Work Text:
Zayn sat down at his desk and cut on the lamp. Originally he wanted to write a note but now he felt the words begging to be freed. He pulled out some paper and an emerald green pen, that mimicked his eyes, and began...
Dear Styles,
You're a lying son of a bitch. You made my life a living hell. My very existence and will to keep going crumbled as fast as the words graced your lips and burned my flesh. You made me hate you with just 5 words. I was torn. Shattered. Deemed worthless. Nothing left but a shell of who I used to be. I was empty, so far gone I could see the devil sharpening his horns. If you knew how I felt you'd be here with me, begging me to forgive you for infecting me with your vile ways. I never went after you, why should the worthless seek perfection? For a taste? That's not enough. You gave me a taste of heaven only to drop me off on a train straight to hell. Heaven was when you looked into my eyes and said 'I love you.' Hell started when you smiled at me and said those 5 words, 'I can't do this anymore.' You made me the demented snake I am today. You ruined me for everyone. I want help, no I NEED help because of you... I love you so much. My heart bleeds at the sound of your name. H.. Ha... Harr... Harry. I haven't spoken your name since that day. Now I remember why; it hurts too much. I don't think you understand how precious you are to me. I would lay my life in a pit of hell hounds for you. I don't think the love and pure adoration I have for you will ever fade. I miss everything about you. Those annoyingly cute dimples, those innocent yet luring green eyes, that deep baritone voice, and that Greek like body. The way your strong hands would touch me so tenderly, causing every hair on my body to stand. The chills that would travel up and down my spine. The breathy groans that would ghost across my skin as you hit every spot imaginable making my nerves tingle in pain and pleasure. The screams that would rip through me at your command. Your control over my body. A connection that I've never had with another being. Why did you leave me? You betrayed my already broken trust. The only man I'd ever trust with my life is you. I wish it were me with you instead of that slimy conniving man I call a best friend. I hope he looks on as you read this, so he can feel the utter disgust I have for his life. I have not even an ounce of feelings towards him. He could dissolve in a batch of acid for all the damns I give. His betrayal pushed me down deeper. I wish I could convey how hurt I was and still am without ending up underneath a facility full of criminals. I love Louis like a brother. I would've given anything to assure he was protected and happy... Liam is a different ball game. I love him but his neglect weighs heavily on my heart. To know everyone I've ever loved left me down and out when I needed them most... I didn't write this for pity or to make you guys hate me more. I wrote this to tell you I forgive you. For all the pain and blood that dripped from my veins. I love you Harry. Don't let this weigh on your conscience but by the time you read this I'll probably be gone. Somewhere far away, where pain can't reach me. Somewhere unknown that houses all of the lost, worthless, bitter souls. I love you too Louis, if you're reading this. And also you Liam, who I'm sure is reading this if Louis has. Don't blame yourselves. Everything done to me is directly caused by my endless faults. Blame no one but me and a God who cannot be found. Trust me I looked, cried and pleaded for him to show himself. To help me. To end me... Love, Zayn J. Styles P.S. Goodbye
2 weeks later
Harry was in the home he shares with his boyfriend, Louis, looking through his jewelry chest. He was looking for his onyx and red watch. He and Louis were holding a get together to celebrate their engagement. While looking his hand touched a silver band with gold trim. He picked it up and examined it. Running his finger over the engraved 'Forever and ever...' He smiled as he remembered how Zayn freaked out trying to find a good quote but realized simplicity was best. He loved Zayn, he wished he would've fought for their marriage but he just let Harry go. The bedroom door opened and Harry quickly placed the ring back in it's corner.
"Babe. Here," Louis said softly handing him an envelope. He was excited, but he knew Harry wasn't in a good mood. Harry took the off-white envelope with his name written in red ink. The sticker used to close it had familiar initials on it... ZJS. For some reason dread filled his veins, but he proceeded to open the envelope. He knew it was from Zayn the moment he saw the emerald green ink. The words on the paper bought a river of tears to his eyes. Louis just watched Harry's oncoming melt down. He snatched the letter from the younger man and read it also. His heart dropped to his stomach,
"Z-Zayn.." Louis' voice died in his throat. This couldn't be real, why didn't Zayn come to him. He would've worked through this, helped him find a new love. Why didn't Zayn just tell him how he felt. Louis' inner turmoil was interrupted as Harry fell to his knees and began to sob. "Why?" Was all he kept repeating. Louis dropped to his knees and held him as silent tears streamed down his face.
"Lou, is everything okay?" Liam asked peeking into the room. He had come earlier to help set up. Louis shook his head and looked down at the fallen letter. Liam took the hint and picked it up. Immediately Liam took out his phone to call Zayn. On the third ring Zayn answered and Liam put it on speaker.
"Liam," he dragged out weakly, "I guess you read the letter too. I'm sorry to d-do this. But I can't take it a-anymore. I love you Leeyum, stay strong for my mum. Tell Louis and Harry I love them. And my mum too. I don't have much time but... But p-pl-please keep going with life. All of you. I'll tell Ni y-you guys sa-say hello..." Zayn's voice died and everyone in the room fell deathly silent, no movement, no breathing. Harry's body was shaking uncontrollably and he let out a loud wail before falling back into Louis' embrace. Louis looked up at Liam whose eyes matched his, overflowing with tears...
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Harry came out of his trance, his eyes still locked on Louis'. At the exact same time they pushed away from each other.
"Did you?" Harry asked.
"Just see what you saw?" Louis finished his question. Harry nodded and Louis did too.
"Were you guys about to kiss?" Liam's voice sounded from the doorway.
"No of course not," Louis said before clearing his throat.
"It looked like it, lord knows that would've killed Zayn. If you guys were dumb enough to actually do it."
"You saw it too?" Harry asked moving farther away from Louis.
"Yeah, it felt so-"
"Real cute guys. Just leave me to clean the kitchen alone," Zayn said strolling into his and Harry's room with his hand on his hip.
Harry ran to him and pulled him in close, "I'm so sorry baby. I love you so much."
"I'm sorry too, Z. I love you bro," Louis said sighing in relief as Zayn smiled and kissed Harry.
"I love you too guys. ..Liam, what'd I miss? Whoa," Zayn said as Louis threw himself into his arms.
"Nothing Z, we just love you is all. And we feel bad for not helping you clean," Liam replied with a smile. Zayn nodded and kissed Harry again before placing a chaste kiss to the top of Louis' head.
"I feel left out," Liam said with a pout. Zayn pulled him into their group hug and kissed his temple.
"I still think I missed something. I never get this much love at once."
"Shut up Zayn," the three men said in unison causing Zayn to chuckle. As if they had the same mind, Harry, Louis and Liam all looked up and mouthed a 'thank you Ni' before joining in on Zayn laughter...
[Somewhere]
Niall looked down at his best friends with a smile gracing his features. A deep omniscient voice filled his ears as a tear slid down his cheek.
"You've done what you needed. It's time to come home."
A white light surrounded him and he felt a weight lifted. When he opened his eyes he was in the house he once shared with the boys, wings sitting securely on his back. Now he could happily and peacefully wait for the day his four soul mates would join him...