Work Text:
gerard was sat at his desk, in his basement, drawing, working, whatever he did. As his hands moved across the paper the familiar urge washed over him, he'd struggled with cutting for years on and off but it had been worse lately, more stress with jobs, his new boyfriend, Frank, his family, his friends, everything.
After a while of ignoring the burning in his mind he opened his desk drawer, pulling out the old, warn out mint box from middle school he used to store his blades. as he felt the cold familiar metal in his hands he thought about Frank, his boyfriend, his partner, his lover, the promises he'd made him to try and quit. after careful consideration he put the box back.
he pulled out his phone and texted Frank "can u come over" with shakey hands, which was promptly replied to with "ill be over in 45" he put the phone down on his desk with a sigh. Hoping seeing Frank would distract him. As the time dragged on, 5, 10, 20 minutes the urge just got stronger, the burning in his arm becoming unbearable.
he couldnt take it anymore, with shaking hands he pulled the box out again, he struggled to open it with his bitten off nails. he pulled off his hoodie, revealing the hundreds of white and purple lines that adorned his pale skin. he'd always thought they were ugly but Frank loved running his fingers over them and kissing them.
he pressed the cold metal of the blade against his arm, taking a deep breath before dragging it across his skin. the familiar orange bubbles filled the cut before blood started pouring out. he got into a rhythm of doing that, he didnt care about the risks, the need for stitches, the infections, hitting stuff, any of it. he was distracted by it so much so he didnt notice his brother, Mikey, and his boyfriend, Frank, stood at the door.
mikey mouthed "ill let you deal with this" to Frank before leaving. Frank slowly approached him, tears welling up in his eyes which he quickly wiped away. as he got half way across the room he quietly whispered "gee? and held his breath as he awaited his response.
he immediately snapped out of it as he heard his boyfriend's voice, tears starting to run down his face as he stopped his actions. he put the blade down on his desk and turned to Frank, his arm dripping blood onto his pants and carpet. he tried to speak but nothing came out, silent tears running down his cheeks.
as Frank approached again he brought one hand up to rest on gerard's cheek whilst the other landed in his hair, he looked down at him with adoration he'd never shown anything else. He whispered "im not mad" as he leaned down to kiss his lovers wet cheeks. as he did so gerard's crying became larger sobs, his other hand came up to grab his bleeding arm.
Frank led gerard to stand "come on gee, let's go clean up." gerard followed him to the bathroom, refusing to meet his eyes from the shame. Frank sat him on the closed toilet lid and started looking through his cupboards. setting out bandages on the counter. he grabbed a small washcloth from the shower and wet it with warm water, knowing gerard prefered that, it wasnt the first time he'd done this.
he walked back over to gerard and kneeled before him, gently holding his hand whilst dabbing at his scarred skin. "do you wanna talk about it gee?" it was barely above a whisper, knowing his lover didnt like when he spoke too loud. he was met with a small shake of his head. "okay love we dont have to" He continued cleaning the cuts like hes the most fragile person in the world.
as he finishes bandaging the cuts he starts to peel the bloody pants off, revealing the scars that cover his thighs and shins too. he looks up at gerard, whos hanging his head in shame, and continues undressing him like nothings wrong. he cleans the blood that seeped through the pants before standing. once again leading his lover.
gerard let's Frank lead him to his bed, laying down as he watches Frank clean up his room. after a while of Frank putting the blades away, cleaning the blood that dripped and anything else he deemed appropriate he returned to bed. "you know ill always love you, if you do this or if you dont."
once again gerard broke down in his arms, whispering "im sorry" over and over into Frank's chest, wishing more than anything he wouldve held out. as he heard Frank say "its okay baby" into his hair he began to calm down, everything feeling better at hearing those words. after a short while gerards breathing evened out and the trembles stopped, signaling to Frank his lover was at rest, shortly after he followed.