Chapter Text
The sound of Wheel of Fortune is muffled in the background mixed with the hushed whispers of the paramedics as they look over Julia, who is unconscious on the couch. The image of her cold lifeless body is burned into the backs of Evelyn’s eyelids. The young girl can barely hear what’s going on inside the apartment over the sounds of her crying. Her older brother’s neck smells like cigarettes and sweat as he holds her close to his chest. He has an arm wrapped around her back, pressing her against his chest, the other under her bottom to support her weight. Her legs wrapped around his torso, her arms loosely around his neck where her face is buried, eyes squeezed shut.
Josh made gentle hushing sounds as his little sister cried into his neck. The moment they had entered the apartment after their long walk home from her elementary school and Evelyn had screamed, he scooped her up and walked outside with her before she could see anything else.
He made the phone call to the paramedics while keeping her outside. He knew, the moment he saw his mother on the couch, needle sticking out of her arm that she was gone. He wasn’t upset about her overdosing, he was upset that Evelyn was the one to find her, that she had to see her like that. He had always done his best to protect her, to make sure she never saw the ugly parts of their life. He had failed.
The paramedics wheel Julia out of the apartment, no sirens, no fuss. Once the paramedics were gone, J kept a hand on the back of Evelyn’s head so she couldn't lift her neck and see anything as he stepped back into the apartment. He goes directly to their shared bedroom, setting her down on the twin size mattress on her side of the room and crouching in front of her.
He tucks her long brown hair behind her ear as he speaks softly, “You gotta stay in here for a little bit while I go clean up okay?”
Evelyn sniffles, tears staining her cheeks, not responding verbally, not even nodding.
J reaches for her stuffed bunny, it's missing an eye and it's filthy but she loves it. He places it gently on her lap “I’ll be right back, stay here.” He says again and places a kiss on her forehead before leaving the room. Closing the door behind him softly.
He works fast, cleaning up the living room, disposing of the needles and anything else he doesn’t want Evelyn to see. He cleans the vomit off the floor and throws away the blanket that was on the couch. When he goes back into their bedroom she is in the same spot that she was in when he left. Shoulders are still moving with every shaky breath and sniffle.
He crouches down in front of her but she doesn’t look at him, she’s looking through him. He can’t bring himself to lie and say something like She’s in a better place now or She loved you very much. Because he knew that would be complete bullshit. So he does what he does best, tries to bury it, move on and move past it.
“Are you hungry?” He asks, searching for the answer in her eyes, moving her hair gently off her shoulders and behind her, just to give his hands something to do.
She doesn’t answer, barely blinks.
“Okay..I’ll make you something” He says, worried in his tone as he stands slowly “Do you wanna come with me or stay in here?”
She stands, grabbing J’s hand and holding her bunny loosely in the other.
“Alright then, let's make some dinner” the two of them make their way into the kitchen, avoiding the living area, avoiding the couch.
J manages to make dinner with one hand, not letting go of Evelyn’s hand. The fridge is bare and he has to add water to what's left of the milk in order to make the off-brand mac n cheese. Once it’s done he sets her down at the small table against the wall in the kitchen, the one with two chairs and places the bowl in front of her.
He places a quick kiss to the top of her head “Try to take a few bites” he replaces his hand in hers with a spoon and steps a few feet away to make a call.
Evelyn watches the steam rise off the bowl of pasta in front of her, picking at the threads of the bunny in her lap.
“It’s J…Josh” he corrects in a quiet voice, leaning his back against the counter, “yeah, I’m good um.. Mom OD’d” he glances over at his sister then away, still speaking into the phone “She died.” there’s a long pause, he considers mentioning Evelyn but decides against it, “Uh, okay, do you know where we live?” He crosses his arms over his chest sighing then nodding “Okay, see you soon” he clips the cell phone shut and slides it into his back pocket.
He walks back over to the table and Evelyn hasn’t taken a single bite. He crouches down next to her chair “Come help me pack some of your stuff, we’re gonna go stay with someone for a while”
She looks confused and pulls the bunny closer to her chest.
“She’s uh..” He looks away then back to his sister “our grandma.. I know you don’t know her..” He sighs trying to explain “She has money.. A better place to live for now, okay?”
Evelyn looked down, unsure, not wanting to leave but not arguing. J holds his hand out “Come on, let’s pack”
She takes his hand and they spend the next twenty minutes filling up two duffle bags. Evelyn mostly just sits on her bed while watching J pack her things, he holds things up here and there and she nods in response.
Once packed, the two of them stood outside the apartment, bags placed on the concrete in front of them. Evelyn looked over at the sound of heels clicking against the concrete until the hot pink shoes came into her sight.
The older woman has short blonde hair and a jean jacket. Evelyn moves to hide behind J, holding his jean pant leg with one hand, her bunny in the other.
“Is that all you got?” the older woman’s eyes flick to the two duffle bags on the ground.
“Um yeah, my bike downstairs” J says and her eyes flick to the little girl peaking her head out from behind his leg.
“And who is this little thing?” Her voice raises in pitch like she’s talking to a baby.
J rests a hand on his sister’s shoulder for comfort “My sister, Evelyn”
The woman raises her eyebrows “Julia’s been busy” she comments and crouches down “Come here sweetheart let me get a good look at you”
Evelyn doesn’t move a muscle, she looks up at J to see if it’s okay, when he gives a nod, she moves out from behind his leg and to the woman crouched in front of them.
“I’m your grandma Smurf” She says looking the little girl over, placing her hands on the girl’s upper arms, her eyes flick to J “How old is she? 7?”
“She’s about to be 7, yeah” He corrects and Smurf huffs in response. Smurf hadn’t seen J since roughly 10 years ago. Smurf stands and Evelyn moves back beside J, “Let’s get out of this shithole”
J helps Evelyn slide her arms into her backpack then puts his on. He holds both of their duffle bags in one hand and her hand in the other as they make their way to Smurf’s lifted truck. He tosses the bags into the bed of the truck and lifts her into the back seat, making sure she’s buckled tight before getting into the passenger seat.
Evelyn watched the window as they left her neighborhood and into one closer to the beach, a nicer one with houses and front yards. The truck passes through a gate and parks in a big driveway with other cars and jet skis on trailers.
The truck comes to a stop, Smurf breaks the silence first “Why don’t you get your stuff out of the truck?”
J climbs out and opens the back door, unbuckling Evelyn and lifting her out of the truck by her armpits. Once her feet are planted, she holds onto the pant leg of his jeans again. He reaches into the bed of the truck and grabs their duffle bags.
There’s a smoke alarm beeping when we enter the house and Smurf curses and rushes into the kitchen, opening the oven releasing a cloud of smoke. “Son of a-”
J follows and sets their bags down on the ground, moving his hand to hold Evelyn's as they follow Smurf into the backyard, keeping a few paces behind her.
“My cupcakes are ruined” Smurf says, demanding the attention of the three men in the back yard, messing around along the edge of the pool.
“You told us to come over, not to do the cooking” Baz says like a boy in trouble.
Smurf stands straighter “That’s what the note was for. Can’t any of you read?”
Their attention is directed from Smurf to J, who’s standing a few feet behind her and to the left. Evelyn is standing half hidden behind his leg.
“You remember your uncles don't you J?” Smurf prompts, moving to stand beside him, she glances down at Evelyn then introduces each of her boys from left to right “These are your uncles, sweetheart, that’s Craig, Baz and Deran” She waits a moment then turns to her sons “This is Evelyn, J’s sister”
Craig looks confused “Julia had another kid-”
Baz elbows him in the side to cut him off “Hey, how are you doing? Really sorry about your mom, man.” Baz says but it doesn’t sound sincere.
J just nods in response.
“Yeah, been forever, barely recognize you” Craig says looking from J to Evelyn.
“Yeah cause he was like 5 the last time you saw him. She wasn’t even born yet” Deran laughs “Remember that one time you and Julia were-”
Baz cuts them off again “You want a beer or something?” He asks looking at J.
J shifts weight on his feet, “Um, no thanks, I’m good”
“Dinner will be ready in an hour. Good thing I didn’t leave the roast in your hands.” Smurf turns away from her sons and towards J “How about I whip up another batch of cupcakes?” She looks down at Evelyn “Chocolate or Vanilla sweetheart?”
When she doesn't answer, J replies for her “Vanilla, thank you”
Smurf nods, “Show J to Pope’s room, Deran.” she turns back to J “The two of you will have to share for a while longer until we can get another space clear for her.”
“That’s alright” J nods, squeezing Evelyn’s hand a little tighter, he rather have her close anyways.
J asks as they follow Deran through the house “So, um, do you all still live here?”
“Uh, no. We all got our own places.” Deran steps into the room that’s meant to be theirs now “I don’t know, we crash here when we feel like it.”
J moves to set their bags on the bed. Evelyn lets go of his hand to climb onto the big bed.
“Pillow’s are in the closet” Deran opens one of the closet doors.
“Uh, thanks Uncle Deran” J says awkwardly.
Deran makes a confused face, “You’re not seriously gonna call me that, are you?”
“What if he does, bro? You’ve been called worse” Craig says as he enters the room carrying a big flat screen tv with Baz, setting it on the ground.
“We just gotta find the right bracket and we’ll put it up” Baz says looking over at Evelyn sitting crisscrossed on the bed next to where J is standing “I got a daughter your age” He says and she tilts her head slightly, looking at him curiously “You like cartoons? Once we get the tv mounted, you can watch whatever you want, we got all the channels.”
Evelyn looks down shyly and J clears his throat “Thanks guys”
Baz nods and looks down at J’s shoes then at what Evelyn’s wearing, “Jesus” He sighs shaking his head and pulling out a stack of cash “Get some better shoes man, and while your at it, get her clothes that aren’t falling apart.” He hands the cash over.
“Right, uh thanks” He nods, taking the cash.
“Get some rest” Baz says before leaving, Craig and Deran following.
Once the two of them are alone, J turns to Evelyn “It’s a nice house.” He says softly “You like the room? Is the bed comfy?”
Evelyn shrugs and J sits on the bed next to her, bouncing up and down a little “way better than the one back at the apartment, right?” When she doesn’t answer he moves his hands to her sides and tickles her, sending her into a fit of giggles and wiggling around until she’s laying down.
He lets up so she can breathe. “It’s better right?”
She’s smiling now and nods “It’s better” she says softly. The first words she’s spoken since Julia’s death.
J looks at the clock on the wall, “Why don’t you lay down for a bit before dinner” Evelyn doesn’t argue, she’s exhausted. She lays down on her side, holding her bunny close, J pulls the blanket at the end of the bed over her.
J spends the next few hours working on homework on the bed next to Evelyn while she sleeps until he eventually knocks out. They both end up missing dinner and the sound of a Juicer wakes him up the next morning.
J sits up, rubbing his eyes. He looks over at his sister who is still fast asleep next to him. He fixes the blanket to cover her shoulders and slips out of the room carefully.
“There’s about a 40-second delay, so we should be fine” Baz’s voice is the first he hears over the loud sound of the juicer.
When J enters the kitchen, papers shuffle and voices quiet down.
“Sleep well baby?” Smurf asks, yelling over the juicer.
J doesn’t have a chance to respond before Craig comes barrelling down the stairs completely naked yelling “What the hell did I say if you woke me up again?! Huh?!”
The chaos echoes through the halls and down to where Evelyn was sleeping, she sits up rubbing her eyes and looking around the unfamiliar room. She slides out of the bed and makes her way into the kitchen.
Baz throws a blanket from the couch to Craig “Jesus fucking christ cover your junk, we got a kid running around.” Craig catches the blanket and ties it around his waist.
“Morning sweetheart” Smurf says when Evelyn enters the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and moving to stand by J.
Craig invites J to go surfing with him and Deran instead of going to school while Baz heads back to his house to check on his kid.
“I don’t know man” J says looking down at Evelyn.
Smurf rolls her eyes “Go have fun with your uncles, I’ll watch the little princess” Smurf says moving to Evelyn and taking her hand, and guiding her over to where she is making a juice, “We have girl things to do anyways, huh sweetheart?” She says looking down at Evelyn.
Evelyn just smiles softly and looks over at J, giving him silent reassurance to go surfing.
“Alright” He says hesitantly then looks at his sister “I won’t be long” He promises and Evelyn nods.
J follows the others out front, leaving Evelyn and Smurf alone in the kitchen.
“What do you want for breakfast sweetheart?” Smurf asks, lifting Evelyn to sit on the edge of the counter while she cuts fruit.
Evelyn's voice is soft, shy “Do you have cereal?”
Smurf laughs “Do we have cereal?” She points up at the shelf above the fridge that houses at least 12 boxes of cereal, with several different kinds “Of course we have cereal, which one is your favorite?”
Evelyn points to the cocoa puffs and Smurf pulls them down, grabbing a bowl, speaking while she pours “After breakfast we're gonna take a bath and I’m gonna braid your hair for the party, does that sound fun? Do you like parties? Of course you do, you’re a Cody.”
Smurf lets Evelyn eat the cereal while sitting on the counter “I’ve never been to a party” She says softly, with a mouth full of cereal.
“Oh well then we need to change that as soon as possible” She takes a bite from the fruit she’s cutting. “Eat up sweetheart, I’ll go run you a bath”
When J, Deran and Craig come back from surfing, there’s already a party going on at the Cody house. J’s eyes are immediately scanning for Evelyn until he finds her in the kitchen with Smurf. Hair in two clean braids, clothes that aren’t hers, hands covered in fruit juice as she helps Smurf make a mix.
Smurf looks up from the task and watches J’s gaze on Evelyn “She’s fed, bathed and I put her in some clothes I bought for Lena, they’re the same size. We can go shopping tomorrow, get her some stuff of her own.” Smurf says, answering all the questions that were running through his head before he could ask them.
“Sounds good, thanks” He says moving to Evelyn’s side just to make sure she’s okay for himself. He crouches down next to her, “You have fun while I was gone?” his voice is quieter, just for her.
She nods, hands sticky “Grandma Smurf braided my hair”
He holds one of the braids in his hand “Yeah, it looks nice”
“She’s better at braiding than you” She whispers like it’s a secret which makes him smile.
“Yeah? Well she can braid your hair all the time then” He teases and takes a wet rag to clean off her hands.
“Did you have fun surfing?” She asks, watching him clean the stickiness from her hands.
“Yeah, it was alright” The sounds of splashing from people jumping off the roof into the pool get his attention and he looks away then looks back down at her “Listen, I don’t want you near the pool tonight alright? You’re not a strong enough swimmer” He is being stern but gentle.
“But I can swim,” Evelyn pouts.
J sighs “I know you can but not strong enough to swim without someone being with you, alright? And there’s a bunch of drunk idiots jumping in right now.”
Smurf cuts in “You worry too much baby, she’ll be fine.”
J tenses his jaw but doesn’t talk back. Standing up from where he was crouching then sighing and looking down at his sister “If you wanna swim, come find me first, okay?”
She nods, understanding.
Craig starts yelling for J from the top of the roof, he sighs and nods at Smurf to keep an eye on Evelyn while he heads outside to see what Craig wants.
Smurf holds out her hand “Come on baby lets go watch your uncles jump off the roof” Evelyn takes her hand and follows into the backyard.
There are maybe 40 strangers in the backyard in swimsuits, holding drinks. It’s loud and a little overwhelming. Evelyn’s heart is racing watching J make his way onto the roof to jump. Evelyn looks terrified, she doesn’t want to lose someone else. Craig pulls him off the roof and they jump together. Evelyn squeezes her eyes shut and when J makes it to the surface, he shakes his wet hair out and looks for her, just to see her running inside.
“Damn it” He realizes almost instantly that he scared her. He climbs out of the pool but before he can follow, Baz tackles him back into the pool.
Evleyn runs straight to the bedroom that she shares with J, Pope’s old room. She climbs onto the bed, holding her bunny in her lap, humming to herself. Something she did often to self regulate when J wasn’t there.
“Julia?” A confused voice coming from a man gets Evelyn's attention and she looks over. Not scared but curious.
She tilts her head at the man with short hair, a collared shirt and hands tucked into his jean pockets, “T-thats my Mommy’s name”
The man shakes his head, confused like he’s seeing things. “Sorry- I thought..” He scratches the back of his neck “You look just like her when she was little.”
“You knew my Mommy when she was little?” She asks, tilting her head, feeling strangely calm around him.
He nods “I’m her brother, Andrew” He tenses his jaw “Pope, I mean, I go by both.”
“You have two names? I only have one” She says softly, pulling at the threads on her bunny.
“Evelyn!” J calls out until he spots his sister through the sliding glass door, then his eyes fall on the man who is alone with her. He moves quickly, placing himself between his sister and the stranger. “This room’s off limits” He says, standing with his chest out, blocking Evelyn.
Before Pope can explain who he is Smurf calls from the patio “J, honey, are you okay?”
“Who’s J?” Pope asks, eyes glued to Josh.
“I’m, um – I’m Josh, Julia’s kid” J says, placing a hand behind himself, keeping Evelyn behind him.
“His name is Andrew and Pope” Evelyn chimes in, peaking her head out from behind J. “He has two names.” J squeezes her hand in response.
“Julia’s here?” Pope asks, hopeful.
J shakes his head “No.”
Smurf comes to the room looking for J and stops dead in her tracks when she sees Pope.
“Hey baby” She sounds surprised to see him when she brings him into a hug, but she doesn’t look happy. “You got out earlier than we thought, shoulda told us, we could have picked you up”
“Figured I’d get rejected like the last two times” He says pulling away from the hug.
Smurf leads him out of the room and into the living space. Once alone, J turns to look at Evelyn, “You okay? Did he do anything? Say anything?” he looks worried, looking her over carefully.
“He said he was Mommy’s brother, that I looked like her” She said looking up at J, her expression a little sad. The fear of J jumping off the roof is long gone at this point.
J nods slowly, listening, “That it?” Evelyn nods “Okay, let’s get you something to eat, come on” She climbs off the bed and follows him into the hall. The echo of the conversation happening in the living room makes its way to Evelyn’s ears.
“Three years and 19 days” Pope corrects.
“Well however long it was, we're glad your home now baby. Just so sorry you had to come home to the news about Julia” Smurf says, with fake sincerity.
J guides her to the dining table and has her take a seat, bringing her a burger from the grill and a soda “Eat.”
Evelyn scrunches her nose at the cheese stuck to the meat between the buns.
“No cheese, fuck sorry, hold on” J sighs grabbing the plate and disappearing out into the back yard.
Smurf and Pope bring their argument into the kitchen, Evelyn watches and listens from her spot where she waits at the dining table.
“Where am I supposed to sleep huh? You gave J and the girl my room” Pope says, crossing his arms, not seeing Evelyn.
“You can spend a few nights on the sofa, it won’t hurt you” Smurf moves around the kitchen.
“Wow, a few nights?” Pope scoffs
“We can’t have you sleeping here, having a parole officer stopping in to make you piss in a cup” Smurf explains, exasperated.
Their attention is turned to J when he comes back with a plain burger, placing it in front of his sister's seat at the table “Three bites at least” he says looking down at her.
Pope drops the argument when he sees Evelyn sitting at the table, tilting her head at the burger in front of her “The couch is fine.” He says before leaving the kitchen and heading into the backyard.
Once Evelyn is settled J moves to the kitchen to talk to Smurf “Can you keep an eye on Evelyn for a bit for me? I need to run to my girlfriend's house for a bit, promised her I’d stop by today.”
“Of course baby.” She turns around, leaning back against the counter “You have a girlfriend? You’ll have to bring her by sometime.” She raises the pitch of her voice.
“Yeah, maybe” He brushes the offer off and crouches next to Evelyn “I’m gonna go see Nic for a bit, okay? You gonna be alright while I’m gone?”
Evelyn nods but doesn’t look too enthusiastic.
“Take a few more bites.” He kisses the top of her head “No swimming while I’m gone, I'll be back before it gets dark, okay?”
“Okay” She says softly and he looks over at Smurf, worried.
“Go, go! Have fun, being a teenager, I’ll watch her” Smurf reassures, flicking the hand towel around with her hand movements.
J nods and stands, heading to the room to change before leaving.
Over the next few hours, the party dies down, it gets dark and Smurf has Evelyn brush her teeth and change into pajamas for the night.
“Where’s J?” Evelyn asks as she crawls onto the bed.
Smurf sits on the edge, “He must still be at his girlfriends, honey”
Evelyn looks worried as she lays back on the pillow.
“Try and get some sleep sweetheart, he’ll be back by the time you wake up, okay?” She says softly and gets up, leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.
Evelyn tosses and turns in the bed for a while before she slides out of the blankets, taking her bunny with her and walking barefoot down the hall. She follows the noise of the tv coming from the darkness of the living room.
“J?” She asks in a soft hopeful voice.
“Not J, just me” Pope says from the chair in front of the tv, he turns to look at her “You okay?” his voice softens.
“I don’t know where J is” she rubs her tired eyes and Pope looks over at the clock, well past midnight.
“I think he’s at his girlfriend’s,” Pope says, not sure how to comfort her. “Wanna wait for him on the couch? You can watch tv.” He offers and she climbs onto the couch with her bunny, rubbing her eyes.
“What are you watching?” She asks, hugging her legs.
“Something stupid,” He grabs the remote and flips through the channels until he lands on a cartoon he recognizes from when he and Julia were kids. “You like this one?”
She nods tired and watches the cartoon closely until she eventually falls asleep on the couch. Pope stands, turning the tv down until it’s practically mute and grabs a blanket from the back of the couch, draping it over her carefully.
It’s almost 2am by the time J gets back to the house, he fell asleep at his girlfriend’s and lost track of time. When he walks into the house all the lights are off except for a lamp in the hall and the soft glow of the tv in the living room.
“She fell asleep on the couch” Pope says without looking away from the tv, in his spot on the chair. “She was asking for you” the last part comes out a little annoyed, like he was upset that J left her here, making her worry.
J nods, making his way into the living room and over to the couch. He gently picks her up, careful not to wake her.
“If you ever need to talk or anything, or” He looks at Evelyn “Need help with her, I’m here” Pope says sincerely “Julia and I were close when we were younger, I-” He sighs “I want to be there for her- for you both” He says like he’s unsure of the words he’s saying.
J nods “I got it” he says quietly as Evelyn is asleep on his shoulder. Then he turns and heads to their room for the night.