Work Text:
I could remember clear as day when I first fell for you. Of course, I remember. It was like seeing an angel. Later on, you told me it was cheesy, but I didn't care, because I finally had you. We became the number one couple in high school.
After graduation, we got accepted to the same college. It was everything. I was in heaven.
After college, we moved in together. Most couples would have broken up by now, but we weren't most couples.
I got a job at the supermarket, trying to support the two of us. I was thinking of proposing to you. Nothing could come between us.
The first time I caught you cheating, I was heartbroken. But I forgave you and you promised never to stray again.
The second time, I forgave you again.
But you kept on cheating. And I kept on forgiving because I loved you even when you didn't love me. But it finally became too much, and I broke. That was our first fight. You screamed at me and I screamed back. You stormed out. I started drinking. You came back. I didn't stop drinking, but everything was okay again.
Until it happened again. This time it was over my drinking habits. You walked out again, but you came back three days later.
The cycle repeated over and over and over again. We fight. You leave. I drink. You come back. We repeat. But it was fine because you always came to me. We kept up a front in public but at home it was fight, leave, drink, repeat. Our friends thought that we were fine, that nothing had changed.
The first time I saw you with him, I knew you were cheating again. You introduced him as Kim Taehyung, as your new best friend, as your new fuck buddy (you didn't say that but I knew). So I drank even more. I drank and I drank and I drank until I landed in the hospital from alcohol poisoning and a broken heart.
Later I confronted you about him. You said he was nothing, but I persisted. You finally said that he made you feel things that you don't feel when you're with me. It turned into another fight and I said some things I regret so much now, but none so much as what I said at the end, the thing that made you pack up and leave. You had tears running down your face. My heart broke, shattered even more than it already was.
I wanted to comfort you, to take back everything and just hold you, but instead what came out was "I hate you" and that did it for you. You turned around and walked out.
And I waited. I waited so fucking long for you to come back. I waited days, then weeks, then months.
But you never returned.
I sank into depression and drank more than ever.
Then one day, you came back. And I was so fucking happy. I wasn't angry at you for leaving me for so long because you came back, just like you always have. But you weren't here for me. You were here for your things. You packed up and left, leaving no trace that you were ever there except a depressed alcoholic.
I saw you around as the months passed, saw you with him, Kim Taehyung, the one who took everything from me, the one who ruined my life. I never saw that this relationship was doomed from the start because you had been the school playboy. You had never been able to stick to one person.
After months, the heartbreak turned into anger. Anger at myself, why was I not good enough? Anger at you, why did you leave me? Anger at Kim Taehyung, why did he take you from me?
But soon enough, I began to see. I saw why you left. I was never enough, not even to myself. How could I have been so stupid? I drank and worked and drank some more. And I hated myself for it. It became too much. So I wrote you a letter and hoped that you would see it. I never sent it. But still, I hoped.
I wrote you a letter, climbed to the roof of our- my- the apartment. And I stepped to the edge, finally so much closer to ending it all.
Ending the pain, the suffering, the hatred towards myself.
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I was never there. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm-