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It was dark. Breathing fast, heart racing, hands shaking, enclosed in a tomb-like space—then, a flash of bright white.
Pain.
Frying every nerve ending, every muscle fiber, until he could feel nothing else. His throat hurt, he was screaming? But he could hear nothing over the ringing in his ears.
Then he was somewhere else.
A workshop. Details fuzzy, but his skin tingled. Magic, and lots of it. A tall elf was talking to him. Crafting something. Tinkering?
"Fenris-" how does he know my name? "-I made myself the way I am. Do you wish to remake yourself as well?" His voice was warm. Gentle. Understanding.
His expression turns dour, then panicked. "No, no, I thought I would have more time. I have plans. I have cogs set into motion. I need more time!" He stares at Fenris, light blue eyes almost glowing in the dimly lit room. "Fenris, I will entrust you with—"
As the other elf doubles over with pain, Fenris wakes with a jolt of matching agony, panting in a cold sweat. Mind racing, he reaches for who this elf was and what he could have possibly been talking about. Each time he tries to think of the elf's face or anything specific about the room, the details slip through his grasp like sand in an hourglass. He's losing the memory bit by bit. Just like last time.
Fenris scrubs a hand over his face as he growls in frustration. About to throw the blankets off and stalk out of the bedroom, a warm hand on his arm makes him pause.
"Mm, Fenris?" The low, sleepy voice of Farryn brings him closer to the present moment. "Fen, y'alright? Didja have a bad dream?" Popping her head out from the covers, she blinks slowly at him.
How do I explain? 'An elf I do not remember said some cryptic things, then something happened and I felt his pain'? Ridiculous.
As Fenris struggles to respond, she yawns. Spurred to action, he flicks the linens off of himself and tries to leave. "I apologize for interrupting your sleep, Hawke. Give me a moment and you can get back to bed."
"No." The hand tightens briefly around his forearm. "I'm not going back to sleep when you're having a hard time, Fenris. I'm here for you. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but you don't have to leave either." Her golden eyes shine with the hint of moonlight from the window. She pats the space next to her and holds out her hand to Fenris. "I'd really like it if you stayed."
A flash of guilt grips Fenris tight. He freezes, disarmed by kindness in the dark hours of early morning. Do I want to be alone? Or does alone feel safe because alone was the only safe option?
Fatigue or perhaps Farryn's soft, pleading gaze pulls him back to bed. Hesitant, he climbs in next to her and holds himself stiffly away from her. A gentle touch to his shoulder forces him to suppress a shiver.
"Fenris." Barely a whisper. "Can I hold you? I think it might help. And if it doesn't, that's okay. Just tell me."
Anger flares bright. "Do not patronize me, Hawke."
The gentle touch on his shoulder presses down slightly more. "I'm not, Fenris. I see someone I care for deeply in pain and I'm offering what I would for anyone I love in this situation." Her hand doesn't move and neither does Fenris.
Realizing his mistake, shame weighs heavy on his chest, hot and constricting. He sighs and nods.
Farryn envelopes him in a bear hug, heat radiating off her like a furnace. She squeezes him once, then backs off, moving her hands to run her fingers through his hair and rest on his hip. Her solid, steady weight at his back feels reassuring. Comforting.
Safe.
Lips brushing his ear, she mumbles, "I love you, but I'm falling asleep again. Please don't slip away like an illicit lover in the night."
Fenris snorts and relaxes back into her embrace. "From the way your neighbors look at me, I basically am a forbidden affair."
A muted snore answers him and he chuckles. Typical.
Before the urge leaves him, he whispers aloud into the room, "Thank you, Farryn."
Fenris falls back asleep with a small smile.