Work Text:
T'was the night before Christmas
The MadHouse is quiet
For once all the Vagabonds
Aren't starting a RYOT
The stockings were hung
And the cookies put out
No, they're not poisoned
So no need to shout.
From misfits to mods
All were snuggled in bed
While the sound of 666 bits
Played in their heads
With me in my onesie
Too hyped up to sleep
I want to see Santa!
So downstairs I'll creep
I tip-toed with care
As I made my way down
Then I bumped into Joe
A Ninja Monkey with a frown
"I have no bananas,
I'm in such despair
I'm headed to the kitchen
Will any be there?"
I've no time for this
There's a man I must see
So, down I kept going
With joy and with glee
The Christmas tree shone
In the living room it stood
As it shone and it dazzled
Like a Christmas tree should
The huge pile of presents
All shapes and all sizes
Lay under the tree
Our own special prizes
As I look around
No Santa in sight
I turn 'round, dejected
Guess I'm sleeping tonight.
When I hear a "THUD!"
And a jingle of bells
From up on the housetop
I think someone fell
With the galloping of hooves
And footwork so quick
I now have my wish
'Cause here comes St Nick!
I look at the mantle
With stockings aligned
I pray and I hope
That Santa is fine
He mutters some nonsense
Christmas magic, I bet
As he slides down the chimney
See? No need to fret
He coughed and he swore
And as the smoke cleared
I looked and I gasped
It's worse than I feared
This Santa lost weight!
He's skinny as hell!
I wondered how he fit
In that suit so damn well
"Ho Ho Ho!
Why are you still awake?
I have to deliver pleasants-
PRESENTS- Oh, for goodness sake."
Ninja Joe flipped beside me
A banana in hand
As we laughed at the flub
And thought it was grand.
Wait. A flub?
And no magic dust?
This is an imposter
Not the Santa I trust!
I storm towards the man
And take off his hat
"Oh crap," I say to Joe
"Would you look at that?"
The man wasn't Santa
Such fear did this bring
For it wasn't Santa
It was the Mad King!
"Why are you Santa?
You're stealing his shtick!"
I frowned as he chuckled
He wasn't so slick.
"I have a confession,
And please don't be mad
But, that THUD that you heard
That was from me- my bad.
I knew he was coming
The big, jolly guy
I took out my RPG
And shot him outta the sky
I want to give my own gifts
To the MadHouse crew
And I'll do it myself
It's the least I could do
So, I've made my own list
And checked it twice
And I can now say
Who's been naughty or nice
From Cheryl to Lotti,
Yuzuki and Zee
Omega, Joe, Fallz,
and you, dear Tabby.
And Macky, Sir Fluffy
and witch Azriella
Have all been good
little girls and fellas
Lest we not forget
My amazing mods
And the ever growing gang
That is the Panda Squad
You all have been good
And I've watched you all grow
I don't want another guy
Telling you so.
You've stuck with the creepy
The good, and the bad
I want to give you the best
Christmas you've ever had."
I watched him explain
With a tear in my eye
I almost forgot
That he made someone die
"Now hurry off to bed
I have work to do
And if you refuse
Then your gifts go to Stu."
My eyes, how they widened
As Joe flipped away
"I'm going to bed
See you on Christmas Day!"
I waved to the monkey
Then turned to the King
I wanted to stay
And watch him do this thing!
The Mad One walked to me
And gave me a wink
"Off to bed, TabiKatz
Or no Pepsi to drink."
Yep. That made me move
As I ran to my room
I don't want my favorite drink
Meeting its doom
But I heard him exclaim
As I slept with no fright,
"Merry Christmas to all
Have a Sorta Malicious Night!"