Chapter Text
"…"
Cale leaned against the backrest, blinking slowly.
Whooosh
The frigid breeze seeped into his bones, but he couldn't move. His mind was so lost he didn't notice his own body quivering, the blanket thrown aside.
'Is this how you're supposed to do it?'
Farming, that was.
He'd picked up a few books when sauntering freely in the library exclusively open for the royal family members, ignoring the sighs and comments about thievery and whatnot.
If Alberu was that bothered he would've stopped him anyway. But Cale hadn't said that part, lest he actually got kicked out.
Flip
Tomatoes and potatoes didn't get along well.
You couldn't grow this with that or everything would go back to square one.
There were odd details like that, Cale absentmindedly recorded it all.
Flip, flip
The pages turned over so quick his hair moved with the soft breeze.
'Hmm.'
It was, in every sense, boring.
The book, or the records.
No matter how many times he'd watched the same, it would annoy him to no end.
Fwish
Cale closed the book no thinner than an encyclopedia and picked the last one.
[A beginner's guide to sustainable farming]
"…"
The redhead skimmed through similar contents.
It didn't change what he already knew. It didn't change what had been done either.
He had thought a change of routine might do something, erase the filth from his skin and the blood underneath his nails.
If nothing else, it could serve as a distraction at least.
"…"
But for some reason, nothing changed.
Flip
His hands still shook.
Flip
The voice still echoed, traces of everything he'd left behind, buried, erased.
Flip
'Farming, huh…'
Something boring and mundane and annoying at best.
The meal at his side had long gone cold, but the redhead couldn't dare to eat.
After all, it wouldn't erase anything.
The fact that he had destroyed it.
The dreams of his only family, Kim Rok Soo had ruined it all.
****
Clink
It wasn't that he didn't try other things, reading excluded.
"Cale-nim."
The swordsman greeted him brightly from the distance. Cale was sure the wolf children would've rushed to his spot immediately if not for Choi Han holding them back with training.
Swish
Clang!
Sounds of metallic clashes filled the space.
The children looked at him in intervals, so much so that Cale wondered if they were doing it on purpose to annoy him. Hong did that a lot, ever since he discovered how fun it was to see the subtle change in the redhead's expression.
'What's so fun about it?'
Cale smiled briefly, waving his hand towards the second youngest of the wolf children. He didn't know what it was about training that fired them up like this, but he thought it was good anyway.
Tap, tap
Records of farming briefly emerged, it was a given since he had spent two whole days doing nothing but reading any book in existence covering the same topic.
'No matter how you think of it, it's annoying.'
The dirt, the heat. The fact that he had to move at all.
Tap, tap
But he couldn't just ignore it.
"Rok Soo."
"Kim Rok Soo."
'Well, I can start a bit then leave it to Ron…'
But he'd been told specifically to do it all on his own.
What was the point anyway?
Farming was farming, no matter who threw themselves around in the dirt.
"It's not your fault."
"You were the one who was supposed to die."
Tap, tap
But he supposed he could make an effort
Not for any particular reason. Just because he was bored.
****
Mostly, it was about the timing.
The day had started wrong, with a nightmare and whatnot nonsense, then the news of an unexpected ambush had reached him, and from then on his memory was mostly a blur.
A few minutes to access the situation, to rush through the records and to do better than he had done in the past.
Another minute to devise a plan, the most efficient route ensuring everyone's survival.
But a person had already died, by the time he or his allies could extend help.
It had been a remote village on the countryside.
Cale would never forget its name.
After help arrived and Cale himself did, no one had died.
Tap, tap
But what had occurred wouldn't change.
The dead wouldn't return.
It was a single soul.
Cale could never forget.
So really, it was all about the timing. He hadn't intended to miss the meal that day, it was just the taste of blood lingered over his tongue longer than usual.
He hadn't intended to miss supper the next day either. It was just annoying to have to move to the dinner table, which was, without exaggeration, 3 rooms away.
And when he chewed on the apple pies and it tasted like ashes and mud, really, it was about the timing. He'd thrown up only an hour earlier, so it was his fault he even tried eating anything.
It wasn't a big deal.
It was annoying, but that was it.
No matter how much he starved Cale wouldn't die, he wouldn't.
****
Kim Rok Soo was useless in more ways than not.
There were changes though, after his identity changed into someone else, a trash of a different kind than his previous self.
He couldn't not say he was useful now, with the ancient powers in hand, let alone the allies he'd somehow managed to gather.
But there were times.
Fwish
Times when nothing really worked out.
When the pang in his stomach didn't wash away the guilt, when the blood leaving his body didn't bring back the dead.
He was useful, but still useless.
Cale had believed in his own survival the most, all throughout his life as Kim Rok Soo.
But apart from that, he was mostly a shell, a sort of void one wouldn't even want to spare a glance, so he could tell he shouldn't have tried anything in the first place.
The records would emerge and recede.
Sleep would come and go, nightmares would share his company when the moon shone too bright and the fabric of his coat burned his skin just slightly.
But then, after everything, it would go back to normal.
To the absences, and to the familiarity of the same.
The dead wouldn't return.
That was supposed to be his normal.
****
A quiet presence accompanied his hushed steps.
Cale didn't know how it came to be, but here he was, strolling alongside Mary.
"Humans should eat. They die if they don't."
"Right."
The words were simple, but the meaning was conveyed still.
"I won't die, Mary."
"Mm."
Maybe he was overthinking it, but the slight hum sounded overly doubtful.
'Just my imagination.'
Cale ignored the gaze stuck to the side of his head. He knew he looked haggard already, so it must be that.
Tap, tap
"Young master."
A child-like curiosity lingered in the gaze of someone who'd endured something he could hardly imagine.
"Is everything okay as long as you don't die?"
'… huh?'
Cale blinked, half surprised and half dazed.
The words weren't meant to be sarcastic, neither was the tone. Mary was actually asking him something she couldn't understand.
Then, why couldn't he answer?
"I-"
Whooosh
Wasn't it?
Wasn't it fine?
"…"
But he couldn't quite say that.
Because of Mary's gaze, he couldn't say anything.
She waited and Cale knew she did, but ultimately, he couldn't answer either to Mary or to his own self.
****
Whoooosh
Shwaaa
The sound of the explosives nearby dulled into something quiet, shrieks fading with the wind and the smell of blood carried away by a distant breeze.
It was a bit like this, when he saw the sword aura approaching close.
It was a bit like dying, the silence, the cold.
"…"
Cale blinked once, letting his breath flow away.
He wouldn't die.
Death wasn't something one could achieve so lightly, so willingly.
His life stood on the ashes of those who had lost their own for him alone. So it wasn't death he wanted, not at all. Living was the best. Living was the best. His Team Leader had told him so.
Living—
Whooosh
The crybaby wouldn't let him die.
He would live, even if death was destined for the likes of him.
Kwaaaang-
'…'
"…!"
"Cale!"
Something grabbed his arm, yanking him to the side.
Fwish!
But it wasn't before the attack grazed his shoulder, something cold soaking his coat immediately.
'…'
A slight twitch to the eyebrows, a sigh and a hitch, like he had forgotten how to breathe.
That was all it did.
"You-!"
Cale met the latter's gaze, those blue, quivering eyes meeting his own.
"…!"
Alberu suddenly stopped speaking.
The redhead could see an unfamiliar shield around them—it must've been Rosalyn, since Raon wasn't here.
"Cale."
Alberu's voice mixed with the one inside his head, the sound of his ancient powers who'd been trying to get his attention since the beginning of the battle.
Something rose to his throat.
Cale wiped the blood trickling down again, almost in a reflex.
He could see the blond quickly taking out healing potions, someone unfamiliar by his side. If Alberu was here, Rosalyn must've taken charge of the battle. Eruhaben seemed to be deflecting most of the attacks, giving her time to calmly lead the others.
'…'
It didn't really faze him, except a soft exclamation leaving his lips.
Even without the redhead, everyone worked well.
"Cale."
"…?"
'Healer?'
The robes of the person next to Alberu belonged to the healers from the royal family. Had he really called these busybodies here for a wound as trivial as this? It would heal within an hour at most thanks to his ancient powers.
But for some reason, he couldn't say the same.
Cale noticed Alberu's gaze, then looked elsewhere.
He didn't remember when he had been brought back to the tent, the nearest one in their vicinity.
He only remembered a vague urge to collapse, to be spilled like the blood leaving his body, and the grasp over his arm that was fierce yet never quite hurtful.
****
"Human."
Cale shifted a bit, reaching out for the young dragon.
"Mm."
Raon immediately made himself comfortable in his arms, pulling a blanket over the two of them with his paws. It was because Cale had only been hurt recently, and the child believed feeling warm would make him feel better.
"Human."
Pat, pat
The weak hands of his weak human caressed his scales gently. They were shaking no longer, unlike a few days before.
"…"
Raon nuzzled into the warmth, hearing Cale's quiet breaths almost like a lullaby.
"What's wrong?"
The young dragon shook his head.
There were apple pies he'd stored since days, half of them gone soggy.
He wanted his human to eat one, and the child had tried practicing saying the same, but when the redhead looked at him so softly, when his guardian did, Raon couldn't say anything.
"…it's nothing, human…"
It really was nothing at all.
****
Tap
A sigh rose to his lips again.
Alberu brushed his face, shrugging back the cloak that had been hiding his hair.
He took a deep breath, feeling more timid by the second.
Knock knock!
'It's open.'
The Crown Prince who was to be the future Emperor climbed through the balcony of a certain redhead's room.
'…damn it.'
Cale hadn't been replying to his calls. Instead, Raon had called him right after a recent issue arose and told him that the redhead was sick.
'I thought it was a cold at most.'
Cale had been traveling around more often these days, and Alberu had even warned the former that he'll end up overworking himself to sickness, one day or another.
But he didn't pick it up.
The call Alberu had made that very evening, and the many times after that too.
And since he was resting in the Henituse territory, it was even harder to get into contact with him. Alberu both praised and felt disheartened by the over-protectiveness, something that had managed to force a future emperor to sneak in like a thief.
It was the third day now, just before sunrise.
Tap, tap
"Your highness."
Alberu tried to hide the surprise over his face. He'd heard it from Cale in passing once, but he hadn't known the butler's quiet presence was this scary.
"…Ron."
The latter eyed his attire for a moment before nodding. Alberu followed behind, looking around the dim space.
'Isn't it too quiet?'
It was too dark as well, the windows covered with blackout curtains instead of the usual, translucent ones.
Because the atmosphere was like this, Alberu held in the many questions in his mind.
'Is Cale okay?'
He felt as if he didn't need to ask that.
Tap, tap
A few brief, casual exchanges passed between the two, right as they reached the bed.
"…"
Tap
Ron went back to the bedside table, leaving the stumped Alberu behind.
Fwish
The blond watched as the butler moved with a practiced ease, changing the washcloth over Cale's head.
Tap
Alberu's gaze wandered to the bedside table.
"…"
There were half used healing potions, and handkerchiefs folded, though that didn't hide the crimson soaking them completely.
Alberu stood still for a long while like that, watching Ron move to wipe the redhead's arms with a different washcloth.
There was a hint of blood coating Cale's sleeve. It was obvious since the shirt he wore was pale white, doing nothing to hide the bones nearly visible through his wrist.
Tap, tap
He moved after a while, picking up a chair rather than dragging it against the floor.
Tap
Ohn, Hong, and Raon were asleep curled around the redhead. Ohn had woken up earlier to nod at him briefly, sleepiness overtaking her before she could say anything else.
Alberu didn't mind.
Tap
He sat right beside the bed, picking up the documents he'd brought here on a whim.
Ron eyed him briefly before turning his attention back to the redhead.
Tap, tap
Flip
The sound of shuffling papers filled the space, alongside the hushed steps of an assassin.
Alberu, who had been scared earlier, only felt relief now.
For the redhead who hadn't stretched his shield to cover himself, and for his dongsaeng who had stood dazed as his own shoulder was nearly clawed out.
He thought it was better than there was such a person caring for him, and many others like Ron.
Unlike him, who could only call a few healers at best.
****
Click
The door opened with a shuffle. It was a sound an assassin like him had become accustomed to making, lest he scared his puppy young master too much.
Tap
This time, however, his mood wasn't as relaxed.
Ron fixed his expression once, looking at the table shrouded by the hints of moonlight and a mana powered lamp.
Cale was working without any change, whether he had noticed the butler's presence or not.
When Ron moved and replaced the meal at the table's corner, untouched and cold, placing a sweet tea in its place, he thought it was good.
Unlike the last time he hadn't even spared a glance, at least Cale looked, no, realised something was there, something for him, and it was the first thing in days that made the butler feel better.
Tap
After all.
This odd sort of change.
Ron couldn't say he liked it.
Even if the young master was wary of him before, in ways he considered silly at best, it was better than this.
Cale who went back to work, and the tea cup that was only picked an hour later, just three sips at best taken.
Ron didn't know if it was relieving, if he was supposed to smile or scoff.
But he thought he'd let his son know, at the least. The chef who was still awake in the kitchen, searching for something that'd make their young master feel better again.