Chapter Text
Reiner was exhausted. The type of exhaustion that seemed to seep into your very soul and take root there, where trying to remove it caused it to spread. Regardless, he peeled himself out of bed quickly, mourning the warmth it provided between him and the cold February air. It would be easy to get back in, way too easy, but Reiner knew that they expected him at practice bright and early, and he had probably already missed way too many of them to get away with this one.
“Who even invented morning practices?” he thought to himself as he got up, pulling on his usual pair of sweats that he wore for the harsh winter practices. After practice, he'd change into the Marley school uniform; it was just easier that way. Reiner folded his uniform into his gym bag, trying to prevent it getting too creased because, for some reason, the school clung onto that. He was all too familiar with the 30 minute detention for an unironed shirt or a missing tie.
Once he had successfully brushed his teeth and made it downstairs without waking up his sleeping mother, he grabbed his water bottle, filling it up and pouring in one of the blue Gatorade hydration packets he kept around. His mother would grumble about the unhealthy dyes in it, but Reiner would forever refuse to drink plain water. It just.. Wasn’t his thing. Additionally, he grabbed a protein bar it would serve as his impromptu breakfast he could eat after practice. Whenever he tried to eat beforehand, it always just made him feel nauseous, so this was his strategy, although it never left him feeling all that fulfilled. He stuffed the bottle and bar into his gym bag, making sure to also grab his backpack. He didn’t even bother checking if he had everything he needed in it. If he had forgotten his homework, he’s sure Bertholdt would just let him copy his. Hopefully.
Swinging his gym bag over his shoulder, Reiner gently opened the front door once again, trying to avoid waking his mother up with his early start. He locked it behind him and began his walk. Really, he should start bringing his headphones out on this trek, but it just hadn’t made it into his routine yet. Typically, he’d have Porco waiting for him outside, ready to complain about whatever new thing had pissed him off that morning. At the time, it was annoying, but now, as Reiner walked by himself, he missed it. The cold frost nipped at his nose, but he didn’t consider turning back for his scarf or any kind of protection from the bitter cold. Once again, that was something Porco would typically nag him about, and, reluctantly, he’d turn around and go retrieve one. It was part of Porco's weird way of showing that he cared. The walk was boring, nothing ever changed in Liberio. It hadn’t for a long time. The place was basically built on the principle of staying the same, or at least Reiner thought as much.
It was the same trees that stood proudly despite having all their leaves stripped by the autumn breeze. The same paths that were never salted properly, leaving Reiner to dodge a lethal amount of black ice just trying to go to school. The same school that loomed over the whole town. It had always been there - or well, it had been there for almost 150 years now. Well, barely anyone in Liberio actually attended Marley. Those who were deemed good enough went on a scholarship, or parents worked themselves endlessly to give them a chance at a school that wasn’t miles away from home. Reiner thankfully fell into the first category, mostly for his sporting ability, but he had good enough grades.
He fished out his student ID from his backpack as he approached the gate, scanning his way into the school. It was weird at first, seeing the school so empty. It was almost serene with how still everything seemed. It soon lost that charm, dulling into an oppressive force that seemed to bear down on Reiner. He turned his head, trudging off towards the football fields.
Once he got there, he placed his bags down on the bleachers, scanning to see who had already arrived. It appeared to be just two others he vaguely recognised, but didn’t know them well enough to approach and start a conversation.
Instead, he put in his headphones and tried to ignore the world. Typically, the coach would arrive not too much later than this anyway. Reiner just had to keep his head down, and he'd manage to get through this morning without conversation. It wasn't that he disliked it; he just disliked the same formula they all followed. The faked interest in how he was doing drove him insane sometimes.
Maybe the issue was he wasn’t the same level of dumb as the other athletes. It was rude to say, but probably true - while he had to fight his way into Marley tooth and nail, they all coasted by on daddy or mommy's money. He didn't have a huge issue on the system, really, not to the same scale Annie did, not really. Just sometimes, when he was in this mood, which seemed to be more and more lately, he'd think about how any of it could be fair. Football was Reiner's life line, but they took it for granted. Another thing to boost their popularity.
That was enough sulking. The coach had arrived, and so had most of the team, by the looks of it. Reiner shook his head and got up, jogging over to join the growing huddle.
Practice was much of the same monotonous drills. In a never ending looping. If Reiner acknowledged that loop too much, it made him spiral, so he chose to get lost in it. It was easier than fighting back, maybe just maybe if he got lost in it enough, the dread would shift to comfort. He could only hope as much.
Before he knew it, it was over, and he was jogging over to the changing rooms, switching his sweaty clothes for his (hopefully) pristine uniform, after a quick shower. Before class started, he managed to eat his whole protein bar. Just something to tide him over till lunch time.
After that, the day seemed to go like a blur, everything moved at somehow break neck speed yet mind-numbingly slow. Yet nothing stood out to him. Nothing of note, he was just a mind trapped in a body that was on autopilot.
Lunch. Lunch was always something different at least. Yet he still stood in the same line and ate the same meals he ate every other week. Well, he couldn't complain about the food too much, it was high-quality stuff, and thanks to his scholarship, he didn't have to pay a penny to get it. Overall, it was a total win.
There wasn't anything particularly wrong with lunch with Annie and Bertholdt. Of course not. Reiner loved them more than he did himself most of the time, but it felt empty. Sure, occasionally Pieck or even Marcel would come over to join them whenever Porco would let them free, but it just felt different. He didn't know if the other two felt the shift, but if they did, they didn't mention it.
He wandered over towards their usual lunch table, it seemed the other two had long beaten him to it, and were eased into conversation about whatever night time fighting escapade Annie had been up to that night. Reiner sat down next to Bertholdt, staring down at his food as if it was the most interesting thing around. Their conversation sounded far off and like static on the radio. Nothing that concerned him, really.
Then he looked up, and they were looking at him. Both had different looks in their eyes: Bertholdt looked worried more than he had seen him before, and Annie looked well; he couldn't tell if she was angry or concerned. She just had that kind of face. All of a sudden, this sick feeling crawled into the back of his throat, they had been talking to him, hadn’t they? Right of course.
“What was that again? I missed it.” he attempted to keep his voice as normal as he possibly could. Maybe if he kept playing it casual, those faces that made his skin crawl would go away, and he’d feel normal once again.
“I was just asking if you had any plans later? Me and Annie were thinking about maybe hitting the arcade to reward ourselves for that exam.” Bertholdt said carefully. As if he was trying not to upset a scared animal. “What did you get on it? I got an A+ so you must’ve done good too right?”
When Reiner took too long to reply Annie butted in with “I got a B.” It was awkward and clearly just an attempt to fill the silence. Reiner tried to recall his grade, when was it? Just 2nd period right. It was hazy which it really shouldn’t have been for something that happened only 3 hours ago.
Ah.
Right.
The furious red pen scribbled all over his work came back to him now. The big F circled several times over at the top glared at him in his mind. He wasn’t hungry anymore.
“I- don’t know. Think I got a C. I just couldn’t be bothered to study with football and stuff on my back.” he laughed at the end, but the others’ eyes seemed to remain gut-wrenchingly worried. Damn it. “But no, uh, my ma wants me home straight after school to watch Gabi. Some other time, though, for sure. You two have fun, though.” a blatant lie. A series of them. Although it came far too natural for Reiner’s peace of mind.
They shared a glance.
“Reiner-”
Reiner decided it was time for him to leave before he did just end up throwing up onto his food. He scraped the majority of it into the trash, turns out he hadn’t had much of an appetite anyway. It wasn’t class time. If he was honest reiner had no clue why he was doing this, bolting away from his only friends at the first sign of concern. He was almost surprised neither of them (specifically Annie, who would rather die than let a problem sit and worsen rather than confronting it.) They must’ve just thought he was still being weird about the whole Porco thing. Maybe he was. Reiner had no clue what was wrong with him.
He ended up just wandering around for 10 minutes before he heard the bell and made his way to his classes once again. His mind returned to the state of a tv flicking repeatedly through channels, never staying on anything long enough to compute what he was actually looking at. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he could sense the pair staring at him trying to dissect him emotionally. If he shut his eyes out for long enough, he could ignore it. Just about. Not that it went over well with teachers when they saw him blocking everything out.
It felt like he managed to get his stuff packed up and out the door in record time. He wanted to avoid them as much as possible, it was for the greater good, they’d just be worried and he didn't want that for them. It was selfish as well, he didn’t want to look them in the eye. Not when he felt like a walking bag of garbage, and he was acting like one, too.
The walk home was more exciting in the most basic meaning of the word. There were people about that was all, still there were only a few people walking back to specifically Liberio. Reiner didn’t want to reflect on the tone that set, not in the way that Annie always did.
He didn’t even want to face his Ma at this point, it felt like anyone he would interact with would be doomed to suffer, and he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. A part of him hoped she’d be out when he got home, so he could just slip under his covers and block out the world for the night. As much as he loved his ma’s cooking, he had no appetite for anything these days, and it was becoming clear that he probably ended up just having eaten that protein bar for the whole day. Well, it was meant to be calorie dense, so.. It’d have to do.
For once in the eternity that the day had been his prayers were answered. He turned the corner to his house, and the driveway was beautifully empty. Now he wouldn’t say he rushed but he moved quickly down and into his house, fumbling to pull out his house key on the off chance that his ma pulled into the drive way that exact second and he’d be forced to greet her.
Once he was inside, for a second all he could bring himself to do was stand there. Then his dog came bounding over, and he snapped out of his trance, reaching down to pet her, quickly ruffling her fur before travelling upstairs. He dumped his several bags onto the floor of his room, where they’d most likely stay until tomorrow morning, and climbed into his bed with his clothes still on. His ma would get on his ass about wearing outdoor clothes in bed, but it was comfortable, so. He’d take the risk. Eventually, after lying there like an empty husk, he pulled his phone out swiftly, choosing to ignore Bertholdt's messages, deciding to scroll on his phone for a bit before he’d eventually make it to sleep.