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The hazy street lights of Hometown seemed to stretch on forever in front of me. The orange glow closed in on my vision like a tunnel, with only the darkening silver sky above to break the illusion. A limp cigarette burned between my lips, a full ashtray propped up in the cupholder of the car. My hands white-knuckled the steering wheel. I’d been dreading this day.
The festival had come and gone while I hid at home. While I hid from her, and the consequences of what I’d done. Of what we’d done. It was easy to push the blame onto IT, but there was more I could have done to prevent this. I could’ve put the barrel of my gun in my mouth and ended this nightmare back in Cyber City. Before I saw her again. But I couldn’t do it. I was a coward. And I still had a promise to keep after all.
She was probably upset at me then, for standing her up and ignoring her calls. I’d pulled the plug on every phone in my house to try and block her out. Closed the shutters on every window and locked every entry way. In spite of my best efforts, I couldn’t sleep forever, and my body was dragged to the front door. Yet it was Susie who greeted me there. She was the one who let me know where Noelle was. That she had been dying to see me all day, even when the two of them were supposed to be enjoying the festivities together. I couldn’t tell her what was going on between us, but she could tell something was wrong. She was more perceptive than she gave herself credit for.
We explored what was left of the festival at the center of town, but I slipped away when she left to grab us ice cream. She deserved better than to throw me some sort of pity party after I ruined her day. She definitely deserved better than to see what might happen when I finally made it to the lake.
The street lights trailed behind me, their glow disappearing as the road transitioned from asphalt to dirt. It led deep into the winding forest on the edge of town, eclipsed by towering trees on either side. I’d been this way plenty of times, just as many at night, but none of them filled me with as much dread as it did now. Was she still waiting out here in the dark, watching the sun across the lake? If I was lucky she’d just gone home after all this time.
My car’s headlights shone through the branches before hitting the water’s edge, the light glowing on its surface as the lake came into view. Down by the beach I saw her silhouette, gazing out across the shore. She didn’t react to the light or the sound as I twisted the key from the ignition, grinding what was left of my cigarette into the ashtray and sharply inhaling. When had I ran out of breath? I wanted nothing more than to jam the key back in and reverse far, far away from this place, but my body betrayed my mind.
The door opened to the frigid spring air, the only sound for miles coming from far behind us now, the distant glow of the city doing little to illuminate the scene. My feet scraped against the dirt and I closed the car door quietly, watching her intently as the light of the car finally shut off. Her figure still stood out against the fading glow of the lake, the sun more than halfway set on the other side of the shore, its crescent shape peaking from behind the distant mountains.
Her hair blew in the cold wind, carrying the scent of gingerbread and pine with it. After a moment, another scent followed, smoke from a lit cigarette, a faint glow radiating from the other side of her. I moved with heavy steps to announce my presence, but she didn’t so much as turn her head. She remained completely still as she took another drag. The dirt path felt like it stretched on and on, those few seconds feeling like an eternity. When I came to, only a few feet separated us.
Neither of us spoke for a moment. We already knew there was no point.
Kris.
It was as if her thoughts brushed against mine, no words needing to escape her lips for me to know exactly what she was thinking.
I’ve been waiting all day to see you.
Could she tell I had been hoping the opposite?
After the other day, when… it all happened. I tried to deny it. I know you did too. But we can’t deny the truth. That’s what we dedicated ourselves to after all. Finding out the truth.
“Noelle…”
Don’t talk. Not yet.
But there was so much I wanted to say.
When you came to see me, I was scared. I wanted to… run away. To scream. To fight back. But I didn’t. Because I’m Noelle. I’ve always been this way, always been a coward who just let things happen.
After the Cyber City job, I started to wonder… that if I stayed by your side any longer, that you were going to drag me down with you. Down into that dark, dark place you wallowed in for years, the kind of place nobody should ever be. And you know what the funny part is? I’m starting…
“To think that I want that.” Her quiet voice carried on the wind as she blew a puff of smoke, turning her head to the side to glance back at me.
Whatever words I thought that I had for her, they failed to escape with my next breath.
“When Dess disappeared all those years ago, I thought I’d try to take control of my life. After seeing what happened to you, I was horrified that I might… be the same way. Unable to move forward, stuck in the same recurring nightmare. Instead of opening up my own office and being the Private Investigator that I wanted to be… I ended up joining the HTPD. Settling into investigating Cold Cases and Missing Persons cases.” She let out what could only be a mix between a sigh and a laugh, her voice growing shaky as she continued. “I took control… by doing exactly what I was afraid I’d do. Putting my nose to the ground, and obsessing over the same old case, over and over again. For years, I focused on my studies, keeping my head down and acting like I always did, the prim and proper daughter of the mayor, only to end up exactly where I didn’t want to be. Stuck in the past. Watching my own life through glass. Just like I always have. It got to a point where I felt like I was going to go crazy… like if nothing changed, I might be stuck like that forever. But then… you.” She turned her head more to face me, her expression hard to read as the sky darkened further.
My body went stiff as her gaze finally fell upon me, a horrible tension spreading across my chest as I let out a long exhale. Once again, I wasn’t entirely in control.
“You actually came back. Everyone thought you’d be stuck in that hospital forever, but you recovered, you were considered well enough to leave and rejoined the force. More than that, you were quickly promoted, and put on Homicide, of all the desks..” She chuckled, flicking her cigarette into the dirt and taking a step closer, crushing the embers under her heel. “I couldn’t believe it. I still don’t believe it. Kris was back… but something was wrong. No one else could see what I saw, even when I questioned them about it. But Kris…”
She was close then, her expression hidden behind the golden locks of her hair, a once warm hand now cold as ice as it rested against my shoulder.
“You DID change. You actually managed to change!” She lifted her head to meet my eyes, her face contorting into a wild grin as she gripped my other shoulder. “Some way, somehow, when you were stuck in the same routine… you found a way to stop being Kris! And no one else has noticed yet… Maybe because they don’t want to. They don’t want to see just how much more interesting you are now!”
I couldn’t match her excitement, the sheer ecstasy she radiated with this revelation. My gaze fell to the ground between us, her arms shaking me slightly as she lowered herself to meet my face still.
“Everyone in this town… They’ll just keep doing the same thing over and over again. Even with a killer on the loose, they’ll throw their damn festival, and pretend that nothing is going on. Do these people actually think for themselves?” She chuckled, a manic bit of joy as her smile softened into one more recognizable, her eyes fluttering as she leaned back. “Kris… Being around you after all this time… it’s starting to change me too. You’ve noticed, haven’t you?”
I nodded.
“Oh, thank goodness! I spent the whole day with Susie and she… didn’t seem to notice at all. But, at least you did. Oh…” Her smile began to crack, her hands balling up into fists on my shoulders. “K-Kris… Back in Cyber City, when we… when I did those things, I… I felt stronger than I ever have in my whole life.” She slowly slid to her knees, dragging her knuckles along the length of my body before she buried her face in her hands. “It’s awful, I know it is… But it’s true! I never thought I could feel that way, but… If it’s you.” She clasped one of my hands, and I didn’t have the strength to pull it away. “If you’re the one telling me to do those things, I can do anything. With you, I can do things that are impossible… Things no one else can do.” Her head tilted back to gaze up past me, watching the sky as the moon cast a pale light over the lake. “Kris… do you want to do something crazy?”
I didn’t reply.
She slowly returned to her feet, squeezing my hand tighter. “You don’t have to agree. I already know… You want this too, don’t you?” She smiled again, and I struggled to glance away from her, my other hand being pulled into her grip. “So tell me. Tell me to grow wings and we’ll fly out of this stupid town! To somewhere no one would ever think to go!” Her twisted grin returned and she turned to face the water’s edge, slowly pointing out across the bank. “To the other side of the lake… We always talked about going there, didn’t we? Wondering what was just out of reach… even if we could see the other side, way off in the distance. Let’s go there. Anything is possible… if I’m with you.”
My arms were limp at my sides, her hands holding mine tightly as she playfully swung them back and forth, pulling them closer to her as she faced me again. “Tell me what I’ve been waiting to hear, Kris… the words that haven’t left my mind in weeks…” Her soft smile returned as our noses were only an inch apart, our feet taking us to the water’s edge. “Whisper them to me now.”
She pulled me into a gentle embrace and I leaned against her, her body warm against mine. Our faces brushed together and I took in her scent once more, the warm aroma of Christmas time, and the smoldering scent of tobacco. A pleased sigh escaped her lips as she waited in anticipation for me to repeat the phrase I’d been made to say before. I tried to fight it, but my body moved of its own accord, moving close to her ear with quivering lips.
“P-Please… stop.” I whispered to her, and she froze, her grip tightening slowly as she moved her head back.
“What? No…” Her expression fell for a moment, before a devilish smile spread across her snout. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten now… After all the other times.” She pulled on my hands and we stepped further, a light splash of water echoing in the trees as she stepped into the lake, my feet following behind hers as the water went up to my ankles. I let out a sharp gasp at the cold of the water, my whole body freezing up for a moment. Noelle was hardly affected, that same smile across her face still.
“Noelle…” I muttered. “Stop this…”
“Stop pretending, Kris… I know you remember it all too. You can’t fool me twice.” We took two more steps then, the water rising up to our shins. “The water feels nice… Don’t you think?”
I gritted my teeth as I fought back another gasp, my hands starting to tremble as I held hers tightly. “Stop…”
“Why are you doing this…? Kris, this is what you wanted! Isn’t it?” She frowned, but kept moving. Three steps this time, the water brushing against our knees.
I tried to speak, but she cut me off, squeezing my hands tighter as we moved. “Stop pretending like you’re the old Kris. You can’t even say stop like you used to.” The cold crept up to our thighs.
“Kris, don’t hesitate.” I tried to speak again, but she was faster. “Proceed.” Three more steps.
“Proceed.” She said with a smile. The low waves lapped against our hips next as I bit back another shaky breath. “Haha… It’s… colder than I first thought. But hang in there… I’m here.” Somehow, her smile seemed genuine, even then as terror clawed up from my chest. Maybe she was right. Maybe this is what I wanted in the end. Maybe… we should do something no one else can do.
We embraced once more, the biting cold rising up my frame, her body the only sense of warmth left to feel. What was left for us back there at this point? I leaned in close, and through chattering teeth, I whispered. “P-Proceed.” She smiled and we took a few more steps. “Proceed…” Three more steps.
“Kris… Don’t let go of me. Just keep walking.”
“Proceed.” Four more steps. The water had risen to our stomachs, and feeling had begun to leave my legs. But I could still walk, as long as it was with her. “Proceed.” It was up to our chests then, the water splashing against our arms as we moved.
“Keep your eyes on me.” A wet hand brushed my cheek before she clung to me again. Her smile never faded as we continued to move, the water rising up to our shoulders, her long hair floating on the water’s surface. “And don’t stop saying it…”
I didn’t need to say it anymore. Our thoughts were already one, after all.
Proceed. The water was up to our necks, and it was getting harder for my feet to touch the bottom.
Proceed. It was up to our chins, my hand reflexively reaching up to cup her face, desperate to keep her head afloat. Noelle smiled, but gently pulled my hand back down with hers.
Proceed. It was getting harder to keep our heads above the water, my hair getting soaked as I began to struggle for air.
Proceed. Some water splashed into my mouth and I spit it out. Noelle did the same, but maintained a determined expression, squeezing me under the water as my feet failed to find solid ground.
Proceed. Our faces were going under. It was as if the lake itself had joined in our embrace.
Proceed. I squeezed my eyes shut as I took my last breath, our heads being pulled under the waves of the water.
Kris… Noelle’s voice reached me even then. Keep saying it! Keep saying it…!
Proceed. We’d been completely submerged in the lake by then, our bodies writhing as my lungs burned.
Proceed. I could still feel her arms wrapped around me, even as my whole body went numb. I’m not sure how I stayed conscious, but down further we sunk. It felt like we were getting heavier.
Proceed. I tried to open my eyes. The water was too dark to see her.
Proceed. It was getting harder to think. I just needed to focus on…
Proceed. Her grip felt loose.
Proceed.
It was cold.
…..