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The crisp sound of the mahogany door being locked was louder than it should have been for a Friday night.
Sua was home much earlier than her usual schedule of seven pm. Her ballet practice after classes got cancelled since their instructor, Nigeh, apparently had a family “emergency” she had to take care of— which everybody knows in class is complete bullshit. Sua has attended her classes for almost four years now; since the first year of high school, and she has unfortunately got to know the painfully obvious excuses of their instructor.
Fortunately enough, her brother still hasn't come home. Probably still in his football practice or lounging at his boyfriend's dorm. Thank god, the two of them didn't decide to stay in their room instead.
She couldn't even stand Ivan’s casual voice— let alone if she heard him use that annoyingly intimate and sweet tone of his around Till.
Just the thought of Ivan purring his words creeps Sua out, making her slightly shudder.
That and Ivan won't suddenly barge in her room without knocking since he's “older”, only to ask a stupid question that Sua didn't have the patience to answer.
She didn't need any disturbances for tonight.
Their room was much larger than the typical college dorm. Well, their dorm was in fact not the usual size. It's more of an apartment. A nice, large one. It had two bedrooms, a kitchen big enough for the siblings to fit without bumping into each other, a living room with a plain white couch that nobody ever watches TV on, and a bathroom that you'd only see in hotels— it was something their parents bought since they didn't want their children to have roommates with a less than behaved attitude.
Sua didn't need to open the lights to her room, she didn't have to. She had the structure memorized.
Sua immediately approached her desk right beside the bed. Dropping her light purple bag with a soft thud as it hit the floor. She sat down on her cream colored chair that matched the table.
Her hands reached for the laptop placed neatly near her textbooks, opening the gadget as she patiently waited for the thing to boot up.
Once typing in the password, she was met with a photo of two girls pressed together intimately as the wallpaper. In which Sua lost her eyes at the screen as she stared intently at the pink haired girl on her laptop.
With a soft exhale, Sua begrudgingly removed her gaze on the girl, plugging in the wireless mouse and immediately going into the Internet.
Of course, Sua didn't forget to switch her school/professional account into her personal one, she will not repeat the same mistakes again.
As the screen loaded up, her hands dragged the mouse across the desk as she clicked on YouWatch to watch the latest interview she missed last night due to her practice.
As she waited, she switched off onto a different tab and went onto Z, a news-sharing app/site.
Once the site was fully loaded, the first tweet that she saw was by a fan made account of the idol, Mizi.
Her Mizi
The same pink-haired girl on her wallpaper.
The girl who you could find in every nook and cranny of her room only if you spent more than five minutes if Sua allowed.
The same girl who promised Sua that they would be at each other's side even if the world ended.
The girl who made her believe that liking the same gender isn't a sin.
Sua clicked the tweet and read the account’s username and display name first.
“@mizida.witch”
“mistu | SAW MIZI ON 06/08 💘”
Funny. Sua was also there at Mizi's latest concert last month, but she didn't make it her display name.
Sua would never understand the need to declare when someone had seen their idol onto their social media page. She preferred keeping things she loved solely to her eyes alone.
The post were two photos of Mizi from said last night's interview with a female interviewer Sua was familiar with, the caption saying in bold letters, “MIZI WITH CURLY HAIR 😳 ?!”
Sua clicked onto the photos and zoomed in.
Mizi was laughing.
But it wasn't the same laugh that Sua knew.
The laugh that was genuine and real. A sound that when you heard it, it would be hard not to burst into laughter too.
No, it was the laugh that Mizi used when she wanted for someone to hurry up and leave her alone.
The same laugh she'd use when guys back in high school wouldn't stop flirting with her no matter how many times she has said she's not interested.
Just the thought of Mizi being uncomfortable and irritated tugs a frown at Sua's mouth.
But at the same, a spark of satisfaction is seeping through her insides.
That meant that Mizi hasn't found anyone else.
That meant that Mizi still hasn't masked her personality of getting irritated when talking to someone she is not close with.
That means Mizi might be dissatisfied with the idol life she has spent her entire life dedicating on.
But only trained eyes and someone who is close to the idol would notice such a thing. Someone who knew her before the fame got into her.
Sua saved the photos onto a folder, liking and reposting the post before switching back to YouWatch. She didn't even check the comments as she usually did as Sua was in a hurry to hear Mizi’s voice again.
Speaking of hearing her voice, the last time they met was two weeks ago. When Mizi’s excuse to her strict manager miraculously worked, leading the two of them to meet secretly.
Surprisingly, the idol's disguise, which consisted of a black cap and mask worked, as there were no paparazzis the moment Mizi left her company's building.
As always, Mizi still had to be wary of her surroundings so she wore a black long wig— just like Sua's hair back then in high school, to hide her infamously hot pink hair that everybody seems to copy.
Their date, even if it was quick as the idol's manager was already itching to see his artist back in hell they call studio, was more than enjoyable for the couple.
For the past few months, Mizi has been spending less and less time with her girlfriend. Even to the point of only seeing each other once a month.
Of course, Sua understood her partner's job and the sacrifice she had to make if Mizi didn't want her career to go in ruins with just one mistake.
Yet despite Sua's understanding nature, she couldn't help but resent the path Mizi took.
Still, their date went well. They stayed in a low rated hotel you wouldn't expect a famous idol like Mizi to stay.
The pink haired girl ranting and cursing her manager and his incompetence.
Even fellow idols aren't safe from her mouth.
Idols who Mizi couldn't stand that kept talking and making side comments that they don't even bother to hide when she's around.
Talking about the reason Mizi's only relevant to this day is because of her body and looks, clearly underestimating and ignoring her remarkable singing and Mizi's talent to write her own songs. Good and actual listenable songs, unlike those who badmouth her that couldn't even write a single verse even if their lives depended on it.
God, they really just debut anyone these days, huh?
Mizi bashed the K-pop industry overall as her girlfriend listened with a smile with an occasional hum of agreement or a comment.
It would be an understatement if Sua said she doesn't agree to what her girlfriend is saying.
Sua even brought Mizi's favorite dessert, a tiramisu cake that the pink haired girl couldn't even take a single bite of because of the ridiculous diet she had to endure to maintain her perfect “goddess” figure.
If Mizi even gains a single pound, her “fans” would call her fat and a pig. Not that their bodies are any better.
It hasn't even been two hours of their time together when the person Sua loathed the most called Mizi. Demanding the idol to come back immediately for a photoshoot on her latest brand endorsement.
As much as Sua would love to spend the night with her girlfriend, she knew she had to let her go to prevent further issues with Mizi and her manager.
With a parting kiss that almost led to them ending up in the bed if only Mizi didn't pull away and a long hug. The idol basically rushed off the hotel to come back to the company building. Leaving Sua in the cold, lonely, hotel room. Her gaze blankly staring at the box of the tiramisu that wasn't even opened.
Sua hoped that she could make Mizi at least take a bite of the cake as she saw the temptation glistening in Mizi’s eyes, her girlfriend was basically turning into a stick at this point! And she couldn't even do anything about it.
After sending Mizi a text, she decided to leave the hotel with the cake after thirty minutes since the idol left as they planned.
Sua catches herself thinking about the love of her life more often than she talks on a regular basis.
Once she's on the site, she immediately went to the search bar and went on Mizi's official channel.
Amidst all the watched videos, there were two that Sua hasn't watched yet— the same ones that were released yesterday.
Curse her school for interfering on what she actually loves to do.
She clicked onto the video titled “RISING SENSATION MIZI INTERVIEW FOR HER LATEST HIT SONG ‘WITCH'.”
The video has already reached a million views despite it being uploaded less than a day ago.
Huh.
It seemed like Mizi's growth as a star is increasing day by day.
Usually, her interviews only get around two hundred to four hundred thousand views within a day.
Sua paid the view count no mind and went on with it.
As soon as the video loaded, Sua immediately saw what the tweet from earlier was talking back.
In her screen was Mizi of course, wearing a fitted black and red sleeveless dress that her stylists picked for her to wear to match the song’s aesthetic and for the fans to gawk at her body.
Disgusting.
Despite that, the idol's hair was not in her usual pig tails that she keeps wearing often. Instead, it was styled in a way that captured Sua's breath.
Mizi's hair was curled, framing her beautiful face more elegantly. Honestly, her hair looked so natural, one would mistake that she was born with curls.
Her makeup was done in a more “natural” look, with a light gloss and blush.
Sua watched with an almost obsessive look on her face the bright screen of her run down laptop. Her posture— even outside of ballet was straight and rigid against the chair.
The light emanating from the laptop showed off Sua's heavy eyebags that she usually hides with concealer to maintain her elegant persona in school.
The same light also showed off the posters of Mizi that you wouldn't find anywhere else in the market since they were the ones the company didn't deem worthy enough for the public.
Luckily, Mizi was her girlfriend so Sua had the advantage of having unreleased merchandise of the idol.
Increasing the volume, Sua watched the interview. And by that, she only focused on Mizi.
The interviewer, Kim Yunah, began the conversation with questions that the idol effortlessly answered. Like Mizi had memorised everything she had to say beforehand.
“Rising sensation Mizi! Congratulations on your latest hit, ‘Witch'! The lyrics, once again, captivated your fans worldwide!” Yunah declared in an overly cheerful tone, watching Mizi with a watchful look that she hid under that smile.
Mizi, ever the “perfect” idol, smiled with such grace and softly answered. “Ah, you flatter me, Yunah-ah,” She paused, taking the moment to bow at the interviewer before switching her gaze on the camera.
“Clematis!” The idol called to her fanbase which were called “Clematis”.
“I shall thank each and every one of you for your undying support for Witch!” Mizi waved at the camera enthusiastically as she giggled.
That giggle sent a soft shiver at Sua’s spine as she found herself cracking a small smile on the screen.
“I will continue to work hard to make every Clematis happy.” Mizi continued as she pressed a hand on her chest, her tone softening into something genuinely fond.
Despite everything, Mizi still loved making her fans pleased even if some of them can be demanding.
Yunah nodded and continued with her questions, from what inspired her to write the song, future plans for her career, and idols who she would love to work with if given the chance to.
Mizi, ever the flawless performer, replied without breaking a sweat.
These questions have been asked to her almost a hundred times now. It was no wonder why she had every answer ready.
“Hmm, I wouldn't really say that Witch was inspired by someone specifically!”
Lies.
Sua was the reason Mizi wrote that song.
The song that everybody has been blasting 24/7 these days.
Mizi was on a call with Sua the day she started brainstorming for the lyrics. The idol yearning to be in the presence of her girlfriend. Wanting to get out of that damn studio and run in Sua's arms and never let go.
Mizi placed her index finger on her chin, tapping multiple times. “Witch is for everyone! For those who feel sorrow when they are not with their loved ones.” She continued.
Hearing that response made Sua frown deeper as she reached for the pink bunny plushy merchandise of the idol.
If only Mizi could be public about their relationship. Then she can tell every Clematis that that song was meant for her girlfriend only.
The rest of the interview went relatively well, with Mizi answering everything without a stutter and giving the interviewer exactly what she wanted.
Sua was ready to wrap up her Mizi binge-watching when Yunah asked her last question (even if she only watched a twenty minute interview). Despite being a dedicated fan, she still had to review for her upcoming exams before going to bed if she wanted to maintain her grades.
“Right! Actually, Mizi! I have one last teeny-tiny question to ask you.” The interviewer suddenly declared, offering Mizi an apologetic glance as she glanced at her phone.
“Oh, no, no! It's alright!” Mizi replied, offering Yunah that smile yet again as she tugged on the hem of her skirt.
Yunah cleared her throat, the look on her eyes turning into a wary gaze and a suspicious look that didn't miss Mizi's observant nature. The camera man also switched the camera's angle. The lens focused entirely on the idol who's sensing the impending doom of the question.
Even Sua that was behind the screen sensed the change in the atmosphere despite the cheerful setting.
Are they going to ask the one thing that Mizi has tried to catch at all costs?
“Mizi,” The interviewer paused, watching the idol's reaction carefully.
“Rumors have been circulating recently online that you have been dating a mysterious person!”
If Mizi wasn't getting anxious earlier, she sure as hell would have flinched so hard now if it wasn't for everyone in that room.
Mizi literally felt her heart drop to her stomach the moment she heard the words “rumor” and “dating” out from Yunah's mouth.
No. This cannot be. She cannot risk getting rumors now that she's at the peak of her career. No way. Mizi wouldn't allow it.
Meanwhile, Sua could feel goosebumps all over her body after she heard the question the couple feared to hear. Her eyes widening as she processes the question.
How? How did Mizi catch rumors?! They were so careful about their secret meetings! They literally only meet each other once a month because of this exact same issue!
And to rub salt to the wound, the interviewer continued with her question, “And some say this mysterious person is actually a woman, Mizi!”
Oh.
Oh.
How the hell? Who in the actual hell found the two of them together?
An idol having dating rumors is already bad enough for their career.
But a gossip about an idol possibly meeting the same gender and being queer?
Now, you're just asking for an immediate hiatus and an apology to the media.
Mizi couldn't let any emotion show on her face despite her heart going haywire. That would give everybody the doubt that the rumors are true and feed onto their delusions.
As much as it hurts denying her love for the person she loves the most…
Mizi had to choose her career and fans first.
“Haha! Yunah-ah, where are you getting these ridiculous rumors from?”
Mizi let out a laugh that was so genuine, it had the public and Sua fooled.
The pink haired idol fixed her bearings after letting out that laugh before responding.
“Those are only blatant rumors! Mizi's heart belongs only to her Clematis’!” Mizi did an adorable pose with a heart on her cheek to “prove” her love to her fans.
“And.. even if I were to date, hypothetically, it wouldn't be a woman! I'm straight!”
Ah.
So that's why this video got a million views in less than twenty-four hours. Sua understood why now.
The video played until the end, but Sua could barely understand what was coming from it.
Her eyes began to sting, gaze watering as she stared blankly on the screen. She didn't even realize she was crying until a drop of liquid dropped onto her hands.
Sua's mind kept repeating the last sentence she heard from Mizi before spacing out.
”I'm straight!”
”I would never date a woman!”
Sua knows. Sua knows that this is all just a front.
An act to convince everyone that their beloved, perfect idol belongs to nobody but her fans.
Sua is well aware of the cons of dating an idol. She knew what she was getting into the moment Mizi told her that she auditioned in a studio and got accepted.
Sua prepared and trained herself to not get affected by any rumors or fanservice that her girlfriend is doing for the sake of relevance.
Sua was confident enough that she wouldn't overreact when the dating rumors finally happened. She trusted Mizi enough to handle the issue professionally
Mizi promised her already that no matter what she says on camera is all fake.
That Mizi will always come home to Sua and no one else.
So why?
When she finally heard Mizi the excuse and lie the idol has come up with, it pierced right through Sua's forming fragile heart.
Maybe because these days, Mizi barely contacts her anymore. And even if she does, it's always a brief one.
Maybe it's because Sua forces herself to watch Mizi with others from afar while she slowly loses herself.
Maybe it's because Sua finally realized the one thing she tries to deny the most:
Mizi, her girlfriend, the rising sensation of South Korea, chose her career over her.
And she couldn't do anything about it.
Sua began to sob. Her shoulders shaking as she tries to blink away her tears, and fails.
Her hands couldn't stay still, she couldn't even wipe her eyes without poking her eyes.
All of Sua's deep-rooted emotion all came crashing down when she heard Mizi deny the thing that she was.
Every doubt, every jealousy, every concern Sua had were all poured out as she cried.
And the worst part?
Mizi didn't even contact her about the interview. Not even an apology. Even a sorry would do!
Was Mizi really trying to ignore her existence?
Sua avoided going on social media for the following weeks. She became more distant, leaving Ivan concerned as he observes his sister's recent behavior.
Sua ignored any news about Mizi and the idol in general.
She wouldn't reach out to her. If Mizi is genuinely sorry, she has to be the one to come and approach Sua.
Sua waits for that day to come.