Chapter Text
He brought his hand to his cheek, feeling the heat on his face, when he touched it, his already aching body burned even more. The pure hatred in his father’s eyes created an indescribable pressure on him. He tried to speak, words almost tumbling from his lips, but he couldn't manage it. Upon realizing that he was trying to speak, his father yanked his beloved son -whom he proclaimed to love so deeply everywhere else- by the arm and shoved him into the solid wood wardrobe in a single swift motion.
"You are cursed! You are of their seed, of their lineage! Their line was cursed, wiped out! God punished them!"
As his father’s screams echoed through the entire house and his mother watched what was happening from the doorway in tears, Namjoon covered his face with his arms, sobbing even harder at his father’s words. At times he gasped for air between his sobs, as if his father’s shadow hovering over him like a nightmare were pushing him into an even deeper darkness. It felt as though he had fallen into a point of no return, a black hole. His father had never treated him like this before. Though a harsh man, he had never beaten him so severely, he would usually dismiss things with a slap, but this time was different.
"I’m sending you to your grandfather!" His father’s deep voice fell into the room like a bullet.
"What?" The woman grabbed her husband by the arm, turning his massive frame toward herself. "What will the boy do there? Let’s not do this, Bongsuk."
He abruptly pushed away her hand clinging to his arm, pulled his trembling son, whose arms were still fearfully covering his face, up from the floor and spoke, "If I said he's going, he's going, Soonhee. So he can go and be cleansed of this curse!"
"Father, I beg you. I’ll never do anything like this again. I’ll be cleansed, I’ll go and repent every single day if I must but please don't send me away from home." Namjoon fell to his knees in front of his father, weeping with his hands pressed together in supplication. The splintered edges of the wooden floor dug into the knees of the boy begging on the ground.
"You should have thought of that before committing that disgusting act, that perversion! I cannot live under the same roof with a... Sodomite* like you! If God has punished me with you, He must have His reasons. It means there is a lack in your faith, a curse in your blood! You cannot return to this house until you are cured!" Taking a few steps toward the door, the father turned his head just before leaving and looked at his wife over his shoulder. "Pack your son's bag, he is leaving tonight. I’ll call my father."
"Alright." Having no choice left, the mother merely nodded, forced to submit to her husband's cruelty. As soon as the man left the room, the woman bent down and wrapped her arms around her son.
"This is only to cure the sickness inside you, my dear. So you won't be one of those cursed ones, so that you can stay with us in heaven alongside our Heavenly Father and His son, our savior Jesus." As his mother stroked his hair while weeping, Namjoon knew she was merely passing down to her child what she had been taught, what had been ingrained in her. Even if she would never accept him as he was, his mother would never act like his father.
Not wanting his mother to feel worse, Namjoon immediately straightened his voice and spoke, "Don't cry, Mom, I'll manage. Besides, I haven't seen Grandpa in a long time anyway." Namjoon hugged his mother tighter, taking her hand and pulling her up along with himself. "Come on, let's pack my bag."
"Get well, my son, get well quickly and return to your mother. Don't be one of those evil ones. Remember the words of God the Father, my child. 'Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who submit to or practice homosexuality... Will inherit the kingdom of God.' Keep that in mind, my darling." His mother had stood up and rapidly began pulling bags and clothes out of the closet, as if being chased by someone.
"Okay, Mom, I promise." Namjoon swallowed hard. It felt as if a stone were sitting in his throat. "I’ll get well, Mom." With a forced smile, he watched his anxious mother packing his bag. Feeling the heat on his lip, he touched it, wiped away the blood with his finger to hide it from her, quickly smeared it onto his black pants, and went over to help the woman.
When evening came, Namjoon was on the train. It was dark outside, and this would be the first long journey in Namjoon's 20 years of life. Before his grandfather moved to that old village in the middle of nowhere, he used to live here, in Icheon. Since they didn't visit any other relatives, they had never traveled anywhere else, and they viewed vacations as unnecessary due to their beliefs or rather, that was how his father viewed them.
Namjoon looked at his mother waving her hand from outside, and at his father’s sharp glares warning him again and again. After waving back at his mother, he rested his head against the cold glass of the train window, put on his headphones and immersed himself in the music.
Maybe getting away from home would do him good.
Maybe he really would get cured.
*sodomite
According to the book of genesis in the torah, sodom and gomorrah are two ancient cities located near the dead sea. it is believed that god destroyed them with fire and sulfur because the inhabitants crossed all moral boundaries.