Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The day Maya met Carina, Carina hadn't looked at her or listened to her, not even for a second, even though the blonde had greeted her gently. Carina wasn't connected to the world that day.

"She's my sister, the youngest..." Andy told her. She had another brother, Theo, besides Carina, but he wasn't home at the time. "She has autism, she won't pay any attention to you... I didn't have time to tell you about Dad's latest noble deed."

That day, Maya was sixteen and Carina was fifteen.

Carina was still severely autistic and spent most of her time in her own world. The only person she fully recognized was her father, her adoptive father, Fire Captain Pruitt Herrera. It had all happened when Maya had gone traveling with her mother and had been away for two years, and now she was back.

Pruitt adopted Carina even though she had the last name of her bio parents. She had been abandoned over and over again, first by her biological parents, then she was in other homes, but no one gave her a chance, and that caused Carina to close herself off even more, distrusting people.

Pruitt did the best he could. He had a big heart, and when he saw her there on a corner, alone in that shelter, he knew he had to give that angel a chance. As time went by, and with visits to her best friend's house, Maya began to observe Carina with increasing curiosity.

She had to admit that Carina was very sweet and beautiful. Carina had brown hair and wore it quite long. It was difficult to cut because she didn't like it,
so they waited until she couldn't stand it anymore and said she wanted a different style.

She really liked stars and had posters of constellations all over her bedroom along with astronomy books. She also really liked shiny things because they looked like stars too. Her favorite color was deep purple, and she used to collect things of that color. She liked to watch videos on YouTube about science and space, and if anyone asked her anything, that was her favorite pastime, talking about space... So sometimes she would sit with Pruitt in the garden to talk, and the firefighter loved to hear her talk, even if it was just a few words. She only talked to him, so others sometimes thought she didn't talk...

Maya had gotten to know Carina in many ways, without Andy saying anything to her, and without Carina ever noticing her by her side.

Andy didn't spend much time with Carina. She didn't hate her, she didn't dislike her, she wasn't mean to her, it was just that she had never managed to connect with her, so she tried to spend little time with her and focus on other things. She also used to avoid her, especially at times when she felt she had no patience for anyone.

And it was a day when Andy was particularly upset because her new cell phone had disappeared. Maya was with her and denied hiding it as a joke... and that was when Carina finally met Maya.

It had been two years since Maya first met Carina, but the brunette hadn't paid any attention to her until now... Maya was now eighteen and Carina seventeen...

While Andy searched the house looking like she was going to kill someone, Maya came up with the brilliant answer ten minutes after the drama over the lost cell phone began. She started looking for Carina all over the house until she found her in her room, with Andy's cell phone in her hands.

She smiled as she watched her play with the phone case, which was a deep purple color...it had water and glitter floating in it. Andy was stupid if she thought Carina wouldn't keep the case.

Feeling a little nervous, she crouched down in front of her to speak to her for the first time.

"Carina, hey... uh, this is Andy's, it's not yours," Maya said softly.

Carina stopped playing with the case, so Maya knew she had heard her.

Maya reached out her hand to take the phone. "Can I have it? Andy is looking for it," she said softly, looking at Carina's face... All this time she had been reading a lot to understand her better. She didn't want to touch her hand because she didn't know if physical contact would upset her.

Carina understood and let her take the phone, but then she realized that she wanted it and couldn't let it go. She was getting too distracted. A whining sound like a little cry escaped from her throat... she was frustrated because she couldn't have it.

"Okay...thank you, Carina" Maya said, carefully taking the phone from Carina's hands.

When the phone was no longer in Carina's hands, she felt better and reflexively looked up at her.

And for the first time in their lives, Carina and Maya looked into each other's eyes... brown and blue meeting.

Maya saw Carina's cute smile, her eyes becoming two lines, and she made an adorable pout, swaying. Maya couldn't help but smile with her, delighted by this first time Carina connected with her

Carina began to feel her face getting hotter when she saw Maya smile. She didn't know why, but that smile and those eyes were provoking emotions that she liked but didn't quite understand. She brought her hands to her cheeks with force to extinguish that heat, and when she hit herself, she felt pain, although she was used to regulating herself that way, so she felt relieved... but Maya didn't understand that, and her smile faded.

"Carina, don't hit yourself like that," Maya said, then... carefully took Carina's hand and, seeing the brown-haired girl didn't pull away, gave her a gentle caress.

They looked at each other again for a moment until Maya let go, not wanting Carina to feel uncomfortable.

Maya returned to her friend's room, where she was upset and not talking to anyone.

"Here," Maya said, holding out her cell phone to Andy.

"You had it? Bishop! All day?" Andy shouted, irritated.

Maya frowned, hating that Andy behaved that way.

"Don't shout, Andrea Herrera. Didn't it occur to you that Carina would like your case too much?" she said.

"What's wrong with my case?" Andy looked at it, seeing the liquids, the sparkles, still somewhat disarranged.

"It's deep purple, Carina really likes that color, and it has sparkles. She likes stars, and she can spend hours playing with the water in it. That's what she was doing when I found her," Maya said. "You should know that."

Andy stared at her for a moment and wondered how she knew so much about her sister.

Carina was often a mystery to others, and no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't understand her. She was surprised...

"Okay, you're right," Andy said. She looked at the case and sighed. "Here, give it to Carina."

"Me?" Maya said, surprised.

"Yes, you," said Andy, still angry.

Maya rolled her eyes in annoyance, took the case, and went to Carina's room for the second time.

Carina was there, organizing her purple things on the shelf. She had lots of different things; she liked small things because she could collect lots of them. In her room, she had Lego sets, toy dinosaurs, a replica of the solar system that Pruitt had given her when she called him "Captain Dad," and purple flowers, although she threw them away when they wilted.

"Carina," Maya said softly.

Carina reacted to Maya's voice. The blonde approached her carefully and showed her the case she had liked so much, holding it up to her eye level so that Carina could see it right away

She saw her smile again and take the case in her hands. For a moment, she stood there. Maya hoped to look into those beautiful eyes again, but she didn't.
Maya smiled sadly. She would really love to connect with Carina... she was attracted to her, a lot, she couldn't deny it, it was like magnetism.

"You're welcome, Carina," Maya said as she walked away, her hands in her pockets.

"Thank you..." Carina said in a low voice.

She really didn't expect a response and had to stop for a second to look at her, unable to believe she had heard her voice after so much time of only silence.
With a smile, satisfied, overly happy about something that shouldn't have been such a big deal... Maya Bishop went home feeling as if she had won a prize...
Because that simple gesture made Maya understand something... Carina is a star, a star that has come to illuminate her life... shining differently in this universe.

______________

Amelia Shepherd had been Carina's therapist since she was thirteen when she was adopted. She was with her five days a week for about four hours because Pruitt wanted the best for her. It was never too late... and although Carina had received therapy before, there were still many things to deal with.

Amelia was very loving, loved her job, and also liked to talk about it, and Maya took advantage of that to learn more about Carina.

"Carina, will she be like this her whole life? All the time?" Maya asked her one day. They were in the park because they had gone for a walk, just the three of them, and they were taking a little break.

Carina was in her own world, as usual... looking at the sky.

Amelia sighed and adjusted the ponytail that held her long hair back.

"I hope not. Honestly, she's very intelligent, the activities she does and everything is wonderful, but she's not independent, she doesn't talk much... she's sixteen and should be a little better because of all the therapy..."

"If she continues like this, she's going to need someone to take care of her her whole life," said Maya. "She doesn't even look at the street before crossing..."

Amelia nodded "Yes, but she's very difficult. Sometimes she's hard to deal with, and she hasn't connected with the world because nothing outside interests her. She has no reason to be outside of herself... It's probably because of the life she's had, the constant changes, the lack of empathy, of love..."

"Maybe it's fear? Of allowing herself to love someone and feel abandoned?" said Maya.

"It could be, as I said... all this has affected her life a lot. Although Carina hasn't shown any interest, sometimes I think she could be a perfect astrologer or scientist, even a painter because her drawings are wonderful, but... I don't know, maybe at some point she wants it so much but it can lead to frustration, causing..." Amelia paused, sighed before continuing,
"Causing a crisis, the kind Carina never had."

Maya tilted her head, intrigued. "How so?" she asked.

"It depends on each person... they feel a great deal of anxiety and sometimes run away thinking they can escape it, others just stay in one place and hit themselves... but they end up crying and screaming, many scream as if they were being broken inside."

Maya nodded, feeling those words... "And what should we do when that happens?"

"Something we call containment: reassure them, calm them down, give them personal space, avoid forced physical contact unless necessary, and speak in a calm tone of voice. It's easier with small children... with Carina, I don't know, she's very tall," said Amelia.

Maya chuckled and nodded. "I know, but what if there are two of us?"

Amelia smiled. She liked it when others took an interest in these issues. Sometimes they left all the work to her, but that wasn't right. They should include people like Carina in the daily lives of others, as part of that life. They should make exceptions for her, yes, but not push her away.

"If there are two of us, it's okay," said Amelia.

"Even so, none of this will happen to Carina, right?" Maya asked curiously.

"Maybe when Carina has a reason to connect to the world, an interest... at first she would be full of crises because she doesn't know anything about what's going on or what to do, so probably yes..." said Amelia.

Maya was a little sad about that and worried. She didn't want Carina, who is so special, so sweet, and beautiful, to suffer something like that.

"But that's what she has to deal with, Maya," said Amelia, knowing what she was thinking from the expression on Maya's face. "It's what she has to face if she wants to live her life without someone watching her all the time. It's necessary for her to get out of that state."

They heard footsteps running toward them and looked at Carina, who was approaching with a smile. She stopped in front of Amelia and raised her hands to show what she had found: some purple flowers and a strangely shaped stone that Carina thought might be a meteorite.

"They're very pretty, Carina," said Amelia, excitedly. "Can I have them?"

Carina shook her head with a slight pout and took the little things out of the therapist's reach, who imitated her pout and crossed her arms.

"You're so mean," she said in a childish, sulky tone, to which Carina laughed, amused at being "mean."

Her eyes met Maya's for a moment, and as usual, the blonde raised her hand and waved gently. Without responding, Carina turned around and ran away again.

"She's looking at you, Maya. She's connecting with you," said Amelia.

"Do you think so?" said Maya, feeling a glimmer of hope.

Amelia nodded with a smile.

"It's very nice when they start to connect with someone else."

While the two talked about how special and selective people like Carina are, for something as simple as looking someone in the eye meant a fairly high level of trust and confidence... Carina continued to look at the park, walking slowly and searching. She already knew it, which is why she felt comfortable walking there. If it had been a new place, she would have
been scared.

She noticed some rather large purple flowers, but they were in a cart along with larger flowers of different colors. From a distance, she liked them, but they were too big for her collection, so she just admired them for a while, knowing she couldn't take them with her. Out of nowhere, a boy took one of the purple flowers, along with a couple more. A man wrapped them in paper, and after giving him something, he took his flowers away.

She followed the figure of that person, who went to where a girl in a light pink dress that she also liked seemed to be waiting, handing her the flowers and then making a gesture that Carina had seen a couple of times with other people, but it seemed quite intimate to her and you had to get too close to do it.
The girl kissed the stranger's lips while pressing the paper with the flowers against her chest.

It looked beautiful.

And she wanted to do it.

Once again, she went in search of more flowers. This time she didn't look for the smallest ones, but for slightly larger ones. After all, they weren't for her collection.

"Carina! It's time to go home!" Amelia shouted, but Carina refused. She still had to find some paper to wrap her flowers in. "Carina, it's getting late, we have to go home, it's going to be dark soon."

With that, her bright brown eyes looked up at the sky, which was tinged with oranges, reds, and pinks, and she grumbled... she wanted to stay longer.

"Carina... I know you want to see the stars, you can see them at home." Amelia approached Carina to take her hand. "Here's your sketchbook and your pencils."

Carina's face lit up when she saw the sketchbook and wondered why she hadn't thought of it before. She took it in her hands and looked for a blank page, tearing it out carelessly and then wrapping the small bouquet of purple flowers. She laughed when she saw it; it had turned out very pretty.

"What's that, Carina?" asked Amelia, who had never seen her do that before.

"Flowers," said Carina, showing off her little creation.

"A gift."

"Is it a gift?" said Amelia.

Carina nodded, looking at her bouquet.

"For whom?" asked Amelia softly.

Carina held out the bouquet to the person she wanted to give it to, her eyes looking at her without hesitation, and Maya was seriously surprised that so suddenly, and out of nowhere, Carina had made this gesture towards her.

Amelia was speechless, and she couldn't help but smile when she saw the blush spreading across the blonde's pale cheeks.

"Thank you, Carina, they're very pretty," Maya murmured in a calm tone, more calm than she actually felt. She was nervous and flattered.

She took the bouquet with one hand, touching Carina's hand and dying of tenderness at how beautiful it was.

Again, seeing her smile, seeing her with her gift close to her face to smell the flowers, with that blush on her cheeks, Carina felt that overwhelming emotion that ran through her completely, made her tremble and made her feel very hot, especially in her face, and her hands began to hit her cheeks to quell that emotion.

"No, Carina," Amelia said loudly and took her by the wrists. The younger girl stopped and looked at her without understanding for a second. "No, no hitting yourself. Home. Let's go."

Carina did not respond with any gesture, she just started walking towards her house as if nothing had happened.

"It's not the first time Carina has hit herself like that, at least not with me. She usually does that when she looks at me for more than two seconds," said Maya, remembering other times.

Amelia laughed a little.

"She's confused, that's why she does it. She doesn't know why her cheeks feel hot, so she hits herself," said Amelia.

"You mean she does it because she blushes?" asked Maya, relieved to know that was the reason and not because she was being too intrusive.

"I'd say so," said Amelia, nodding. "They don't react the same way other people do. Often, you just have to think of the most absurd thing you can come up with, and you'll probably be closer to the truth."

Maya nodded slightly, her little eyes looking at the bouquet Carina had given her.

"What will you do with your flowers?" Amelia asked.

"I'll keep them in a book, and when they dry, I'll paint them purple," Maya said with a soft smile.

"That's very nice," said the therapist, nodding.

Maya could only think that Carina was simply perfect.

______________________

When Maya finished school and had to decide what to do next, she didn't hesitate to study occupational therapy, so she could learn more than ever about how to treat people like her beautiful Carina.

Lately, Carina had grown to trust her, responding to her calls, looking her in the eyes, recognizing her completely, and even learning to say her name.

Maya had to admit that the first time she heard Carina whisper a very low "Maya," she had started to cry, and Andy had teased her about it. She had told Amelia, and the woman had been genuinely happy about it. That Carina recognized someone by name was very special and meant a great deal, enormously so, that she knew her name.

"She has connected with you very well, Maya. She has truly chosen you."

Maya felt really special that this had happened.

"Carina, why are you so pretty?" Maya asked her, and every time she did, Carina smiled and laughed softly.

Carina looked her in the eyes and took a moment to speak.

"Princess," Carina said.

"Princess?" Maya asked, somewhat sharply, and Carina did not respond with any gesture.

"Are you a princess, Carina?"

Carina shook her head automatically. "Maya, princess," she said in a soft voice.

"Am I a princess?" she asked, and Carina made an affirmative sound.

Out of nowhere, Carina approached her and motioned for her to bring her face closer. Maya did so without thinking, and it was only later that she realized what could happen.

But far, far from what anyone else would have done, Carina pressed the bridge of her nose against Maya's forehead, her eyes shining with excitement, and then she pulled away to laugh and smile even more than before. It didn't take Maya long to understand that for Carina it was a tender and affectionate gesture. She wondered if it meant something more to her.

After that day, she had sent a message to Amelia, asking about it.

"Oh, I have no idea what that gesture means, but it's very sweet," she said with a laugh and a tone full of tenderness. "And she meant that you were pretty when she called you a princess because, to Carina, you are also 'Pretty Maya.'"

Maya was happy with her choice and happy to have met Carina.

With her studies, she began to spend less time with Carina and thought that would affect their relationship, but it didn't. Carina was comfortable spending as much time with her as she wanted, whether it was all day or just for a little while. To make up for it, Andy had moved to another city to study environmental engineering, a degree that was too difficult for Maya's liking. Now, with Andy gone, she only went home to be with Carina.

In truth, Maya didn't realize when she stopped going to her friend's house to be with Andy and started going to be with Carina.

"You don't like me anymore, Maya. Someone else has won your heart," Andy said to her one day.

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. You spend a lot of time with Carina, you give her attention, you come home to be with her, and you're even studying to be with her... You like her a lot."

Maya smiled.

"Yes... She's very sweet... the way she is, that special and different way she has of understanding the world... And also the fact that she chose me, that she accepted me, makes me feel special," Maya said, smiling like a fool. "And I choose her too... And I like her."

"Do you like Carina?"

Maya just remained silent, looked at Andy, and smiled without saying anything. She went to see her beautiful Carina.

Maya didn't really know what it meant to call people cute nicknames until she realized how she talked to Carina.

It was always "Pretty Carina," sometimes "Sweetheart," and other times "Baby." Those were
the three she used the most, and Carina was more than happy to hear them and to be given attention.

Carina loved attention.

"Maya, a 'Ki,'" Carina said when she saw her, her little eyes happy and cheerful.

Maya had no idea what she was talking about.

"A 'Ki'? What's that, baby?"

"A 'Ki,'" Carina replied.

"Let's see, what is a Ki?" Maya asked curiously.

Maya was surprised when Carina approached her, placed her lips on her cheek, and said "Ki" as she pulled away and looked at her again with the same sparkle in her eyes.

"Is a "Ki" a "Kiss"?"

"It's a "Ki," Carina said softly.

Maya smiled and laughed with joy, her cheeks turning very red.

"It's a nice "Ki," pretty Carina," Maya said in a soft voice.

Carina smiled and went to touch her cheeks, seeing them red and feeling them hot. She did what she always did to herself, slapping her cheeks. Immediately, the blonde girl grabbed her wrists and responded with a resounding "No," since Carina only paid attention to extreme reactions. Often, you had to be very harsh with her to get her to react. It wasn't all love and kisses... Reality wasn't like that. Like everyone else, Carina needed discipline and order, and sometimes she needed a loud shout to stop her from doing something wrong.

Luckily, Carina didn't have many episodes where she hit herself; she had to be very upset to reach that point.

As time went by, Carina began to get closer to her, in a more physical way. At first, she would come within a meter of her, then she gradually got closer, and before she knew it, she had her leaning against her chest while they watched a movie about space. At that moment, she was with Andy, and she signaled to her to look at Carina, who was practically lying on top of her.

Maya was so excited that she cried, and Andy laughed and rolled her eyes with a certain annoyance. She didn't know when her best friend had become so special to Carina. But yes, she was happy for her, she was more than happy for both of them, because they both looked happy with each other, what more could she ask for?

"Carina, can I give you a kiss?" Maya asked one night when they had gone out to look at the stars, and if she looked up at the stars, they were all alone.

Andy had gone to the bathroom, and she had to take advantage of the moment.

Carina nodded.

"I want to give you a kiss, a little different from the ones you give me, baby. Promise you won't be scared?" Maya asked delicately...being clear.

Carina nodded again.

"Are you sure?" Maya asked again, she had to make sure Carina understood.

Carina nodded again and looked at her, she was a little tired of Maya beating around the bush.

"Okay," Maya murmured, and gathered her courage in seconds. She took her cheek in one hand and brought her face close to Carina's. Her lips touched Carina's soft, pink lips in a light caress. The brunette tried to imitate the blonde in the same gentle way she was treating her. It lasted barely three seconds, and Maya pulled away.

She looked into her eyes and found no reaction. Carina didn't know what it meant, she didn't know the emotional weight it carried, it wasn't part of her knowledge, and so she couldn't understand or feel anything about it.

"Kiss," whispered Carina. And she smiled.

Maya smiled, perfectly and only for Carina, that gesture that always managed to stir her inside, in that overwhelming and gigantic feeling that seemed stronger than ever, as if that "kiss" had enhanced it. Carina felt like she would explode inside with so much emotion.

But again, once more, despite all the time that had passed since she first felt it, she didn't know what it was. And more than ever, she wanted to find out.

The first time Carina tried to express her feelings toward Maya, it didn't go well. She couldn't remember what she had tried, but it was just another one of the gestures she had used with the blonde, nothing particularly special. And Carina accepted that perhaps she wasn't very clear, because giving flowers, kissing, touching her nose to the blonde's forehead, and so on, were things she already did and that, all in all, Maya was used to receiving.

So she had to make a special gesture.

"Maya, kiss," said Carina... as she ran after her in quick steps. They were in the park with Amelia, who kept her distance to watch their interaction.

"Another one, pretty Carina?" asked Maya, getting up from her seat, playing hard to get.

Amelia thought it was funny that she was playing hard to get, since the blonde also loved kissing Carina.

"Kiss, kiss," said Carina quickly, frowning a little.

Maya walked towards her.

"Okay, one kiss," said Maya, stopping in her tracks and looking her in the eyes.

Carina nodded and pressed her lips against Maya's, letting the blonde move her lips at will and pushing herself closer for more contact, something Carina did as well.

When they separated, they smiled, and Carina jumped up and down with excitement before running off through the park. She accidentally bumped into a girl of about fourteen, who yelled a curse at her, but Carina was too caught up in her own world to hear. Seeing that the girl was going to come after her and rolling up her coat sleeves, clenching her hands into fists, Maya went over to her and took her by the arm.

"I'm sorry, she didn't do it on purpose... she has autism," Maya said.

"Oh, so she's sick," the girl said, quite naturally.

Maya was upset that they would call her that.

"No, she's not!" Maya said, raising her voice and grabbing the unempathetic young woman's arm. "Be more empathetic, educate yourself!"

She hated with all her being that they treated Carina that way.

Carina is wonderful, very smart, a good person, the kindest person in the world, without an ounce of malice in her body. She had never fought with anyone in her life, and she never bothered anyone or looked for fights. She was in her own world and completely harmless, defenseless against others, who always
pushed her away, and she didn't deserve that. Now she's getting a chance with people who do love her....

"May, what's wrong?" Amelia asked, seeing her so tense, her gaze shifting from the blonde to Carina.

Maya shook her head and let go of the girl's arm, muttering, "Nothing," and the girl walked away, away from Carina, while the blonde bit her lip with contained rage.

Amelia couldn't get her to change her expression, or even talk about it, or let it out in any way, no matter how many psychological tactics she tried.

The only thing that made her react was when Carina approached her and, as usual, had picked flowers to give her. The blonde didn't even take them, as she went straight to hug her.

Carina trusted her completely, so she let her, but she was surprised for two whole seconds before hugging her back and hiding her face in Maya's shoulder.

"You're perfect just the way you are. Don't listen to others who can't see you as you deserve to be seen. Don't pay any attention to them, Carina. You mean a lot to me, no matter what anyone says or what happens to you. Always remember that. You mean a lot to me, OK?" Maya whispered in her ear, and Carina nodded, understanding more and more what Maya
was saying.

Maya hugged her perhaps a little too long, because Carina tapped her chest, not very hard, to push her away. The blonde reacted and pulled away to look at her.

Carina seemed to think about it for a moment, until she approached her once more to kiss her on the lips, making her smile automatically, which she liked, and which made her smile too. Amelia smiled tenderly, she loved that each one was what the other needed to feel at peace.

____________

When Carina's birthday arrived, many relatives came to her house, although Carina didn't recognize all of them, only a couple of uncles, her father, and her brothers. Every now and then she would look at the others, but she didn't talk to them or approach them.
Even Andy had come back from college to be with her.

Carina was turning eighteen.

Maya didn't usually pay much attention to Carina's family, and they didn't bother her, but Andy had a friend named Jack who was very persistent with the blonde.

Carina didn't like him one bit and had gotten very angry with him when he approached Maya to talk to her, or when she noticed him looking at her a lot and smiling.

She had even gotten nervous, almost crying with frustration when Maya was next to her and he had come between them to strike up a conversation with the blonde out of nowhere.

Maya didn't like him either.

At that moment, she had gotten up, taken Carina and led her to the bathroom, calming her down with a hug and a few kind words, and left her alone to wash her face while she went to the living room to look for that boy and kindly ask him to leave her alone, because she wanted to be with Carina and he was making her uncomfortable.

"What are you talking about? She's just jealous," he replied with a huge smile.

"Jealous?"

"You can see it on her face," said Jack, shrugging his shoulders and smiling arrogantly

Maya really didn't want to answer, and she heard Carina coming out of the bathroom, so she was about to go to her, but the boy's voice interrupted her.

"She's jealous and frustrated that she can't show things like I can... Andy told me about her weird little sister." She heard him approach her and take her hand. "That she can't come up to you and take your hand."

Maya didn't even want to look at him. She tried to pull his hands away, but the guy squeezed harder, so Maya hit him to make him let go, but he wouldn't.

"Relax... she can't tell you that you're very pretty, but I can, and I like you."

"I don't like you, so please let go of me!"

Jack grabbed her face forcefully and pressed his lips against hers in a rough kiss. Maya was surprised by the sudden contact and it took her only a second to push him away, slap him, and pull away.

She was about to yell at him, to say a few things... until a cry of pain behind her made her turn around.
And there was her pretty Carina, hugging herself, screaming between sobs and tears. Maya went to her without hesitation and tried to hug her, but Carina stopped her with a sharp "No."

She began to stammer, between her sobs, trying to explain herself, but she couldn't, as always, she couldn't find a way to express what she was feeling.
Carina began to pound her chest, over her heart, and Maya was so afraid she would hurt herself that she went back to her and took her wrists, calling her name, but the brown-haired girl was completely lost in her crying and frustration to understand her.

As she approached, she began to hit Maya on the chest too, quite hard. It was quite normal for Carina to sometimes not measure her strength, so she ignored her.

"Carina! Carina, don't hit! Carina, listen to me!" Maya said desperately.

"May!" Carina cried, through her tears, continuing to hit her chest and Maya's, trying to make her understand, trying to express herself in some way. "May, heart."

And then Maya understood from those two words, "May" and "heart," that her beautiful Carina's heart was hurting because of what had happened...

"Carina, hey... everything's fine, do you want some space?" said Maya, trying to help.

Carina felt terrible, because she couldn't say it, because she couldn't find a way to communicate... "I'm yours and you're mine," she thought, but her frustration was so big that her body wouldn't let her speak, her voice couldn't come out, and her body just shook with tremors and tears and screams, while she clumsily pounded her chest and Maya's.

Maya didn't think twice and decided to hug her, tightly, so tightly that her arms were trapped between them, and she could no longer hit her. She felt the pain where Carina had hit her, but she tightened her embrace so much that she could no longer move her arms.

Carina began to scream louder, and Maya closed her eyes tightly, holding back the tears. Carina screamed as if she were being torn apart inside, guttural screams full of pain and fury, and she thought that at any moment her throat would break from screaming.
And Maya remembered what Amelia had said... if she had a reason to be connected to the world, she would be filled with anxiety because she didn't understand everything, because she didn't know what to do...Carina was connected to the world because she had found a reason... Maya Bishop.

And Maya understood that, in the blows, the screams... she understood it and also realized how much she loves Carina.

"Maya!" Amelia pushed her way through the crowd of people who were watching them, not knowing what to do. "To her room, now!"

Pruitt didn't know what to do, he had never seen her like this...

"Amelia? She's gonna be okay?" Pruitt asked worriedly.

"Captain, yes... Don't worry," Amelia explained briefly before going with Maya and Carina.

Maya lifted her just a few inches, enough to carry her. Carina was still crying, her legs bending and stretching, writhing as if in pain, although it was all internal pain. With Amelia inside Carina's room, they closed the door, leaving everyone behind. Still hugging Carina, she laid her on the bed, pressing down on her and her body, enduring Carina's crying and struggling beneath her. Amelia also hugged her, and together they managed to weigh her down so much that Carina couldn't move, only cry.

Amelia saw Maya crying on Carina's shoulder, out of sheer helplessness and pain.

"It's over, it's happening, it's going to calm down, she'll be fine," Amelia whispered, and only saw her cry more. "Maya, it's okay. Carina, it's okay. You're fine, let it out, just let it out," she continued, her voice extremely calm and soothing, allowing her to cry without guilt.

A long time passed until Carina grew tired, until her eyes half-closed and her voice was completely exhausted, until her arms stopped fighting and she breathed heavily as her tears fell.

Maya continued crying on Carina's shoulder until Amelia touched her to get her attention.

Carina looked at her painfully

Maya understood immediately and looked up at her. Their eyes met, and despite the tears and pain they both carried, deep down there was a small glimmer that everything would be okay.

"I want you to... know that I'm so sorry, Carina, so very sorry," Maya whispered. "I didn't think he would do that... It was a surprise, I would never kiss anyone else, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid, I didn't see it coming..."

Carina shook her head.

"Are you okay? Can you forgive me? Do you believe me?" Maya said softly.

Carina nodded. Of course she knew. She had seen it herself. She knew that her Maya could never kiss or have eyes for anyone else. She was hers.

"Carina, I... I love you and only you," Maya murmured, with complete honesty, sincerity, and love.

Carina opened her mouth to respond, but no matter how hard her brain thought about the answer, she couldn't come up with anything to say, and she let out another whimper of pain, filled with anxiety at not being able to reply.

Amelia realized this immediately and decided to help her before another attack began. 

"Carina, Carina, Carina, it's okay, breathe, look, repeat after me, okay? You can do it. I'll help you, I know you can say it, it's okay, nothing will happen... Take your time, Maya will wait for you. And she knows you can do it too, you can do it..."

Carina continued to cry and Amelia continued until she calmed her down enough.

"Say 'Maya,' "Amelia whispered softly, starting with a word that Carina knew well... it was her favorite.

"Maya..." she murmured after several seconds of babbling, her throat sore from screaming.

"I"

"I" It was easy because it was a short word, and saying it on the first try made her feel so much better.

"Love, Lo...ve."

"Love," Carina whispered with her last ounce of strength, hoping it would be enough.

Maya smiled broadly, tears streaming down her cheeks. Carina was breathing heavily and about to burst into tears again. She was having a hard time speaking and doubted she had done it right. Nothing seemed right.

"Maya, I love you," said the blonde for her, and took the brunette's cheeks in her hands. "Give me a kiss, pretty Carina," 

Seeing her smile, Carina smiled too, and Maya leaned in to give her a tender kiss, longer than the others, with more contact, which the brunette received with pleasure, and she intertwined her hands with the blonde's, feeling better, feeling that she had finally said something that could make up for everything she felt. She felt relief, and a new meaning settled in her mind.

Calmness was on Maya's lips, and from that day on, every moment of anxiety, frustration, restlessness, every time she couldn't express what she felt for Maya, she would seek a kiss like that on her lips.

"And I don't know how it gets better than this

You take my hand and drag me headfirst

Fearless

And I don't know why but with you I'd dance

In a storm in my best dress

Fearless"

- Fearless - Taylor Swift