Work Text:
Dear Santa,
Hello again! It's been another long year, but my very first year in the MadHouse. Well, it's everyone's first year- er, 8 months here. Things are a little weird. You might have to make a detour as you're flying around the world. This is one house you have to stop at. You might have to recheck your naughty/nice list, though. I'm nice! Don't get me wrong, Santa. But, uh...bring extra coal. Trust me; you'll need it.
How are things up in the North Pole? I understand it gets really busy this time of year, and you'll need all the help you can get with getting all the toys in order. Are your elves doing okay? I bet they get their energy with lots of cookies and pies from Mrs. Clause. You have to share some of the recipes with me! My friend Cheryl would love to know what kind of goodies she can teach Ryan to make. Maybe give her a cookbook for Christmas. And a life-time supply of Oreos for her and her Ghost BFF. Anyway, we at the MadHouse don't get our energy from cookies. We get it from Diet Coke. Well, the others do. I get my energy from Pepsi. I'm alone in this soda war.
Now, as you make your way to the living room to deliver presents, I'd advise you to watch out for the various traps we have installed. Uh, we like to keep our MadHouse secure from people who try to sneak in. So, when you land on the roof of the house, let Ryan know so he can turn off the security systems. Which might include lasers, attack dogs and a lazy MadHouse Ghost. His name is Ray and loves roses and memes. Don't ask. Just...get him garden tools, a collection of memes and an alarm clock that goes off whenever it's 4:20. Again, don't ask. We usually have the fire lit in the fireplace. It helps whenever we have Cozy Nights in the MadHouse and we drink hot cocoa with marshmallows by the fire. On Christmas Eve, it should be off. If not, then I'll tell Jess to turn it off. Oh, the shenanigans that would happen if it were on. And oh, the pain. Ouch.
As you make your way towards the tree, please be careful. I've heard that Ryan asked Azriella to make some kind of magical barrier to prevent us from snooping and opening our presents early. Some of us put our gifts under the tree already, and the struggle to wait is real. People get antsy, they start asking questions, it's not fun times. But, I know you're full of Christmas magic and maybe it's strong enough to combat it. I hope so!
There's a lot of us in the MadHouse, so there's more than just one plate of cookies and a glass of milk for you. There are Oreos, cakes (frowned upon by our resident Ghost) um, I think some of us put out bags of chips. I saw a red bag of Doritos, then I switched it for Cool Ranch. You're welcome in advance. But, the one thing that stayed the same is that every plate has a Diet Coke can next to- Oh, wait. Never mind. I broke the trend. #TeamPepsi
I think that's all you need to worry about. And you never use the front door, right? Okay, good. There's a trap door that's set to go off if you step in a certain area by the doors. So, just go back out the way you came and all will be right in the world. I don't really know what the other members of the MadHouse want. But, I'm sure they'll send you their Christmas lists. Let me see if I can help a little bit.
- Ninja Monkey Joe would like some bananas. Or anything that has a banana picture on it. It could be a banana phone from RTAA and he'd probably like it!
- Is there a way to use your Christmas magic to make the mods' green swords glow in the dark? That would be awesome, and terrifying, all at the same time.
- Lotti would like for every little girl who has asked for a pony to get their wish. (she kinda doesn't, but don't tell her I told you. Give ALL THE PONIES!!)
- Yuzuki would like a year's supply of bits so she can cheer for Ryan to her heart's content. And maybe a train set. With people figures. And a detonator with dynamite. Don't ask.
- I've learned that Eggy really likes cupcakes. Maybe send some red velvet ones; that's their favorite. You think Mrs. Clause can help with that? Oh! And maybe a mini art studio with new art supplies. Have you seen Eggy's art? The art is amazing and must be displayed for all the world to see. I think they drew something for you when you come visit us on Christmas Eve. Be amazed!!
Now, I don't know what Ryan wants. Is he even on your Nice list? I sure hope so. (for your sake) Just get him more cans of Diet Coke and send us more kitty stickers to put on the stuff in his room. We're currently working on his mug and door to his room. We need more ammo! Again, I don't know what he wants. I asked him what I should get him and he just said, "anything you get for me will make me happy. It's the thought that counts." And since that isn't a legit answer (though it's sweet as hell) , I'm stumped. Maybe you can do some magic and find out. But, if it has anything to do with Stu, DO NOT GET IT. For the 100th time, don't ask.
What do I want for Christmas? Well, to be quite honest, I don't have a lot of room to tell you what I'd like. This letter is almost over!
[But, there will be a paper stapled to the back with the aforementioned list of items, plz and thank you in advance.]
Anyways, I hope you've enjoyed reading this letter, because I've enjoyed writing it to you. Thank you for taking the time to read it, and I hope it's not too complicated for you and your elves. I must be off to spread my own holiday cheer throughout this crazy house.
Have a safe flight, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!!
Love,
TabiKatz <3
PS: We have a friend called Milez who frequently gets scared off by our antics. I think you'd make his Christmas if you sent him something special from us. He truly deserves it. Thank you! <3