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Cold stopped as they entered the living room. Chenle quickly turned on all the light and electricity in his apartment while Jisung take off his coat.
“Are you hungry?,” Chenle opening his fridge, “lets see— i have lunch leftover, maybe oven it for 30 minutes can work?”
“I will take anything, my stomach start burning” Jisung start sulking, “Haechan hyung really hate me, he always order that food,”
“You overreacted,” Chenle sway his hands as he preparing.
"Do you want me there?" Jisung walking towards kitchen.
Chenle shush him with hand.
Jisung just frowned and took cigarettes from his pocket, he walked to the balcony and gave a hand gesture to chenle, “Be right back, call me when ready, is that okay?”
Chenle just give little hum
Jisung slid the balcony door off as usual— Chenle hate smoke and make unofficial rule that all his friends can smoke on the balcony only. And its popular spot everytime members visit his home because it has a city light view but giving enough privacy that won't make them cancelled overnight.
As his mind dozed off again, he searched for his lighter that nowhere to be found.
The door slide open and Chenle come with lighter in his hand.
“You left it again in your coat”
“Ah thank you,”
Jisung waited for him to return inside before starting to light the cig but he just standing there.
“I don’t mind,” Chenle answer to his confused face, “I felt cold after all day socializing with many people and just stuck inside alone,”
“Okay then, sorry,” Jisung light the cig on his hand.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Chenle ask with low voice.
“Talk about what exactly?” Jisung turning his face after trying to blow the smoke to other side.
“What Jaemin said earlier,” Chenle taking his seat, “About you going to therapist, and—“ he start doubting his choice to starting conversation, “Ah nevermind, it’s not my business,”
“Don’t be,” Jisung says, "I felt sorry too because how others react may make you feel excluded, what are you curious about? I will tell everything. I promise,”
“Oh okay,” Chenle hesitates, “hmm— so you have crush on someone…”
“Yeah it's so obvious right?”
A wind breezing through them, taking away all the fog caused by cig.w
Chenle rewind how all member looking to his face when Jaemin slip up. They manage to let it get away but the awkward feeling still lingering.
“I always have thoughts about that, but you know—“ He nervously laughing “I thought it's my narcissistic side again”
“You have unhealthy amount of self love but unfortunately this one is right” Jisung throw away his stare, looking far to nowhere.
“Unfortunately??” Chenle rolling his eyes, “Are you sure you actually liking me,”
“Yeah,” He giggled in between, “So dumb of me right,”
“Hmm, I'm sure you already did something dumber in the past so i think it's okay,” Chenle laugh, and then he awkwardly stepping his legs back and forth, “And im sorry—“
Jisung making a face, “Ah i already go through that phase, I'll be okay”
Chenle open his mouth, looks like want to talk but his mouth shut.
Jisung patting his back, try to reassure him, "Don't be sorry, its nor your fault or mine,”
“Oh so you pass it? You already uncrush me?” Chenle pointing his finger to himself,
“No” Jisung choked by the sudden answer and then laugh, “I just started to looking at this tragedy in different ways,”
“Huh so you have seek the beauty of unreciprocated love?”
“Okay, can you not use that phrase, do you want your name heard by my therapist for 100th times” Jisung frowning again by Chenle's fantastic answers, “And yes, i now don’t weighed by my feeling anymore”
“How so? Isn't the goal of loving someone’s is to be with them forever?”
Jisung trying to not amazed by how this conversation flow, this is chenle, of course he curious about how he managed to not depressed liking the bandmate who's obviously straight.
“Everyone have their own ways of loving someone i think,” Jisung try to arranging his words, “And of course, i will happy if i can live with you forever, but— i know it’s so cliche, but I feeling enough everytime i see you happy,”
Suddenly the fresh night cold air tightening. Their eyes met, and in the same time they turned their face away.
“But isn’t it draining you, if you share so much love to someone but you don’t take it back,” Chenle and his way of thinking again, “and you give it so much— i think everything you do in the past make sense now,”
Jisung taking a deep breath, looks like thinking the answer very seriously.
“You know there so many kind of love,” he finally said, “Beside romantic love, there’s family, members, friend, fans, even love from stranger— I fortunate enough to be loved by so many people, that's why my heart always full, and of course it’s different for everyone, but for my case i already have so much love i can share without wishing it back”
“I still don’t see it im sorry”
Jisung laughing, “You just need to take advantage from it, like every time there’s early morning schedule, i just thinking i can see you today too, it’s wake me up even im too lazy,”
“Wait that's so creative," Chenle laugh so hard and throwing his hand to Jisung shoulders, "Can i get your therapist number”
“Nah, he already hear about you more than it should be, it’s gonna be so awkward believe me,” Jisung shook his head hard.
“But he need too see my point of view too to be fair,” Chenle pouting, “i must be like villain in his mind,”
“No? He think highly of you— If i'm not his client i know he want to jump me for every choice i make… Like, for this conversation, i already hear his sigh,”
“But you doing it terribly good, like uncomfortably too calm to speak about it to me” Chenle smile proudly.
“Yeah thanks to you start this when i smoke” he finally throwing away his cigarette, “on the other side– let me continue about one sided love… It’s makes you can love wholeheartedly, like– i know it will sound like fake zoom seminar… but, it’s feels pure, without expecting something back," He smiles his eyes to Chenle, "It’s heal something in me,”
“I envy you,” this time, Chenle don't avoid the stare, “You seems have very stable state of mind,”
“Glad all the money paid off then,” Jisung giggled, “just remember me from three years ago, yeah but you know better,”
“Since I don't have shame already, may I know?” Chenle steering away the conversation. He always like that, he don't like talking things that hurt him, like sold out milk tea, Golden state losing, or Jisung three years ago, “It’s not like I've been curious since then, but you know it's kinda bothering me,”
“What?”
“Why me?”he shyly asking with very low voice, almost like whisper, “Like, I'm loud and annoying, not lovable, hardly sympathize, not a good listener, I'm even not that good looking,”
“So we are doing a session now i guess,” Jisung dramatically sigh.
“shut the fuck off?” Chenle pouting, "it's okay then, i'm not even that curious"
He pretending to stand up, but he knows Jisung will stop him.
And of course Jisung does while laughing and patting his shoulder softly.
“Hmm… first about looks, even if i say you have the prettiest smile in this world, you wouldn’t believe me since i have very biased perspective,” Jisung smiling and staring fondly to Chenle, “So it’s on you”
Chenle don't know where to look. So he just stare back, amazed by how human eyes can become so beautiful if it's came from someone who treasures him.
“Secondly, you pretend you are not listening but you are the only one who understands what am i saying, you actually care for other people and have sympathy on them but you just can’t express it well,”
Chenle now giggle by how Jisung start yapped about it.
“Chenle-ya, are you even listening to me?" Jisung pouts.
Chenle laugh and nodded"i'm listening,"
Jisung sighed again, "Okay listen to me, i continue, and what is it? Not lovable? That's a dumb take why you even have thought about it, you are in number one list in all our members heart, and i'm not even joking, and I know all of them have kissed you at least once, platonic or not, people don't kiss someone they don’t love,”
Chenle gasp by the realization. That's right, all his bandmates at least kissed him once except Jisung.
“But I can't help, you really are annoyingly loud, but no one perfect,” Jisung closed the statements.
Chenle making dramatic looks, “You worship me for 3 seconds and then throw me off the cliff,”
“Like a great friend you know, like everyone says,” Jisung shrugging, “friendship before love…? Is it…? or what? I don’t actually know,”
"So, do you have plan after this?" Chenle ask.
"After what?"
"Can we back to normal after this conversation?" Chenle make hand gesture to both of them, "I doubt so"
"It was never normal" Jisung frowns,"What even normal means, i was always try to flirt and you always so oblivious, we will just bicker nonsense, and make peace after dinner."
"I can't oblivious again, I'm super aware now" Chenle pointing his finger to himself.
Jisung sigh, "Okay i might try to move on, it's better for me and for us,"
"That's what not i was trying to say, "
"No, it's make sense," Jisung muttering, "I feel i can move on now after this,"
"Who the fuck in this world start to move on right after they confess," Chenle looks irritated.
"What's your problem? This is about my feeling," Jisung genuinely confused.
"Feeling to me, so i have rights," State Chenle.
"Whoa, you are unbelievable, did you even hear yourself," Jisung stand up.
Chenle immediately standing up too, looks doubting himself for a seconds then make a move.
Chenle stand on his tip toe. Kiss Jisung cheek and pull away fast, put his hands on his hips, "Extend for one year,"
Jisung stare at him while hold his redden cheek with one hand, and the other covering his mouth, "Chenle—you…"
"What? I've already kiss other members, now you, there is no difference"
Jisung move closer.
"You are the one who signed to this," He reach Chenle nape, leans a proper mouth to mouth kiss.
Chenle don't even holding back, he circling his hand on Jisung neck.
Jisung about to pull away when he realized this might be their last kiss, so he tilting his head, make a way to deepen their kiss.
A mix of sweet and bitterness from tobacco make Chenle feel dizzy, he start losing his strength on his knees.
Jisung realize and moving his hand to hold Chenle's waist, securing him from falling.
They both pull away after a good minutes, Jisung take a long breath while Chenle still panting.
"If i get lung cancer i will sue you," Chenle talks between breath. Resting his head on Jisung chest.
"I will sue you now because you played with my feeling you evil beings"
"Hmm, that's fair, " Chenle lifting his face to meet Jisung eyes, "Your face looks so red,"
"Chenle you are as red as fresh tomato right now,"
"Aw that's remind me," Chenle pull away from Jisung hold, "Your dinner probably already burnt,"
He walks little wobbly, open the balcony door, turning his face to Jisung, "So that's enough for one year extension right,"
Chenle instantly go inside and close the door again.
"He will be the death of me," Mumble Jisung, follows Chenle in.