Work Text:
Dazai makes the turn adequately, retracing the way back to the agency. He had slouched back lazily on the drivers seat with only one hand on the wheel. Atsushi should've found such careless posture nerve wracking, but he felt fine. Neither relaxed nor tense, just fine as they conversed
“And I had given up my moaning and groans, deciding it's time for the real fun! Yet….as I had looked at my cup of Bourbon with the ice ball, it was completely watered down!”
Atsushi sighed
“And the moral of the story….is?"
He saw the cheeky smile Dazai gave to no one in particular as he slowed down for the upcoming speed bump
“quickly forget about your sorrows and divulge in joy”
Atsushi rolled his eyes to the side, crossing his arms over where they support him up on his knees
“I think I would've taken it as a sign to go home”
“Eh? If it were you, I'm most sure you would' ve cried once arriving home ya’ know”
Merely shrugging his shoulders for no one in particular either, as Dazai can't see him
“Sometimes it's good to not rush things”
Some things of Dazai confused him, it was confusing for him to imagine how Dazai would behave as everything he did was so irregular and bewildering.
Atsushi glanced towards the windshield, the bridge they crossed earlier not too far of a distance as he remembered this corner curve
—”I need someone to finish this assignment for me” nobody had expected Fukuzawa as he walked in, seemingly appearing from nowhere despite the obvious corridor. He appeared looking down at his hands, holding a largely yellow letter that seemed stacked inside
“Ah?" Kunikida snapped his head, his hand firmly against Dazai’s cheek, pushing him away, while Yosano was still stuck in a pile of medical work filling out transportation for medical tools. Kyouka was skimming through a new report she was given, and even the Tanizaki siblings were separated as Naomi was at reception and Junichiro was forced to rest on the couch because of a leg gash from his last mission. Ranpo wasn't here, a city away, and Kenji was already out doing an investigation
“It’s simple, just deliver this to Taneda. There’s work regarding the Agency that Taneda is willing to help with, and he needs these files. I’ve filled them out already, so someone just needs to deliver this to him”
Dazai shoots up from where he half hung himself over Kunikida “I’ll go!”, Kunikida pulls him back down by his jeweled bolo tie
“Absolutely not! You’ll kill 50 people just by driving for a minute!”
Futilelessly, not even trying to put in much effort, Dazai tries to snag Kunikidas grip off him
“Eeeehhhhhh! Don't be like that, Kunikida-kun! Have a little faith in your partner, why don’t cha?
“Not at all!” Almost effortlessly, Kunikida shoves Dazai onto the seat next to him, in a gesture that almost seems like taming a wild dog. From gritting teeth and bulging veins on his forehead, Kunikida snaps back to something softer and looks at Atsushi
“Lad, do you mind going? Dazai is no good of a driver, and I'm fairly busy for the next hour and half”
His own shoulders spike and he shoots back a bit at the idea of driving. He’s never really driven before
“Are you sure thats a good idea? I’ve never…been good behind the wheel either…”
Kunikida, in response, just tilts his head to the side and looks back down at the blue light shining computer screen his glasses filter out
“Nobody is worse than Dazai at driving, even a rookie is better”
Exasperatedly, Kunikida sighs heavily from some sort of exhaustion that comes with being Dazai's partner, shoulders slouching a bit.
“It’s like he drives with the motive to kill on a joyride, I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case as it does risk his life”
From the corner of Kunikidas eye, he looks at Dazai and glares at him, a look between annoyance and worry. Of course Kunikida is worried. Yet, Dazai all but just smiles at him sweetly, leaning towards him on the arm of his chair and plants his chin on his palm. It’s akin to a fruity apology that isn't sorry, just meaning to be darling. In response, Kunikida rolls his eyes away and continues working. Watching this with a front row seat, Atsushi notes that it looks like a language of body motions
“I mean…”
He looks up at Fukuzawa, whom is already looking at him. Ah, maybe Fukuzawa truly does agree with Kunikidas statement as well. Then it’s no joke
“Where…is it exactly? And, hypothetically speaking, would I be charged for car damages…”
To fuel Atsushi's growing embarrassment, Fukuzawa raises his eyebrow and gives a look between questioning and judgement. The president is as scary as he is kind. Quickly enough, he sets up and writes the address on his palm to type in later, picking up the envelope and ready to head out
“I’ll come along!”
Dazai already shoots up quickly, dashing to follow Atsushi out the door before Kunikida is fast enough to grab him
“Dazai!-“
“Ne ne, don’t stress Kunikida! I’ll be a good boy and sit in passenger with my legs up and keep Atsushi company! Aff, the air is so stuffy in here anyways, we truly do need the air conditioners repaired! I can almost feel it in my skin that they will break soon…you can be sure of it! It’s tragic to think of the coming summer, stuck in here with only our hand fans as our wrist works a little more endlessly in 30° weather!”
Dazai made a face, a theatrical one to further give impression on his nonsense
“Oh the horror! Ah! Clothes sticking to sweaty skin…sweat soaked bandages!”
He dashed towards Atsushi, hands on his subordinates shoulders, rushing him out
“I’d most surely not be able to live like that!”
Shortly enough, the door slams closed and off goes the duo, everyone taken back from how Dazai is being ridiculous more than usual. Yet, looking up at the air conditioners, Fukuzawa thinks that he makes a point
Dazai giggles as both he and Atsushi rush down the stairs and towards where the agency keeps its work car. It’s odd, but Atsushi almost likes to see people happy like this, although questionable how much Dazai dislikes to be working in the office
While Atsushi extended his hand to reach for the drivers door, Dazai all but throws his body on the door, feigning a smile while he presses himself against the black metal
“At-su-shi~”
“Nah ah Dazai, Kunikida told me principally-“
“Aaahhhh don’t tell me you’re taking after more of Kunikida than you are of me! Come now, im the fun one of us both as your senseis!”
Atsushi shakes his head, eyebrows furrowing. “Dazai…” he sounds vexed
“Im a smooth driver! Kunikida is all but neurotic in nearly everything! He most definitely goes bananas over anything if it’s just a second off!”
Atsushi mouth goes into a thin line, and despite that Dazai makes a fair point, he still has this feeling that he should listen to Kunikida
Almost perfectly, perfection in reading people and persuading and doing exactly what he needs to do, Dazai softens his intense playfulness and performs something more grounding
“Do trust Atsushi, perhaps maybe I would put us in risk when necessary, but when it comes to shachōs precious agency? My, even that is too much for me”
And it’s hard to argue with that, because troubling Fukuzawas work is immensely terrifying for people of their positions as his employees
“Plus”
Dazai tilts his head to the side, a little playful grin on him
“You can lay in the back and purr all you’d like”
Face blushing pink, Atsushi mumbles something as he walks over to the backseat, opening the door with his free hand and ignoring Dazais little cheerful “woo-hoo!” As he scowls——
The drive was long, half hour over and another half hour back. Discount the ten minute conversation between Dazai and Taneada, catching up supposedly after a year. Apparently, Taneada had been the one to manage Dazai recruited into the agency, so Dazai has courtesy of his gratitude to give Taneada every time he sees him
Now, Atsushi leans his head back heavily on the seat, thinking a bit about thoughts he’ll forget later. Sometimes, he wondered what the other children from the orphanage were doing. He’d imagine some of their futures, yet it left him bitter afterwards. So then he’d imagine what would happen to himself if he never got found by the agency, if he would continue to be half boy and tiger on the streets as he starved, unknowing of his capabilities and constantly hunted by people he was weak against. It all is accompanied by the faint tapping rhythm of Dazais fingers tuned to his humming
It almost feels peaceful, the silence comforting, the small moments he’d appreciate when looking back and remembering. Something he has come to learn is that, what makes him miss someone more than the person, is the small moments like these. Sometimes, there were times where the headmaster would almost be gentle. Clean a wound, give him extra left overs, told a child to not bother him. It wasn’t often, but it were the moments that stuck with him the most out of all the spanks and hits he received. Sometimes those small memories hurt more than hammering a nail into his foot
“Atsushi”
Uncharacteristically, Dazai sounded serious. Lazily, as if waking up, Atsushi tried to look at him. He couldn’t get a good look, so he glanced at the rear view mirror, and found the unappetizing sight of Dazais eyes looking devoid and dark while looking down at the road ahead. His fingers had stopped thrumming. Something was wrong, something was very wrong if Dazai is so somber now
He hears the lock of his side click unlocked, he glanced quickly as if it frightened him.
“jump out the car when we reach the bridge rails”
His body goes rigid like a stitch being pulled. He glanced between Dazais eyes and the road. The bridge was up ahead, the lane now was stacked with cars while the bridge was emptier due to the speed limit decrease
“…what?”
Dazais voice was soft, low and quiet, that any other moment could’ve lulled him to sleep
“Just before reaching the railing of the bridge, you will open the door and throw yourself onto the sidewalk”
It was all going too fast
“Soon after, I’m going to press on the gas and speed up and slam the car to the side against the rails.”
“Dazai-“
“Move your spot closer to the door I unlocked, we’re getting closer”
“Just hold on a second!”
With new found anxiety, Atsushi grabbed onto the side of Dazais seat, trying to look at him but not getting a clear look at him besides what the rear view mirror offers. What is going on?
“W-what’s wrong? Dazai- this isn’t necessary! Just- just-…”
What does he even say? Logically, he needs to de-escalate the situation, calm Dazai down, yet it feels like Dazai is more calm than him. Even the both hands that are now on the steering wheel do not strain. Despite the straighter posture, he looked like what any person should look like while driving.
“Dazai, just talk to me!”
“That is no use.”
“Please-“
“You need to get out”
They were getting closer, time was ticking
“What if I don’t get out? Huh?”
He noticed Dazais eyes narrow, he didn’t like that one, and Atsushi hoped he managed to reach something inside of him
“I haven’t killed a person in the last 4 years, I had made a promise to become a person I didn't know anything about, I managed to succeed into the someone I have been for these past 4 years.
I enjoyed whoever I am, I see I liked being in the light. Regardless, I did not find a reason to live here either”
Atsushi looks at Dazai incredulously. He admitted to murder, and despite the fact it had been clearly obvious to Atsushi that he had murdered people ever since he found out he was ex mafia, it was different to hear Dazai actually admit it then piece it together through puzzle pieces.
He sees the fluff of brown hair fall forwards a bit, Dazai leaning in his head down a bit almost in rigorous shame
“You will be my first one, the one to break that clean streak if you stay in this car and die. I will have killed you.”
Atsushi feels the hot sweat trickle down his body, his palms clammy
“…regardless”
Dazais knuckles whiten
“I’m crashing this car”
He can’t see Dazais eyes from the rear view mirror anymore
“I’m going to kill myself.”
——Ranpo walks into the agency, somewhat regretting it as he whines out from how stuffy it is. He had gotten lost in the train, Kyouka having come to swiftly pick him up as to prevent him from going a few cities farther away. In reward of her help and how cute she is, Ranpo plopped a lollipop in her mouth
He looks around, almost disturbed by how silent the agency is, and sees the lack of two of their usual two members.
With a similar laziness, Ranpo walks to his desk
“Where’s Dazai and Atsushi?”
“They had left to deliver some papers”
Yosano answered with an automatic voice, still occupied with a headache that threatens to come
“Ah…”
Ranpo stops shortly behind Kunikida
“Why didn’t you go with”
Kunikida turns a bit behind him, looking up at Ranpo who he looks at him with his head tilted
“Atsushi is in control,
Dazai isnt driving. So I trust Atsushi to come back with less scratches than perhaps five broken limbs.”
Kunikida turns back to his computer
“Head included”
Ranpo doesnt move, he keeps looking down at Kunikida and over his shoulder to his computer
Something ties in his stomach——
“Dazai, just, wait, please! There’s still time, listen, Kunikida and Yosano, Fukuzawa and Ranpo, even Kyouka and Junichiro are there and would be willing to listen to you!”
“Theres no language to translate these feelings”
“Please Dazai we don’t have to die”
Atsushi is all but crying out to Dazai, nearly pleading him. It’s futile, it’s all just noise to Dazai
“Atsushi, if you don’t want to die, then jump out”
They were nearly reaching the bridge. Atsushi has only a few seconds to make a life or death decision
He opens and closes his mouth, breathing heavily yet not able to form a word with any of his breaths.
‘Think quickly’
He can’t argue with Dazai to stop in less than 10 seconds, it will only end in the same aftermath that Dazai wants. With his ability, he could survive the crash and regenerate quickly, but he can’t do anything about Dazai as touching him would nullify his ability. Dazai would die, if he died, because he always failed
If he held onto Dazai and died but Dazai survived, Dazai would be charged with murder and be unable to perform anymore good, fired from the agency. If he didn’t try to protect Dazai and Dazai lived but he died, he’d live with this moment for the rest of his left. If they both lived, Dazai might go to jail and Atsushi would be injured. If they both died…they died
There were two possibilities- maybe if they both lived and Atsushi says he forced Dazai to crash it cause he has been suicidal, he could even slit his wrist or his thighs to really sell the image, and he knew that Dazai was in a vulnerable mental state and took advantage and had Dazai drive, he could get where he gets in trouble instead of Dazai. Dazai has done so much for him
Yet, what if Dazai didnt live? What if he does die now, that all those other times were flukes he knew wouldn’t work and did it for whatever messed up suicidal reason he had. What if this was serious, the real attempt? Could he live with this, live life after this short of trauma? Losing Dazai
And if he were to jump out, then, Dazai would die alone.
He’s stuck, stuck with indecisiveness that has paralyzed him. The bridge is closer, three seconds away.
In a curt gasp, he makes his decision he hardly agrees with
“Im not jumping”
Dazai snaps up, from the mirror his eyes looked wide and panicked yet so clouded from his motive. He didn’t look back at Atsushi where he was sure he was sitting back all ghostly pale. Atsushi stared, tracing every detail into his memory
Dazai braces back, placing one hand on the center console
He looks back at Atsushi, eyes wide yet not from shock
“Close your eyes”
His stomach drops, and suddenly it’s too real. Suddenly he realizes he is actually gonna die right now. Tears well in his eyes.
Yet, despite his fear of dying right now, he reaches his hand out to hold Dazais on the center console. He gives one last glance and sees them getting on the bridge, shuts his eyes with a sob as two years track down his cheeks. Dazais hand is relaxed in his iron grip, unmoving as he feels the car speed up
The sound of metal scrapes and a loud crash, blood heavy in the air while a skull cracks louder than the car. Blaring horns, almost silent in the haze of his brain. Blood, so much blood, dirtying his clothes Dazai had picked for him. Now Dazai lays on the concrete, limp body and wet bangs covering his eyes, mouth agape. Beneath him, blood pools, a puddle growing bigger, and bigger. The essence of life streaming from a head of brilliance
And he reaches out, barely, feeling his own body weak, aching, his hand mangled with broken fingers. In the corner of his eyes, he sees some of his hair scraped against the concrete. The world spins every time he looks. He tries to look up at the sky, and it felt so silent, it felt so peaceful, it almost feels good, he almost feels like he is being born again. His eyes roll back once, twice, and he swears he can hear birds chirping despite there being none
For a second, he can feverishly hear steps padding quickly. Trying to look, he sees it, them
And a feeling worse than death, worse than slowly feeling his heart slowly stop beating, he sees Ranpo- and he sees Fukuzawa- Kyouka- Kunikida
And theres this stricken look on Kunikida. There's nothing besides pure horror, mortification of seeing the dying corpses of someone you knew, someone you cared for. He looked ghostly, more of a ghost than he and Dazai. And at that moment, he knew for sure he was gonna die, he knew without doubt that he wouldn't take another breath.
He limps his head to the side, and there is Dazai. In all his suicidal glory, bloody, and dead. There was nothing worse than this, and Atsushi will die with this final sight of him. Someone who gave him a chance of life, dead in front of him. Yet, at least he wouldn’t be alone
Atsushi waits with baited breath, one second, two seconds, three….
Maybe on the fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh, he flutters his eyes up. He’s almost scared to look around, before he realizes that nothing changed. He lifts his head like it weighed the world, and sees that they are on the bridge. Driving, moving at a normal speed. The car is fine, other cars drive with them, passed them. There’s no blood, no horns, still upright, still moving. Still breathing, heart beating, bones fine. Dazais hand twitches in his hold, and sharply looking at him, he only saw bangs in that damn rear view mirror and tense, shaking shoulders
Nothing happened
——Ranpos breath had hitched, his posture having gone rigid and his eyes slamming shut when he had opened them and slid his glasses back on. He took two steps away from behind Kunikida before freezing.
Yosano and Kunikida quickly looked at him, the most productive people immediately alarmed. Even Junichiro and Kyouka had looked at him
He was pale, for a second he didn’t move.
“Ranpo-san…did something happen?”
Kunikida asks, he suddenly sounded careful. Ranpo being serious was no lightly taken joke, so they were all immediately alarmed
Yet, as silence rung out for a few seconds. Back still facing people and his hair conceding his face, his posture slowly relaxed yet still seemed tense at the same time
He took off his glasses and slid them into his pocket
“No, nothing happened”
He walked his way to his desk again
“Dazai and Atsushi will be back in 27 minutes and 46 seconds, I already deduced the seconds I spent talking. Count that down Kunikida”
Kunikida snapped up a bit, swallowing thickly
“Yes, Ranpo-san”——
Dazai parked in the garage, and before Atsushi could rush back in after getting out, Dazai stops in front of him. Somehow, he looks back to his lazy, mischievous, yet playful behavior. He had his head to the side languidly that stretched his bandaged neck, looking down at a wallet in his hand he ruffled through it.
His eyes looked glassy, yet other than that, he seemed fine. In fact, he was so in character that the wallet wasn’t even his, Atsushi recognized it as Kunikidas wallet
“Say, Atsushi, since you’re already down here, treat yourself to some Chazuke, ya?”
Dazai reached his hand out and placed some money in Atsushi hand. It was obviously too much as the Chazuke from the cafe below was fairly priced
“It’d be Kunikidas treat for tasking you to such an unwelcomed job today”
He pranced away, seeming just as idiotic he feigns to be
“Besides, rookies are supposed to have easy work on weekends!”
He called out over his shoulder while making it to the stairs, quickly stepping up with an animated glee to the heel of his foot, probably excited to annoy Kunikida and throw his wallet at his face
Atsushi realizes that he didn’t want to go up actually. That he needed a moment of silence to himself, away from everyone. Almost pray for the life he almost lost. His life
Even as Lucy looked at him as he sat down in the corner, she quickly shut her mouth seeing his attitude, silently going to to kitchen and making him something on the house.
Everyone files out as the golden hour shines through the window, clock telling the hour has reached 5:30. By now, everyone was allowed to leave if they’d like, or stay longer to finish whatever they need to
Unlucky for Dazai, Ranpo wanted him to stay. And he knew that he knew, most definitely figured it out before Dazai had arrived and launched himself on top of Kunikida and getting his ear pulled at the lack of money inside (most generally over the fact he had even took his wallet so sneakily to begin with). Usually, when Ranpo was the one to take up Dazai on aspects of Dazais mental health, he took the indirect turn unless absolutely necessary
Dazai had almost prepared himself for a talk, despite he knew it probably wasn’t likely, he always prepared himself for things that would never happen. He expected his food to be poisoned when someone bought him something, it never was. He expected Yosano to perform surgeries on him without permission or inject him with something, it never happened.
Yet he was more sure this time that he’d be in trouble as he had done clear damage to Atsushi psyche. Even when he sent him away for some time, he had came back up two hours later a little shaken and all quiet. Kyouka had noticed to the point she had laid Atsushis head on her lap while they were on the couch. No one commented anything, even as Kunikida gave Dazai a side look in question mixed with frustration. He had shrugged
Instead of that, instead of a lecture and perhaps a punishment, they both sat after hours at Ranpos desk playing chess. Yosano was in her infirmary, unpackaging all her supplies that arrived a bit too late, storing them away. Fukuzawa was in his office, messaging Taneada. After all day, Kenji had appeared and watered some of the plants before walking away with Kyouka. It was just the four of them
Dazai never liked being alone with those three. They were all so close to each other, knew each other so well, trusted one another with their lives. Dazai felt disgusting around them. Yosano and Ranpo were close to Fukuzawa, a structure of proved good, redemption, hope. Yet, Dazai had been close to Mori. They were all clean, through redemption or born into it, they were all so clean while Dazai felt so shamefully disgusting around them
Dazai moved his pawn, one clever move against another clever move
Ranpo moved his bishop
It stayed silent, they didn't say a word.
‘Why did you keep driving’
Ranpos own question rung like a telephone in his head
‘When I heard him cry, suddenly I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even if a gun was up to my head, I couldn’t make myself crash the car if Atsushi was in the back crying for his life’
Dazai moved his knight
‘You wouldn’t have crashed either way, even if Atsushi jumped out, you would’ve swerved back to check on him and bring him back to the car’
Ranpo placed his finger delicately on the head of his king
‘That is absurdly not me’
‘Stop measuring yourself in the aspect that you are nothing good.
You’re not fresh from the mafia searching to atone
You belong to the light’
In a move that almost feels like cheating, Ranpo takes out Dazais king with his queen
‘Im alone’
Ranpo reaches over and knocks down Dazais queen as she mourns
‘You’re right here’
Instead of a new game for the fifth time, Ranpo places his hand over Dazais head and ruffles. It’s not enough to dishevel him even more, but it’s enough to comfort Dazai
“When will you learn?”
Atsushi lays on his futon by the belly, he feels like throwing up the food he had eaten. Guilt from wasting Kunikidas money, and fear of the bridge today. He wants to ignore the sound of his notifications on his phone
Despite that, curiosity kills the cat, and he takes a peek from where he squishes his face into his pillow
They’re from Ranpo, of course they are
“You see, Atsushi
When it comes to Dazai
Always listen to Kunikida
He knows best, especially for ya rookies
Like he said
It’s better a couple scratches on a car
Than two dead bodies
This is why we don’t let Dazai behind the wheel”
Atsushi groans