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Completely non-compliant with my other spinoff endings to If I Could Have Been There. This plot bunny grabbed me and wouldn't let go, lol.
After that day in the office, Harry had been optimistic, hoping that he and Severus could form some sort of relationship.
Unfortunately, as time passed, the stubborn Potions Master, if anything, became only more vicious and scathing with his words whenever they crossed paths.
The worst thing was Harry could tell Severus was hurting. The occasional looks of vulnerability behind the venom in his eyes made Harry want to do something, but he wasn’t sure what.
Then one day, a year or so later, Harry caught sight of Severus slipping out of an apothecary. It was strange, but the man appeared younger… not significantly so, but his face was less lined…
In the days that passed, Harry couldn’t get Severus out of his head, wondering if he’d just been seeing things.
He knew he should give the man space, but when Severus didn’t appear again for a few weeks, Harry decided enough was enough and went to go check on him.
Harry apparated to Spinner’s End, surprised again that Severus had chosen to live there despite his miserable history in this house. Harry knocked on the door, but there was no answer.
He knocked again. Still nothing.
“Severus, are you there? It’s Harry. Please– are you alright?”
When he still got no response, he began to bang on the door frantically, suddenly sure there was something wrong.
Finally, the door was wrenched open, but the face that greeted him wasn’t what Harry had expected.
Standing just past the threshold was a scowling, dark-haired teen who looked just like Harry had a few years earlier.
Harry corrected himself. He looked very much like him, except for the striking and unmistakable dark Onyx eyes.
“Severus?” Harry whispered in shock.
The teen’s scowl deepened, but he stepped aside, enough for Harry to make his way into the desolate little house.
“It is you, isn't it Severus?”
The death glare he received was answer enough.
Finally, Severus spoke in a low, sullen voice. “Brilliant deduction, Potter.”
“W-what happened to you?”
Severus broke the gaze, unable and unwilling to answer him.
“Please tell me what happened – is this just temporary? Will you be back to normal soon? Can I help you brew a counter potion?”
“There is no counter,” Severus whispered, sounding absolutely distraught.
“What?” Harry breathed.
Severus stared at the ground and Harry noticed his thin shoulders were shaking ever so slightly. Finally, painfully, he spoke. “I am suffering from the result of a potion I brewed and chose to take of my own volition in a moment of madness.”
“But… why?”
Many emotions flashed past Severus’s face. “Clearly I had gone absolutely mad,” he hissed. “Due to the fact that my life was so absolutely fucked up.”
Harry gaped at the vulgar language coming out Severus’s mouth. He had to stop himself from scolding him.
But Severus seemed to be in his own little world, and likely wouldn’t have heard Harry even if he’d tried to say anything.
“Like… I’m supposed to be your fucking son. Except that I was 20 years your senior… I told myself I didn’t care but then at night all of those images I saw in his mind.. they wouldn’t leave me alone. Every fucking night I dreamed about them. They kept haunting me. I couldn’t get them to stop no matter what I did. And the worst thing was.. part of me wanted what I saw there. That’s what motivated my moment of madness.”
“So you…” Harry’s voice was tight, breathless. If Severus meant what he was implying, it was hard to believe.
“I took a permanent de-aging draught. It works slowly… one year per day until I reach the age at which I designed it to stop.”
Harry felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. But he forced himself to listen. Severus was still talking.
“Of course, I made that decision before drinking it down and, again, in a fit of alcohol-induced insanity. At this point I can’t stop it, no matter how much I wish to. I was a total idiot, but there’s nothing I can do now and…”
Severus looked so damn vulnerable. Harry suddenly wanted to draw him into a hug, to reassure him that it would be alright.
It occurred to him then with renewed sharp awareness that this wizard before him was his son, even though he only looked about four years younger than Harry at the moment.
“How old are you right now?” Harry asked, trying to get a grip on the immediate situation.
“Given that I began at age 39 and 25 days have passed, I would presume my age to be 14.”
“So in a week you’ll be… 7? And then…”
Severus wobbled a little, looking unsteady on his feet.
“Why don’t you sit down?” Harry gently steered Severus to a chair and took a seat across from him.
Harry took a deep breath. This was… heavy. It was a lot. But a powerful resolution formed in his chest, and Harry clapped his hands together.
“Well. I guess the only question is, how attached are you to this place, Severus? Would you rather we live here or in my place? Of course if you don’t like my house, then we can always shop around and find something you’d prefer.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What do you mean? I’m going to be looking after you now. Even if you don’t think you need it yet, you will soon. May as well get used to it while we can still talk like adults… what? You didn’t think I’d just leave you alone, did you?”
“You did before.”
Harry flinched. “You’re right. I did. And I hate that I did that, that I was capable of something like that. But Severus… I want you to know how much I regret that. And I promise you, I’m not going to leave you to deal with this alone. In a way, you’ve given me another chance. I’m not going to waste it.”
The room was thick with silence for a few long moments before Severus spoke again.
“Taking a… kid on… it’s a big responsibility. Do you really think you’re up to it? It’ll be a burden,” he said softly, unsure.
“You could never be a burden.”
“Yeah right…” Severus sighed. And then he stiffened. “What about… what about Miss Weasley? Don’t you think she would have something to say about you taking me on all of a sudden?”
“If Ginny has a problem with this, then sorry, but she can piss off. You take priority.”
Severus stared in shock. Harry’s expression was deadly serious. At those words, spoken with a defensive fire, for the first time Severus felt a little flare of hope in his chest. He vaguely wondered if Harry was having relationship problems.
“So… what do you think? Where would you rather live?”
“I hate this place. I don’t wish to stay here. It’s full of ghosts.”
“Okay, then. My place it is then. Why don’t you pack and we’ll get the hell out of here. What do you say?”
Over the next hour, Harry helped Severus pack his belongings and before long they were ready to go.
Before long, they were walking up a dirt path towards a quaint village in the Cotswolds.
“Th-this is where you live?” Severus breathed.
“Yep,” Harry grinned. It was nearing sunset and Harry was happy to see the fresh air and beautiful surroundings had brought a spark of life to Severus’s eyes as he gazed at the beautiful sky.
“I wanted to be somewhere away from all the noise and people who know Harry Potter, you know? I hope you like it, but again, if not, we can find another place.”
Severus shook his head, unable to quite believe everything Harry was saying.
They were now standing in front of Harry’s cottage. It was small, but quaint, and very cozy looking. They pushed the wooden door open and Severus noticed it was a little larger on the inside than it appeared from the exterior. Obviously, it was magically enlarged by magic.
“This cottage has two bedrooms and two bathrooms so you’ll have your own personal space. Here, I’ll show you around.”
Harry gave Severus a quick tour of the first floor before they climbed the stairs and entered a room to the right which Harry said would be Severus’s bedroom. Severus stepped in and assessed the space. It was nice. Not huge, but not overly small, either. Its best feature was a large bay window with a window seat that gave him an excellent view of a stone bridge crossing over a babbling brook that led into the small village.
In the distance, he could see rolling fields and cows grazing contentedly.
“This is… nice.”
“Great. Now let’s get this place feeling like yours. What color scheme would you prefer? Green, I presume?”
“Forest colors, I guess. Green and brown and gold.”
“I happen to be quite a fan of those colors myself. Let’s see what we can do.”
With a wave of Harry’s wand, the twin bed was dressed in a clean and comfortable set of bedclothes in green and gold. Otherwise, the room had a dark mahogany desk and bookshelves lining the walls, as well as a full length mirror, and on the wall, a mural of an enchanted forest with stags and fawns.
“What do you think? Do you like it? Let me know what you don’t. We can change anything you want.”
“No, it's… it’s good. Thank you… uh.. Harry.”
“You’re welcome,” Harry smiled gently. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hungry. Why don’t we get something to eat and then turn in for the night?”
Severus nodded.
“You’ll probably be surprised given my lack of potions ability, but I’m not a bad cook. What would you like to eat?”
Severus shrugged. “Anything’s fine.”
“Well, why don’t you just tell me then what you truly dislike and I’ll be sure to avoid that?”
“Don’t worry, Harry. I— I don’t want to be a burden.”
Harry froze. A moment later his hands were on Severus’s shoulders, and he was staring him fiercely in the eyes.
“Let’s get something straight, Severus. You are not and never will be a burden. I’m happy to have you here with me. Got it?”
Severus just stared at him.
“I know it’s selfish and probably doesn’t speak well of me given everything but I’m actually really thrilled that we’re having this chance. I promise I won’t let you down. Not this time.”
Several gulped and looked away.
“I know. You have no reason to trust me. I need to prove it to you before I can actually say those words and expect you to believe me. I get it. But I plan to earn your trust, Severus.”
“I never would have even considered believing you in the past,” Severus muttered. “But.. what I saw in his head. The life my counterpart had… I knew it was impossible, but…”
Harry gulped."You don’t have to say anymore. I get it.”
“It’s stupid, right?”
“No, it’s not. I didn’t see the memories but… his feelings… those he did share and I can’t get them out of my head either. And look, I know I’m not the person he was exactly, but we were the same person at one time. And whatever magic sent him back came from a wish that I made as well.”
“What was it? The wish.”
“I wished that I could’ve been there for you. And I figure, if even magic itself recognized my sincerity enough to pull a version of me back to the past, well… Anyway, now I just need to prove it to you.”
Severus said nothing but Harry could tell he was listening intently.
“Alright, if you’d like, you can have some time to yourself to unpack while I make dinner?”
Severus nodded and spent the next 30 minutes getting his books and belongings put away properly in this room. He felt unsure as he was doing it, like unpacking suggested he was treating this situation as permanent when in reality he was incredibly nervous and unsure of if anything would work out.
Once he was done, he sat on the bed and took a deep breath.
He had taken such a ridiculous risk. The fact that Harry didn’t seem to resent him for forcing himself on him like his boggled the mind but he had to admit Harry’s behavior was consistent with what Severus knew about him.
But Harry could still change his mind. Being saddled with a small child as a young adult would decimate any plans Harry had depending on his career choice.
Severus truly feared that Harry was going through the motions without thinking about the consequences and implications.
Once Harry learned the full truth… how young Severus was going to end up… would he still want him to stay? It was honestly terrifying.
Severus grabbed his pillow and hugged it to his chest. Why did he already feel so incredibly young? He hadn’t felt like this the first time he was fourteen, had he?
“Severus! Supper is ready!”
At Harry’s voice, Severus forced himself out of his room and down the stairs.
He hesitantly entered the kitchen and stared in surprise at the beautiful dinner set out on the kitchen table for two.
“Is that… Unajuu?”
Harry beamed at him. “Ah, so you know your Japanese food then?”
“I’m more shocked that you do.”
“Yeah, this year I’ve actually taken the time to travel around. You know, get out of England, see the world. I’ve found I really love Japan and really enjoy a lot of different foreign cuisines.”
Severus sat down and dove in, closing his eyes in pleasure at how delicious the smokey barbecued eel on rice tasted.
“Good?”
Severus nodded, eyes still closed before his body stiffened a little bit. “Oh, sorry, I mean, yes. It’s delicious. Thank you so much.”
Harry’s eyes narrowed in concern. “Severus, you don’t need to stand on ceremony with me. You’re completely safe here. You realize that, don’t you?”
Severus shrugged but relaxed a moment later when Harry changed the subject, telling him about the trip he and Hermione had taken to Kamakura a few months back.
After dinner, Harry made sure Severus had a towel and his bathroom amenities all sorted so he could take his time showering before bed.
Severus had just stepped into his shrunken down pajamas when Harry knocked on his bedroom door.
“Hey there. You doing alright? Do your clothes fit?”
“Yes, I’ve been shrinking them down every morning.”
“I see… but you won’t be able to before too long, right?”
Severus flinched. “I suppose that’s true…”
“Well, no worries. If you get to the point where you need a little bit of assistance, I’m here.”
“All right.”
Harry was about to leave him to it but he hesitated just as he grabbed the door handle.
“Severus… how young exactly are you going to end up? Do you know?”
Severus gulped.
Harry looked at him in concern.
Finally, Severus said very softly, “Somewhere between the ages of three and four.”
Harry’s breath caught. “Shit, Okay. Wow, well…” He took a deep breath. It would not help Severus if he freaked out. And sure enough, he could see Severus already starting to close up. “Well no worries. It’ll be okay.”
Harry could tell Severus didn’t believe him.
Before he could lose his nerve, Harry crossed the room and pulled Severus firmly into his chest, folding him in a strong embrace.
Severus stiffened in his embrace, but Harry just continued to hold him anyway. Once Severus finally began to relax, Harry spoke in low, even tones. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here now. No matter how small you get, I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to worry, you are not facing any of this alone. Do you hear me? I’m going to take care of you this time.”
Slowly, Severus nodded.
Thirteen
When Severus woke up the next day, as had been the case for the past week, he found his clothes were far too long for his limbs.
He grabbed for his wand, and adjusted his pajamas to fit before choosing an outfit for the day, doing the same to it. He then walked over to the full-length mirror and looked at himself.
Thirteen. That’s how old he was now.
He gulped. Truthfully, if Harry hadn’t chosen exactly when he had to check in on him, he wasn’t sure what he would have done. Being a teen living alone was one thing…
But now he was creeping ever closer to being too young to really care for himself without questions being asked. His magic wasn’t obeying him as well anymore either. Already, he couldn’t use his wandless magic. And even his wand wasn’t obeying him as well as usual. It was extremely frustrating.
He looked in the mirror again. He didn’t look significantly different from the day before, he supposed… just shorter, his face a little less sharp.
He jumped at the knock on his door.
“Severus? Are you awake? Do you mind if I come in?”
“Yes, you can come in,” Severus said and then his eyes widened. His voice had just broken when he’d said those words.
Harry must have heard it, because his eyes were wide even as he opened the door. And then his gaze softened and he offered Severus a warm smile.
“Good morning, Severus. You’re uh, thirteen, then?”
Severus nodded.
“Awesome. That’s an excellent age. Let’s see… is there anything special you’d like to do today?”
Severus looked at him questioningly.
“Well, I figure… you get to spend one day for each year for the next week and a half, right? Why don’t we take advantage of that? Have a spot of fun? Is there something you’d like to do that you always wanted to do at this age we could try this time? Like… I don’t know, do you want to ride a Hippogryff? Play Quidditch? Go to a waterpark? You’re only thirteen for one day; soon there will be tons of stuff you’ll have to wait years before you can do it again.”
Severus’s eyes widened at the truth of that statement.
“I… well…”
“Flying you can still do tomorrow or the next day I suppose. And you can fly with me after that…” Harry mused.
Severus stared. He couldn't really believe Harry was taking this quite so seriously. Making sure he survived was one thing… but this?
“How about an R rated movie? No, I guess it’s already too late for that…”
Severus almost burst out laughing at that.
“Do you want to take a trip? We could go somewhere. No reason we need to stay here…Anyway, how about you give it some thought while I get breakfast together. Sound good?”
Severus nodded, his eyes wide in shock.
With a final cheeky smile, Harry left the room.
This was insane. Severus tried to get his thoughts in order. When he was thirteen the first time, he’d basically just tried to avoid Tobias and read his potions books. Occasionally he’d been able to escape the house and go see Lily. He hadn’t really ever had fun beyond that…
When he entered the kitchen, Harry grinned at him and told him to eat up.
Severus had to admit, Harry was a pretty good cook. He’d made Belgian Waffles with powdered sugar and berries that morning. They were pretty great.
It was weird the way Harry was smiling at him across the table. It made Severus feel a little uncomfortable but also a little bit pleased. Harry definitely didn’t seem to mind having him here, even though it had to be a major imposition. Taking on a slowly deaging wizard who would become more and more dependent with each passing day?
Why the hell did Harry seem pleased about it all?
“So… any ideas?”
“Huh?”
“For what to do today.”
“I guess I don’t know.”
“Well… Okay. Mind if I surprise you?”
At Severus’s shrug, Harry grinned and pulled out a pocket watch. “Hermione got me an international Portkey that I’ve been saving… shall we give it a try? Good news is, where we're going, no one will recognize either of us.”
“Where are we going?”
“Kamakura, Japan,” Harry grinned. “Well, technically Enoshima. What do you think?”
Severus’s eyes widened. “Uh, okay I guess…”
Harry gripped Severus’s shoulder and activated the portkey, and a minute later, they were standing on a beach at sunset, a large crowd of people around them, an island in the distance with a strange tower at the top of a hill.
“Fireworks are starting soon. Would you like to walk around first?”
Severus just stood completely still and was shocked when Harry took his hand and started dragging him across a walking bridge towards an island in the distance.
“That’s Enoshima,” Harry explained with a smile. “Look to the right—you can just make out Mount Fuji if you squint.”
It was true and honestly in the sunset, kind of amazing looking.
They reached the island and started to climb flight after flight of stairs. It was cool, though. They were passing all sorts of temples, shrines, and red torii gates, and even though the shops were closed because it was late, Severus could tell this place would be a lot of fun during the daytime. It was really interesting. He’d never been anywhere like this.
Even though he liked Japanese culture, he hadn’t actually had the experience of visiting the country much in the past other than a short trip to Tokyo as a young adult.
Harry and Severus were both pretty tired by the time they reached the top but they were rewarded with a large light display that opened up before them.
They walked illuminated paths through a massive garden lit in a way that looked like magic even though it wasn’t, passing under colorful arches.
Ahead of them a tower called the sea candle that was changing colors from blue to red to purple to green.
Harry was enthusiastically exploring the garden at a rapid pace but Severus with his smaller limbs had some difficulty keeping up. Eventually Harry noticed and shot him an apologetic glance, making sure to keep a closer watch on the boy moving forward.
They made it to the top of the tower just in time for the fireworks to begin.
Severus had never really had the experience of going to watch fireworks. He’d seen them, sure, but by then he’d been an adult and couldn’t have cared less.
But now, even though he still had his adult mind fully intact, it was as if by being in the body of a slowly deaging child, his reactions were different and he found he was able to enjoy things as if he were a child for real.
He found himself taking in all the amazing displays in the sky and before long had completely lost himself to them.
At one point, Harry had put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in for a one-armed hug, and Severus allowed the contact, even finding he enjoyed the warmth and security, not really processing what it was or what it meant.
Finally, the show ended.
“That was pretty cool, wasn’t it?”
Severus nodded, breathing, “Yeah.”
“Want to grab some food? I bet the street food stalls are still open for a little while.”
Feeling energized, Severus followed Harry back down the hill and across the bridge back to the mainland where food stalls lined the streets.
Harry approached one to purchase some skewers for them, and it took a second for him to realize why he couldn’t understand what the shop keeper was saying.
Face palming slightly, he then surreptitiously cast a quick spell on himself and Severus to ensure they could understand the language. After that Japanese was as clear as English.
Before long, they were set with Takoyaki, Yakitori, and ice cream cones. Harry and Severus carried them down to the beach in part to escape the crowds and took a relaxing walk on the beach, enjoying the look of the stars in the night sky.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. I like it. It makes everything seem inconsequential. Even as an adult I would at times walk to gaze at the night sky.”
“Thank you. I didn’t know that. There’s so much I don’t know about you… Did you ever learn the constellations?”
“I did. How about you?”
“Not really. I’d like to though.”
“I can teach you if you’d like.”
“That would be great, Sev. Thanks.”
Severus flushed, ducking his head in mild embarrassment and for some reason not minding the moniker.
“Of course.”
For the next hour they walked, and Harry listened intently as Severus explained the summer constellations to him in detail.
Harry smiled, feeling a rush of warmth for Severus in general. The man he had been, and the boy he was at the moment.
Once the crowds had dispersed to a good extent, they left the beach and walked the streets until they found a spot that seemed suitably out of the way of prying eyes.
“I guess we should get back. We can return to Japan some other time.”
Severus nodded and Harry put a gentle hand on his shoulder, activating the portkey and returning them to their home.
“That was pretty cool, huh? And the great thing is the day is only halfway done thanks to the time difference.”
“Yeah, I guess it was pretty cool.”
Harry grinned, presumably partly at the unusual nature of getting Severus to use the word “cool.”
“Hey, do you want to go flying with me?”
“Uh, I’m not that good.”
“What does that matter? Would you like to? Just for fun?”
Eventually Severus nodded.
Harry grinned and before long, they were both outside in a privacy warded field, brooms in hand, flying side by side.
Severus started off feeling a little awkward but after watching Harry flying around, all smiles, eventually Severus loosened up and started to follow him.
Harry made flying seem so natural that it was contagious and before long Severus had to admit he was enjoying himself too.
“Okay, time to pack up!” Harry called eventually.
They returned home and Harry made them a simple dinner of pasta, garlic bread, and salad.
Before Severus went to bed, Harry knocked and came to sit on the side of his bed.
“Thanks for hanging out with me today.”
“It was… fun.”
Harry beamed. “Good. How are you feeling about tomorrow? Okay?”
Severus shrugged. “I guess. It’s… freaky to think about. I’m trying not to, I guess.”
“Yeah. I’m sure, that makes sense. But look, I’ll be here in the morning. You’re not facing this alone.”
Severus nodded.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Harry.”
Twelve
The next morning started much the same way.
Severus sighed at his appearance in the mirror. He was starting to look like a kid, that was for sure.
He went down the stairs to find Harry was already getting breakfast ready in the kitchen. Harry’s eyes widened just a bit and then he smiled at him. “Hey there. How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” Severus said, cringing at the sound of his voice. It no longer held any resemblance to the dark silky tones he’d had for so long. He’d better get used to it, he realized…
“Would you like to take a walk this morning?”
Severus followed him out and once they were on a path out in the countryside, Harry turned to him.
“Hey, so tell me about yourself.”
“Wha—?”
“I’m serious. I don’t really know that much about you. I know you like potions and black and green and I know what you’ve explicitly shared with me but other than that I don’t actually know that much. I’d like to fix that. Do you have a favorite food? A favorite movie? Favorite books? What do you like doing when you’re not working or trying to keep me out of trouble?”
It took a while for Severus to start, but eventually he began to talk.
They stopped to picnic midway through the day. Harry had prepared a large mat, sandwiches, fruit and tea. They enjoyed themselves tremendously before turning back.
Severus had to admit it was one of the most relaxing afternoons he'd had in quite some time.
By the time they got home, they knew each other much better than when they’d started.
As Severus lay in bed, he let himself finally consider what had bothered him about this otherwise pleasant day.
When Harry had asked him those questions about himself, it had taken him time to get started and not just because he was unused to being asked questions like that, but also because he found himself struggling to remember some answers that should have been quite obvious.
This raised a real concern in his mind. Was he forgetting things from his life as an adult? And if so, such was likely to get worse rather than better as this progressed…
It took him a while to find sleep that night.
Eleven
The next day, Severus became sure that his fears were warranted.
He sat down to try to think through a potion he should have had no problem completing and yet he struggled to recall the steps.
Information that was second nature to him as a potions master would simply not come to mind.
Furthermore, he found himself finding some things interesting he never would’ve considered worthy of his attention in the past.
Harry seemed aware that he was struggling with something, but didn’t press the issue. He was simply there.
Severus had to admit the man was a grounding presence and he was grateful to have him there rather than facing this horrifying reality alone.
Strangely, when Severus looked at Harry now, the wizard seemed much older to him than he knew he should. Severus knew objectively that Harry was only 19, which wasn’t that old, but for some reason, Severus couldn’t help but look at Harry and see him more and more as a responsible adult.
He tried to stay up later that night, dreading how much of himself would slip away as he slept.
Ten
The next day Severus woke up to the sound of raised voices. He flinched. That was Harry and… some woman. He carefully opened his door and slipped into the hallway.
“I just can’t believe you wouldn’t even tell me, Harry.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know I should've, it's just I’ve been really preoccupied with it all and it’s not like you and I were talking every day anyway Gin.”
“Okay so yeah, we were taking a bit of a break, but that didn’t mean that break was permanent! Couldn’t you have talked with me before making the decision to commit to something like this?”
“Ginny, frankly that is utter bullshit. That’s my son up there. He needs me so I’m going to be there for him. That’s all there is to it. If you don’t want to be a part of it, that’s fine. Sev is staying.”
“I see. Well… I guess I’ll see you around, Potter.”
The door slammed. Severus went back into his room and sat on his bed shakily. He heard Harry cursing downstairs. A few minutes later, he heard a gentle knock on the door.
“Sev, you awake?”
“Yeah,” he whispered.
Harry pushed the door open. “Hi. Um, I guess you heard all that?”
“Yeah. I guess Ginny Weasley wasn’t happy to hear about me?”
Harry looked angry and Severus flinched.
Harry’s expression immediately softened, and he rushed to explain.
“No, Severus, I’m not mad at you. Not at all. I’m just… disgusted. At her that is. I didn’t realize she could be such a bitch.” His eyes widened. “Er, sorry, I know I shouldn’t talk like that.”
Severus’s lips twitched but then he frowned. “But Harry,” he gulped. “I lost you your girlfriend. That–”
“No. You didn’t do anything wrong. She showed her true colors. That’s it.” Harry knelt in front of Severus and put his hands on his shoulders. “Listen up. You are my priority. If Ginny doesn’t want to be a part of our lives, then she wasn’t who I thought she was to begin with and I say good riddance.”
Severus’s fists were clenching and his shoulders were shaking so Harry pulled him to his chest and began rubbing circles on his back. “It’s alright. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Yes I have. It was my foolish actions that led to this.”
“And now I get the chance to raise my son,” Harry said seriously.
Severus froze.
“So at least as far as I’m concerned, you have nothing to apologize for.”
Nine
The next morning Severus got an unpleasant shock. He picked up his wand and tried to shrink down his clothes as always, but found he just couldn’t. After a few more tries, he tossed his wand to the bed in frustration.
Then there was a knock on the door.
“Are you okay in there?”
Harry’s eyes widened when he pushed open the door and saw Severus swimming in oversized pajamas, frustrated tears in his eyes and his wand thrown carelessly on the bed. It didn’t take a genius to piece what had happened together.
“Do you mind if I help?”
Severus bit his lip, but eventually nodded.
Harry lifted his wand and with a quick wave shrunk Severus’s pajamas down to fit perfectly.
“That's better. Would you like to choose some clothes for today? I’ll just do the same with them as I just did your pajamas.”
Severus didn’t seem pleased, but he nonetheless made his way to his chest of drawers and selected an outfit, placing the articles of clothing on the bed without a word.
Harry shrunk them down.
“You’re good now. I’ll just wait downstairs while you get dressed and I guess leave you to it unless you need anything else?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“OK, just let me know.”
After breakfast, Harry turned to Severus with a smile.
“Would you like to fly again today?”
“Okay, Harry.”
Before long, Harry and Severus were flying side-by-side in the same field they’d used a few days previous.
“You’re looking great, Severus!”
The boy grinned. Flying was fun. Much more fun than he’d realized.
Before bed that night, Harry came in and sat on the edge of Severus’s bed to talk.
“You’re a natural flyer, Severus. Do you like it now?”
“Yeah, it’s really fun.”
“Nice. You didn’t seem to enjoy it much in the past but again I didn’t know you that well back then I suppose.” Harry paused and then grinned again. “Maybe I can teach you to catch the golden snitch sometime.”
“The golden snitch?”
“Sure, I wouldn’t have been the youngest seeker in a century without having some tricks up my sleeve after all!”
“Oh wow, you were a seeker in school? And the youngest in a century?! That’s amazing!”
Harry froze and narrowed his eyes, all trace of humor slipping from his face.
“What do you mean? You know that just as well as I do…”
Severus stiffened and then a look of fear and wild panic flashed across his eyes.
“I… that was something I should have known?”
“Yeah, are you having trouble remembering things?”
Severus gulped and whispered, “Yeah, I noticed a few days ago. Some details of being an adult I can’t really remember very well anymore.”
“Oh,” Harry looked stricken. Then he tried to smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Well look, how about we get you a journal and if there are things in particular you’re worried you might forget, you can write them down… or you can tell me about them. Maybe the easiest would be for us to just record you talking through things. We can also extract some memories like you would for pensieve…”
“I can try, but there’s too much. How can we record my whole life? I can’t actually pull all of my memories out into a pensieve, Harry. That’s not how it works.”
Harry gulped. Severus was right. And there likely wasn’t much they could do about it.
“Well then maybe just the most important memories that you really care about.”
Severus nodded but he looked incredibly glum.
“Look,” Harry took Severus’s small hands in his and looked him straight in the eye. “I want you to know that the person you were will never really go away. You’re here— right here in my memories and in my heart and in you as well. And now you’re going to create a whole set of new memories and I bet they’re not going to replace everything, they’re just going to complement them, live alongside them.”
“Maybe. I dunno.”
“Why don’t we start recording you talking tomorrow just in case.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you okay? I know this is a lot. I can’t imagine going through what you are. You’re incredibly brave for keeping it together the way you are. Please know that I’m always here if you need anything or just want to talk.”
“Thanks, Harry, I guess... you said I’m brave, but I don’t feel brave. I’m… scared. Scared that I’m losing myself. That I’m going to forget everything about who I was. I won’t be the same person at all anymore.”
Harry regarded him in silence, not wanting to deny what Severus had said, because there was truth to his words, and Harry respected him too much to offer him pretty empty assurances, but he wished to offer him something of comfort nonetheless.
“Whatever happens, I’ll be there to catch you. And I will never forget the person you were. if needed I’ll tell you stories of him every day as you grow up so you remember him just as well as I.”
Severus swallowed the lump in his throat, and when Harry leaned forward to hug him, he let himself fully relax into the warm embrace.
Eight
The next day it was raining so the two Wizards had breakfast and tea and then Harry set them up in the living room with a recording device. Severus began to talk about whatever he could remember from his life.
He found that he could remember his life as a kid clearly, but the memories from when he was older were spotty. Still, talking through them seemed to help and he recalled more than he expected the more he talked. All in all, he was in better spirits as they ended the session.
They spent the rest of the day inside playing wizards chess and gobstones and reading side by side on the couch.
Seven
The next day they had a visitor.
“Oh, Professor Snape, is that really you?”
“I’m not a professor. I’m just Severus.”
Hermione’s eyes widened and Harry shot her a sharp look.
“Oh of course, I’m sorry Severus, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. I’m Hermione. Do you remember me?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Well, I’m a great friend of your dad’s,” she smiled. Would you like to play a game with me?”
“OK, I like games.”
“Wonderful, so do I.” She sat down across from him on the soft rug and pulled out a few board games and puzzles, beaming at the way the little face lit up. “I also brought you some books. You may already have them but…”
That night, Harry smiled to see Severus curled up with the beautiful edition of Wind in the Willows, apparently completely enthralled. It seemed Hermione had quite good instincts.
Six
“Harry?”
Severus had hesitantly knocked on Harry’s bedroom door and Harry immediately welcomed him in, lifting him gently up onto the bed.
Harry‘s chest clenched at the sight of the boy. Severus looked much smaller today than he had the day before, and looked scared and vulnerable.
“Hey there, buddy, how are you feeling? Did you sleep okay?”
“I dunno. I had some weird dreams. There was a scary man.”
Harry’s breath caught.
“A scary man, huh? Do you want to tell me about it?”
“Actually there were two scary men. One had red eyes,” Severus shuddered.
Harry reached over and gripped Severus’s shoulder unconsciously.
“Severus, that man is gone for good. Do you remember that?”
“Kind of. I wasn’t sure he was real.”
“He was. But he’s long gone now. He can never hurt us again.”
“Oh good.”
“And the other scary man?” Harry asked hesitantly.
“It was… Pa,” he whispered.
Harry froze.
“But he wasn’t really my dad right?”
“That’s right.”
“Y-You’re my dad, right?”
“I’m your dad, Severus.”
“Good. I don’t like that other man.”
Harry pulled Severus into a warm embrace and spoke into his hair.
“I don’t either. But that other man is gone now for good as well.”
Five
Severus was different the next day.
He was happier, sillier. He still was clearly himself but acted more like a normal kid wanting to run around.
Harry even had to scold him a few times when he ran in the kitchen.
They went flying again, but this time Severus rode on Harry’s broom, sitting right in front of him.
He seemed to love the ride, whooping as they sped around.
When Harry went to tuck Severus in that night, Severus asked hesitantly,
“Harry?”
“Yeah, Sev?”
“Um…”
“What is it? You can ask me anything.”
“C-can I call you dad?”
Harry’s eyes widened and then his expression melted into one of warm affection.
“Of course you can. I am your dad. I just didn’t want to push you if you didn’t feel comfortable but… yeah I’d actually love it if you would.”
Four
“Hi dad!”
Harry smiled at the way Severus greeted him the next morning.
But as the day passed, Harry found himself finding Severus’s happy-go-lucky manner bittersweet. Given the way Severus was acting, Harry wasn’t sure if the young wizard remembered anything about his time as Professor Snape anymore.
That was extremely painful to think about. As if the man he had been truly were being erased, despite what they’d done to safeguard Severus’s remaining memories.
On the bright side, Severus seemed truly happy and was acting very much like a normal four-year-old. Harry figured that on the whole that was a good thing.
What did Harry want more, after all, than Severus’s happiness?
Three
Harry knocked gently on the door to Severus’s room and pushed it open. His eyes widened. He had hoped perhaps Severus would have stopped shrinking by now, but that was not the case.
He was even smaller than the day before. Shockingly young.
“Hey Sev? Are you doing okay? Morning, sleepyhead.”
Severus blinked awake and then gave Harry a brilliant smile. “Hi daddy.”
Harry’s breath caught. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“Hey Sev,” he repeated, sitting down and gently stroking the child’s dark hair away from his eyes.
Severus started to get up but then frowned as he found himself swimming in clothes.
“Let me fix that for you,” Harry said softly and cast the spell to shrink Severus’s clothes down.
Serverus looked ecstatic at the show of magic.
“Was that magic? Wow, you’re so good at it, daddy!”
Harry swallowed painfully past the lump in his throat. “Yes, that’s right. That was magic.”
“Do you think someday I can be as good as you?”
“I know you can and will. Maybe even better.” Harry paused. “Do you know how old you are, Sev?”
The boy giggled. “I’m three, daddy! You’re silly.”
Harry gulped, anxiety coiling in his chest. Severus had said this would be it, that’s he’d deage to three or four and stop. But what if… what if he’d been wrong? If Severus kept shrinking, then what?
Harry smoothed his expression into a warm smile. It would not do to worry the little boy.
“I am pretty silly, you're right. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah!”
Before long, Severus was happily sitting beside Harry, bouncing on the booster seat Harry had set up for him and eating a small stack of pancakes like it was the best thing he’d ever eaten.
As Harry tucked Severus in that night, he couldn’t stop feeling anxious. The prospect that Severus might not stop getting smaller really terrified him. Would he stop as a newborn or…?
Eventually, Harry gave up on sleeping in his own room and pulled up a chair to sit beside Severus’s bed where he kept watch for most of the night.
But during the night there was no obvious magic at play and come morning, Severus’s clothes from the day before still fit perfectly.
Harry pulled out his wand to check Severus’s biological age and he was exactly three, the same as he’d been the day before.
So… had it stabilized?
He called Hermione over as well and she was able to confirm it.
Harry breathed a deep, shuddering sigh of relief. So this was it. This was the point they’d be starting from.
He could do this.
Harry looked down at the peaceful face of his sleeping child, pressing a gentle hand to the dark hair. Severus would have a happy childhood this time. He would make sure of it.
I hope you enjoyed this! I may leave it as is, or I may add a chapter or two to show the years that follow...