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boo-dram 👻 @boodssteak
happy pride to shane hollander specifically [video link.]
[video edit cut from the real, full video taken from the Centaurs instagram channel in the style of a thirst edit, set to a Sabrina Carpenter song:
Shane Hollander, giving the camera a panicked look as firefighters pile out of the red truck behind him.
Cut.
Shane is approached by fire captain Matthew from behind, startling, eyes going wide. There’s more blush edited onto his cheeks.
Cut.
Shane’s careful frog-mouth face as one of the firemen flexes in his face.
Cut.
Shane in the background when Luca is being squatted, Matthew very clearly zeroing in on him.
Cut.
Shane on the ground, staring up at Matthew who is explaining the correct technique for the lift, Shane’s face stony and carefully neutral.
Cut.
Shane being hoisted up onto Matthew’s shoulders and squatted, zoomed in on Shane’s face, his facial features completely derailed, eyes wide, cheeks pink.
Cut.
Matthew squatting Shane. The shot is zoomed in on Matthew’s crotch.
Cut.
Shane is put down, stumbling slightly as Matthew reaches out to stabilize him. Shane’s eyes are wide, and he is visibly blushing, which is edited to look even more intense.
Cut. End video.]
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
not shane hollander on the ultimate strugglebus: hot men at your workplace
i love wyatt hayes @hayzeeeee
shaney we get it… men in uniform are hotties
↪️shane hollander rainbow tape @loulouloveshockey
in theory only please… don’t forget: cops beat, firefighters cheat
ilya’s baby @russroyro
yeah i’m sure there’s plenty of cheating going on… 🙄
riley @hyped4hockey
are you seriously implying shane hollander would cheat?! are you mentally unwell?
shaydentruther @mormonhaydenpike
if anything, rozanov cheated first
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
everytime I think I’m delulu I remember you guys exist
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luca haas is my spirit animal @madeinswitzerlandhaas
everyone talking about shane but my Luca did it first… he’s literally so smol and pick-uppable i’m going to commit crimes
scott hunter is my daddy @kelseythepup
only hockey fans would refer to a 180 pound man as small
luca haas is my spirit animal @madeinswitzerlandhaas
I mean look at him [image attached: screengrab taken from the original video of Luca standing in the middle of a bunch of huge firemen, making him look kind of small in relation, mostly because he is standing with his hands clasped, smiling shyly and looking adorable.]
chekov’s cum @uraliendad
Luca always looking like he’s in the thumbnail of a video which has words like ‘twink’, ‘virgin’, ‘pussy’ and ‘destroyed’ in the title.
puck me luca haas @biandsurprised
would watch
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
in my heart, he is
centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed
the only thing we’re destroying is philly tonight babeeeyyyyy
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I post true hockey @hockeynewseveryday
I just want to watch hockey, leave me alone with that gay shit
so normal about troy barrett @trooooy17
babe nobody is forcing you to watch it… you’re holding the gun to your own head
I post true hockey @hockeynewseveryday
it’s impossible to avoid nowadays especially in Ottawa… seriously thinking about switching to Dallas or Toronto, at least they still have real men on their teams
so normal about troy barrett @trooooy17
you seem awfully obsessed with the correct performance of masculinity, Todd… much to think about
I post true hockey @hockeynewseveryday
can you just leave me the fuck alone FUCK
kyle the gay hockey mouse official 🐭🌈 @centaursrodenthours
as the official centaurs squeaksperson I am banning you from hockey for homophobia. you can come back when you’re doing better.
rozanov’s loon tattoo 🦆 @bettygr.81
rekt by the gay rat
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tomas @gayeishockeyfan21
you’re welcome [comprehensive list of all the hot firefighters with professional headshots + links to their instagram profiles and/or twitter]
darcy @ottcentaursfan29
what if I light my house on fire right now
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vee 🎃@disneyadultery
how do we think roz is doing rn
i post hockey fights @droppinggloves99
rozanov rn [GIF of Ilya Rozanov getting ready for a fight, dropping his gloves with one hard shake of his hands, a gleefully violent expression on his face.]
darcy @ottcentaursfan29
oh no, my basement is flooded… should I call the fire dept
boo-dram 👻 @boodssteak
me when I’m completely fine and not stressed at all and my knee is fine and I’m not even a little bit jealous [screenshot attached: taken from the video posted by Ilya in which he is squatting his husband. His face is distorted into an expression that almost looks like a snarl.]
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shane hollander ao3 feed @shollanderfanficrecs
to ashes and dust by peekabooboo, Shane Hollander/Matthew Roy, rated E, tags: Alternate Universe, Blowjobs, Rough Anal Sex, Rimming
shane hollander ao3 feed @shollanderfanficrecs
you set me on fire, baby by thismomwritesfic, Shane Hollander/Matthew Roy, rated M, tags: Love At First Sight, Yearning, Firefighter AU
shane hollander ao3 feed @shollanderfanficrecs
burn you to the ground by hollanov_fan_84, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov/Matthew Roy, rated E, tags: Threesome - M/M/M, Established Relationship, Jealousy, Possessive Sex
vee 🎃@disneyadultery
miss shane hollander a oh three feed working overtime, respect
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Capt. Matthew Roy 🚒🔥@matthew_on_fire
Hi :) let me please use this moment to say: fire safety concerns us all! Protect yourself and your neighbour today! (38, single, 6’3 btw) [2 images attached: The first one is a Canadian Guidelines for Fire Safety Poster. The second one is a shirtless selfie, showing off a dalmatian chest tattoo.]
darcy @ottcentaursfan29
ok that’s it, where is my lighter
puck me luca haas @biandsurprised
is this why people watch that 911 show
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tomas @gayeishockeyfan21
ok I felt inspired for… no reason [video attached: A supercut of shots of Shane Hollander standing next to hot men over the years, looking different levels of flustered, his face carefully neutral.The video ends with a shot of Shane watching Ilya on the red carpet at some event. His cheeks are pink and he is smiling, looking absolutely smitten while his husband flips off a camera. The shot morphs into a video from a hockey game in which Ilya was hit in the face; his lips is split and bleeding. Hollanov are sitting next to each other on the bench, and Shane is inspecting the cut with barely-contained lust in his eyes.]
hollanov’s third 🍋🟩@pathtoottawa
nothing beats true love……….. brb throwing myself off a cliff
rozanov #1 fan @rozbear
wait hollander and rozanov are married?!
darcy @ottcentaursfan29
rozbear pls say sike…
rozanov #1 fan @rozbear
no i’m just playing ;) btw i got diagnosed with adhd and dyslexia the other day
darcy @ottcentaursfan29
omg fr?? wow peace and love on planet earth :) good for u rozbear
rozanov #1 fan @rozbear
:)
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
oh rozbear i think i will miss your piss on the poor reading comprehension, it was so whimsical
rozanov #1 fan @rozbear
if you miss poor reading comprehension may i direct you towards the shayden truthers
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
shots firrrrrredddd
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centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed
ok babes we gotta lock in. philly tonight. prayer circle. venmo your etsy witches now. meditate.
so normal about troy barrett @trooooy17
it’s 3-0… our boys will literally wipe the floor with the flyers like they have been so i’m not worried… they have the power of god and homosexuality on their side
psalm 7:12 @christianhockeyenjoyer
leave God out of this. The Ottawa Gaytaurs are not godly in any way.
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
fuck can we print this on a t-shirt?! would go so hard
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tritty4lyfe @blackandorangelovers
already bricked tf up thinking about gritty and troy in the same room tonight
troy barrett redemption arc 🌱@canadiantwinkenjoyer
wait this started out as a joke, why am i genuinely shipping it now
troy barrett ao3 feed @tbarrettao3_ficrecs
I like em big by saveme_gayhockey_saveme, Troy Barrett/Harris Drover, Troy Barrett/Gritty, rated M, tags: Polyamory, Troy Barrett Has Two Hands
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rozanov’s loon tattoo 🦆 @bettygr.81
do you think normal people can tell that we are all slowly losing our minds since this is game 4?
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Ottawa Centaurs Official ✅ @ottawacentaursofficial
Tune in tonight: Ottawa Centaurs vs. Philadelphia Flyers 🏒 Let’s Go Cens!
i love wyatt hayes @hayzeeeee
ok Ok OK OKAYYYY
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Ottawa Centaurs Official ✅ @ottawacentaursofficial
The moment we have all been waiting for: The Saga comes to a close. @grittyflyers [video attached: Gritty the mascot, shot from behind. In his hand, there’s a bouquet of flowers. He is waiting in an empty hallway at the Philadelphia Xfinity Mobile Arena. Half of the lights are turned off, giving the hallway an eerie vibe. Troy Barrett steps out into the hallway, wearing all black, as usual. He stands a few feet away from Gritty, crossing his arms, giving Gritty a conflicted look.
Troy: “Are those for me?” Troy’s acting is surprisingly good.
Gritty nods.
Troy: “You know I’m about to get married soon.”
Gritty shakes his head, holding out the flowers.
Troy, apologetic: “I can’t take those. Sorry, Gritty. But this could never work.”
Gritty’s shoulders sag sadly.
Troy: “I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.”
Gritty, who does not speak, can only watch Troy turn around and start to walk away. After a few paces, Troy looks back over his shoulder, emotional.
Troy, voice breaking: “I wish you all the best, Gritty. Good-bye, now.”
Troy walks away. Gritty watches until he turns a corner, then turns around to face the camera. “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry starts playing in the background. Gritty, albeit having no discernable facial features, looks dejected. The camera shakes when he reaches for it, batting it away, then storms off. On his way, he kicks at something on the floor: A sign, saying ‘Marry Me Troy Barrett’.
The video ends on a banner with the time and location of tonight’s game.]
tritty4lyfe @blackandorangelovers
NOOOOOOOOOOO
troy barrett redemption arc 🌱@canadiantwinkenjoyer
gritty will kill someone for real tonight huh?
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
harris drover are you safe?
kyle the gay hockey mouse official 🐭🌈 @centaursrodenthours
dw guys I will protect Harris with my life
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 1-0 by Luca Haas (Ottawa)
luca haas is my spirit animal @madeinswitzerlandhaas
my babyyyyyyyy first goal of the game YES
haadler stan 🏆 @sylvieeeeeee
i spy with my little eye [screenshot attached: Luca’s boyfriend Yannick Adler sitting with the other WAGs, wearing a Haas jersey, cheering after Luca’s goal.]
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 1-1 by Sergei Kozlov (Philadelphia)
centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed
ok everybody stay calm, we’ve got this
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 2-1 by Shane Hollander (Ottawa)
riley @hyped4hockey
I’m literally crying rn
shane hollander rainbow tape @loulouloveshockey
“Shane Hollander (Ottawa)”... our shaney… thank you montreal for fumbling him so hard <3 the only time homophobia was a good thing
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 2-2 by Bryce Mercier (Philadelphia)
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
kyle the gay rat where are you, we need your superpowers…
darcy @ottcentaursfan29
too busy protecting harris from gritty’s wrath
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 3-2 by Troy Barrett
recovering toronto fan @fuckdallaskentforever
and I hope somewhere, dallas kent is punching a wall rn 🙂
troy barrett redemption arc 🌱@canadiantwinkenjoyer
troy baby you’re doing amazing sweetie
centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed
everybody join my no overtime prayer circle pls
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 4-2 by Ilya Rozanov (Ottawa)
boo-dram 👻 @boodssteak
WITH AN ASSIST BY SHANE HOLLANDER
all queer all centaurs 🏳️🌈 @hollanovtruther
HAPPY PRIDE TO US
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centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed
[GIF: “everbody stay calm” from The Office]
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I post true hockey @hockeynewseveryday
sometimes I wonder if I should have been born a girl
so normal about troy barrett @trooooy17
SERIOUSLY?! RIGHT NOW??!!!
kyle the gay hockey mouse official 🐭🌈 @centaursrodenthours
ok fine you’re unbanned from hockey
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 4-3 by Bryce Mercier (Philadelphia)
darcy @ottcentaursfan29
AUGHHHHH
vee 🎃@disneyadultery
deep breaths… I’m sending my etsy witch a crisp 21 canadian dollars as we speak
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Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa vs. Philadelphia: 5-3 by Shane Hollander (Ottawa)
Hockey Live Compact ✅@hockey_compact_official
Ottawa Centaurs achieve historic game four win, taking home the Stanley Cup for the second time.
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centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed
holy shit