Chapter Text
It was a harrowing realisation.
The pain wasn’t going to go away. She wasn’t going to get to keep running.
The Yasuda Kinen had been bad, sure. But Sodashi thought she could get better. After all, before that, she had been so close with Songline in the Victoria Mile.
She stares down at her lap. The student president’s office around her has long disappeared. Her hands, resting on her thighs, clench until her knuckles go white.
Is she crying?
Sodashi looks up for a moment. Rudolf is sat the other side of the desk. Nobody else is in the room. Rudolf has a gentle expression on her face, but still, Sodashi doesn’t meet her gaze. In here, she is given as much time as she needs to process this information.
It’s not a unique experience for an umamusume, to have to retire. But it’s only been four years. Only 16 starts.
She has been so special. It was so much to be the first white haired umamusume to win a grade 1 race. Then she had to let everyone down.
“You know,” Rudolf’s voice forces Sodashi out of her wallowing, her ears prick up, “I can put you in contact with someone who’s been through the same thing. She might be able to help you out?”
Sodashi looks up once again, reluctantly allowing her eyes to meet Rudolf’s. Symboli Rudolf. The Emperor herself. She supposes it would be logical that Rudolf personally wasn’t going to be much help on this matter. This wasn’t something she experienced. Her reign was long, full of so much glory.
She musters a small nod. Then watches as Rudolf notes something down on a sticky note. She hears the bell ring, then for a while, the chatter and shuffle of girls in the corridor. Girls whose careers haven’t started yet, girls who are still running. Retirees.
She looks back down at her lap, a strange sensation weighs heavy in her stomach. The corridor becomes quiet again.
“Maybe I should go,” Sodashi mumbles, beginning to rise from her chair. There’s an achey pang in her leg.
Rudolf also rises, “if you’re ready to…”
She nods.
In reality, Sodashi doesn’t think she’ll ever be ready to really process what any of this means. But she can’t stay here forever. She supposes Rudolf can probably tell that. The student president is not stupid after all. She’s probably had this talk a hundred different times before.
Rudolf continues to the door, and so does Sodashi. She watches as the other girl politely holds it open for her, and then bows a small “thank you” before she leaves.
There’s no point going to class, so Sodashi just slowly makes her way to her dormitory again. It’s sunny, taunting. She wants nothing more than to be running in this weather. As she makes her way out of the building and through the courtyards, the subtle ache in her legs feels like an ever present reminder of what has been robbed from her.
She’s crying again.
Sodashi stops walking, settling beneath one of the trees at the side of the path.
Her fingernails dig into her palms. She lowers herself to sit on the floor, feeling the coolness of the grass beneath her body. Quietness is only afforded to her for a brief moment, before the pitter patter of cleats on the stone makes her ears perk up once again.
She wipes her face, turning to see a too perky for comfort Tokai Teio.
“Prez did say you’d be somewhere,” she tilts her head, “you know, it’s not very polite to leave the guest she invited waiting for you at your dorm.”
“Eh?”
That catches Sodashi off guard. Someone waiting for her, at her dorm. That’s not strange at all. Then, despite all her best efforts, a chuckle escapes her, and in return, Teio smiles. Rudolf really works in strange ways sometimes.
“I bet she could tell you really needed the company,” Teio adds, “I mean, even I can tell that.”
Sodashi tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear, then behinds to rise to her feet again. Teio is right, it’s rude to be late when you’ve got company.
“You shouldn’t point out how sad someone looks,” she chides playfully, and all she receives from Teio is a cheeky shrug before she turns on her heel to make her way to the dorms.
Sodashi follows. She supposes company does help with this lingering feeling of doom. Teio had fractures. Sodashi wonders if she felt the same way while dealing with those. But Teio also got to recover, and to run again. She took a year off and then won the Arima Kinen. Sodashi wishes she could win something again. Feel that sensation of being the centre of the racing world for just a moment, however brief.
“How did you cope with it?” She decides to ask, “when you were recovering from your fractures?”
Teio’s step falters for a moment, processing the question posed, then she continues, “my friends helped me the most, McQueen, Spe, all of Team Spica.”
Sodashi nods, going quiet again as they head into the dormitory building. She doesn’t really have friends like that.
In tow the pair head up the stairs, then through the corridor. As they reach her room Teio stands aside and allows Sodashi to settle herself before hesitantly opening her door and peeking around.
Stood staring out of the window, rather zoned out was an ashen-haired umamusume. She hasn’t reacted to the opening of the door at all.
Oguri Cap.
Sodashi had admired the other girl from a distance for a very long time. After all, it was kind of impossible not to. She had done so much for racing, changed the rules of URA itself. Sodashi hadn’t slept through her history lessons.
But what could she help Sodashi with?
“Excuse me?” she announces her presence softly, and steps into her bedroom.