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Woonhak's relationship — if you can even call it as such — with Taesan has been one hell of a joyride. They started off as friends, that's how it always starts off as.
Riwoo introduced Woonhak into the friend group on one Friday night where they were all simply just resting in one another's presence, the shy yet awkward glances he exchanged with every each and every one of them as he stood over the group sitting comfortably collectively around the living room.
Until his eyes landed onto Taesan. He was sat next to Sungho, his arm stretched all the way behind Sungho to his shoulder. He looked unbothered by what Riwoo had brought in, but not entirely devoid of any impression. Taesan's eyes were telling of something more, something worse. Embarrassingly, the gaze that lingered for far too long on Taesan was caught, a sly smirk forming onto Taesan's face.
Woonhak's eyes immediately jolted away, trying to daze off his focus into Riwoo and being a newcomer; it was too late, nonetheless. Taesan saw the way Woonhak lost himself for a moment, and from there it fueled this ugly desire inside him. Taesan stretched his body upright, cracking his neck side to side.
"Where you headed?" Sungho muttered from beside Taesan, fixated on Taesan.
"Kitchen." Taesan yawned, ruffling with the back of his hair as he shuffled his feet. "Newcomer needs to come." He breathed out as he passed by Woonhak, their shoulders brushing for only a moment. Woonhak turned to Riwoo for help, anything, but all he was met with was Riwoo absolutely beamed up at the thought of Woonhak already fitting in with the group.
Riwoo nudged Woonhak in encouragement, a groan to be whispered out from under Woonhak's throat as he obviously couldn't show his reluctance out loud. Woonhak shifted his body in the direction Taesan had went in, letting out a sigh that was carried in his shoulders out.
—
The pot was boiling, smell of pork broth growing stronger as Woonhak approached the kitchen. Taesan shut the stove off, scattering around drawers for a wooden ladle, humming an addictive tune. Woonhak stood at the doorway of the kitchen, watching Taesan rummage through. In the midst of it, Taesan averted his gaze off the search for a ladle and instead met Woonhak, nudging his head to the side, gesturing for him to come in.
Woonhak's gulp got cut halfway, an involuntary cough being spat out from his mouth. Taesan's eyes strolled down Woonhak, from every bit of clothing he had on till his shoes, then jerking them back up.
"What?" Taesan bit, clear annoyance. Woonhak flinched from his position, trying to scurry in helping Taesan. Woonhak found a ladle lying around on the opposite side of where Taesan was searching.
"Taesan." Woonhak stammered out. Taesan twisted around halfway, his hands holding the halfway open drawer. He saw the ladle in Woonhak's hand, shutting the drawer and turning his body completely. Woonhak stepped to the stove, waiting for Taesan to approach, the ladles top being fiddled with.
"What are you doing?" Taesan's eyes glared at the ladle. Woonhak's eyebrows sprung up in confusion, wanting more to be elaborated. "Use it."
The only elaboration Woonhak got from Taesan. He brought his eyes back up to Woonhak, staring deadset into him. Woonhak got caught up in his own nervousness that he forgot what exactly to do and how to even use a ladle — growing impatient, Taesan wrapped his fingers around Woonhak's wrist, leading it to the pot and lowering it carefully in, making sure not to burn both their hands on what was just boiling not even a few minutes earlier.
Woonhak watched the soup pour into the concave shape of the ladle, while Taesan was busy focusing on something else. Taesan's fingers slipped off, leaving the rest to Woonhak to pull it back up, instinctively covering the underside of the ladle with his palm. Woonhak shifted his fingers lower on the top of the ladle, making room for Taesan to grab it, but that's not what Taesan's plan was.
Taesan's eye contact was toxic, deadly even, and him staring into Woonhak like that as he ducked his head down was beyond killing. Taesan pushed the ladle just a bit up, still not attempting to overtake it, forcing Woonhak to adjust to Taesan's level.
Taesan blew for a good second before taking in the soup with his mouth, an audible subtle slurping noise filling in the silence between the two. However, he didn't finish it all. Just as Woonhak was about to toss it into the sink, he pushed the ladle back onto Woonhak — only then did he steal the ladle from Woonhak.
Woonhak's eyes fluttered, in embarrassment? Shock? Fluster? Taesan stepped closer to Woonhak, catching the droplets of the broth slipping out underneath with his palm. Woonhak hesitated to lean in further, but even so, he still obeyed seeing as Taesan wasn't stopping.
Woonhak's lips parted in expectancy of the soup, Taesan tilting the ladle down so the soup could make its way faster. Woonhak felt the liquid go down his throat, a bittersweet taste stinging his throat, making him wince and flinch back. Taesan chuckled in stupidity of it, maybe that was his plan after all.
The back of Woonhak's thumb shot up to his lips, his brows furrowing as he was still taking in the taste. Taesan looked at Woonhak almost like he was prey, like a game ready to be played. While Woonhak was completely oblivious of why Taesan stood there for so long just staring with a dumb grin on his face, acting like a reaction to bittersweet food was that funny.
"It needs more water." Woonhak muffled out, the back of his thumb still rubbing back and forth his lower lip. Taesan nodded subtly, yet something about it screamed condescending. Woonhak cleared his throat as he dropped his hand, dragging his feet out the kitchen. Taesan's eyes followed him until he was out of sight completely, his head staying perfectly still. Taesan darted his eyes to the pot, then quickly, he turned his head back to Woonhak's back, an unreadable thought forming inside.
—
The rest of the evening remained normal, everyone else got to know further about Woonhak, taking turns in asking questions and also making fun of his answers. Everyone but Taesan. While everyone else was busy mocking Woonhak for being such a diligent student in his entire school life, Taesan sat straight across Woonhak staring with an expression so well hidden behind thoughts.
No doubt that this most definitely intimidated Woonhak slightly, no, massively. Woonhak tried to laugh it off, to lose himself in the others laugh, but every single time, he would find himself locked back into Taesan's burning gaze. He couldn't read it at all. That was the worst part.
Two weeks afterwards passed, Woonhak had purposely dodged the Friday sessions, not because of Taesan, although that was somewhat of a big part, but also because he had a huge test upcoming.
Regularly, he would see Riwoo and Leehan hanging around, which wasn't that much of a surprise seeing how they were in the same major — the rest of the group were elsewhere pursuing a different kind of major. Until one sunset he saw Taesan while trying to make his way to what he was already late for.
He was smoking outside one of the facilities, drifting his eyes off into the horizon watching the sun dip. Woonhak's tracks stopped dead involuntary when he saw Taesan, mouth falling open from the absurdity of seeing someone outside his major this close to a facility he had no business being at.
It wasn't long before Taesan caught Woonhak's gaze once more, that same distinguishable smirk curling up once again. This time, Woonhak didn't leave, even when his heart was racing him to. Instead, he cursed under his breath, brushing off the class he was supposed to be running for and changed his direction to Taesan.
"Class?" Taesan exclaimed, a puff of smoke leaving his mouth as he said so. Woonhak waved away the smoke before his eyes could take in the smoke and well up.
"Should be." Woonhak carelessly let out.
"Then what are you doing here coming to me?" Taesan mocked, but also curious lying underneath.
"I'm already late, I might as well miss it entirely."
Taesan agreed with his face for a brief moment, sticking the cigarette back into his mouth with Woonhak beside him.
"What are you doing beside the 3D Lab? You're a business student."
Taesan flinched his head to Woonhak, pausing briefly before answering, as if he was searching for a lie. Taesan took the cigarette out with the space in between his index and middle finger, flicking off the ash before dropping it completely and stomping on it.
"Business is ass anyhow."
Woonhak laughed softly at this, not the laugh that Taesan heard two weeks ago in the setting of an audience, but the laugh that was surrendering to the stupid reality.
"You're cute when you laugh like that." Taesan said with the same smirk he had on two weeks ago when he first found Woonhak's gaze.
Woonhak's laugh turned into a cough with the way it stopped so abruptly. "What?"
Taesan didn't say anything in reply, just let the wind take away the flow of their conversation. They stood like that for a good while, just watching the sun slip away.
"You ever try a shotgun?" Taesan blurted out, completely cutting through their silence.
"A what?" Woonhak stuttered, kind of concerned. Taesan's eyes slipped to Woonhak's lips just for a second, but a second too long to make sure Woonhak noticed.
"Nothing." Taesan waved his hand off, staring back into anywhere and everywhere. Woonhak felt the air grow thicker, Taesan didn't.
—
Woonhak eased himself into the friend group after his test passed smoothly, fitting himself in with their routine of every Friday night, and even being let in on the once a month Saturday night parties they threw with the seniors at Riwoo's house. Taesan acted just as he would act with everyone else in the group, but sometimes, there would be slight moments where Taesan's hits were a bit too soft, too longing.
Sometimes, Taesan's eyes would droop down to elsewhere when staring for too long at Woonhak before jolting his eyes away as if nothing had happened in the first place. Taesan would wrap his arm around Woonhak's shoulder whenever anyone other than the friend group got too close to him and he was there to witness it, and just sometimes, if they were ever too friendly, his grip would tighten almost as if he was initiating a headlock.
The Saturday night of their once a month party came, by now, Woonhak had already endured 2 months of brushing off the jokes that revolved around him, of course they were all meant in a light manner no matter how. Woonhak texted the group chat before slipping his phone into his pocket on the way out.
The party was more than lively, I mean, what else to expect when Riwoo is the one hosting it. Woonhak pushed his way past the crowd, no security needed at the front door because it's not like they cared enough to really exclude anyone. Woonhak pushed and pushed until he found a familiar Oreo hairstyle.
Taesan was in the middle of talking — half yelling due to trying to overtake the music — with a friend of his. His back was leaning comfortably on the wall, hands in pocket while his friend leaned her ear in closer to his mouth trying to make out what he was trying to say.
Woonhak stared down the girl, not as an act of intimidation, at least, he wasn't trying to. She stopped her sentence halfway through, waving goodbye to Taesan as soon as Woonhak approached. Taesan shifted his head to Woonhak, looking him up and down trying to judge his sense of fashion today. Woonhak leaned in to Taesan's ear, his lips grazing Taesan's ear as he spoke.
"Where's Leehan?" Woonhak slithered out into his eardrums, pulling away to see his physical response. Taesan shrugged, nudging his head up as a gesture in asking why. Woonhak leaned back in.
"He's supposed to teach me a trick."
Woonhak didn't pull back, he had no time to as Taesan leaned in himself.
"What trick?"
"Ghost."
Taesan immediately flung himself back, a huge laugh being spat out, flooding Woonhak with embarrassment. Woonhak tried to question why but it was drowned out by too many noises. Taesan's laugh finally died down, clearing his throat before finally wiping away that big smile of his. Taesan's fingers wrapped around Woonhak's wrist, leading him somewhere through the crowd.
Usually, the basement was off-limits, that is unless you're an insider — everyone respected this rule, another reason why there's not security at the front door. Woonhak's never been, always too scared to cross that boundary even after Riwoo had reassured him he was accepted just fine. Taesan leading him now would be the first time he ever stepped down into the basement.
The music gradually got quieter as they stepped down the stairs, Taesan's grip just as tight as ever even after leaving the big crowd. Eventually, the door to the basement shut behind them, the music completely muffled and the white soft noise of the fan swirling around replacing in.
"Most of us just rot down here if we get too tired of the crowd." Taesan proclaimed. The basement was comfortable, it wasn't just cement floors and a random couch found in a garage sale, it had heat insulated wooden panels for the floor, sound-proofing foam drilled into the walls, velvety couches that faced an entire PlayStation collection beside the TV.
Warm dimmed lights that sheltered the basement comfortably. Taesan's fingers slipped off Woonhak, shoving his hand into his pocket to pull out a box of Marlboro Reds, snatching out on cigarette before tossing the box onto the coffee table.
"You smoke a lot." Woonhak pointed out the obvious, so obvious it made Taesan chuckle. Taesan plopped himself down onto the couch.
"Well, yeah." Taesan felt around his pockets for his lighter, what should be too big to even fit inside his pockets now missing. "Shit."
Woonhak was lost in wandering around the one place he's never been in until he heard Taesan curse, turning entirely.
"What?"
"I don't have a lighter." Taesan muttered, "I don't have a lighter.." He repeated in a more agonized tone with stretched out groans.
"I have one." Woonhak pulled a lighter from his pocket and walked over to sit beside Taesan. He watched Woonhak scurry beside him, putting the cigarette up to his lips, curving them around the filter. Woonhak held the lighter out, expecting for Taesan to light it himself, but seeing how still Taesan remained glaring down at the lighter, he brushed it off.
Woonhak flipped the cap of it open, the lighter sputtered for a second or two, before fire finally glinted up. Woonhak held it close to the end of the cigarette, Taesan's other hand covered both of theirs, sharing the warmth sensation the fire gave off. Woonhak heard the tobacco flare up, Taesan hitching in the smoke almost instantly, relief slipping off his shoulders.
"What's so good about cigarettes?" Woonhak teased, pulling away from Taesan. Taesan took the cigarette out and blew away the smoke opposite of Woonhak before speaking.
"Like you would know, have you ever even tried it?"
"I have!" Woonhak shot, "It's terrible."
"Sure, sure." Taesan trailed off mockingly. Woonhak snatched the pack on the table and grabbed one out, shoving it in his mouth and trying to light it — what worked not even a second ago was now lighting baby fires before gushing away in the wind.
"See, even your cig doesn't want to be smoked by you."
Woonhak tried so desperately it was upsetting. Taesan put his cigarette back into his mouth, planting his palm on the side of Woonhak's neck while his thumb slipped up to his chin.
"Come here." Taesan whispered, but did Woonhak really have a choice with the way Taesan was already pulling him in? Taesan pushed Woonhak's head up with his thumb, aligning the two cigarettes together, for once, Taesan was actually focused on what he was supposed to, but for just a second, maybe two, maybe three, Woonhak saw Taesan in a different light, Woonhak finally understood why Taesan had looked at him like that 2 months ago.
The air brushed in between them silently until Woonhak's finally lit, but Taesan's hands stayed. His eyes peeled off their cigarettes rubbing off each other and looked up at Woonhak. Finally, Taesan's desire was matched. Taesan kept Woonhak's neck in his hand, using his free one to snatch away the one in Woonhak's mouth.
"Wha—" Woonhak stammered. Taesan inhaled a large gulf before removing the one in his mouth this time. Taesan let the smoke simmer inside the walls of his mouth, pulling in Woonhak closer, not an ounce of reluctance in both of them. Taesan tilted his head, tilting Woonhak's the opposite while using his thumb that previously pushed his head up to force his lips down.
As soon as Taesan's mouth pried open, the smoke blew out, spilling completely into Woonhak. Taesan watched Woonhak close his eyes as remembrance, as if it was something worth keeping. Which to Woonhak, it was, however to Taesan? This was just the starting point for him.
But he played along, closing his eyes as he pushed Woonhak in closer. Closer. Closer, until the gap between them was non-existence.
Taesan was thirsty for Woonhak, and it showed physically, but Woonhak definitely beat him. Catching perfectly up to par with his pace, the nicotine and probably whatever he smoked beforehand slipping in as an extra taste for Woonhak, making Taesan even more addicting, making the kiss more addicting. Taesan pulled Woonhak away, the grip so tight it'd leave red marks. Woonhak tried to go back for more, Taesan pulling back as a tease in response. They heard the basement door rattle open, flinching Woonhak to stumble back off.
—
The night stretched longer, gradually dying down as the hours grew later. Taesan and Woonhak never got caught by the other members, but the knowing looks they gave each other when the group was all huddled up was intoxicating, rushing.
Regularly after that, Woonhak would find his touches lingering on Taesan, and he'd know exactly why. They both had this quiet communication to not tell the group, to keep it hidden, somehow, that made both of them want it even more.
"What are you doing here, Woonhak?" Taesan opened up his apartment door at 12 AM on a perfectly regular Thursday night. His eyes were barely open, that messy bed hair of Taesan only rushing Woonhak more.
Maybe it was the tobacco Taesan smoked on a somewhat daily basis that made his kiss so addicting — or maybe he just liked the feeling of Taesan actually keeping up with his pace, liked how easily their tongues would slide with each other, maybe even loved the way Taesan felt in his hands when he was trying to lean more into a passionate slow kiss.
But it was clear they weren't here for passionate nor slow. Woonhak's kiss would get so greedy often that he would slip them down to Taesan's neck, of course, Taesan pushed him off before a mark could properly be left — but this didn't stop Taesan from being a hypocrite.
Every night after that, Woonhak showed up at Taesan's apartment barging his way in at 12 AM sharp, then would leave at the crack of dawn with bite marks blotched purple and red if you lifted up his shirt even just a little bit. The highest Taesan would go was Woonhak's collarbone, which was a shame because he loved to hear Woonhak squirm when he did kiss the neck.
Throughout all this, they never had a label, they never needed one anyway, it was just making out, smoking, marking, fucking, and nothing more. But even then, Taesan knew Woonhak wanted more.
Taesan saw the way Woonhak would curl in his fingers every time he saw a girl laugh at Taesan's jokes a bit too loud, he felt the way Woonhak's kiss grow more desperate if he ever heard word of that day that Taesan messed around with someone else, as if he was growing, aching to make Taesan his and his only. And one night confirmed that exact thing.
"Taesan." Woonhak rolled out flatly, sitting up right on the bed as his eyes glazed over Taesan's back hunching over the opened window smoking. Taesan didn't reply vocally, he just glanced over his shoulder and let the smoke slip out instead of blowing it forcefully. "What are we?"
Taesan glanced back into the window, using the opportunity of Woonhak's lack of sight to grin stupidly at this question. "Whatever you want to be." Taesan cleared, forcing that smiley voice of his down by wiping away his grin completely. Woonhak slipped out the bed, wrapping his arms around Taesan's waist, his bare defined abs breathing against Taesan's back as he dug his chin into him.
"What if I want to be more than this?"
"Than what?" Taesan played dumb, but he knew exactly.
"Than whatever we are right now." Woonhak was so cute pleading like this.
"And what if I said no?"
Taesan's lips curled into a grin once more as he felt Woonhak's hold grow tighter.
"You said whatever I wanted us to be."
"I did, didn't I." Taesan trailed off, letting his cigarette fall. "So, what do you want to be?" Taesan's tone was condescending, just as the first day they met.
"Be mine. Officially mine." It wasn't a question, more of a demand, a need.
"Why?" Taesan pushed Woonhak's arms off his waist, turning around to meet Woonhak. Taesan fitted his hand up to Woonhak's cheek, his index finger trailing down his body until it hooked onto his waistband.
"You don't like how we are right now?" Taesan pulled him in closer by the waistband. Fuck, that jawline, those silver earrings that glared even in the moonlight. Woonhak's hands acted on his own, shaping Taesan waist until he came to a stop at his hips.
"I don't like how you're free to be everyone else's." Woonhak stood firm, but it was obvious he was close to surrendering even under zero pressure.
"Then just be good enough for me so I don't have to find anyone else." Taesan didn't let Woonhak speak further, pulling him into a kiss completely. That conversation went nowhere, Woonhak's mind was wiped completely as soon as Taesan's fingers went beyond the waistband. So he tried the next week.
—
As routine, Taesan's doorbell rang at exactly 12 AM on a Thursday night, but what was out of routine was how long Taesan took to open.
"Sometimes you're too punctual." Taesan giggled out as soon as he opened the door. The smell was off, it wasn't the fresh lavender air that simmered in Taesan's apartment, no it was more earthy, more herbal, more smoky.
"Are you high?" Woonhak pushed his way in, Taesan shutting the door drowsily.
"A manageable amount of high." Taesan admitted, and that was the truth, but it wasn't his entire main point. Taesan barely got high, but when he did, he knew exactly who to get his weed from, everyone in the group knew, hell some outside of the group knew as well.
But what repulsed Woonhak was the more he thought about it, the more he realised that Taesan had none in his possession the day of. Woonhak looked around, as if he was trying to find something, or someone.
"Nobody's here." Taesan muttered out, fluffing up Woonhak's hair before sitting down on his couch. "Well, Leehan just left."
There, that was the name Woonhak was waiting to hear.
"Leehan?" Woonhak spat.
"Mhm." Despite having his words slur out and his head absolutely spin the room around, he could see the gears turning in Woonhak's head,
"What was Leehan doing here?"
"To.. drop my drugs off?" Taesan acted as if it was a stupid question, "What are you on?" He pushed, belittling Woonhak even further.
"I mean, what's Leehan doing in your apartment all alone with you at 12 AM?"
"It wasn't really 12 AM, he left 10 minutes before that or so."
The way Taesan dodged the most simplest questions made Woonhak feel this hot rush washing over him.
"Then what's he doing in your apartment all alone with you 10 minutes or so before 12 AM?"
Taesan could hear Woonhak growing more impatient. He liked that.
"To roll me a joint? What are you getting worked up over?"
Woonhak's jaw clenched, his finger so closed in on his palm that it could spurt out blood.
"Why is another guy in your apartment alone with you?" Woonhak practically straining his voice trying not to yell.
"Because I have friends, Woonhak?" He knew what he was doing.
"That's not my point."
"Then what is it." Taesan shot up from the couch, flailing his arms around trying to 'make sense' of the situation.
"My point is what you guys are doing."
"What we're doing?" Taesan repeated mockingly, "What if we fucked? Then what?" They didn't, but it was cute seeing Woonhak try to imagine it.
Woonhak grabbed Taesan by the wrist, pushing him down on the couch.
"You fucked?"
"Maybe. We're not together so why do you care?"
Taesan was right. The last attempt Woonhak tried ending so abruptly, ever since then they never spoke about it. Not even an aftercare text. That's what he hated most. How Taesan was always right.
"Let me go." Taesan rolled out smoothly, the most sober he sounded during this whole ordeal. Woonhak's grip loosened, not letting him completely go, hard enough to keep him down.
Woonhak pulled apart Taesan's face entirely, he thought he understood why Taesan had looked at him that way when they first met, but he only understood part of it.
Only now did he realize that all he was to Taesan was just a game he found entertaining. But as horrible and demeaning that is, he doesn't ever want Taesan to get bored of him. So as his tongue found a way back in Taesan, he would willingly wipe away whatever happened tonight, and continue on until they both get mentally drained.