Chapter Text
After Feferi rejected his (pathetic) request to be matesprits, Eridan reluctantly agreed to stay moirails. But Feferi noticed that he got pretty distant recently, losing most quadrants he once had. And Eridan holds his few quadrants very dear, so she promised to help him find the matesprit he deserves. She hasn't been doing anything precisely in the process of finding them, but if she finds an opportunity, she will act!
It took a little while to go back to how things were beforehand between them, as Eridan was so sure he 'fucked evverythin up'. Though even he warmed back up to Feferi, not that he had much choice as she was the only one who seemed to stand him in his depressing life. He in fact has not even left his hive in, what? A few perigees? Not that it mattered, he didn't even have a reason to do so. Why would he grace those fools if they cant even appreciate his royal violetblood ranking. Though he does miss the arguments a little, not that he would ever admit it. He valued his blackroms, but Vriska has been a bitch recently and hasn't wanted to cooperate. And without Vriska's rivalry he also lost any interaction he might have had with Kanaya as their mediator in a beautiful Auspisticism they just had to ruin.
Though recently, and most likely subconsciously in an attempt to form a connection. Or at least that's what Feferi said while psychoanalyzing him which he DID NOT ASK FOR. He has been mentioning... Sollux. Quite a bit. Negatively, of course. There's nothing to praise about that mustardblood. Just comments such as "sol is bein an absolute tool again fef i swear he types like his hands are completely backwards and it is givvin me a literal headache tryin to read it" and "i do not care wwhat he does wwith his miserable cyber life i am simply statin that he needs a better monitor before he breaks his owwn computer screen wwith his stupid code" and also "he actually listened to me complain about vvriska for twenty minutes without immediately blockin me so i suppose he has some minor redeemin qualities". Feferi seemed to find that one particularly entertaining, as she proceeded to call him 'cute'. Which was quite frankly disgusting, he is not.
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]
CA: fef
CA: fef answwer me right noww
CA: glub
CC: Glub glub!
CC: 38)
CC: Yes, ----Eridan!??
CA: feferi you wwont believve the absolute insolence the lowwblood has showwn me once again
CC: O)( my cod -Eridan! T)(is again???
CC: )(ow many times are you going to mention )(im t)(is week??!
CC: Keep t)(is up and i'll start t)(inking you're interested in )(im )(a)(a)(a)(a!!!
CA: fef you insult me
CA: sea i wwould nevver stoop so low
CA: i am merely statin that it is not okay
CA: i told him his hivve wwas a disaster and he told me to come ovver and clean it myself if i cared so much can you believve him fef the sheer nerve
CC: )(a)(a)(a!!
CC: You know ----Eridan, i t)(ink i actually do t)(ink that. All you ever do is eit)(er complain about somet)(ing or complain about not )(aving somet)(ing to complain about
CA: that is a gross ovversimplification and youvve also acquired the completely wwrong idea fef
CC: No no just )(ear me out please!
CC: You've been glubbin about Sollux for a w)(iiillee now, maybe you s)(ould try s)(ifting your quadrant wit)( )(im 38D!! I t)(ink you two could actually get along if you quit arguing for a few minutes.
CA: feferi
CA: i actually cannot believve this
CA: under no circumstances am i takin that into consideration
CC: O)( come on!!!! I know you like )(im more than you admit! And im sure )(e does too!!
CA: pfft yeah as if
CA: do you really think so
CC: Yes of course!! I cod even ask )(im if you'd like.
CA: do it
CA: i mean
CA: not that i care wwhat that uncouth landwweller thinks
CA: dont mention my involvement ok
CC: ----Eridan you are SO adorable!!!!!!! GLUB 3XD!!!!!!!
CA: ivve told you to cease calling such stupid things
Eridan let Feferi close their chat off as he slammed (or rather closed with great dignity, Eridan doesn't slam his devices) his husktop closed and stood up. He started pacing the room, immediately regretting telling her to ask Sollux. Sollux already cant stand him, this is only going to make him look pathetic. As if he couldn't have done it himself and needs Feferi to be his little messenger. No, you're overthinking again Eridan. He sighed, he trusts Feferi. She wont mess this up.
So he stopped his pace and headed to his meal block, he needed a cup of tea. Maybe two.
-
Feferi was in her own hive, floating over an armchair and giggling with her own husktop in her lap and their trollinglog open. Eridan was just so silly sometimes, this could be a real chance for him. He already has a history with Sollux, how hard could making them become friends be? Maybe even more, she is still working on finding him a matesprit after all. But that's a big leap, we'll see when we get there. She wouldn't mind though, Sollux is a good guy and she liked him. Sometimes she wondered if Eridan will end up cooped up in his hive forever. He really needs to get more friends, she worries a lot about him. It'd be a win win situation for both of them.
So she opened up another tab and clicked on Sollux's tag.
cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling twinArmaggedons [TA]
CC: GLUB
CC: Sollux!!!
TA: what do you need feferi
TA: iim tryiin two decode 2ome bull2hiit kk 2ent me
CC: O)(! W)(ale good luck wit)( t)(at!!
CC: But i need your insig)(t on somet)(ing!!!
TA: what
CC: Im interested on your feelings about -----Eridan???
TA: fef genuiinely what
TA: where diid thii2 even come from
TA: he ha2 2omethiing two do wiith thii2 doe2n't he
CC: No!!!!!!!!!! Not at all
CC: T)(is is purely my own curiosity 38))))
TA: ok 2o he doe2
TA: well
TA: he2 a biit annoyiing 2ometiime2 but be2iide2 that he2 a fuckiing douchebag
CC: O)( Sol!! 3XO
CC: You bot)( act like you despise eac)(ot)(er so muc)( but you still answer )(im all the time.
TA: oh 2o he told you about that great
TA: ii do iit becau2e he throw2 a temper tantrum iif ii dont even iif he deniie2 iit
TA: he2 2o de2prate for a blackrom iits pathetiic a2 fuck
CC: W)(at if it wasn't a BLACK romance?
TA: what
TA: what the fuck
CC: You're telling me you never saw )(im in even just a little bit paler lig)(t? 38)
CC: Never even considered it? )(ypot)(etically in the middle of t)(e nig)(t?????
TA: ok bye next tiime iim blockiin you
CC: No wait!!!!!!!!
CC: Ok im sorry!
CC: Let me put it t)(is way.
CC: Tell me )(ow you genuinely feel about )(im, please! I wont tell anyone
TA: you are 2o lucky ii value our bond
TA: look fef ii dont liike far-brained ampora ok. iit2 ju2t that he2 2o completely pathetiic and out of hi2 mind that watching him weep about hi2 royal blood ii2 liike watchiing a cra2hii2g 2oftware program. iit2 a redundant wa2te of tiime but ii cant look away.
CC: Soooo it's safe to say you tolerate )(im at least a little bit?
TA: why am ii even telling you thi2
TA: yeah ok
CC: That's amazing!!! Thank you so much goodbye!
TA: ii a22ume you arent goiing two elaborate?
TA: fiine goodbye
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling twinArmaggedons [TA]
Feferi beamed, she might have actually squealed at the 'cant look away' comment. And she will probably use just a liiiiitle bit of hyperbole when paraphrasing to Eridan later. After all, he needs a little push. Speak of the devil though...
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]
CA: are you finished
CA: frankly im just curious
CA: take your time or wwhatevver
CC: I am!!! 38)
CA: so wwhat did he say
CC: )(e)(e)(e)(e!!!!! )(es totally into you back!!!!
CA: huh
CA: ok first of all i am NOT into him fef i already told you that wwhy are you like this
CA: and he shorely is not you are purely comfortin me
CA: not that i care anywway i didnt havve high expectations anywway
CC: W)(at are you doing rig)(t now?
CA: wwell nothin i made myself some royal tea earlier and now i suppose im broodin
CC: Im coming over!! Texting is tiring.
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
CA: ovvcourse
CA: nobody asks for my insight on these things
Eridan jumped up from his couch with a sigh. Feferi always does this, comes over unannounced and Eridan has to rush making everything look presentable. Himself included. And it didn't help that she barely lived 5 minutes away. So in the short time span which he had to prepare he washed out his teacup, adjusted the pillows in his rumpusblock, styled his hair a bit nicer and put on just a few more accessories he doesn't wear casually alone, despite popular belief. He was putting on the last of his rings when his doorbell rang. And he didn't even get to the door before she burst inside, she often states that 'his hive is their hive' which he also had no say in.
She squeaked in happiness when she saw him, immediately lunging to hug him. He stiffened up, not particularly liking physical touch too much. But he melted into it because after all it is Feferi we're talking about.
"Alright enough hugging, and close the door!" He let go, stepping back as he straightened his cape and shirt.
She closed the door then turned back to him grinning, taking his arm as she lead them inside. She knew the exact layout of his entire hive by heart.
"Im just so happy to get the chance to set you up with somebody!" She giggled
"Excuse me!? Set me up? You haven't even inquired on such topics with me, i do not need your meddling in my quadrants. Especially with that fatuous nerd." He scoffed and gave a half-hearted attempt to pull away from her grasp. They eventually ended up back in his rumpusblock and Feferi seated herself on the armchair she had claimed as her own from the plenty times she came over. Eridan stood highly in front of her with his arms crossed "Are you going to elaborate?"
She smiled, looking up at him. "When im done with you, you and Sollux will be as close as two fish in the same current!"
"That does not help, and i will be continuing to interrogate you after this as my manners win over my inquiry. So, how about a cup of tea?"
She nodded "Sure! Is it the fancy one you love?"
"It is, it's one of the few that hold up to my standards."
"And is very overpriced."
"You should know that funding is not an issue for me."
"Well of course it isn't, you use all that money for basic supplies and then nothing! You have all you ever wanted, and no use of what's leftover! A new quadrant to spoil would be nice don't you think?"
"You're tempting me to spill this on you, and that is a serious offence to do to a future empress." He spoke as he handed her a delicate teacup from the set he values as his favorite. Then poured himself a second cup.
"Hahahah! Eridan i know you'd never do that." She took the teacup and blew on it, taking a sip. "Mmmm, it really is good!"
He sat down on the edge of the couch closest to the armchair and crossed his legs, holding his posture straight. "I wouldn't, don't change the topic though. What are you trying?"
"Wellllll, you know how i promised to find you a matesprit?"
Eridan's face seemed to drain of emotion, then he shook his head. But Feferi could've sworn she saw some blush on his face. "No, absolutely not. This is blasphemy."
"Oh come on Eri! I think you two could actually be quite nice together if you stopped arguing like grubs!" She insisted, taking another sip of her tea.
"Let me remind you that he is a LOWBLOODED LANDWELLER. I am not about to stoop that low as the royal that i am."
"Eridan stop that! I thought we agreed to put those views behind us!"
"How could i put them behind me? They were all we were taught since we were grubs Fef! I cannot exactly go against my own instincts!"
"Well we aren't grubs anymore. And im tired of you being so elitist!"
The room dipped in a moment of silence, Feferi sighed. And Eridan kept briefly looking away and taking nervous sips. Then she looked back at him once again and smirked a little. "So you're saying that's the only thing holding you back?"
He stiffened up, almost spilling his tea from the action. "It is merely a factor in it Fef. I have plenty of other reasons not to pursue such a ludicrous idea."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Psh, well... He is an insolent, uncouth mustardblood who doesn't possess a single ounce of royal decorum. He treats me like an absolute nuisance! ...Which, frankly, is the only tolerable thing about him. Everyone else on this miserable rock either runs away or grovels, but that fatuous nerd just sits there and tells me to shut up. It is... highly infuriating! And slightly refreshing. But mostly infuriating!"
"I think that you're just being defensive as always!"
"I am doing no such thing!"
"Yes you are! Ugh! You can get so irritating sometimes." She scoffed, then took a deep breath. The last time she let her anger out on him it ended in him heavily isolating himself for 3 perigees. And he wouldn't have even stopped if she didn't step in. Not that she is particularly as angry right now as she was then, but he is surely exasperating sometimes.
"Maybe you should try being nicer to him?"
"Why would i? He has a complete lack of decorum and respect towards me! He does not deserve any of my kindness!"
"Eridan."
"Am i incorrect?"
Feferi had to fight the urge to face palm herself. "Give me your palmhusk."
"Excuse me? For what!? No!"
Feferi held out her hand.
"I said no."
She shot him a look, and despite his defiance he reluctantly handed it over to the fuchsiablood in front of him. "Do not make me regret this."
"Oh i will." She snatched it, smiling again as she floated away from him and started typing something.
"Feferi what are you doing!??" He floated right after her and she quickly drifted away. "I am not about to chase you through my own hive, we aren't toddlers!"
"There! Done. You can have it back." She was full on grinning now.
He frowned and took it back. And as he proceeded to look at the screen, he felt a wave of dread wash over him at the sight awaiting him.
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmaggedons [TA]
CA: hey, sol
CA: i just wwanted to tell you that your technical skills are in fact quite impressivve, and i suppose i do go a bit too hard on you in our usual exchanges.
CA: Perhaps if you havve the time later wwe could convverse, you could learn a thing or twwo from me.
When he looked up, Feferi was staring at him with a wide shiteating grin. "There! I just set you up a call with him later!"
This might have been the first time Eridan had considered violence over the future empress. Okay, maybe it wasnt. But the urge was strong.
"Fef... What have you just done?" He shook his head slowly, then threw his palmhusk onto his couch and started pacing. "Feferi, if you could do me a favor and cull me right now."
She rolled her eyes, stopping his pace and holding his shoulders. "Look, its not the end of the world. Sollux is a nice guy and i KNOW that you're interested in him. You should be thanking me for this! You would have never gotten the courage to send anything even close to that and we would be getting nowhere!"
He shook his head "Are you demented, Fef? He is never going to agree to that!"
"So you admit that you're interested in him?"
"Well that doesn't matter now does it!? You sent the text!"
"You totally are! Eeeek!" She jumped in joy, hugging him again. This time he did not hug back, just stood frozen in her arms. "Okay, we have enough time for me to give you a little pep talk."
"Pep talk?! He wont even agree to the call, i could guarantee you!"
"Oh yeah? Lets see!" She released him, smiling at him as she nodded towards his palmhusk still on the couch.
He walked over to the couch and sat down, putting his head in his hands. "I cannot even look. My life is over."
"Stop glubbing overreacting Eri! You always start sulking, this is a good thing!" She walked over and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Then taking his palmhusk with her free hand and unlocking it. He had the face ID set to both his and her face, its a thing he had done a while ago during a sleepover in her hive. Though he kind of regrets it right now. "Don't even tell me, he must have completely insulted the idiotic attempt."
"Come on, its not that bad! Look!" She pried his hands off of his face and shoved his phone into it and he saw what Sollux wrote back.
TA: ...the fuck?
TA: okay eiither you are extremely drunk or feferii ii2 there
TA: iim not doiing thii2 riight now
He frowned "Feferi, what do you mean not that bad!? Look at what he fucking wrote!"
"He didn't say no!" She handed him his palmhusk and put her chin on his shoulder as she looked down at the screen with him. "Go on, answer him."
"Answer him? And say what? Yes it was Feferi because i was too pathetic to ask you?! He already probably assumes you have something to do with this from you asking him about me earlier today!"
"Do you want me to grab your palmhusk and do it myself again?"
"No!" He flinched away from her. Looking down at it again and holding his thumbs over the keyboard while contemplating what to possibly say to that.
"Play into it!" She motivated
He sighed, then started typing.
CA: you are incorrect, neither am i drunk nor does fef havve anythin to do with this.
CA: i do not indulge myself in mind alterin substances alone howw miserable do you think i am
TA: mii2erable enough to do that
CA: your vviewws upon me need urgent updatin
CA: ...
CA: so
CA: about the question
TA: why the hell would you want to ca2ually converse wiith me
CA: casual? frankly, sol, there is absolutely nothin casual about me condescending to speak wwith a mustardblood. i am merely ensurin that your thinkpan hasnt completely fried from starin at those dual monitors for forty-eight hours straight! if anythin, you should be thankful someone of my status is keepin you tethered to reality, you uncourth fool!
TA: thii2 ii2 exactly why ii wouldnt want to talk to you
TA: you are 2uch a douchebag
Feferi pushed his shoulder, frowning. "You really are being too rude! He's never gonna agree to call with you if you keep that up."
Eridan scoffed "Pfft, i am being just fine."
"Eridan!"
"Oh my cod..."
CA: fine
CA: i apologize or wwhatevver
TA: wow real enthu2iia2tiic
CA: wwould you like to or not, just say it
TA: ...
Eridan shoved his palmhusk at Feferi, standing up. "I need a glass of water, i cant look at it. Just tell me he said no."
Feferi took it, standing up after him and following him into his nutritionblock. "Stop being so negative!" She stared at the screen, waiting for Sollux to answer which shouldn't take too long. Eridan poured himself a glass of water, taking a sip and fanning himself with his free hand. Feferi rolled her eyes but didn't want to repeat herself again. Then, her face lit up as she squeaked again. Eridan stiffened up "What is it? What did he say?"
"Look!"
TA: okay what the hell ii2 happeniing
TA: you never apologiize even when you 2hould
TA: fef ii2 defiiniitiively there ii2nt 2he
TA: ...but 2ure. we can talk. don't make iit weiird ampora
He stared at the screen in disbelief, placing his glass of water onto the counter to avoid dropping it in pure shock.
"Why are you so surprised!? I totally saw this coming, he is so into you!" She beamed, giggling a bit. Then Sollux sent another text.
"He's asking when Eridan!"
"Never."
"Stop being silly! When?"
He glanced at the clock, it was 4:13AM. He's gonna need some time to brace for this. "Tell him around 5."
"What are you going to do for an hour!?"
"Just do it!"
"Fine!" She typed back out a quick 'around 6', not risking saying anything more as he already didn't trust him enough. She stood straight in front of him with a determined face.
"Now, it's finally time for your motivational speech."
"Fef."
"Shhush! No buts!"
"Well i didn't even say but, i am simply not in the mood-" He was silenced with a finger to his lips, and there was a strike of offence that he felt at that but kept quiet cause he knows better than to talk back when she got like this.
Feferi placed the palmhusk on the counter and grabbed his shoulders again. "Eridan, look at me! Look at my goggles! Stop adjusting your scarf for two seconds and GLUBBIN LISTEN TO ME! You are a violet-blooded prince of the sea, right?! You spend all day long talking about how you're destined for great, dramatic things, and now you’re practically melting into a puddle of sad purple slime over a simple voice call?! By the mother grub, it is just Sollux! He does not have super-hacker laser beams shooting out of his voice box, I promise you! So what if he lisps or tells you to shut up? That is literally just how he says hello! You two are already arguing every single day over Trollian anyway, so doing it out loud is just the next natural step! You are completely overthinking this! Listen to me, you are adorable, your hair looks gilliant, and you have way too many rings on to be acting this cowardly! You are going to press that button, you are going to be your usual snobby, ridiculous self, but not too much, and you are going to let him yell at you until you both realize you like each other! No more excuses! Under no circumstances are you backing out now! Now take a deep breath, stop being so shellfish, and HIT THE CALL BUTTON BEFORE I DO THAT FOR YOU ASWELL!"
"I thought we agreed on 5!"
"Fine, but once 5 hits i want you talking on that voice call with Sollux!"
He sighed, shaking his head. But he still ended up nodding and even leaning over to loosely hug Feferi. "Thanks... or whatever"
She smiled and hugged him back hard. "You're welcome, or whatever!" She could swear she heard a snort at that.