Chapter Text
Yet another Sunday. Toya dreaded them.
He woke up that day, already feeling a little worried. His stomach hurt. He could already hear the voice of Sister Yoishiko talking about the word of God.
Toya sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed. After a few minutes, he finally stood up. He could already hear his father walking around the living room.
"Tsumugi! Get ready for church!" His father called out. Toya sighed. "Coming..."
He stood up, walking into his closet, and pulled out a dress. It was dark blue with a floral pattern, and long sleeves. The dress would come to a bit below the knee.
Toya exited his bedroom and entered the bathroom. He put the dress on fairly quickly, trying to avoid himself in the mirror. He didn't bother with make-up.
He reached into the small jewelry box that sat on the counter. He grabbed a necklace, one with a cross charm, and slipped it around his neck.
He went down stairs. His father and mother sat at the table, talking to each other. Toya couldn't make out what they were saying, but he assumed it wasn't important.
Only around a half hour later and they entered the church.
Toya stared at the floor, hand brushing against the textured wall. It was scratchy. Every church he had been to was like that. Scratchy walls, ugly couches, ugly flooring. He had always found it strange. Surely they had the budget to decorate the place? But the feeling of the wall helped to ground himself a little.
He glanced up, just in time to see Sister Yoishiko approaching him. She waved, a bright smile on her face. Her eyes where wide. Unblinking.
"Hello, Tsumugi!" Sister Yoishiko said as Toya tried to avoid eye contact. "Are you excited for today's lesson?"
"Ah...yes," Toya said with a small nod. He fidgeted with the gem of the necklace he was wearing.
"That's wonderful!" Sister Yoishiko placed a hand on Toya's shoulder. He flinched slightly, but she didn't seem to care. "Why weren't you at the activity last Wednesday?"
His father spoke up. "She wasn't feeling well," he explained.
It was a lie, but his father didn't know that. Toya had lied about his stomach hurting so that he wouldn't have to go to the activity. The only person who made it bareable was his friend, Kohane. Even then, he wasn't so sure how she would feel about his secret. So he never told her.
Finally, Toya's family sat in the chapel. Lots of people were there today. It was nearly full. As expected, they opened up the cultural hall and placed seating there, so they sat there.
Toya zoned out for most of it. He thought about lots of things unrelated to the preaching at hand. Daydreams of him being able to live as the man he knew he was.
But no one here would see him at anything but a young woman. And once he was an adult, they'd expect him to get married and become a mother. Only married to a man who had been a missionary, of course. Those were the kind ofmen they raised the young men to be.
"And you can see, in the proclamation, it had predicted that men would wish to be women, and women would wish to be men. Horrible, really, what social media has done to this world. But if these kids struggling with that can put their faith in The Lord, they'll overcome their struggles."
Toya snapped out of his imaginations when he heard that. He felt sick, truly this time. He stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom," he whispered to his father. He then walked out of the chapel.
The bathroom was much better. Toya sat on the closed lid of the toilet, taking a few deep breaths. He pulled out his phone, staring at the time.
1 minute. 2 minute. 3.
That should be enough for that to be over and it not be suspicious, he figured. He went out of the stall. He went to the sink and washed his hands. Even if he hadn't truly used the bathroom, it would really sell the act.
When he re-entered the chapel, it was in the middle of a song. Toya sat down, opening up a hymn book. He sung. He tried to lower his voice, tried to make it sound more masculine. No one would really notice. His parents didn't, at least. That's what mattered.
After a little more time, the sacrament meeting finally ended. Toya went into the hallway, and down into the young women's room.
As usual, he was the first person there.
Toya sat down near the back. He looked at the board to his right, one with posters from old activities. The one from the Halloween party caught his attention. He smiled.
That Halloween was the first moment he realized he was happier as a man.
Halloween of last year. The costume for the character Toya was going to dress up as, Banica Conchita from Evillious Chronicles, wouldn't arrive on time. So he went as Duke Venomania instead.
With the wig on, lots of people called him a man. His father corrected them. But Toya found it to be...right. He decided to go to Akito and experiment with pronouns and names. He eventually landed on Toya as his chosen name. Akito had suggested it.
The door opened, and Kohane stepped in. "Hello, Tsumugi," She said while she sat beside him. "Have you read this week's section yet?"
Toya shook his head. "No. I was busy with piano practice. What about you?"
Kohane smiled. "I read it twice! I found it to be really interesting. I'm excited for the lesson!"
"That's good." Toya leaned back in the chair slightly, crossing his legs. The other young women entered. Eventually Sister Yoishiko did too.
She walked up to Toya, and brushed her hand along his arm. "Hey cutestuff. You ready for the lesson?"
"Ah...yes..." His body tensed. She walked away, thankfully, and Toya made sure to not look at her. Cutestuff.
This wasn't the first time Sister Yoishiko had acted like that. But it was only to him, at least from what he understood. He was the one being called nicknames. He was the one showered in gifts. He was the one getting unwanted physical contact.
Before the lesson started, the class stood up, and recited the young women's theme. Toya didn't need to look at the poster that had the theme on it. He had it memorized. They said it every other Sunday and on Wednesdays.
"I am a beloved daughter of heavenly parents, with a divine nature and eternal destiny. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I strive to become like Him. I seek and act upon personal revelation and minister to others in His holy name. I will stand as a witness of God at all times and in all places and in all things. As I strive to quality for exaltation, I cherish the gift of repentance and seek to improve each day. With faith, I will strengthen my home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, and recive the ordinances and blessings of the holy temple."
Once they finished saying that, the class sat back down. Toya found the whole thing quite creepy.
The lesson began.
Toya barely paid any attention. More daydreaming. This time, of him and Akito cuddling. It gave him a bit of comfort. Even if he still felt uneasy.
"Remember that when you're at school, for the two of you who go to public school," Sister Yoishiko gestured at Toya and Kohane, "Hang out with the right people. Make sure to spread the word of God to everyone."
Hang out with the 'right' people. They would hate Akito.
Toya tried to look at the clock. He then remembered there was no clock in here. If he was looking at his phone for the time, they'd assume he wasn't paying attention.
His leg started to bounce. He chewed the fingernail of his thumb, and even a bit of the skin. No one seemed to notice. At least he didn't think so.
What he assumed to be around 45 minutes passed. Sister Yoishiko looked at her watch. "And we're out of time! Can someone say the closing prayer for us?" Her eyes went around the room. "Tsumugi?"
"Of course." Toya folded his arms, but kept his eyes open. No one would notice.
"O God, the eternal father, bless that we have a good rest of the day, and that we all make it home safely. Amen." It was the same prayer Toya used whenever he was asked to pray. It was simple, easy, and quick.
Once he ended, he stood, and quickly exited the room.
"Tsumugi! Wait!" Kohane called after him. She walked up to him, and grabbed his hand. "Are you alright? You seemed pretty anxious..."
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Toya removed his hand from Kohane's grip. "I'll see you this Wednesday."
At least someone in this church cared about his well being. Even if just a little bit.