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I will not allow myself to be the cause of concern.
It wasn’t like Blue saw it as a burden to bring Yellow back to his usual self during his… let’s say, ‘episodes’. Those moments where he’d get far too in his head and would instinctually run to ‘punish’ himself for whatever crime he’s guilted himself over. To harm himself.
He loved the flower. More than anything. More than the feeling he got when he got a round of applause from a particularly exuberant audience after a successful show. He’d give all that up for Yellow in the blink of an eye.
And that was no issue.
So why did he feel so…
“Worn out,” Blue stated, looking up from his own reflection in the bathroom mirror to face his lover. “I’m just a bit worn out, dear. It’s not at your fault in the slightest, of course, I simply had a very.. productive day.” He gave a gentle smile. “You can get to bed. I’ll be out soon enough.”
Yellow just gave a smirk back. He looked kind of homeless. It was cute. Atleast, to Blue. The cowboy’s mullet was already slightly mussed despite not even having gotten in bed yet. “Alright, sugar cube. I’ll wait for ya!” He pressed a kiss against Blue’s cheek, which earned a soft chuckle from the ballet dancer.
The door was shut and Yellow was gone.
That little smile faded from Blue’s face as quickly as it had come. He didn’t know what was wrong with him lately. Maybe it was just exhaustion… perhaps doing en pointe all day was finally taking a toll on him.
You can only be on your toes for so long, no?
He knew that was incorrect. Blue had to stop gaslighting himself.
He stared into the mirror as though another flower was staring back at him. He tugged at the corners of his mouth, making sure it really was him and not some other soul in his skin.
His mind had been feeling far too unlike his own lately anyway. All these saddening thoughts.
Shortly after Yellow’s latest… attempt, which was fortunately blocked off by the mechanism Blue had placed in that gun that had been pointed at the justician’s head countless times, he had realised something.
Something that was surely not at anybody’s fault. But still very much true.
A majority of Yellow’s self-punishments had been due to Blue. No matter the reason, it always traced back to Blue. Blue’s flowers. Blue’s feelings. Blue’s comfort. ‘I don’t wanna be a JUSTICE if I gotta punish Blue!’
It was sweet, really. Yellow cared for him so, so deeply.
Maybe if he ‘punished’ himself and was simply… gone, then the cowboy’s life would be easier.
Blue caught himself off guard with the thought.
What was he thinking??
He only just realised he had still actively been stretching his mouth out. He finally let go, massaging out the soreness he had caused.
That thought is ridiculous.
It wasn’t like it would work all that well anyway. If Blue died, Yellow would simply follow in suit. And so it would be for nothing. Blue couldn’t break. That’d be a terror. Yellow would absolutely lose it, and there’d be no stopping him!
And that’d be horrible. He had to pull himself together. Imagine his beloved finding out about this? God, he’d cause such emotional turmoil. He knew his dear Yellow already couldn’t bear the idea of doing Blue wrong. This would just be the nail in the coffin, wouldn’t it?
So there’s no point in littering my mind with useless thoughts… it just causes unnecessary worry.
Blue stood up and slipped on his bonnet, not even bothering to finish his nightly routine.
I’m overthinking it. I need to get out of this harsh lighting and rest. I won’t let myself spiral like this.
He told himself that as if it helped in the slightest in keeping those thoughts at bay.
Blue left the bathroom, a smile gracing his face once again as he saw his partner in bed, already looking half asleep.
He would slip into bed that night and likely go on with his life as usual the next day.
But those useful thoughts will still linger.