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Yellow is a dirty criminal!
He’s a liar and thief- this ain’t no trampling on flowers, this is real crime!
At least Blue would say it is.
The stealing is definitely a crime though, one Yellow’s gotta punish himself for, doubly so for not going straight to Blue right after he stole the damn thing.
One of Aqua’s knives. It’s a pretty little thing, with a blue handle and a red a blade. Yellow knows for certain it’s sharp too, the little girls goes waving these things around enough that everyone knows how sharp they are.
Yellow took it with both permission. Aqua would probably have given it to him if he’d asked, but Yellow didn’t want to get her in trouble too.
She probably won’t even notice it’s gone.
So Yellow shouldn’t feel too bad…
Who is he kidding? It’s still theft! And thieves, like any other criminal, have gotta be punished.
With the thing they stole…
It’s stupid, but Yellow isn’t known for his smarts. He went and stole something just so he could punish himself for stealing it. His actual crime wasn’t one that merits violence! Though in a sense it was a crime against Blue and that warrants death, or at least a life sentence.
But killing Yellow is also a crime against Blue so-
Oh what is Yellow doing? Dragging his feet? Stalling? Like he didn’t know exactly what he was doing- exactly why he was doing it-
He paces around the punishment room, his room. His boots crunching in the sand.
Maybe if he puts the knife back where he found it he could forget this ever happened? But pretending he didn’t commit a crime just to avoid being punished is still lying. More lying on top of lying on top of death.
He sealed his own fate! He’s gotta do it!
Yellow sighs like a prisoner being hauled off to the gallows. Pretty dramatic of him, he ain’t even trying to die this time!
Blues being dramatic, acting like this is just the same as every other time Yellow’s tried to punish himself….
That was mean. Thinking mean thoughts about Blue is just another crime Yellow’s committed today.
He rolls up his sleeves and frowns.
He’s running out of space for the punishments.
Across his forearm little raised marks litter his skin. They vary in shades of yellow and brown, scattered haphazardly on any skin available.
Yellow had some of these scars when he first got this body. All of them have some damage, they weren’t meant to live more than a day, they’re years past their expiration dates so of course they’ve got some marks!
Blue’s are pretty though. His tattered leaves translated into beautiful marks resembling lace across his legs.
Yellow just looks like he went off and lost a fight against some wild animal.
And there’s another bad thought. Gosh he best get on with this.
Yellow frowns at his busy forearm. He twist and turns it looking for a good spot.
He considers his options; he could cut over existing marks, cut on his other arm with his non-dominant hand, take his shirt off all the way and attack his upper arm…
He drops to the floor sitting crisscross applesauce, fiddling with the knife as he considers it.
If he cuts over other marks he could make them worse- lord knows he don’t take care of the cuts he gives himself, if he hurts himself bad trying to punish himself Blue may never forgive him.
With that in mind Yellow untucks and unbuttons his shirt, dropping it onto the sand next to him.
He images the scars he has growing, spreading like a disease. Up his arm in twisting snake like motions, across his chest, down his stomach and to his other arm too.
Yellow often heard Asgore muttering about how difficult it was to keep the flowers alive. They were needy. They struggled to regrow their roots, to find their sun, to absorb nutrients from their soil.
Yellow was the most troublesome. Asgore joked ‘it’s like this one is trying to die’
He wouldn’t grow leaves, his petals wilted, his stem slumped over as he refused to face his sun.
Somewhere in his chest he knew, even back then, he felt guilty. An all consuming guilt for stealing the sun from others. Taking their nutrients, casting his shadow upon them, he felt he wasn’t allowed to flourish if others were wilting.
Knowing this, it makes it all feel… predetermined.
Like all of his crimes, every time he messes up, the sad look on Blue’s face- it was all an inevitability. One that Yellow can’t escape.
These twisting marks, scars that wrap around him like a curse are just further evidence of his predestined failures.
As a flower he could hardly survive, as a human he can’t bare a world where crimes like his go unpunished.
He presses the knife against his shoulder.
In one quick motion the whole world goes quiet.
Yellow feels guilty for enjoying this part.
The mark is perfectly white, stark against his yellow skin. The pain hasn’t kicked in yet, the blood hasn’t arrived. For a brief moment, nothing else exists. The world around him holds its breath in anticipation.
Then it starts to hurt. Then it starts to ooze blood. Then yellow presses the knife to his skin once more.
A dirty criminal like himself, one so devious as to hurt his precious Blue-even if Blue doesn’t know he’s been hurt yet- and steal from sweet little Aqua- even if she hasn’t noticed the knife has gone missing- and think all these nasty thoughts about people who are supposed it his friends! Even if they can’t hear his thoughts-
A dirty criminal like Yellow doesn’t deserve a punishment like this. He doesn’t deserve the feeling of peace, as the tension in his chest bleeds out. It’s even more devious of him to enjoy it. The way the blood stains his skin, like he can practically see his guilt bleeding out of him.
Blue woudk hate to see it. Which is why Yellow has to do more.
He’s been caught up in this malicious cycle. Punishing himself for crimes secretly so Blue doesn’t notice then lying to Blue and punishing himself for such a horrible crime.
The crime is the punishment, he deserves to be punished for the crime. The crime that is the punishment.
It’s so confusing it makes him want to plunge the knife right into his chest just to get the damned cycle to stop.
Blue thinks he’s getting better.
Asgore said he’s never looked so healthy.
All of them look at him with such pride, like he isn’t just some lowly criminal…
His blood drips down his arm, leaving twisting trails. It’s comforting seeing his crimes visualized. Like he’s not crazy, he’s not making it up or being irrational. It’s right there. A stain against his skin.
It feel sticky, and wet, and gross, and he hates it-
He looks around for something to wipe the blood with but…
This was kinda spur of the moment. He saw the knife lying there and he just grabbed it.
Like any no good criminal, Yellow has very little self control. His dirty mitts see a possible crime and he just can’t help himself!
Little droplets of blood snake down his arm, circling his yellow skin all the way down his hand and into the sand beneath him.
If he knew anything at all about justice he’d see the source of most crimes in the Flower Kingdom is one man and one alone. There really isn’t a lot of crime in the flower kingdom.
Of course that partly due to Yellow’s diligent work but mostly because not a lot of people are committing crimes.
So while Yellow’s crimes may be minor, he is the lead cause of crime in the Flower Kingdom and he is a repeat offender. So he deserves whatever punishment he can grant himself.
He grabs his discarded shirt and presses it against his arm.
Yeha that seems safe. No risk of infection here.
Blood seeps through the fabric. Yellow sometimes dream about bleeding out. All his scars reopening and everything inside of him leaving through the open wounds, until he’s left empty in a puddle of everything that’s wrong with him. He thinks if he jumped into the water behind him he’d dye it all red. Just like yellow to ruin the pretty water.
He scrubs away at the blood drying on his arm when he hears it, ominous as ever, a polite knocking against his door.
“Yellow Dear, are you in there?”
Blue’s bluetiful voice called out to Yellow. Yellow, who froze at the sound as if it was something bone-chillingly horrifying.
He opened his mouth to say something, probably something along the lines of ‘nope! Nobody’s in here!’ Which would surely fool Blue, but the guilt he felt for thinking about trying to fool Blue kept him quiet.
A few anxious seconds of silence passed and Yellow almost thought he was safe.
“Yellow? … Are you okay? … I’m coming in!”
Blue called out, not waiting another second before he pushed open the giant doors.
The wooden toe of his pointe shoes crunched the sand beneath him as he tipped on his toes into Yellow’s punishment room.
“You know I hate to barge in, but you’ve gone missing dear and I was worried, are you-“
Blue stops in his tracks, falling to the flats of his feet as his eyes land on the pathetic criminal he loves so much.
“Yellow? Are you alright?”
Yellow winces at his soothing voice, making a futile attempt to hide his crimes behind his blood stained shirt.
“D-don’ look at me hon.” Yellow mumbled, covering his face with his hat so he wouldn’t have to see Blue’s disappointed face. He heard Blue’s approaching footsteps clear as day though.
“Yellow? Dear, what happened? Let me see?”
Cold hands brushed against Yellow’s shoulder and he flinched back.
“Nothing! Nothin’ happened, ya don’t need’ta worry ‘bout me.”
“I always worry about you,” Blue hummed.
Yellow peeked at him from behind his hat, Blue looked like he’d been ripped straight out of a painting. His lashes fluttered like the wings on a butterfly, his lips curved into a soft smile, his hands held in front of him mere inches away from Yellow’s skin. Every detail just an elegant as always except there was a smudge of worry between his brows that was surely Yellow’s doing. Yellow hid in hat again.
“Don’t be afraid dear, I won’t be upset. I just want to see,” Blue reassured, making an educated guess at what Yellow’s problem might be.
Like always he was right-ish. Mostly right. It’s not his fault that Yellow has a lot of semi-related problems.
Yellow hesitated, half expecting (hoping) Blue would just reach out instead of waiting for Yellow’s ‘go ahead’.
Blue is just too kind and concerned with Yellow’s comfort for such a thing.
“A-alright. But it ain’t pretty! Don’t.. eh…” Yellow trailed off. Who if he to tell Blue what he can and can’t do? What he should and should be upset about.
Blue waited until he was sure Yellow was done talking, then pressed forward. Chilling, yet gentle hands guided Yellow’s own hands away. He took Yellow’s shirt and Yellow could hear the fabric hit the ground.
He felt a cold hand land on his shoulder, delicate fingers tracing the marks he’d left on himself.
They avoided the newly made marks, tracing down his arm. Then they lifted Yellows forearm, looking at the mess he’d made of himself there.
Blue hummed as he looked at it, probably disapproving. Probably mad.
“I- ‘m sorry Blue!” Yellow’s voice shook. He could practically feel Blue’s angry eyes burning holes in his flesh!
“Yellow,” Blue holds yellow’s hand in his own.
“I know! I know! I’s been lying, causing nothin’ but trouble for you and the others- I even stole this here knife! Oh Blue-“
“Yellow, stop.”
“’m jus’ a no-good criminell. A lair! A thief! I deserve a punishment way worse than this-“
“Yellow!” Blue shouts over Yellow’s rambling. He takes Yellow hat, revealing teary, fear filled eyes looking back at him. Blue places the hat down on top of Yellow’s shirt.
“My dear. Stop talking.”
Yellow sniffles and nods.
Blue sighs, smoothing out Yellow messy hair, then caressing his cheek.
Shamefully, Yellow leans into the gentle touch.
“I think you’ve punished yourself enough,” Blue starts. Yellow opens his mouth to argue but Blue shushes him.
“I’m sure whatever you think you’ve done didn’t warrant bloodshed and I wish you had spoken to me before you decided on a punishment for yourself like we had discussed,” Blue speaks calmly and clearly, cutting straight through every thought in Yellows head. “But im not mad. Not about this,” he holds up Yellow’s arm, “and not about whatever it is you’ve done. Okay?”
Yellow nods.
“Now, would you like to tell me what happened?”
This is Yellow cue to break down again. He pulls his hand away from Blue’s gentle hold and covers his face, hiding his shame as he admits to his crimes.
“Blue it’s awful! I’m awful! I been lyin’ to you all! Lyin’ through ma teeth!” Yellow explains through shaky breaths and sniffles. “I went a stole lil’ Aqua’s knife too. I’m a liar and a thief!”
Blue nods along, like Yellow is saying very serious things that make total sense. He’s got this weird habit of taking Yellow seriously and trusting Yellow when he says things.
“I doubt Aqua will mind,” Blue says, spotting the knife on the ground. He takes it and moves it to the pile of stuff he’s taken from yellow this conversation. “But you’re right, stealing is wrong. Especially when you’re stealing things to hurt yourself with. Now, what is it exactly you’ve been lying about?” Blue asks, taking Yellow’s hands and guiding them away from his face.
Yellow looks away, his hands shaking in Blue’s.
“I been leading yall on, fooling ya’ been making yall think I’m gettin’ better- but I ain’t been gettin’ better! I ain’t changed a bit!” He admits. Confessing to his crimes so Blue can do with him as he pleases.
“Yellow,” Blue says, sounding so so so disappointed. He lets go of Yellow’s hands, grabbing his face instead. “That’s not true.”
“Huh?”
“You have gotten better. This is better.” Blue tells him, looking straight into Yellow’s eyes. Blue looks so earnest, something like pride glimmering in his eyes.
“Aw no! I done trickified you too!” Yellow laments, grabbing Blue’s wrists to pull them away from his face, but Blue doesn’t budge.
“Dear, look at me. This is better!” Blue insists. “While neither is good, and I can’t stress enough how Not-Good this is. I much prefer you hurt rather than dead.”
“What? Really?” Yellow says utterly dumbfounded as tears roll down his cheeks.
Blue wipes them away with his thumbs and nods. “Yes my love. Pain fades, injuries heal, but death is incurable.”
He sighs, looking down at Yellow’s marred skin. “If this is what you need to feel better, then it is a travesty but I do prefer this over your past methods of punishment.”
“Ya mean it? Yer not… mad?” Yellow asks, holding his arm against his chest in some futile attempt at hiding the scars.
“Yes dear, I mean it. I could never be mad at you.” He leans forward, planting a kiss on Yellow’s forehead.
“Now tell me, are these for stealing the knife?” Blue asks, making sure he understood the situation fully.
“Yeah… that and uh…” Yellow hesitates, glancing away. This’ll really upset Blue. “‘M still havin’ all those nasty thoughts Blue!”
Blue frowns. Oh Yellow’s really done it now!
“‘Bout- bout hurtin’ ya, the others, maself- and I ain’t been goin’ to you whens they happen neither like ya said.”
Yellow feels awful about breaking this very clear rule Blue made for him. Tell Blue when he has bad thoughts. It’s simple, it’d be simpler if Yellow didn’t get so caught up in the guilt of the thoughts that he forgets to tell Blue- or is too ashamed to admit to them at all.
“Oh Yellow,” Blue says, Yellow winces, preparing to be scolded. “That’s okay.”
“Wha? B-but you said- ya told me ta’-“
“I did say that I’d like it if you told me when you were feeling bad, yes,” Blue nods. “I said that because I wanted to be able to help you when you need it, because I care and I worry about you. I didn’t mean it as a law for you to punish yourself over.”
Yellow blinks his teary eyes at Blue, “ya didn’t?”
“No, of course not. I’m sorry you misunderstood, I should’ve been more clear with you,” Blue leans a little closer for intensity. “I never want you to hurt yourself. I’d never intentionally give you another reason to feel guilty, understand?”
Yellow nods.
Blue accepts that, he pulls Yellow into a hug. Yellow melts into Blue’s embrace.
“You know that I love you, right?”
“Yeah…”
Blue holds him a little tighter, “you know I’d still love you, even if you don’t get better.”
“Really?” Yellow’s voice is muffled by Blue’s shoulder.
“Of course. I love you, all of you, all the time.” Blue says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I don’t just love you when you’re well, I don’t just love you for your smile. I love you.”
Yellow’s shoulders shake with a new wave of tears. “I- I don’ deserve ya Blue.” He whimpers.
“What you think you do or don’t deserve has no sway over what my heart desires dear,” Blue assures him in a soft voice. “Now let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”
Yellow nods, letting Blue pull him up.
“We can talk about this further when you’ve calmed down, okay my love?”
Yellow nods again, holding Blue’s hand as Blue guides him out of the punishment room.
“Okay…”