Chapter Text
Howard had always been jealous of Phillip, ever since they were small. It started small, when he would be invited to Phillip’s house, he would glare at his mother with an almost hungry glint in his eyes. He craved what he couldn’t have, and he let that consume him. Into their college years, Howard would strive to be Phil and more. Many professors called him a “try hard,” and a “stuck up know it all.” But Phil would always shoot down these insults, despite being concerned for his friend’s obsessive behavior. He knew they were right, but he didn’t want to believe it. Poor fool.
On a cloudy, freezing night, Howard sat in the field behind the college, shivering in full attire for the cold, yet he felt ever so numb. That’s what he liked about the cold, it froze those upsetting feelings that rise in the chest. Howard’s head snapped at the sound of footsteps brushing the grass, Phillip approaching him and settling next to him. Howard sighed. A moment of silence hung in the air.
“Howie, I’m worried for you. You barely sleep anymore, you peck at food, and you work non-stop. May I ask why?” Phillip whispered with an almost exhausted voice. Howard didn’t dare look at his face. He sighed before opening his mouth to respond. “I can’t explain the reason, for I fear you’ll commit treason,” Howard put simply, finally allowing himself to glance at Phil, his green eyes flashing with a kind of greed. Phillip’s face seemed to tense. His hand reached out to touch Howard, but Howard flinched away. He hated physical touch, more than anything. But maybe…maybe this once. Howard let himself lean onto Phil’s shoulder, surprised by his warmth. Maybe he wasn’t warm, and Howard was just cold. Phillip’s breath caught for a second. “Gosh, Howie, you’re freezing! We need to get you inside before you get sick-” Phil exclaimed, before being cut off by Howard. “Please, Phillip, let me have this for a moment, and maybe it will give me some enjoyment,” Howard muttered, a tear sliding off his cheek.
When they graduated from college, employment was a struggle for Howard. But for Phillip, he soared! Applications approved left and right, and he was even requested many times. While Howard struggled to even swim in the sea, Phil was cruising along without him. How could he, I thought we were friends, friends don’t leave each other, come back come back come back come back-
Howard woke up with a jolt, his papers flying around him, his head bonking on his low ceiling, causing him to cry out in pain. Howard groaned, his eyes slowly focusing. He fell asleep on his desk. Again. Phil won’t be happy to hear that. Howard felt a burning in his chest when he thought of Phillip. “That is rather odd, maybe my health is flawed,” he murmured to himself, clutching at the area where it burned. It was almost a…angry kind of burn, the kind you get when you think of something you hate. Howard shook his head, hoping to be rid of the feeling. Howard stretched his arms, cracking his back in the process. He hadn’t left home in a while. He truly needed to get outside, Phillip insisted. There was that feeling again. Howard figured he would have to see the doctor sooner or later. Howard willed himself to grab his hat, and head out the door, not caring to comb his hair or change clothes. A crowd seemed to form around the dock, with a man in the center. Cheering and congratulations filled the air, confusing Howard even more. He side-stepped through the crowd, pushing and shoving until he could see clearly. It was Phillip. He held a paper in his hand. Howard could just make out the letters on it, in bright red, “APPROVED.”