Chapter Text
Kunikida was on his couch, lazily writing in his ideals book what the schedule for tomorrow would be, making sure he had enough time to check on Dazai.
He took deep breaths because he needed to prepare for the whining that the suicidal maniac would do when telling Dazai he had to work. His partner was always like that, a pain in the ass, but despite everything, Dazai was still someone Kunikida could trust, not only on missions, but in everyday life as well.
He was almost done and getting ready to go to bed when he heard heavy knocks at the door. He frowned. Nobody came this late to his apartment, and he wasn't expecting any visitors. It couldn't be an intruder because they would never knock before trying to do something illegal.
So he got up and slowly walked to the door.
The knocking came again, louder this time, like the person on the other side was impatient.
When he finally opened the door, his heart skipped a beat.
In front of him was Dazai. His coat was entirely wet, water dripping from his dark hair onto the apartment floor.
Had he tried to kill himself... again?
"Dazai, what do you want now,nagging me this late?" Kunikida asked with an annoyed voice, kind of surprised to see Dazai at his house and in that state.
Dazai didn't answer, only looking fixated at Kunikida's eyes.
The idealist sighed and let the man enter his house, not caring if he was soaking his couch while sitting down.
"Dazai...? Are you... drunk? What happened?"
Kunikida was irritated, but his irritation quickly turned into concern. Dazai never let anyone see him weak or vulnerable, so he knew something was up with him.
Dazai didn't answer. He was either too drunk to say anything or just didn't care to.
"youre making a mess.. "
Dazai didn't respond.
Kunikida took a heavy breath, and pinched the end of his nose.
"at least take off your coat. "
Still, zero response.
With a heavy sigh, Kunikida looked at the pityful man in front of him, before going to another room.
Dazai noticed that, Of course he did, he was drunk, but was not dumb.
"Oh Kunikidaaaa-kun~, are you going to throw me out? That not how you treat your partner! D:"
Dazai said, Joking. But behind his words, he was scared Kunikida would actually throw him away.
Kunikida returned to the room a few minutes later,with a clean tower and a set of old clothes.
"Stop being a Crybaby, I was just grabbing something"
He throws the items on Dazai, without actually wanting to hurt him, and kept standing with his arms crossed, waiting for Dazai to move.
"Go change, you're going to catch a cold"
".... Youre lending me your clothes? "
"well.. Yeah. I don't want you dripping all that water on my couch. "
Even with how sour that phrase looked, Dazai knew this was Kunikida's way to say he cared.
"Thats.... Thanks you Kunikida-kun. " - he said, sincerely
Kunikida's expression softens, and with a small breath, he points to the bathroom
-"the bathroom is down the hall.." He said quietly.
Dazai got up and locked himself in the bathroom to dry off and change clothes. Kunikida's clothes smelled clean, like freshly washed laundry. Dazai liked that.
Kunikida sat on the couch, unsure of what to do. He knew Dazai wouldn't open up about what had happened—that was just how he was. There was a guest bedroom in his apartment. Maybe he could let Dazai stay the night. That was probably the most he could do, or at least the most Dazai would let him do.
Kunikida pinched the bridge of his nose and removed his glasses, rubbing his tired eyes. He wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but with Dazai here, he couldn't bring himself to do that until he was sure the suicidal maniac was okay.
At the same time Kunikida stood up, the bathroom door unlocked and opened. Dazai stepped out, now dry and wearing Kunikida's old clothes.
Kunikida couldn't lie, Dazai was a handsome man, and now that he was tidy, he looked even better. But this was Dazai he was talking about, his work partner, and nothing else.
"Do you feel better, Dazai?"
Dazai looked at him, gave Kunikida a faint smile, and nodded.
"Huuuuuum... yeah, I am..." - He was clearly still drunk, so Kunikida wondered if he should make him some tea or maybe something to eat. - "Whyyy? Does my partner care for me?"
"Well, of course. I care for my friends, dumbass."
That caught Dazai off guard.
For a brief moment, he simply stared at Kunikida.
He didn't think anyone cared for him.
He didn't think anyone even considered him a friend.
The room fell quiet. The only sound was the Dazai and Kunikida's heavy breath.
"Kunikida..."
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever thought about getting married?"
Kunikida look directly into Dazai's eyes.
The question made him pause. Not because he didn't have an answer, if it was any other day, he would respond immediately. He had 52 requirements for his ideal wife written in his book. But hearing Dazai ask something like that, so suddenly, caught him completely off guard.
He hummed
"Well... yeah. Why are you asking that now?"
Dazai paused briefly.
"Have you ever thought about an ideal husband? Like... a man?"
Kunikida looked away for a moment.
"I...uh..maybe...?"
He quickly looked back at Dazai.
"You still didn't answer me. Why are you so suddenly asking all this?"
Dazai looked down at his feet. He shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other before giving a small shrug.
"You know..." he murmured. "I never thought someone cared about me."
He slowly lifted his gaze to meet Kunikida's. His cheeks felt warm.
"I always thought I'd commit before anyone had the chance to do so."
Dazai gave a faint smile.
"People who care about each other... they tend to stay together...dont they?"
"...well, yeah."
"They don't leave their partner, right?"
Kunikida hesitated.
"...Ideally."
Dazai lowered his head again, fidgeting with the sleeve of Kunikida's shirt.
"So..."
He paused.
"...so, would you marry me, kunikidaa~?"
Kunikida freezes, he looks at dazai.
He blinks.
Once.
Twice.
"Wh-what? "
"marry me"
".... absolutely not. " Kunikida Said without thinking further.
He was waiting for Dazai tell him it's a joke, to laugh at his face, but that never came, Dazai kept a serious.
"..Why not?" - Dazai 's sparkle on his eyes were not there anymore.
Kunikida sigh heavily,his eyes blurried from needing sleep.
"Marriage isnt a toy for your own pleasure, Dazai. "
"..."
"...?"
"Please..?"
"No."
"Pretty please..? "
"The answer is no, Dazai. "
"Kunikida... "
"No."
"Husband.. "
"...I'm not your husband, you bandage wasting machine! "
".. Why not? " Dazai sighed, dramatically "Am I not pretty enough for you? "
Kunikida opened his eyes in shock.
"Th... thats not the issue!"
"I could wear a suit, if it makes me more prettier! "
"THATS STILL NOT THE ISSUE, DAZAI! "
"So what's the... Issue? I think I meet at least... 4 of your ideals! You care for me, so we should get married, couples care for each other. "
Kunikida opened his mouth to Argue, than froze.
he thought Dazai's reason was because he was drunk, not because he found someone that he could trust.
"Dazai, youre not on your right mind.."
"No no, I certainly am on my mind right now. " - His voice came with a yawn, he was clearly tired. "So why can't you marry me, Kunikida... "
"... "
"Please... "
Dazai gives a faint smile.
"If we are married..."
Kunikida waits.
"Then you won't leave me.. "
Kunikida sighed, not knowing what to do.
"I would never be alone again, Kunikida.."
Kunikida rubbed his face with both hands.
"...You're impossible."
Silence.
"...Fine!"
He pointed a finger at Dazai.
"Fine! If that's what it'll take to get you to stop asking, then yes! We'll get married!"
Dazai's eyes light up, he finally got Kunikida to accept, but he could escape from his fingers at any moment, he had to make sure Kunikida would stay.
"Do You promise..?"
"Yes.. My word"
"..No,That's not enough."
"Wh... What do you mean 'no' ?? "
"You... You will change your mind tomorrow, and you won't marry me!! "
Dazai sobbed, The alcohol hit his lightweight body hard.
".. I won't"
"... "
"... "
"Then let's do it now. Lets sign the papers!"
Kunikida was shocked, he was hit with realization that Dazai actually wanted to do it, and that would mess his ideals.
"You're unbelievable..."
He sighed so heavily it almost hurt.
"...Fine. We'll sign the papers."
Dazai blinked.
"...Really?"
Kunikida let out another exhausted groan, rubbing his temples.
"Didn't I just say yes?"
Dazai stared at him for a long moment, as if waiting for Kunikida saying it was a joke.
"...You're not lying?"
"I don't joke about promises."
"...You won't back out tomorrow?"
Kunikida clicked his tongue.
"No."
That was a lie, he was making this to make Dazai feel better... Right?
Dazai searched his face for any sign of hesitation.
But... There wasn't one.
A slow grin spread across his face.
"...Okay."
Kunikida immediately regretted how calm that answer sounded.
"...Why are you smiling like that?"
Dazai's grin widened.
"Nothing."
He took Kunikida's hand without warning.
"Come on, husband."
"I AM NOT YOUR HUSBAND YET!"
Dazai gasped dramatically.
"How negative.."
Kunikida twitched.
"...Dazai."
"Future husband, then!"
"THAT'S NOT ANY BETTER!"