Heyyy @shanehollander24

Backstory: I was supposed to include a couple of paragraphs about how Shane and Ilya decide to come out post-plane incident as part of their revised plan. I got lazy so.......... Just know this is that timeline :D

Also, this is, honest-to-goodness, just crack I thought up because I got too sad writing about another plot so in here just know that:
- Everyone's supportive.
- Everyone's thirsting after Shane.
- Everyone's still an idiot.

I hope you enjoy! :D

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Shane Hollander (Montreal Metros) ✅ @shanehollander24

Time to speak my truth. 🌈

[Link to a 3-minute YouTube video of Shane succinctly talking about himself growing up and realising he is part of the LGBTQIA+ community.]

↳Julie in your area @Blink4evrr

We love you, Shane!

↳Very Normal Hockey Fan @hockeygetinme

The gays keep winning!!!

↳Chloe Bates ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა @chloeloeloe

Thank you for being so brave and sharing your authentic self with us. All love ♥️🧡💛💚💙💜

Alex Benitez (Tampa Bay Thunders) ✅ @abenitez_hockey15

[Photo of him shirtless, post-workout, taken from the gym. He’s all sweaty, bordering on gross.]

Heyyy 🤙

Callan Johnson (Washington Centres) ✅ @caljohnson

[Photo of him shirtless, taken from inside the bathroom. It’s a standard one.]

Call ME 🤙

Chandler Jacobs (Anaheim Swans) ✅ @Chandler91

[Photo of him, shirtless, taken from above. You can smell the AXE spray from the photo.]

💋

Ivan Truong (Edmonton Petrols) ✅ @IvanTruong47_

[Photo of him, shirtless, from an ad he recently did. It’s more like a screenshot, actually.]

Heyyy 😏

Elliott Gallagher (Winnipeg Wings) ✅ @eligallagher

[Photo of him shirtless, also post-workout but definitely not taken today.]

More where that came from...

Colter Olssen (Vancouver Lumberjacks) ✅ @ccolssen

[Photo of him shirtless, taken by someone else as they were mid-run. Also, not taken today.]

Heyyy 🙋

Larry always and forever @larrylover

…why is my timeline being flooded by thirst traps from many hockey players?

Montreal Fanboy Certified @montycarlo

lmao so like Shane Hollander, the GOAT, sexiest hockey player of all time, comes out and suddenly HALF THE MLH POSTS THIRST TRAPS you guys aren’t slick!!!

Pearl believes in Hollanov @hollanovsupremacy

omg these hockey players are so delusional!!! it’s always been Hollanov!

↳Not that Naomi @naomicampbell7

Nah u

Bailey is a 2481 shooter @hollanovsh00ter

@rozy81 come quick post a thirst trap so your man doesn’t get snatched up 🤪

↳Sierra Saves @seriouslyserious

also the public would just really appreciate it 🙇‍♂️

Shayden Scout #2435 @shaydenpls

lmaoooo what if I say Shane came out so he can be with Hayden???

↳24+16 Shane-JJ @HoBo2416

you mean JJ?

↳Delulu is the solulu @skipander

I still stand by the throuple that is SKipAnder

Julio Campos (Toronto Maples) ✅ @julyfields

@shanehollander24 please come date @s1m0ndaniels 🫩...he’s been asking me to take photos in his “good lighting” and “perfect angles” for 2 hours now

[Multiple photos of said player in different angles and lighting. None of the photos remotely looks decent.]

Braden Randolph (Seattle Leviathans) ✅ @BRand

just one chance @shanehollander24

↳ Logan Owens (Seattle Leviathans) ✅ @LOWEnS

pls date him, Hollander. He’ll treat you right. Dude’s loaded with investments + a bakery in downtown Seattle 😀

↳ Josh Sloane (Seattle Leviathans) ✅ @joshsloane

His parents are loaded as heck @shanehollander24!!!

↳ Harper McLaughlin (Seattle Leviathans) ✅ @hmac

Not even kidding when I say he actually saved my cat from a tree. Granted, he was the one who left my patio door open so my cat was able to climb the tree but ya know...

↳ Ivan Flores (Seattle Leviathans) ✅ @ivanflores33

He brings life to the party!!!

[Video of said player dancing to Gangnam Style. Let's say thankfully he didn't pursue dancing.]

Jeremy Johnson (Los Angeles Royals) ✅ @j3r3my

Heyyy @shanehollander24 :) me, you, and the beach?

[Photo of the beach in the background. In the foreground are his abs and strong thighs.]

Taylor Conway (Buffalo Swords) ✅ @tayway_78

need tips to up my hockey play. Can I come meet you on Thursday at 4:30pm when I am free. Which is at 4:30pm. On Thursday. I am free then. @shanehollander24 🤙

Carter Vaughn (New York Admirals #19) ✅ @Vaughny19

Gilbert Comeau (Montreal Metros) ✅@comeau_gil42

ALL OF YOU! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY CAPTAIN!!!

↳Gilbert Comeau (Montreal Metros) ✅@comeau_gil42

Heyyy @shanehollander24 don’t worry cap I got you. Always. Forever if you want 👉🏼👈🏼😗

↳↳Patrice Drapeau (Montreal Metros) ✅ @patdapreau17

Cap! Not @comeau_gil42! You know his feet stink! Meanwhile, I am very good at laundry. And other housework. Will make the perfect house husband. Call me at [phone number].

↳↳↳Gilbert Comeau (Montreal Metros) ✅@comeau_gil42

stfu i got here first! Cap! Call me at [phone number].

↳↳↳↳Hayden Pike (Montreal Metros) ✅ @HaydenPike

guys…Shane has your numbers 😩

↳↳↳↳↳ Jean-Jacques Boiziau (Montreal Metros) ✅ @JeanJacques

ssshhh @HaydenPike. I want to see how stupid this gets.

Moses Boone (Nashville Tigers) ✅ @MoBo

[Photo of him sitting on a yoga mat. The photo was taken from above and he’s shirtless.]

Oh if there’s only a player out here who’s good at yoga…would like some tips…or his tip…

↳ Ryan Wu (Nashville Tigers) ✅ @RWRWNashville

oh! Maybe @shanehollander24 😏

↳↳Moses Boone (Nashville Tigers) ✅ @MoBo

maybe… Heyyy @shanehollander24 see you next week when we play 🥰

↳ Wes Leach (Nashville Tigers) ✅ @WLeach

should I talk to Coach about not giving you as much ice time so you can easily freshen up after the game?

↳↳Moses Boone (Nashville Tigers) ✅ @MoBo

Cap! You’ll do that for me? 🥹

↳↳↳ Wes Leach (Nashville Tigers) ✅ @WLeach

I’m doing it for Hollander. He can’t be seen with a slob.

↳↳↳↳Moses Boone (Nashville Tigers) ✅ @MoBo

Cale Wagner (New York Admirals) ✅ @calewagner12

oh me? Don’t mind me. I’m just reserving some tickets for a museum tour so I’m ready for the end of this month when we play Montreal and I can tour @shanehollander24 around.

↳Yusuf Ali (Pittsburgh Seals) ✅ @yusufali20

nahhh. We’re going to have a meal at Primanti’s. Call me @shanehollander24 whenever 🙂

↳↳Cale Wagner (New York Admirals) ✅ @calewagner12

nahhhh we’ll grab pizza in NYC

↳↳↳Logan Taylor (Chicago Pilots) ✅ @logantaylor22

Do not get me started on your pizza, New York! Heyyy @shanehollander24 if you want the better type of pizza, I will be here. Waiting.

[Photo of him and his pizza.]

↳Scott Hunter (New York Admirals #21) ✅ @ScottHunter

Good god, Wagner.

↳↳Cale Wagner (New York Admirals) ✅ @calewagner12

Cap, you're married. It's my turn to find love. Heyyy @shanehollander24.

↳Carter Vaughn (New York Admirals #19) ✅ @Vaughny19

This is the best day of my life 🤣🤣🤣

rawr means i love you in dinosaur (˶>⩊<˶) @asdfghjkl12345678

What the fuck is going on? I woke up and half the league is thirsting over Hollander.

↳Dose of Vitamin #24 @shanesfreckles

I mean have you seen Shane Hollander?

↳↳Rawr means i love you in dinosaur (˶>⩊<˶) @asdfghjkl12345678

No no, I get it. Just didn’t think I’d see this in my lifetime. Anyway…continue himbos.

Eliseo Gonzales (SJ Whales) ✅ @elgonzales

my yacht feels empty…@shanehollander24 you up for a ride? 😉

Emory Bradshaw (Calgary Blazes) ✅ @em_bradshaw

[Photo of another Blazes player. It’s a sneaky shot, taken from the side mid-walk and mid-talk]

Kai here has been calling flower shops to arrange a bouquet delivery to @shanehollander24 …if only he knew where he lives…

↳ Evan Ortega (Calgary Blazes) ✅ @evortega

Kai: I want an arrangement that says (ridiculously long list).

Salesperson: *long-suffering sigh* Sir, would you like me to write the letter instead? There’s not enough flowers in the world to say all of those.

↳↳ Van Baldwin (Calgary Blazes) ✅ @valdwin

Salesperson: *tired AF* And where would you like these delivered?

Kai: In Montreal.

S: Where in Montreal, sir?

Kai: ...to Shane Hollander’s house.

S: Which would be where…?

Kai:

Knox Andersen (Detroit Wheelers) ✅ @k_andy2

[Video of him saying “Not much in Detroit, Hollander, but…” then angles it to show off all 6’8” of him post-workout. It would be a good thirst trap and pick-up line if only Shane literally is anyone else.]

Heyyy @shanehollander24

Cruz Cooper (Florida Bobcats) ✅ @cruzcontrol

[A photo of another Bobcats player, staring forlornly at the chocolate options in front of him.]

Mario’s been looking for the best chocolate for @shanehollander24

↳Henry Schmitt (Florida Bobcats) ✅ @hschmitt

somebody tell him that these chocolates will melt in Florida weather…and that we don’t play Montreal until the end of this month!

↳↳Aaron Brock (Florida Bobcats) ✅ @ABrobcat

FREE OUR BOY

Jonas Becker (Utah Mastodons) ✅@jobeck

I’d ask @shanehollander24 to go to the movies with me, but I’d be in trouble for bringing in a snack.

↳Louis Ford (Dallas Skies) ✅ @lford4

Don’t mind this doofus @shanehollander24. You must be a broom because you’ve swept me off my feet.

↳↳Clay Coleman (Vegas Warriors) ✅ @clayman

you two are so embarrassing! Heyyy @shanehollander24 Are you a flashlight? Because you light up my world.

↳↳↳ Mike! @MikeHockey

My brothers in christ, you three are embarrassing the male population. Stop 🤕

Arty Morales (St Louis Jazz) ✅ @ArtyM12

wanna see the arch? Or want to see me arch? @shanehollander24

↳Maxim Rowe (St Louis Jazz) ✅ @CapRowe

Jesus Christ, Arty.

↳Greg Arroyo (Carolina Cyclones) ✅ @greg_arroyo8

i don’t think so third liner. Hollander deserves the best aka me, first line forward 😮‍💨 heyyy @shanehollander24

↳↳Preston Saunders (Minnesota Ox) ✅ @PresSaunders

nah. It’s me, a center.

↳↳↳Greg Arroyo (Carolina Cyclones) ✅ @greg_arroyo8

yeah. Second line 🤨

Gabriel Silva (Columbus Soldiers) ✅ @gabe19

Heyyy @shanehollander24

get you someone who notices everything about you

like me, a goalie :)

↳The Elsa who does NOT let it go @hockeygirl24

anddddd how many pucks did you let slip last night from Ottawa???

↳↳Gabriel Silva (Columbus Soldiers) ✅ @gabe19

Philadelphia Flares ✅ @phillyflares

The ones who probably have a shot with @shanehollander24 are all married and our rookies have a long way to go. However…

[picture of Gritty holding a bouquet in one hand and a poster of Shane Hollander in the other. Though expressionless, a look of longing can be seen as Gritty stares at Shane’s image].

Otto Ortiz (Colorado Blizzards) ✅ @rizzOTTO

come to Colorado @shanehollander24 and I’ll show you that our mountains aren’t the only big ones around here 😉

↳Sam Ali (Colorado Blizzards) ✅ @samali17

jesus h christ Otto.This can be seen as harassment. Tone it down!

↳Henrik Hicks (Colorado Blizzards) ✅ @hhicks

HE MEANS HEART @shanehollander24

[Photo of Otto holding and babying a puppy.]

Eric O’Connor (New Jersey Angels) ✅ @5ricoconnor

Heyyy @shanehollander24

I should call you Google because you have everything I’m looking for.

↳Billy de Jesus (New York Easterns) ✅ @BillyGOAT

Heyyy @shanehollander24

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Is it hot in here?

Or is it just you?

↳↳Mike! @MikeHockey

ugh here we go again. Stop!!! Please @shanehollander24 can you just pick one of these guys so we’ll stop being subjected to horrible pick up lines 😭

Parker Young (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@parkeribarelyknowher

shooting my shot. @shanehollander24: Hi.

↳Santi LaPointe (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@lalalapointe

bro this is ass.

↳Jackson Holmberg (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @icebergy

come onnnnn do not embarrass Ottawa!!!

↳Luca Haas (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @LucaHaasMLH

why is Young the Cens representative for Shane Hollander’s hand???

↳↳Santi LaPointe (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@lalalapointe

he’s the only single Cens player.

↳↳↳Luca Haas (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @LucaHaasMLH

CAP IS RIGHT THERE.

↳↳↳↳Parker Young (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @parkeribarelyknowher

LUCA DON’T TELL HIM. I AM TRYING TO GET AHEAD OF THE COMPETITION.

↳↳↳↳↳Luca Haas (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @LucaHaasMLH

Oh sorry. DID YOU THINK YOU WERE A COMPETITION??? AGAINST CAP???

↳↳↳↳↳↳Parker Young (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @parkeribarelyknowher

Zane Boodram (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@boodram

hello @shanehollander24 may I offer you our captain’s hand? @rozy81?

↳Evan Dykstra (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @evandykstra7

we want the best for you. And who else but the best hockey player (after you, of course) but Ilya Rozanov?

↳Wyatt Hayes (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@megaWyattsmile

Oh yes. He also has many assets here and in Boston 😀

↳Nick Chouinard (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@choubacca

Plus! You two are already friends. So much in common already!!!

↳Cliff Marleau (Boston Raiders) ✅ @c_marleau

chiming in: on behalf of the Raiders, we approve this message.

↳↳Brad Hammersmith (Boston Raiders) ✅@hammertime

hello??? @c_marleau i am eligible for Hollander’s hand?

↳↳↳Cliff Marleau (Boston Raiders) ✅ @c_marleau

i mean between you and Roz…

↳↳↳↳Brad Hammersmith (Boston Raiders) ✅@hammertime

WOW

Shane’s Freckles | Shane’s Abs | Shane’s Nips @shaneshine

Rozanov? Dude’s a ho!!!

↳Victor St. Simon (Boston Raiders) ✅ @Vic_StSimon

okay but when was the last time he was seen with someone? #RozforHollzy2021

↳↳Shane’s Freckles | Shane’s Abs | Shane’s Nips @shaneshine

Oh holy shit, you're right.

Dominic Sebin (Boston Raiders) ✅ @domseb15

#RozforHollzy2021

Connor Connors (Boston Raiders) ✅ @ConnyBoy

#RozforHollzy2021

Ryan Carmichael (Boston Raiders) ✅ @ryancarmichael

#RozforHollzy2021

Brad Hammersmith (Boston Raiders) ✅@hammertime

THE BETRAYAL!!! @domseb15 @ConnyBoy @ryancarmichael

Rozy’s girl @Rozy818181

Hmmm Rozanov last seen with someone in late 2016. Rozanov moved to Ottawa in 2018. Foundation started in 2019. Hollander comes out in 2021…I am starting a rumour.

↳24 ♥️ 81 @hollanovisr3al

Bestie you’re late. But do join the Hollanov collective!

Wyatt Hayes (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@megaWyattsmile

#RozforHollzy2021

Zane Boodram (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@boodram

#RozforHollzy2021

Nick Chouinard (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@choubacca

#RozforHollzy2021

Jamie Boyle (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @jboyle

#RozforHollzy2021

Tanner Dillon (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@dillon

#RozforHollzy2021

Evan Dykstra (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @evandykstra7

#RozforHollzy2021

Parker Young (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@parkeribarelyknowher

Guys…

[screenshot of Cens #RozforHollzy2021]

Santi LaPointe (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@lalalapointe

…#RozforHollzy2021

Jackson Holmberg (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @icebergy

#RozforHollzy2021 sorry bud

Luca Haas (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅ @LucaHaasMLH

#RozforHollzy2021 :)

Parker Young (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@parkeribarelyknowher

😢

[screenshot of LaPointe, Holmberg, and Haas posting #RozforHollzy2021]

Harris Drover @hdrover

#RozforHollzy2021

↳Parker Young (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@parkeribarelyknowher

HARRIS 😭😭😭

Coach Wiebe ✅ @bwiebeOTT

#RozforHollzy2021

↳Parker Young (Ottawa Centaurs) ✅@parkeribarelyknowher

MY OWN COACH???

LIVe as a fangirl @livlaughlove

Ok, I’m all for inclusivity but…are these players sure that Hollander is single? Like it’s Hollander you know???

Hayden Pike (Montreal Metros) ✅ @HaydenPike