Chapter Text
Dear Jackson,
I still can’t believe you’re gone. A part of me I don’t think ever will.
The apartment feels so empty without you here. I’ve gotten so used to having you around. Dinners on the couch, choosing between ‘food porn’ or ‘true crime’, ranting after shift, you waking me up with breakfast—it’s just so… quiet now. Tamara is officially moving into your old room this weekend. It’s bittersweet, but I know you’d want something good to come out of this. You’ve always cared so much, for everyone. I miss my best friend.
But I’m writing because I have some news—big news.
Angela just had the baby. He was born last night around five. 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 20 inches long—he’s absolutely perfect. They’re here. They’re safe, because of you. I know you tried to protect her—protect them—and you did. And now they get to live a long, happy life. I actually just got back from visiting them. Angela and baby are doing amazing, she’s been so strong, mentally and physically, but I can see how much she misses you. You’d never guess what they did—it made me cry when they told me.
Angela and Wesley gave the baby your name. ‘Jackson Alexander Evers’. Alexander is Tim’s middle name, apparently, and I swear I saw him get a little emotional, though he’d never admit it.
Oh, and the real kicker? Tim and I are the godparents. I mean, I was shocked—honored, but shocked—to be chosen. Tim made sense but me? Angela and I have bonded a lot since you left, but still. Can you imagine? God forbid anything happens, but picture me having to raise a kid with Tim Bradford. I think we’d do an alright job but man, that would be nuts. I can’t even imagine raising a kid right now. Especially now.
Honestly, I haven’t been handling things best lately. It’s been really hard—I knew it would be, but I wasn’t prepared for just how difficult it would be to go on like one of the most important people in my life wasn’t just ripped from me. But everyone from the station’s been supporting me. As I mentioned before, Angela took the news pretty hard, but I told her you wouldn’t want her to blame herself. She’s been coming over a lot lately, I think both to get out of the house—both her mom and Wesley’s mom have been over non-stop, fussing over baby prep, so she tells me—and because she knows I need the company right now. Nolan’s been over a few times as well, always bringing beer or takeout and we just watch movies or play board games and reminisce about rookie year, about you. I know we used to date, but I honestly forget sometimes. Our friendship kind of just bounced right back to where it was before all that, and I’m grateful. Having both of them here is nice because we were all close to you, so it helps me feel like I’m not the only one taking it so hard.
It’s not just them, though, it’s everyone. Tim has been incredible, actually. He’s probably been here for me more than anyone else, which was a little surprising. The night of the wedding, when… everything happened, he offered to let me stay the night at his house, knowing coming back to the apartment would be too much too soon. He was so… nurturing. He made me tea, set up the couch for me to sleep, dug through a closet for ten minutes to find me a toothbrush, and even lent me clothes to wear to bed. It was… unusual, to say the least. He was like this steady presence all day, and when he asked me if I needed anything, I asked for a hug. Let me tell you, that might’ve been the best hug I’ve ever had. It was so comforting, it took everything in me to pull back.
Then there was this… moment. And I wanted more, I just didn’t know what. I still don’t, really. It was probably just the emotions of the day getting to me. Hell, he was feeling it too. His best friend was missing and he still put everyone else first. I’m pretty sure I almost walked into his room and crawled into bed with him just to not be alone, but we were interrupted by Wesley calling and had to run out. By the time we got back, I was so fucking exhausted I just passed out immediately.
Then there was so much happening, and I barely had a moment alone with my thoughts. So things really only started to hit me a couple of days after we got Angela back. By then, I was back at the apartment. Tamara was gone on a school trip—I had to all but beg her to still go—and it was so empty. And I was so alone.
But Tim came to check on me. Keeps checking on me. A call, or a text, or a quick word at the station every single day, and it honestly got me through those first couple of weeks. He visits at least twice a week, and he always makes sure I’m eating real food. A couple times, he even cooked for me and brought it over. I felt like a bit of a charity project, but I enjoyed it too much to care. Who knew Tim Bradford is a Michelin chef? The man can cook. But seriously, I think he’s going soft in his old age.
Anyways, that’s basically everything going on. Tim’s starting as patrol sergeant tomorrow, actually. I’ve already ordered a locker’s worth of little boots, I just need to head in early tomorrow to set up my prank. It’s gonna be so good to get him back, finally!
It’s raining today, but I’m coming to visit you this weekend when I have off, so I guess I’ll bring this to you then. I still talk to you all the time, I just wish you could respond. I really hope you’re listening, and that you’re doing okay… wherever you are.
God, I miss you.
All my love,
Lucy