Chapter Text
Harry felt as though he’d been stabbed in the back. Figuratively speaking, not literally.
“You can’t be fucking serious”, Harry hissed but Hermione’s only answer was a tired “language” and otherwise ignored his anger.
“Don’t tell me you’re angry that Remus and Tonks put their faith into you, to raise their baby?”
“Yes. Yes, I am.” Harry held their gazes. “I am not really more than a kid myself, so I shouldn’t have that responsibility on my shoulders.” Especially after never before being able to live for himself. He silenced them with a flick of his hand. “You made more than one case in the last year that I am so crippled by trauma, I can hardly take care of myself much less a child.”
They had to concede that point, but still weren’t willing to give up.
“That may be true, but otherwise he’ll go to the Malfoys!” Ron sounded like that was a certain death sentence.
So it seemed Ron still hadn’t gotten over the school rivalry – it certainly hadn’t bothered him when Andromeda had rekindled the connection to her sister. Or maybe it was something else, but Harry knew something with certainty:
“Lucius is in Azkaban and will never leave his cell again, Narcissa proved that she is willing to sacrifice everything for her kid – and I could imagine a grandnephew would still qualify – and Draco is rehabilitated. I think they make a better family than me.” “Remus and Tonks deserve that their wishes are met. They wanted you to take him, so I think you should honor that.” Hermione answered immediately.
Their squabble came to an early end as the Head of the Office for the Protection of Magical Minors came into the room.
“We have here the case for one Edward Remus Lupin”, he looked everyone in attendance over. “Please state your arguments as to why he should be placed with one Harry James Potter instead of his next of kin, Narcissa Malfoy, née Black, grandaunt of the child, and Draco Lucius Malfoy, second cousin.” His eyes flicked to the paper in front of him. “First to speak: Harry James Potter.” He tapped his gavel and the whole room swiveled around.
“I know there’s nothing wrong for Teddy being placed with his family. I even think, that is the best course of action.” The murmurs got louder until the gavel sounded again. He grimly ignored the faces of his friends. “Another argument in their favour is that I know, that Andromeda had very regular contact with both of them in the last year, so they already have a connection with Teddy. So long as they keep away from Malfoy Manor I don’t see any problem.” He grimaced slightly before sitting down again.
“How could you!” The nails of Hermione’s hand dug deep into his arm and he felt a slight crackle of her magic in the air.
“Next are the witnesses Hermione Jean Granger, Ronald Bilius Weasley and Molly Weasley, née Prewett who started the petition for the different placement.” No one in the room missed that, while in attendance, Draco and Narcissa weren’t allowed to make their case. Probably no one had thought that they even needed to listen to the petitioners.
Even more fucked up was, that Harry practically spelled out for them, that he wasn’t interested to be the new guardian and got ignored. That way lies a happy childhood. He scoffed.
“We were part of the Order of the Phoenix, together with Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, parents of Edward Remus Lupin”, Hermione started her speech.
Harry clenched his fists at the mention of their readiness to provide the memories of those events.
Next was Molly, speaking through tears in her eyes. He tuned her out or risked puking.
“I’ve seen him, like, three times in total! I have regular panic attacks, not to mention nightmares and my magic is still rather unstable!” It took a moment to register that Harry had jumped up and started shouting. Sheepishly he continued more civilized: “The house I live in at the moment is dark and cursed. Whatever you think I can give this kid, the Malfoys can do it, too – probably even better. And no, I’m not underselling myself. So stop this farce already and let Teddy go home with his family.”
Pure silence greeted his tirade and he would have felt embarrassment if he wasn’t so done with everything.
“Great job looking like a lunatic, mate.”
His magic rattled the whole room until he took some deep breaths. Yeah, well, if that didn’t prove his case.
It didn’t.
So now Harry looked down into that small face trying to bring up a smile, holding Teddy’s hand to take him to Grimmauld.
He could do this. That was his new mantra he kept repeating anytime Teddy looked at him with his big eyes, that were now the same color as his.
Harry helped to feed Teddy the soup and bread slice before taking him upstairs. Kreacher had cleaned the room next to his, so Harry could lay him down, tuck him in and feel halfway competent – until the boy asked for a story. Frantically he looked around, but of course no storybook would suddenly materialize. So he sat down and retold the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament, just less lethal and more like a fun adventure. Every kid loved dragons, didn’t they? At least in his own, self-told stories they had featured quite often.
Luckily Teddy truly was asleep when he got to the end of it and he tiptoed out of the room. He managed to get into his own, where he had his spectacular, well needed mental breakdown.
He was now in charge of a small life. Of the happiness and health of a kid.
Hysteric laughter bubbled up. He couldn’t remember to eat, sleep or shower on most of the days.
If Kreacher wouldn’t kick his arse now and then, he would be in a way worse shape then he was. But that wasn’t enough. That was no environment to raise anyone. Even a hamster wouldn’t deserve to be settled with him.
Gasping for breath he pulled at his hair to ground himself.
“Friend Harry stop”, Kreacher popped next to him and his spindly hand took his wrist. His high-pitched voice always managed to get through the fog and him calling Harry Friend always threw him for a loop. It had taken some discussions and one panic attack too many at the word Master for them to reach this understanding. “Yous be bringing down the house.”
Harry took some deep breaths. Then he swallowed the calming draught the elf held out. “Thanks.” He really would be lost without his steadfast support.
“Wes need new home for tiny wizard child.”
“We don’t get to send him away.” Harry sighed and felt back at the edge of his hysterics.
“Friend Harry be stupid again.” Then the elf slapped some papers against his chest. “This shows houses to sell, yous be looking, I be checking; then wes find new home with tiny wizard child.”
“You’re not bothered that his father was a werewolf? I remember that you weren’t too happy about Tonks and Remus being here.”
“Friend Harry new family. Only family. So now family of Friend Harry is my responsibility. Kreacher takes responsibility serious!” He puffed his small chest up, as if Harry had insulted him instead of asking after past behavior. But, well, Kreacher really had come back a different elf after his fight at Hogwarts – and that he got rid of Walburga’s painting surely helped, too. After another grump, Kreacher disapparated and left Harry with the daunting job of house hunting.
Curiously there were as many Muggle magazines as there were Wizarding ones.
One week later, Harry felt completely at the end of his tether.
He slept even worse, now permanently worried his magical outburst could harm the kid. Not to talk about all the crying Teddy did, because he was in unfamiliar surroundings with a strange man. Kreacher wasn’t as big a help as he had hoped – no, that wasn’t fair. Kreacher was amazing and held everything together, but wasn’t a nursery elf. So, when Teddy burst into new tears just after Harry had calmed him down, he wanted to do nothing more than to start wailing himself.
In a snap decision he secured the kid on his hip and apparated to the new house of the Malfoys. Luckily he knew where that was. Luckily it was a weekend. And to really drive the point home, he got welcomed by a perfectly poised Narcissa who didn’t look like she lost any sleep at all.
“Mister Potter”, if she was surprised you couldn’t tell. “To what do we–” she cut herself short as Teddy finally became quiet. With big eyes he looked at her, changed his hair colour to match hers, before starting to wiggle in Harry’s arms while making grabbing gestures at the woman.
“If you could”, was all Harry said before foisting the kid at her and collapsing on the nearest surface. A couch. One that felt like clouds. Maybe he should steal it.
“Potter. You look like shit.”
“I feel like it, too”, he mumbled but couldn’t find the strength to look in Draco’s direction.
“What are you doing here?” The sneer was apparent and it seemed like he wasn’t willing to be as civilized as his mother. “The court ruling was quite clear-”
“To hell with the court’s decision”, now he had to get up again to glare at his not quite friend. “If you can remember I was plain in favor of you getting custody.” He clenched his hands. “Don’t know what the hell made Hermione or anyone else think…” he trailed off. “I am not really cut out for child rearing and all the witnesses are conspicuously absent from my home.” The gall of them. Harry, I have my career now. I can’t just go on holiday.Harry, for the first time I get to live for myself, free of the shadows of my siblings or you and Hermione. Sorry, my Dear, I am still too broken about Fred’s death and so much energy already went into child rearing. Harry, we can’t always solve your problems. Harry shook his head to get rid of the voices of his former friends. And Allies. He even thought of them as family. But family–
Draco clearing his throat brought him back into the room. Sheepish he rubbed his neck.
“Yeah, well. I don’t intend to take him fully away from you. He knows you, he likes you”, was evident as a blond Teddy was nuzzled into Narcissas neck. “And I really could use the help.” He sighed. “If you like, you could take him for this weekend?” He knew he sounded hopeful, but damn if he didn’t look forward to some hours in which he didn’t feel like the biggest failure and as if he already traumatized the kid.
They stared at him, shocked maybe? And that wasn’t the reaction he had hoped for, so he tried to backpedal a bit. “I mean, I understand that I came unannounced. And maybe you have different plans. I also understand if you are angry with me” Not really, but… “So, we can,…. We can always come back another time?”
“Breathe, Mister Potter.”
“Call me Harry.”
“Harry.” Narcissa sat down in front of him. “We would be happy to take him, but we don’t want to get into trouble.”
“I understand”, and really, he did. But for once his fame hopefully helped, as he would get another meeting, this time alone, with the Head of the Office for the Protection of Magical Minors. As soon as he had his nap, or maybe on Monday. No one needed to know he already started a trial run before asking. “But you won’t.” For the first time in a long while he sounded sure of something. “If you want, you can watch him once a month for a weekend and if that works out, we can work on a new schedule. Maybe every second weekend, or even a week, here and there…” He shrugged and if he wasn’t as drained as he was he would have been amused at the flabbergasted looks.
“Just like that?”
“No reason to sound that incredulous. But yes, just like that. Kind of.” Fingers crossed, that it worked out – now he had a promise to keep. At the piercing looks he shrugged again. “I am meant to supervise but that won’t be necessary.”
“Of course not”, Narcissa smiled thinly. “He is the last remaining family. And family is above all else.” For better or for worse, she didn’t say but it was clearly heard.
“This is for emergencies”, he gave them a small button each. “If you send a wave of intentional magic to crush it, it will sound the alarm on my end and I will immediately come to the location the button tells me.” Then he left with a last look at the slumbering child, shoved down the renewed feeling of being an utter failure and apparated to Grimmauld.