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Jay pranced around the one-bedroom apartment putting up decorations for Valentine’s Day. It was a big day, one he’d been looking forward to all month.
He and Alex had been dating for around two years now. Jay loved like a puppy, always showering him with attention and kisses. Despite him being super introverted when they’d first met, they’d found true love within.
Jay was giddy with excitement, he was anxious too, he wanted this to be just right for the man he loved most. He couldn’t ruin such a perfect day.
He wasn’t going full out, but he did as much as he could within the hour that he had before Alex would get home. He hung some streamers over the door, and in the kitchenette. A homemade cake was on the counter ready for them to share.
Jay couldn’t bake, everyone knew that, so instead he just begged Brian to make him a cake and he’d repay him with any favor he’d need at any time. Brian, being the sweetest guy he knows, knew how badly Jay wanted this for Alex, and made him his little cake.
It was shaped like a heart, with whipped frosting all over it. You and on the inside was chocolate with coconut filling. Two flavors that were Alex’s favorites.
In their shared bedroom he had some candles lit, for atmosphere, of course. He wanted to have sex with Alex like they did every Valentine’s Day. But what’s Valentine’s Day without candles?
He also had his flowers and gift on the bedside table. Yellows and purples were Alex’s favorites when it came to flowers. In the gift box was a camera. A little camcorder he knew Alex had been looking at for months now.
He then made his way back to the kitchen to order the pizza in advance. As boring as it was Alex’s favorite food was a cheese pizza with a stuffed crust. But Jay never judged, it understood why it was his favorite. He also decided to order some garlic bread too, everybody loves garlic bread.
He grabbed his flip phone off the counter and swung it open to call Alex’s favorite pizza place; however, the text Alex had sent him completely shifted his attention. The message was sent thirty minutes ago. He must’ve missed it because he was so busy setting everything up.
-“Hey, I’ll be an hour late.”
That familiar ping of pain shot through his core. He knew Alex didn’t have anything to do, but Jay should’ve known he’d be an hour late, again. For the last two months, Alex had made every excuse in the book to avoid hanging out with him. Jay felt like shit, but he didn’t feel angry. How could he ever be angry at Alex? No, he just felt hurt. It would be okay though. Once Alex gets back then they’d be able to have a lovely time.
The cold air in the tiny, shared apartment made him shiver, his eyes locked on the streamers that covered the kitchenette and the front door. Long, cheap, paper streamers that were all different kinds of red were swaying with the cool air of the apartment.
Hot embarrassment burned on his face, as red as the decorations were, this was such a stupid idea. Alex would judge him, for sure. Putting up something so dumb in their apartment was not Alex’s forte.
Jay’s hands connected to the streamers and he tore them down. He just assumed that having decorations would be the new ‘no-go.’ After all, Alex would judge him so hard for it,
Alex judged him for everything. How he talked, how he dressed, his interests. Jay was just a walking mistake everywhere he went. Maybe Alex didn’t mean to be mean, Alex was his lover. That meant he was just giving him constructive criticism.
He decided it would be best to leave the food and gifts, how could he go wrong with food and gifts? He also decided to leave the mental schedule he had.
Jay liked just remembering things in his head. He wasn’t a huge writer when it came to really anything. He hated the sounds of typing on keyboards too. So he learned to just remember everything. Like things his lover and friends enjoyed, or his schedule, and in this instance, planning.
First, they’d eat some dinner and cake and watch some TV. Probably some Marvel movie. Like Spider-Man, or The Hulk. Those two were Alex’s favorites. Then after that he’d take them into the bedroom and make love to him. Then they’d exchange gifts. Super romantic in his eyes, he was such a lovebird.
Jay didn’t even realize he was sitting on their bed, thinking about everything. He felt so silly. His lover was gonna walk in and tell Jay how he did too much, and how this holiday didn’t even matter. But, maybe that was him overthinking again.
Sometime down the line his behavior did change drastically, Jay can’t recall the exact day when, but that didn’t stop him from being affected. Alex was just so angry, and mean. He’d started coming home late. Started yelling at their friends too. Oh, their poor friends.
Brian started seeing signs before Jay did. He was getting yelled at too and getting picked on for every little thing he did. He had told Jay that Alex wasn’t a good partner, but alas, he ignored him. Even though Brian was the closest to Alex platonically, even he knew having a romantic relationship with Alex was a bad idea.
But, Jay couldn’t leave him. They were still two lovers who’d spend the rest of their lives with, right? Despite how he hasn’t been carrying his weight and putting it all on Jay, Alex loved him. He knew Alex loved him.
Keys fumbled in the keyhole to their door, had he really been thinking for an hour? He knew that was such a weird thing he needed to stop doing. Jay quickly went to the front door and opened it for him.
“Alex!” Jay exclaimed, before grabbing his boyfriend’s face and planting a loving kiss into his hair. Alex seemed to be not as excited as Jay was. He just kind of patted him on the shoulder.
“Yeah, hey.” He responded dryly, walking past Jay and into the apartment. Their shoulders bumped together as he glided past him. Of course, Jay muttered a ‘sorry’ under his breath like he always did when someone bumped into him.
Jay noticed his awkward behavior and tried to ignore it. “Uhm, Happy Valentine’s Day, babe.” Jay spoke with less enthusiasm than he’d wanted to. “I have a few things planned, I ordered pizza and I have a cake.” Jay’s eyes widened with the realization that he forgot to order the pizza. “Oh, shit! I’m sorry Alex I forgot to order the pizza! I’ll do that right now.”
“Jay, stop!”
Alex’s harsh tone echoed through the tiny apartment. It made Jay freeze in his tracks, like a deer in the headlights. Alex would never raise his voice like that, would he? Or maybe, just maybe, Jay was overreacting. And it was louder to him than it actually was because his nerves were up. Except, Alex kept talking.
Alex ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair and huffed. “Listen, Jay. You’re a great person, but please, please get out.” Alex had some red on his face, he didn’t seem remorseful in the slightest though.
You could hear a pin drop in the seconds it took for Jay to process his words. ‘Get out?’ What could that even mean? Alex wasn’t breaking up with him, was he? “Did you just have a bad day? Because I can help-“
“No, I want you gone, Jay.” Alex interrupted the taller man shaking right before his eyes. “You’re too high maintenance for me, and I thought that maybe I liked you, but after spending so much of my time with you I realized that I don’t.” Alex ranted.
Jay felt his heart break into pieces. He tried to find his voice, tried to beg Alex not to dump him. His eyes were welling up with tears, big heavy tears that showed weakness. “Did I do something wrong?” He sounded a lot more pathetic than he wanted to. The bump in the back of his throat is making it almost impossible to breathe, talk, or really say anything.
Alex sighed with clear annoyance. “No, I just- don’t love you anymore. I like this girl, it made me realize that I’m not happy with you.” Alex seemed way too unbothered by his words. Words that felt like knives digging into Jay’s body.
“Wait, you’ve been seeing someone, while we’ve been dating?” Jay’s voice pushed a little harder to seem a little bit stronger than he felt. He also had more strength because he was mad. This new information made everything make so much sense. “So, that’s why you’ve come home late for weeks, and you can’t stand to be around me, and you judge every little thing I do. It’s because I’m not her?”
“Oh my god, this is what I’m telling you! You’re dramatic, you’re loud, you’re weird! I could go on.” Alex raised his voice to meet Jay’s tone. “Don’t act like you’re some victim in this. Just get out.”
“But, Alex-!” Jay tried to cut in, he didn’t know what he was thinking when he said it.
“Get. Out. Now.”
—————————————
The car sped down the streets of their town in Alabama. Jay gripped the wheel to the point where his knuckles turned white. He tried to see through his tears, they made his vision blurry so it was very difficult.
The sky was cloudy, like it could rain any second. Just what Jay needs. A gloomy day made his mood a lot worse than it already was. He hated driving on wet streets too.
He was trying to head to a nearby park to hopefully wind down, he didn’t have anybody to talk to really. Jay never had many friends to begin with, he was shocked when Alex had asked him out the first time. He must be some kind of freak if nobody really wanted to be around him. If nobody loved him.
God, nobody loved him. He hated how he could never interact with his peers. He was so socially awkward that it made him seem more weird. Made sense why people avoided him.
Well, Brian never avoided him. Brian always treated him with kindness and loved talking to him. Jay didn’t really have any friends, but if he were to have a close one, it’d be Brian. Maybe Brian could help his situation? He was a sweet guy. Extroverted, he didn’t know how he was friends with pretty much only introverts.
He dug through the cup holder next to him to get out his flip phone and dialed his number nervously.
Jay stopped before actually calling him, he didn’t want to be a burden. He was such a burden to Alex, which means he’d be a burden to everyone around him. Because how could he be a burden to the one person he loves most?
But, he clicked the button anyways. He needed someone to talk to, a friend to help him through this. He had just lost everything and didn’t feel like going back to pack his stuff currently.
The phone rang once, twice, but on the third ring, he heard that familiar voice. “Hello?” Jay felt his heart race as that sweet voice rang through his device.
“Hey, uhm- hi. It’s Jay.” He stuttered, his voice cracked with emotion he was trying to bury. His throat was thick with blockage as he tried to speak without worrying his friend.
Brian cleared his throat before responding. “Hey, is everything okay? You don’t sound too well.” Those words made Jay feel so much worse. He knew Brian didn’t intend to make anything worse but, alas, he felt like a bigger piece of garbage.
“Uh, no. I was actually wondering if I could have someone to talk to?” That was so damn pathetic. A grown man crying into his flip phone hoping he’d get comforted by someone who wasn’t even super close to him. This whole conversation was awkward, he truly was a burden.
“Uh, yeah man. What’s going on?” Brian also sounded awkward through the device. Honestly, could he blame him? Imagine this situation from Brian’s point of view, must be super awkward.
But instead, he took a deep, shaky breath and just told him everything.
“Alex broke up with me. He said I was annoying and loud and he didn’t love me anymore. And I tried my very hardest to make today nice for him but it didn’t work. And on top of that, he’s been seeing a girl behind my back. I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do. He was everything to me and I think I’m just ruining his life.” Jay shot out quickly, getting it all off his broken chest.
There was a pretty extended pause of time before Brian responded to him. “Oh, I’m sorry man. Alex has been acting weird, but I didn’t know all of that.”
Jay started to cry again, weak sobs that made him put his head on the steering wheel and ignore the traffic. He was stopped at a red light so why does it even matter?
A guy honked at him to signal the light was green again, it was embarrassing but worse was going on right now. He considered flipping the bird at him but Jay could barely function.
Jay was just crying and driving with Brian on the phone for about three minutes before Brian spoke up. “So, why don’t you just drop by my place. I’m not busy and I can’t eat a whole pizza by myself.” Brian had offered, the little bit he said at the end of the sentence made Brian chuckle a bit, before realizing the joke didn’t land and coughing to cover it up.
“I dunno. I don’t think I should. I don’t want to be a burden.” Jay sniffled and used his sleeve to wipe his nose, not sanitary, and it left a snotty mark on the hoodie he cherished.
Brian quickly began talking again. “Oh no, man! It’d be nice for you to hang out. Tim got held up at work so I’m by myself. Besides, you’re a pretty cool guy.”
Jay’s eyes widened with excitement, he’d never been called cool before. “You think I’m cool?” He marveled and wiped his face off on the sleeve without snot on it.
“Yeah, dude! Come over. You can talk more, or watch TV, I’d love your company.” He could basically hear him smiling, he didn’t understand how, but he could just envision that bright sunny smile with that gap between his teeth. Jay had always adored that little tooth gap that made his personality glow.
Jay sputtered trying to get a sentence out. “Uhm- y-yeah. I’ll come over then. What’s your address?”
Brian stated his address and then they hung up. Jay started driving towards his apartment. Ready to just forget about everything.
He knocked loudly at his apartment door, louder than he should’ve. He hoped it was the right apartment, it would’ve been awkward if someone else answered the door and saw him in such an embarrassing state.
When he heard someone twist the handle and open the door it was Brian. Thank god. Brian had his yellow hoodie on, he was also in a pair of boxers. Pink and white stripes that basically flashed in his face. Jay tried not to dwell on that.
Brian pulled the taller man into a hug and patted his back. “Jay! Hey dude.” He exclaimed and Jay awkwardly wrapped his arms around the blonde. He couldn’t believe Brian was hugging him while he was in his boxers.
“Hey, dude?” Jay did a few awkward pats on his back before Brian pulled away and held his bony shoulders. Boy, were his hands so warm.
“C’mon in, make yourself at home.” There was that smile. That bright, powerful, handsome smile that Brian carried everywhere he went. Jay liked thinking about it. That very smile made him feel so good. Like he was a treasure to the yellow-haired guy.
He kicked off his shoes at the door and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He saw a plate of pizza on the couch. Three pieces were on that plate, one of the slices was half eaten. On the table, he saw the box of pizza, which made him think about Alex. Not the thing we wanted to think of currently.
When he looked up again he saw Brian kicking back with his pizza plate in his lap. He clicked the remote and resumed whatever he was watching.
“You gonna come eat? It’s up for grabs.” Brian wiped his hands off with his napkin and got a paper plate that was beside the box to give to Jay. Jay reluctantly took it from him and got himself one slice.
“Yeah, I haven’t eaten.” Jay sat down beside Brian as if the couch were fragile. He picked up a piece and took a small bite. In all actuality he was nauseous, but he knew he had to eat.
Suddenly he felt Brian’s hand rub his back, that’s really all it took for him to start sobbing again. He began shaking, hyperventilating as he threw the pizza back onto his plate.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Brian shoot up and put both of their plates on the table before scooting closer to him, wrapping an arm around him.
“Jay, shoot. It’ll be okay, man.” Jay could feel his leg touching his, that’s how close they were. He couldn’t think straight because of all the events of today, so he didn’t care how close Brian was.
Jay shook his head and crossed his arms. “No it’s not.” The dirty blonde man spat out with so much emotion. “It was only a phase! Alex never truly loved me. Brian, I- nobody loves me.” He stupidly spoke. But it was what he truly believed.
Brian blinked as if he was personally offended by the words he spoke, and he scoffed the way he does when someone makes a funny joke. “People love you, Jay. I know people do.” The shorter guy continued rubbing his back.
“Like who? I can’t think of a single person who does.” Jay swallowed thickly, trying to regain himself. He tried taking deep breaths but they made him hiccup.
“I love you”
Jay whipped his head around to Brian, who was covering his mouth with his free hand. He could’ve meant it platonically. But thinking about it, seeing him react like this to his own words, Jay knew it was different.
Jay had stopped crying from pure shock. “Oh- wow.” He clicked his tongue and rubbed his face with his palm, trying to wipe away tears.
“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate of me.” Brian quickly apologized and turned away from him. Nobody really knew when he removed his hand bro the thin man’s back. “I- I’m not trying to take advantage of your… I’m so sorry.”
Jay blushed a bit, he didn’t hate the thought of Brian having a crush on him, it made him feel seen at least. “How long have you… y’know?” He mumbled out, they were both embarrassed.
Brian pressed his lips together into a thin line as he thought. He’d occasionally opened his mouth then he'd close it. He didn’t know how to answer the tough question. Especially with the man he loved sitting right there.
He brought his hand to rub the back of his neck. “It’s complicated.” He sheepishly smiled, his face completely red. “I just remember Alex introducing us and thinking you were cute. Then we exchanged numbers, hung out occasionally, and before I knew it I liked you.” Brian flopped back against the couch and pressed his palms over his eyes. “I had always felt so bad, you were totally in love with Alex and I felt like I was intruding on something.”
This confession made Jay feel weird, almost happy? Someone like Brian really likes him like this. Sure, Alex might’ve said some corny love stuff at the start of their relationship, but this felt different. This wasn’t forced, these weren’t just words to win him over, this felt genuine.
“Please, say something.” Now the blonde man was the vulnerable one, kind of ironic.
His mouth went dry, as well as the words he wanted to speak. He tried to find something to say. “I’m just surprised,” Jay admitted and looked over him. “I don’t know how I feel anymore.”
Both boys refused to look at one another for a couple of seconds, before Jay had slowly grabbed Brian’s hand. Brian trailed his eyes to the physical contact before meeting his blue eyes with blue eyes. His jaw was dropped open with pure shock.
The taller boy giggled at the shorter boy’s expression. He scooted closer and placed two fingers under Brian’s chin and closed his mouth. “That’s not good for you.” Jay smiled sheepishly, in contrast to his red eyes from crying.
Brian smiled like a fool, like a dumbfounded, silly, fool. “You’re still super cute.” Brian stupidly spoke, he cringed as soon as the sentence left his mouth. It made Jay giggle.
“Don’t feel embarrassed, I like it. Also, I think you’re super cute..” Jay squeezed Brian’s hand softly and intertwined their fingers. This felt so perfect, almost too perfect.
Then a flash of doubt, a tinge of guilt. Jay’s face fell as his grasp weakened in Brian’s hold. “Hey, hey what’s wrong?” Brian’s eyebrows knitted together and he leaned down a little to see Jay’s face better. He had immediately caught that something was wrong with the man beside him.
Jay couldn’t see how he could tell Brian, it felt difficult to put into words. “I feel bad.” Jay started. “I just- Alex just dumped me and immediately I find myself loving on another man pretty much immediately? What’s wrong with me?” Jay attempted to pull his hand away, however, Brian wouldn’t let him.
But after thinking it over the bright blonde nodded. “Well, I won’t force you into anything you’re not ready for.” Brian let go of Jay’s hand slowly. He didn’t seem angry, he just seemed understanding. Jay thought that was so hot.
“You won’t?” His eyes sparkled with newfound joy, he found someone who respects his boundaries. Not only that, he didn’t press further or yell or anything. He was so much different than Alex, in every best way possible.
Without thinking straight Jay grabbed Brian’s face with both his hands and pressed a kiss onto his lips before pulling back. Both the boys have stupid giddy looks on their faces.
Brian wanted more, he wrapped his arms around Jay and leaned in for another kiss. He accidentally went in for it too hard, he was so enthusiastic and his veins were pumping with adrenaline. Teeth clanked against teeth causing them both to pull away.
They both looked at each other, shock washing over their expressions, before laughing their asses off. “Oh, Brian. Come back.” Jay’s words were so breathy, it was hot, like really hot to Brian.
They slid into one another's grasps, locking lips again. It was that they were worshipping each other, treating each other like the other was fragile. It was so passionate. It was beautiful.
Brian pulled away and pressed Jay’s head against his chest. Stroking his hair like he was the most precious thing in the world. “You’re beautiful,” Brian whispered at the man against him.
Jay pressed up against his new lover harder, he wanted to breathe his scent in. He swung his legs over his lap and wrapped his arms around his body. He wanted to be as close as he physically could be to him. It was all so comforting to him. How could he not love this?
The two lovers spent the rest of their Valentine’s Day together. Not what Jay planned, but did he seriously need a plan for everything?