used to get nightmares you see, and he couldn't find his way out of them. Even when he was awake. I tried to help him but after so long it was hurting me and your Dad too." Audrey held her granddaughter a little tighter as she tried explain. She had truly tried everything to help cure Robert's pain but at the end of the day he had preferred the bottom of a rum bottle as a way of forgetting the horrors. She looked at her son, his brow was furrowed as he read his father's letter. When he finished he placed it on the table and stood, rounding the table to kneel before his eldest.
"People tell us who they are through their actions. Robert told us that he wasn't safe. Gran found safety here, with Grandy and Uncle Tris, Auntie Lottie, Uncle James and Auntie Helen. I don't want him to make you upset because he's got nothing to do with you, you have your family and that family will always protect you. Do you understand?" Edward looked his daughter in the eyes as he reassured her, she gripped his hands and nodded. He wrapped her up in a hug.
"I'm sorry your Dad wasn't as nice as mine is," she whispered. Edward chuckled and squeezed her tightly, "I'm going to find Grandy now and hug him."
"He's in his office with um, oh, what did Jimmy name the last one Mopsy?" Audrey tried to remember what the latest rat of Skeldale had been named.
"No Gran, Mopsy was Gerald the 3rd's son, this is Volonel the 6th's son, he's called Trevor." Mary rolled her eyes and ran to the door then she undid her plaits and yelled, "Grandy, I'm here and I need you to do my hair please!" Audrey laughed and put her head in her hand, oh Siegfried and that child's hair was something of a slapstick comedy picture.
"He'll survive."
"I don't know if her hair will. I don't understand how he manages to makes knots of knots of knots." They laughed together for a moment before turning their attention to the letter.
"Will you go?"
"I will but I'd like you to come with me. Siegfried offered to go but I think it best he stay here, with Mary, she adores him and I don't want Siegfried meeting your father. Is that bad?"
"No. He'd lay his life down for this family, I'll forever be grateful to him. I won't go Ma, I'll drive you no bother but I—I buried that man a long time ago. No use digging him up now," he squeezed Audrey's hands. She nodded.
"Thank you, my boy." She stroked his cheek, such a beautiful boy he had turned out to be. It was a blessing having them so close again.
"You aren't mad at me are you?" Audrey asked as she climbed into bed that night. Siegfried put his book down and looked at her over his glasses.
"No, of course not, I don't think I could ever truly be mad with you." He kissed her cheek and settled into the covers himself. He drew her close.
"I know you want to protect me but there are some battles I have to face meself. Edward won't see him either." She said quietly.
"Does it bother you?"
"A little, I want him to have closure but I suppose I never really understood their relationship very well. I won't force him."
"Of course not. Try to sleep my love, I'll be here in the morning." Siegfried squeezed her close and pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder.
In the morning, Audrey's hands shook as she did her hair. She wasn't sure why she wanted it to be perfect, it wasn't as if she wanted to impress him. Perhaps it was protection, an armour of some kind. She dressed in a cheery green dress, she and Mary had made it together a few months ago.
Edward met her in his car, on the road from Skipton and they drove together to Scarborough. Robert had explained in his letter that he was in hospital, his liver had finally given out and there was nothing doctors could do for him except encourage him not to drink, which he had been able to do now for 3 months.
"Is this the longest he's ever gone without drink?" Edward asked as they drove over. Audrey pouted as she thought.
"No, the first 6 months of your life. I'd ended up hospital and well this was before the NHS came into play so it weren't exactly pennies we had to pay. He didn't want me working or leaving the house. Maybe it were me he wasn't drinking in front of but the rum stayed in the cupboard."
"I see." They drove some more, the rolling green hills turning into blue scapes of water, and white buildings.
"How come you don't hate him? He kept you prisoner after I were born and he used you like a bloody ashtray I mind that like it were yesterday."
"Because that would make me like him, and I'm not and never will be. You didn't see him when he came home, or before he left, or the night you were born," Audrey played with her hands, twiddled her shiny wedding band, "oh Edward, it were a horrible night, he sobbed like a child while I screamed. Dorothy said there was a lot of blood and he came back at the wrong time I—I always had hope for him even after the divorce." She shook her head. Hope yes, she had that in bucket loads she was willing to give that to him, but her tears no, those were not for Robert Hall anymore. Edward hummed, his knuckles tightened around the wheel. A frown had well and truly set in his brow as he drove through Scarborough's streets.
"I guess we make peace then. I don't have to understand you and you don't have to understand me. He was your husband, he is my Dad and now he's dyin'" Edward concluded after he'd parked the car. Audrey nodded. They got out together. Then stood, toe to toe.
"I won't tell him anything if you don't want me to."
"Here," Edward dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed over the family photo; Betty, Mary, Christopher and little baby Paul. "Only if he asks, mind. Don't go handing it out to him." Audrey accepted the photograph and tucked it into her handbag.
"Only if he asks." She repeated. Edward nodded but he knew, his father was never going to ask.
"I'm going to take a walk, meet back here?"
"Ok, be careful, son." Audrey gave him a reassuring nod, the kind of nod she'd been giving him since he was a shy lad on his first day of school or when she'd dropped him off at the neighbours house to be looked after.
Audrey turned and looked up at the hospital. She drew her shoulders back and climbed the steps. She gave her name at the front desk and wrapped and unwrapped the strap of her bag around her hand.
"Mrs Farnon?" Audrey stood.
"Mr Hall, took a turn in the night. You can see him but, it isn't likely he'll say much back." The nurse said softly, Audrey nodded and followed her into a private room. In the WRNs they had trained her not to allow her shock show to the sick, to the dying and her own caring nature had allowed that skill to build quite easily but this wasn't just any dying man. This was the man she'd thought only death would part them. The man she'd first loved, and cried over, the man who'd insisted there'd be no more babies because the first had almost sent her to the grave. He was sallow and paper thin. The white sheets only highlighted the yellow of his skin. Audrey covered her mouth as she took a sharp intake of breath.
"We're making him comfortable. He hasn't had many visitors but he wrote a lot of letters."
"Yes, I got one." Audrey found her voice cracked as she spoke. The nurse gave her a smile and left the room.
"Robert?" Audrey stepped up to the bed there was no response. She could see his chest moving up and down, steady. "I came. I'm here." She sat in silence, surrounded by the distant by busy noises of a working hospital. Another nurse came into check on him, she pulled back his eyelids and Audrey had to look away.
"Would you like us to notify you when he passes?"
"No, thank you." She replied quietly. 5 more minutes. She opened and closed her handbag half a dozen times. He wasn't going to ask, he couldn't.
"I don't know how you found me Robert but I came, and I'll go now. I still hope for you, that perhaps peace will come to you in the afterlife." She spoke softly, then carefully patted his hand. Audrey couldn't help but stare at him for a few minutes longer, it was such an odd sensation to be watching him like this. So close to death. She shivered and got up. The chair squeaked on the linoleum and she winced as if it was disturbing him.
She walked out with her head held high. Only one decision plagued her mind. Edward was leaning against the car, waiting.
"Well?"
"He asked, he were happy for you." Edward blinked back at her, like the breath had been ripped from his chest. He swallowed hard.
"That's that then."
"Aye. That it is."