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Ever since he was a child, Michael Robinavitch knew that he was a terrible liar.
His grandmother always told him that she could tell that he wasn't telling the truth by simply hearing his shaking voice. His sister on another hand claimed that his “tell” was looking up to check if you believe him. That’s why his current situation is so pathetic. He should know better but fuck, he lied, sue him. He caved. He thought “what can go wrong” and now he’s totally screwed.
It really started with a simple misunderstanding not long after he started working at PTMC. During the pre-scheduled bi-yearly phone call with his older sister he mentioned Dana one too many times. She was nice to him, she was his only friend in Pittsburgh at the time.
Somewhere between “I would be lost without Dana” and “Did you know that Pittsburgh has more bridges than Venice? Dana told me that last night” Lisa has decided that Robby is totally dating Dana which of course he wasn’t. It was 2006 and Dana was still happily married. As the years went by, Robby didn’t pay much attention to Lisa mentioning or asking about Dana. Afterall, she was his only friend back in Pittsburgh at the time.
Lisa called him on December 12, 2012. She was a serious Ivy League professor so of course she didn’t mention the predicted apocalypse but she definitely seemed chattier than usual and, he suspected, it wasn’t caused by the fifth day of Hanukkah.
“Any interesting winter plans, Mikey?”
“The usual. I need to buy some more presents for Dana’s kids. I already gave them most of their Hanukkah gifts and Dana forbade me from buying anything more but it’s silly to come empty handed to their holiday dinner,” he said lowering his voice. He wanted to make sure that Dana didn’t overhear because he already made a perfect shopping list for her girls.
“Oh… so you are going to Dana’s Christmas Diner?”
“Yeah… her family celebrates on the 24th so we’ll go to work the next day. Honestly? I would take another day off to recover from the food coma but Dana says it wouldn’t be fair to others,” he complained as his stomach rumbled just from a thought of Dana’s homemade pierogi.
“You know what they say: happy wife, happy life,” Lisa laughed, “Alright, kid, I need to get going. Word of advice?”
“Always.”
“Do not propose to her in front of a Christmas Tree,” she said loudly, clapping her hands on the other side of the line. Robby was too stunned to speak. Why would he be proposing to Dana?
“Happy Hanukkah. Give your girls a kiss from me. Bye,” and just like that, Lisa hung up.
His girls… Lisa meant “give Dana and her daughters a kiss”. He’s royally screwed but as he walked back into the loud ED, he promised himself to straight it out soon. All his worries disappeared when Dana spotted him and waved him over.
The next time they talk, he doesn’t correct Lisa. Mostly because it seemed ridiculous since several months have passed since winter. She ended up sending some toys to the girls with a note “from aunty Lisa” and it didn't really bother Dana. Maybe he could live with this lie without anyone noticing.
He doesn’t understand why this lie is so easy and believable even after all these years. Over time he started adding more fiction to it. There’s no harm in telling Lisa about them buying a house or accepting Lisa’s congratulations when Dana’s daughter got into UPenn. When Lisa asks him something, he usually says the truth with a little twist. He enjoys this fictional world he created for himself. Twice a year, for about 30 minutes, he has a beautiful wife, a nice home with a pond and two kids in college.
***
Honestly, he should’ve skipped work today. Call in sick and go for long drive off a short pier
He’s pissed. He doesn’t even pretend to be fine. Fuck it, his life is ruined, he’s allowed to be a little dramatic. He snaps at his residents and one of his sharp comments gets a loud “ouch!” from Langdon. By noon, Robby knows that Frank and probably the entire nursing staff rattled on him to Dana. She’s observing his every move with a sharpness reserved for the pre-sabbatical Robby in her eyes. Thankfully he’s been avoiding Dana the entire day so he somehow escapes her questioning. She’s been busy the entire day with a new nurse and a new system and the usual nursing shortage. He’s not stupid so after work he hides in the cafeteria for 40 minutes before coming downstairs.
To his surprise, Dana is waiting for him outside. She’s holding a pack of cigarettes in one hand and her phone in the other. She notices him before he manages to turn around.
“Hey, Cap’,” Dana smiles as she leans against his bike, “what’s up with you today.
“Dana, it’s nothing.”
“Come on Robinovitch, don’t be like this. You avoid me the entire day, you yell at Langdon and you tell Santos that your life is over. Spill. Don’t make me beg,” her voice is warm like a blanket. He doesn’t look into her eyes, afraid that he’ll only see disappointment.
“It’s about my sister,” he starts and looks down. Fuck, should he get out of one lie with another? Maybe pretend that Lisa has cancer or that she hasn't invited him to her wedding?
“Robby, you can tell me anything.”
“Actually, I think telling you will only make the situation worse,” Robby chuckles.
“Now you have to tell me. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s up,” she takes a step closer and he’s pretty sure that he can smell her hand cream. He’s a dead man walking.
“My sister is getting remarried soon and I think she thinks that we’re married,” he whispers quickly.
“Married?” Dana whispers back.
“Common law married” he says simply, “for 20 years”
“TWENTY YEARS?” Dana jumps, “Jesus Fucking Christ Robby! Why would she think that?”
“She assumed that a few years back and I haven’t really corrected her. Now she wants us at her wedding so I have to come clean.”
She doesn’t say anything back. She just lights up her cigarette. She’s looking at him, clearly thinking but he can’t really read her face right now. Is she upset? He told her the truth so now it looks like he has to beg for her forgiveness.
“Dana… please don’t be mad… Lisa has this wonderful life and she always thought that I was a loser. She was so happy when she assumed that I got my shit together and found a nice partner. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I’m a balding workaholic liar. I promise I’ll tell her the truth”
“Yeah do that, Robbinovitch,” Dana says, taking another drag of her cigarette. She exhales with,, “or take me to the damn wedding”
“What?”
“I mean what’s the harm in pretending a little? We’ll get a free vacation out of it right?”
“Right…”
“Let’s do it then,” she smiles, “We can pull it off, I was in a drama club in high school”
***
Lisa’s wedding is in New York so they decide to drive there in Dana’s car. He jokingly offered his bike and she slapped his arm. Robby takes it as proof that their friendship isn’t ruined.
6 hours in a car with Dana flies by quickly. She’s chatty, she gives him some snacks and puts on her playlist called “90s midnight shift” which apparently consists of mostly rock songs from the 70s. Around hour 3, she lists all the things she has to fix in her house before she can sell it for good. He offers to help her with some of it.
When they enter the state of New York, they decide to go with the flow and not make up backstory. They agree to tell the truth. The modified truth, of course. Their conversation is interrupted by Dana’s phone ringing, he swipes “Answer”.
“You guys promise to visit me tomorrow?” Hope’s voice crackles through the car’s speaker. She’s the youngest of Dana’s daughters and she moved to New York just a few months ago. She loves NYU but she complains a lot about not being able to see her mom or her sisters everyday.
“We promise Hope,” Dana smiles gently, “Robby made us some dinner reservations for 4 pm.”
“Yeah, 4 pm for four so you can bring your roommate if you want. My treat,” he adds.
Hope’s flashes of excitement are followed by, “Yeah, sure, I will ask her if she’s free or whatever.”
Meanwhile Dana turns to him with a smile and he winks at her. Both Dana and Robby are starting to think that the girls might be dating. They spent the spring break together and Hope brought Jenny home for Thanksgiving.
Not long after they end their call with Hope, they arrive at the venue. It’s a decently sized garden with a small green house.
Dana did her makeup in a car and changed into her dress in a gas station’s bathroom claiming it doesn’t bother her and it’s quicker than changing in their hotel room. Her dress is blue and looks silky smooth. She asked him if she should pin her up or wear it down. He can’t recall the last time he saw Dana without her hair tied up, he worries it might’ve been the night of the Pittfest shooting. When they are walking through the parking lot, he realizes how long her hair has gotten since then.
They take their seats and when the wedding ceremony starts, Dana turns her head and whispers, “She’s a beautiful bride” and “They look perfect together”.
They really do look perfect. Happy, beautiful and well-matched. Lisa’s white wedding dress is covered in large colorful flowers. Her groom's shirt is made from the same material. Robby never imagined his sister getting married but he’s pretty sure that this is what he would imagine for her. Flowery, bright, free. Lisa and Jason Miller kiss less than 30 minutes after the ceremony has begun. Short and sweet.
The ceremony is followed by a nice dinner inside of the green house and some dancing. He asks Dana to dance to their favorite songs, the faster and the slower ones. His hand stays glued to her waist. It’s not like HR can see them.
They are uncomfortably comfortable in their lie because honestly nothing really changed in their relationship. Now she calls him “Mike” and “Dear”, he calls her “D” and “Beautiful”. She still orders for both of them because she knows that he hates shrimp, he brings her piña colada from the bar because he knows that she loves coconut. When one of the couples sitting next to them asks how long they’ve been together, they just say “Oh forever, really”. At some point Dana shows off pictures of her granddaughter and she doesn’t have to lie when she tells everyone that the baby adores Robby.
Robby catches up with Lisa when the guests are starting to leave. Some of her makeup has rubbed off already. Despite being sixty four years old, she never looked younger than now. She’s a decade older than him and he hopes he’ll be this happy and healthy when he’ll reach that age.
“Your husband seems like a good guy,” Robby smiles, “Probably crazy because who else would willingly choose to share a bathroom with you.”
“Oh shut up, Mike. Some of us have hair that takes a long time to blow dry, okay?” she laughs back, “Thanks for coming to my wedding, by the way, and thank you for bringing your mystery wife”
“She’s not my wife,” he says. Wow, he’s telling the truth for once. What a change.
“Sorry, your long term partner of over 20 years. Your common law wife, basically,” Lisa gesticulates, still clearly making fun of him. Then says something incredibly serious.
“They really screwed us up, Mike. I’ve waited until 64 to get married and you’re afraid of marrying the woman of your dreams. The Robinovitch curse, we shall call it,” that’s the Lisa he knows, incredibly funny, incredibly profound.
“I’m not afraid of marrying Dana,” he says automatically.
“Sure, sure, Mikey, whatever you say,” she bites one of the tiny appetizers, “Are you enjoying the food? Not too much sea food for you?”
“Nah, I’m fine. The shrimp cocktail was excellent,” he lies, ignoring Lisa poking his stomach.
“Mike! You looked up! Don’t lie to me!” she pokes him harder, before pulling her hand away, “I can tell when you’re lying, you idiot”
Soon they say their goodbyes. Dana and Robby are used to their 5 am wake up time so Dana’s yawning and Robby feels his eyes closing.
They agreed to grab a quick breakfast with Lisa and Jason before they leave so they’ll all see each other again in less than 10 hours. Quick hugs, a few kisses and they can finally escape. Just 30 more minutes and they’ll be in their hotel bed, hopefully asleep. When Robby turns to his sister, she pulls him into an awkward hug.
“I love you, Mike, I hope you know it,” she says into his ear, “I’ve worried for you ever since you were a baby. I always felt so guilty that I let mom go and that later I’ve abandoned you as well. I’m sorry…”
“Lis, it’s fine. I understand,” he says back, ready to pull away. Lisa presses tighter, trapping him in the limb crushing hug.
“I’m glad that you found happiness, Mikey. I’m glad that Dana is just as wonderful as you’ve described her, you both deserve love.”
***
They walk back to the hotel in a comfortable silence, leaving their car at the venue’s parking lot. Robby will pick it up in the morning, they’re too tired to drive today. The night is warm but Robby offers Dana his jacket and she takes it.
Their room is nice and spacious. Apparently it’s the room with the best view but it’s too dark to tell. She offers to turn on the tv but he tells her that there’s no need. He’ll sleep fine tonight. He knows that he should be worried about sharing a bed with Dana but he’s too tired to care. It’s not like they haven’t slept in the same bed before. During COVID he could only fall asleep if he felt Dana’s warm flesh pressed against him.
As they get ready for bed in silence, they move around the room as if they’ve done it a million times already. She takes a shower, then he takes a shower, then she goes back to the bathroom to apply her “serums and other expensive shit”. When she leaves the bathroom, she glows like an angel. On her way to bed, she hangs her dress next to his shirt and murmurs something about dry cleaning. When she drops next to him, he looks at their clothes next to each other. He didn’t notice that his shirt and her dress have the exact same color. What a coincidence.
They lay in bed in silence. Too tired to pretend to read before bed. Suddenly Dana turns to Robby and presses her lips against his.
“So how did it feel?” she asks softly when she pulls away. He can taste her chapstick and toothpaste on his lips. This is one of the most delicious things he ever tasted. He looks into her green eyes, she looks almost like she’s afraid of his answer.
“Normal, Natural…”
“Same for me,” she kisses him again. This time it lasts much longer. It’s a hungrier and needier kiss.
They pull apart only because Dana’s out of breath. He wishes to kiss her a million times more.
“If you want to keep this lie up for several more decades, I’m willing to negotiate,” Robby can hear the smile in her voice.
“Whatever you want, I’ll do anything” he kisses her quickly, “I’ll buy you a lake house if you want to. Somewhere to grow old together.”
Dana turns off the light, “Sounds like a plan.”