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The night is boiling at this point.
He might not show it, but Rome feels so giddy it would embarrass him if he thinks about it a second too long. He prefers to pretend it’s because of music.
The warmth at his side and a hand on his shoulder or at the small of his back are so very welcome even with the night’s air being as hot as it is now. Raffy’s not leaving him for more than a few minutes. He does little dances here next to him, he rests his chin on Rome’s shoulder, he offers Rome his drinks, holding it for Rome while Rome’s hands are busy, he even feeds him a few candies. Rome didn’t even know there were any.
Two of the girls Raffy danced with earlier appear near them and drag Raffy to the crowd again. They send Rome a wink each and they are saying something to Rome he can’t really catch, and they are laughing, and Raffy is laughing and protesting jokingly, and it makes Rome laugh too. He can’t help but watch them go. They are doing some kind of a group dance or a music game, and all of them look comically invested.
Rome smiles at his controller and bites his lips. Seeing Raffy having so much mindless fun gives him a silly bubbly feeling Rome is way too old and too experienced to have.
Apparently Raffy wasn’t joking—he followed Rome around everywhere acting all sweet and endearingly annoying and insisted on helping Rome with his gigs even though Rome didn’t need any help. Turns out he’s really good with management and organisation stuff, and Rome never met a person enjoying spreadsheets this much before. He even wanted to tease him about the unexpected talents of a spoiled young master but decided against it.
Feeling hurt by their whole history made him somewhat defensive, and Raffy’s persistence on randomly making his goal to win Rome over known to everyone who was careless enough to give him an opening was making Rome bitter and mildly annoyed. Call him prideful but he doesn’t like being an afterthought. He doesn’t like being tossed aside and then having Raffy come back to him just because Raffy is bored and wasn’t able to get what he wanted in the first place. Raffy of all people should have known how fucking cruel it is.
And yet, Rome kept his tongue. He was looking at Raffy who refused to keep his eyes off of Rome, whose attention was fully on Rome. Raffy looks so genuinely invested in Rome and his career now. Rome felt like he’s losing his mind. That’s what you get for falling for an actor.
For whatever reason Raffy seemed to really enjoy his manager role, and it went beyond having an excuse to follow Rome around. And Rome was always soft for the joy of one’s passion. And, regrettably, for Raffy.
Rome can always find other things to annoy or tease Raffy about anyway. It’s very easy.
And still that loud confession in front of the whole faculty left Rome dumbfounded. Yeah, maybe Raffy did success at convincing Rome he truly likes him rather quickly, but maybe it’s because Rome is very fucking weak for him.
He wanted to believe Raffy so bad.
Well, the high school level of melodrama is quite a way to prove the seriousness of your intentions.
So now the asshole Rome has been pining over smiles at him happily while having fun with his new friends after publicly asking him out, and Rome is feeling things.
After some time Raffy is behind Rome’s tables again. He is holding two cups this time, one of them with the straw and it’s this one he holds for Rome. Unable to resist a smile, Rome shakes his head fondly and takes a few sips. He didn’t notice how thirsty he was until now.
“Thank you,” he smiles.
Apparently, Raffy is not done with mischief for today. He leans closer and pecks Rome in the corner of his mouth.
Rome jerks back in surprise. He is blinking confusingly and his face probably lost some intelligence points. But Raffy is clearly proud of himself, he smiles at Rome bright and wide, his nose scrunching.
“Not wasting any time, huh?” Rome laughs and tries his best not to look like a flustered lovesick fool. This is ridiculous. His ears burn and he keeps smiling. Raffy gets close and, slightly lowering, playfully looks Rome straight in the eyes.
“Not a second.”
He has this soft, soft smile on his face that turns Rome into melting ice cream.
Maybe he’s way drunker than he thought. He shakes his head again and focuses his attention back on the setup.
Raffy instantly moves closer into Rome’s space, leaning on the table with one hand. He’s hovering over Rome’s shoulder but doesn’t touch him exactly.
“Rome,” he calls and his voice is slightly deeper now and without previous playfulness. Rome hums encouraging him to continue. Raffy weightlessly touches his forearm with his fingertips.
“Come with me tonight? Stay at my place.”
It’s not a flirtatious invitation. He wears an open expression, almost vulnerable.
Rome gives him an easy smile and brings his hand to caress Raffy’s hesitant fingers lightly. His urge to comfort and lighten the mood is indulgent automatically.
Whatever you want, really.
“If you insist.” He spices it with a little smugness of his own just in case, pouting.
But the smile Raffy gives him is small and way too gentle.
Impossible.
***
Raffy really did want to talk, he was ready, he only needed a moment, but Rome, as many times before, was not letting him to catch a break.
Keeps Raffy on his fucking toes, doesn’t he.
“I don’t get it.”
As Raffy got out of the ice bath, Rome offhandedly sent him off to take a hot shower “since we’re at it” and was waiting for Raffy with tea for both of them. Raffy’s one was warm.
But it clearly wasn’t a peace offering. Very naive of Raffy to think it was.
“Well, yeah. It’s not like I’ve made myself clear. But I’m going to!”
“But you did, that’s the thing. It’s just now you are trying to prove the opposite. And I don’t understand why.”
“Then you didn’t understand what I meant. Because I wasn’t clear.”
One thing Raffy always knew for sure is there’s no point in trying to make others understand you better. Especially if they already formed their impression of you from afar. The problem is never the lack of information. A privileged and egocentric brat full of himself and entitlement—what else is there to understand.
He’ll probably survive a few mean whispers. Who cares about the distance between the judgement and the truth.
Raffy wasn’t going to waste his breath.
But there was a thing about Rome: he saw him as something more than a cut-out doll. Sometimes he looked like he wanted and searched to see more. Rome was wrong about Raffy for other reasons, and then Raffy against his better judgement tells Rome when and where exactly, Rome takes Raffy’s word for it, just like that. So there was a chance Rome would listen to him this time, too.
And Raffy was more than willing to try, even if Rome decided to be particularly difficult.
Which seemed to be the case.
“Your words didn’t really leave any room for interpretation.”
“Well, I was mad back then,” Raffy reminded him and even managed not to sound too defensive.
Rome’s eyes softened a little but his defence stayed as high as ever.
“And not without a reason, yes,” he said without a trace of irony or mockery. That wasn’t good.
“And you were right, even earlier. It’s my own fault. I let it get to my head. You didn’t promise me anything. I should have listened to you and just left you alone. Late is better than never, so I’m doing it now.”
“Oh come on,” Raffy’s frustrated groan was way too close to a whine. It was ridiculous, mostly because it wasn’t true. Rome did try to leave Raffy alone a few times. Raffy just searched for him himself in those cases.
“No, but really,” Rome shrugged, looking annoyingly calm. “Maybe it’s time to take some rest from all these romantic trials and errors. Maybe we just weren’t cut out for them.”
He was all calm and reasonable but Raffy really wanted him to be all bleeding sarcasm this time, and it was just Raffy failing to put a finger on it. There was no way he meant that. Rome often was somewhat sardonic when he was bitter. That was another annoying thing about Rome.
And there were many others.
And Raffy wanted them all.
Please don’t mean it.
“No,” he said, trying to match the calmness a little. Not too much though, he had no patience for that, “I think, time was just wasted on the wrong thing. And it’s time to do a few right ones. Now the goal is clear.”
Thinking about it, with Rome Raffy never bothered to pretend he’s more patient and agreeable than he actually was. A rare occurrence. And Rome never seemed to mind. So Raffy was not going to start now.
After all, he was being genuine here.
Which was the right option because that made Rome lose a little of his cool. He sighed annoyed, rolled his eyes, and pressed his lips together; the expression of expecting to hear what one heard and not being happy about it.
For some reason, it made Raffy feel like he won this round.
Then Rome spoke again; it sounded way more heated.
“Why do you even want to talk to me all of a sudden? Why not just find someone who’s truly for you?”
“Because I like you!”
That sounded desperate. Which was quite fitting.
“Oh do you, now? You told me the opposite back then!”
“No, I didn’t! I said I can’t have you, there wasn’t a single word about not liking you.”
“Can’t hav— it doesn’t make any sense! It’s not what you said!”
“It’s what I meant!”
Rome was clearly lost and frustrated now. He looked like he really wanted to throw some more sour wits at Raffy, but was out of words. Raffy was pretty sure he was bouncing his leg under the table, too.
He was looking at Raffy like Raffy wasn’t being fair. And maybe Raffy wasn’t.
Raffy continued, calmer this time:
“But it’s not how you took it. And yeah, I was mad and I thought,” he pauses and looks down at his own hands, “I thought you being finally done with me is for the better. But it wasn’t.”
“Because you thought you still had your better option when you hadn’t.”
That stang. There were no better options. But arguing with Rome about this was pointless for now. It seemed like Rome just refused to listen when it came to Jack, and it irritated Raffy to the point of anger. Why was Rome doing that? Raffy didn’t fucking want to think or talk about Jack, especially not when all Raffy wanted was to put his mouth on Rome as soon as possible.
Quite a way to ruin the mood, but maybe Raffy’s not the one to talk about craving reassurance.
But what the fuck was he supposed to do with this opening?
So he just ignored the remark and kept going with what he knew. He wanted to look at Rome while saying it but he just couldn’t. And when he spoke again, it was quieter than he would have liked.
“Because I missed you.”
He glanced at Rome. Rome was very still. Raffy still wasn’t able to speak and look at him at the same time.
“And I thought about how we might never talk again, and... I didn’t like that.”
He looked at Rome again, and there were cracks in Rome’s defence. He didn’t look that closed off now, but instead he looked rather cornered, like he waited for Raffy to hit him where it hurt. And it was subtle but still there, and it hit Raffy where it hurt.
No one would probably believe it, but Raffy hates hurting people. It makes him feel like shit, and since he often feels like shit for a bunch of separate reasons, he sure would love not to add another one. But he always does somehow.
He looked at Rome and felt like shit, and he did it to himself.
“I understand why you might not really want to see me but... I’m not trying to press or rush you to anything, just... Please let me stick around.”
There was a long pause. So long Raffy started to fear what he said wasn’t enough, and he didn’t know what else he could say.
“I want to spend time with you,” he whispered because it was all he had.
After another couple of seconds Rome shrugged. His face stayed blank, but it was fake nonchalance. Because unlike any other times, his eyes were anywhere but on Raffy.
“Okay.”
“Really?”
Rome shrugged again but looked at him this time.
The smile it brought was wide and undefeatable, and Raffy gave it to Rome in gratitude.
Rome smiled faintly too and just watched him for a moment.
“Want some more tea?” he asked, and it sounded casual but in this strangely gentle tone he used sometimes when he was trying to make Raffy feel better. It has always caught Raffy off guard because what gives?
It did this time, too. But Raffy was thankful it was there.
Raffy shook his head, still smiling.
“No. I’m good now.”
***
The place is sad in the way private hospital rooms are. It’s clearly expensive but rather small and minimalistic to the point of looking empty. And it’s not, there are signs of someone’s life here, someone very tidy, perhaps. But no level of tidiness is able to make your space look liminal.
The thought makes him turn around to look at Raffy before he can think better. Raffy meets his eyes, and if awkwardly pressed lips and one-shouldered shrug to be believed, he knows exactly what Rome’s thinking.
So Rome won’t bring it up.
“That was fun but quite a lot,” Raffy says almost whiny while he lowers himself at the soft rug in front of his bed in his room, resting his head against the mattress. No street clothes on the bed then! Rome sits next to him. He smiles fondly at him once again.
“Well, you did quite a lot tonight!”
Raffy glares at him, but there’s no real annoyance, and Rome only smiles wider.
The things that drew him to Raffy in the first place were his sting and bitterness, and his urge to bite back even when Rome hadn’t started any biting (intentionally at least). And all of that isn’t gone anywhere, really. But there’s no alertness now. Raffy’s not waiting to be stabbed in the back anymore. There’s this carelessness about him now that he only demonstrated accidentally before. Lowering his guards paradoxically makes him steadier and more secure.
And apparently, he’s such a sweetheart actually.
If the closed-off and wary Raffy was able to make Rome smitten, the confident and self-assured Raffy does unimaginable things to him.
Raffy half turns to him, rests his elbow on the bed, and puts his head in his hand.
“You of all people should have known,” he says a little smugly, but there’s a soft smile on his lips, “I am very persistent when I need to be.”
Rome nods with mocking seriousness.
“And when you don’t need to either.”
For that, Raffy nudges him in the knee with his own. Rome is unable to hold back a laugh.
“I’m glad you had fun though. Seeing you having fun is nice.”
And at that, Raffy smiles wider, almost looking shy. He looks at Rome with eyes so tender it renders Rome to the liquidity of honey, and he flows down lower on the floor and rests his head on the mattress.
“It’s like you were glowing,” he adds quietly.
It makes Raffy laugh softly. The sound has made Rome aware once again of how ethereally handsome he is.
“Oh wow, I earned my sudden compliments back?” Raffy leans a little closer, his eyes teasing, “Does that mean you like me again now?”
Suppressing a laugh, Rome hums and pouts pensively, looking upward, pretends to ponder on it. But Raffy is not having it, he makes Rome look at him by lightly grabbing his chin.
Rome allows himself a second of surprise but then quickly remembers himself and swiftly pecks Raffy on the nose.
Raffy stills for a moment blinking confused, but then the shy smile blooms slowly on his face again and he shakes his head.
“As if I ever had a chance to stop,” Rome whispers.
Shifting a little closer, Raffy lowers his arm and lays his head on the mattress too, mirroring Rome.
“Seemed like it was pretty close for a moment,” he says just as quietly.
But Rome shakes his head.
“But maybe I wanted it to be. Or at least wanted you to think it was. I— I guess I felt wounded.”
“Yeah. I guess,” Raffy breathes out so softly as if he doesn’t really want Rome to hear, “So did I.”
Rome sighs against himself and lowers his eyes. He knows what Raffy means.
Raffy slides lower to lay completely on the floor.
“I get it. Perhaps I deserved it back then.”
“No! You—” Rome says almost too quickly. He shifts to sit straight and look at Raffy. “You didn’t. I just...”
He pauses and takes a breath.
“I didn’t think you’d care that much.”
Frowning, Raffy opens his mouth to answer but Rome continues.
“You just made it sound like you were more hurt about me asking you to come with me to get your phone than for deleting the video.”
“Of course I was fucking hurt, how could I not be?”
Rome shrugs.
“It makes sense you were angry. I did trick you. It’s just... You said yourself you barely considered me your friend, why would you—”
“Are you kidding—” Raffy starts incredulously, lifting his head a little, but stops. Lays back down. Sighs heavily and rubs his face with his palm. “Well, I guess I had it coming.”
He doesn’t speak for a moment and just looks at the ceiling.
“Yeah, I did everything for you to give up on me. But you never did, and it drove me insane. Every time you let things slide and got all in my face it felt so good it scared the shit out of me. You were always so annoying but in a way that made me feel so... I don’t know. Alive, maybe.”
He pauses. Sighs. “But I had a goal, and I couldn’t keep messing with you if I wanted to succeed.”
He stops again. When he continues, his voice is quieter.
“I liked you too much. And I wasn’t supposed to. But messing around with you felt too good to stop.”
Rome just stares at him. It is... well, quite a lot to process.
The next words are barely a whisper.
“It’s been a while since being with someone felt good.”
Rome’s breath hitches. Ridiculous.
“And then you went and chose to help Dean and to disarm me. So it was the time I could be done with you since you clearly didn’t even care about me that much.” His tone is mocking and Rome feels defensive again, to the point of almost saying something like No, you didn’t care about me! At all!
Thank God he doesn’t.
“You really left me, and all this shit I went too far for was worth nothing.”
Rome just stares at him, stunned. He wants to say something, but nothing comes out.
And Raffy is holding his gaze.
“I wanted you, not because you are convenient. Quite the opposite, actually,” there’s a short humorless snort. “All I’ve done was to finally stop being a disappointment. To make mom stop looking at me like I was a waste of her time and effort. And then there’s you. Having you won’t help me become what she intended me to be. But it turned out I want you more than my mother’s approval.”
“Raffy...”
“I made some life-changing decisions I should’ve probably made a long time ago,” he looks away for a moment but when he speaks again he’s facing Rome. “I was mad as hell at you and still motivated myself with the thought that there’s a possibility of getting back at your good grace.”
Rome’s hand reaches for Raffy’s shoulder almost subconsciously. The thumb caresses it lightly. The urge to just hold Raffy, so honest and vulnerable for him, is overwhelming at this point, but Raffy clearly has more to say and he needs to say it. And Rome will listen to everything Raffy wants him to. Of course he will.
“To stop talking to my mother was surprisingly easy. I didn’t even tell her about leaving the play. Stopped answering her calls. I wasn’t even hanging up on her. Just ignored.”
“Maybe she would—”
“Nah,” Raffy laughs, and now he finally sounds like something is funny. “She most likely wouldn’t.”
For the moment, he’s quiet. Now there’s a small smile on his face.
“I wasn’t making some humiliating sacrifice for you or anything. I was getting my life back. It was actually good for me. Leaving the play felt like I finally could breathe normally. But maybe it is humiliating that I needed your cocky ass for it.”
Rome huffs a laugh. Raffy’s smile is bigger now. He brings his hand to Rome’s on his shoulder to draw small circles at the back of it.
“I’m telling you this not for you to feel sorry or because I want you to comfort me. Just so you know exactly why I was after you.”
Rome smiles at him.
“You should definitely tell me if there’s something you want me to comfort you about though,” he shrugs. “Anytime. And I’m sorry for making you explain yourself.”
Even though I really needed to hear that.
“But I like having you talk to me.”
It makes Raffy pout. Cute.
“Talking to you is annoyingly easy. It always freaked me out how nice you were sometimes. It was making me actually glad that you are also a rude fucking asshole. It was always bringing me back to earth.”
Rome laughs, surprised.
“I’m not rude!”
“Maybe mean is the right word. And it’s always intentional. You are very specific with it.” Raffy sighs heavily. He looks almost thoughtful. “Right on the money every time.”
And just like that, there’s no more laughter. Rome lowers his eyes. He can’t really defend himself here. Because that’s true, he is mean. Effortlessly so.
“I—”
“And yet here I am,” Raffy finishes softly.
Raffy stares at him, and somehow he looks pained and relieved at the same time. His eyes flutter.
“God I like you,” he whispered more to himself than to Rome and that’s exactly why it made Rome’s chest tighten.
Lowering himself to lay next to Raffy, he rests on his elbow, his head in his palm.
“Good,” he says quietly. Rome intended to smile with it but for some reason he didn’t.
A deep breath, and Raffy lifts his hand to Rome’s face. For a moment, he is just cupping his face and stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. Rome leans into the touch and kisses his palm, and it seems like the action makes something in Raffy break. He pulls him closer and leans in himself, meeting Rome half way.
He kisses him and then moves the hand from Rome’s face to his nape. It tugs his hair tightly and then slowly releases it, repeatedly, just for the sake of it. Rome makes a soft sound in the back of his throat. He brings his palm to Raffy’s collarbones, his thumb and index finger at the sides on the base of his neck. No pressure, just presence.
It brings a sigh out of Raffy, loud and open-mouthed. He pulls Rome even closer, and licks his mouth around the rim, from the middle to a corner.
Rome leans on him more, and it makes Raffy snake his free arm around Rome’s waist and put his palm into the back pocket of his jeans, pressing closer.
Rome’s forearm next to Raffy’s head, his fingers purposely touching his hair. He opens his mouth wide and tilts his head, licks Raffy’s tongue.
Raffy makes a soft pleased sound, the hand on Rome’s nape slides across his shoulder making Raffy’s arm wrap around his neck and tries to bring Rome even closer, as if he wants Rome to fall on top of him completely, to put his whole weight on himself.
Feeling the rise and fall of the other’s chest with his own is interestingly strange, but nothing compares to the sensation of the beating of two hearts at the same time against one another. It’s intimate to the point of worry and stuttered breath. It’s quite a lot to be trusted with.
The arm around his neck wraps so tight Rome feels fingers grabbing his chin from the other side. Raffy released his lips but there is still little to no distance between. He is breathing heavily into Rome’s mouth.
And then there’s the realisation that despite the kissing with this closeness of their bodies they are not even grinding on each other. Just... pressed.
Raffy is kissing him just for the sake of kissing. It’s lovely.
Only now, Rome realises how tired both of them are. He almost chuckles: this is probably why they both still have their pants on.
Suddenly Rome gets flipped over, and now Raffy’s hovering over him. His breathing is still uneven.
He does that sometimes. It seems like Raffy really enjoys handling Rome one way or another as much as he enjoys having Rome’s hands on his neck. He tugs, tosses, and corners him, deliberately places or arranges him where and how he wants him. Always does it manually, always a little rough. Desperate.
Raffy’s eyes are shiny in the dark room. He tilts Rome’s chin with his finger and plants a kiss under it, making Rome sigh delightedly.
Rome wraps his arms around Raffy’s neck, one hand in the other’s hair scratching the scalp lightly. Raffy nibbles his way up Rome’s jaw to below his ear to nuzzle there. There’s a sound that’s coming from Rome’s throat probably but he can’t be sure right now. He turns his head because he desperately needs to kiss Raffy again.
And Raffy gladly lets him, and gives him a soft appreciative hum. He licks Rome’s bottom lip.
Raffy always gives as good as he gets.
They kiss and kiss, and kiss, and when Raffy finally goes back a little, Rome can’t help but chase after his lips.
“You can go take a shower,” Raffy says, still breathing unevenly. He swallows in an attempt to calm down. He’s silent for a moment, his fingers brushing a few strands off Rome’s forehead. “I’ll get you some clothes.”
“Okay,” Rome breathes out a smile. “Thank you.”
Raffy nods.
He dives down to kiss Rome again.