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When Things Aren't What They Seem

Summary:

When a groupchat with the younger Cens players gets leaked, everyone waits for there to be homophobia, sexism, racism, and other kinds of bullying.

Instead, they get a groupchat full of gentle kindness, light teasing, and young men just acting carefree.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Daily NHL News @DailyNHLNews ✅️

A group chat containing four NHL young players has been leaked. Players confirmed to be in the groupchat include Paul Holmberg, André LaPointe, Shakayden Young, and Luca Haas. Read more on our website…


The Four Musketeers

July 20th 2021 10:32 AM


Holmy: Have you guys seen the new Nashville shirt? It's hilarious

Holmy: Preds In The Community

Shak: Oh sweet baby Jesus. They've got those out again

Me: Oh. My. God.

Me: Those colours are deeply unappealing.

Holmy: You can say they're fugly, Rabbit

Holmy: They are REALLY fugly.

Me: You said it, not me.

LP: Besides, they're not so bad.

Shak: I forget English isn't your first language. Trust me: it's BAD. Hilarious but so bad.

Shak: Do you guys think it's on purpose?

Holmy: 10000000000% yes


The Four Musketeers

July 22nd 2021 2:37 AM

Shak: i wsbt yu guts to prommse me thst if i evr get trayded yo wont remoce me from the grop chat

Me: I promise we won't remove you from the group chat

Shak: I lube yaoi

Shak: Yoi

Shak: You

Me: We love you too, Shacky. Now go to bed.

July 22nd 2021 10:23 AM

Holmy: How's the hangover, Shacky? And the yaoi? Got any recommendations?

Shak: I'm not hungover. I don't read yaoi. Red, White, and Royal Blue.

Me: That's a good book.

LP: I thought you said you weren't gay?

Holmy: WoWoooahhhhh

Holmy: it's 2021, Pointy. Straight people are allowed to read gay romance novels!

Me: I didn't know any of you could read let alone read chapter books

Shak: BUUUURRRRNNNNNN 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥


The Four Musketeers

August 15th 2021 12:38 PM

LP: I cannot believe that we are going to play with THE Shane Hollander.

Holmy: Ikr. He's incredible.

Shak: We literally play with Ilya Rozanov and Troy Barrett

Me: But Shane Hollander 🤩🤩🤩

LP: More like '😍😍😍' for you, Haasy.

Holmy: Just because Luca is gay doesn't mean he's automatically attracted to the hottest guy in the league

Shak: I'm pretty sure everyone is attracted to Shane Hollander, regardless of sexuality.

Holmy: Shakayden…

LP: 🤣😂🤣😂

Shak: What? I'm right. Shane Hollander is pretty. Even the straightest guys on Earth can admit that. Even if they aren't attracted to his face, the way that he plays hockey is so hot.

LP: You know what? You're right. His play style is incredibly attractive

Holmy: Luca back me up! Not everyone is attracted to Shane Hollander

Me: No. They're both right. I think everyone who knows hockey is a little attracted to Shane, whether it be his looks, his personality, or his playing style.

LP: Three against one! Three against one! We win!

Holmy: Is everything a competition for you?

August 16th 2021 1:42 AM

Holmy: You're right, Shane Hollander is extremely attractive.

LP: 🎶 One of us, one of us, one of us 🎶


The Four Musketeers

August 19th 2021 5:02 PM

LP: So we've officially become the queerest team in the league.

LP: I've made a list (that includes staff)

LP: Gay: Shane Hollander, Troy Barrett, Harris, and Luca.

Holmy: right.

LP: Bisexual: Ilya Rozanov and Gen

LP: Queer: Me, Pauly, and Shacky.

Me: We should have Max Riley join the team so we can also have trans representation.

Me: Do you think we could convince management to let us invite him for the next pride game?

Shak: Yessss!!!!!!!

Shak: Are we allowed to use the term queer? I feel like I've heard it used in a bullying way too many times to be allowed to use it.

Holmy: seconded. Luca?

Me: you are allowed to use it since we are using it as a description for your own attraction instead of as a derogatory term. But it completely depends on what you are comfortable with using and what feels roght to you.

LP: Thanks for the wisdom, elder queer (I googled that term).

Me: I am younger than all of you. By at least seven months.

Shak: 😜😜😜


The Four Musketeers

September 1st 2021 3:22 PM

LP: Holy shit, they ACTUALLY traded Tanner. I can't believe it!

LP: Tanner Dillon traded from the Ottawa Centaurs to the Toronto Guardians

Me: Huh. I never thought they'd do that.

Shak: Neither tbh. I kinda thought they'd keep him forever since he is Claude Dillon's nephew.

Me: Well, Toronto is planning a complete rebuild, so we'll see how he fits in there.

Holmy: I have to admit… he's a bit of a dick, so I'm kinda glad he's been traded.

LP: Same.


The Four Musketeers

October 12th 2021 3:16 PM

Me: First game of the season! Who's excited?

LP: Me!!!!

Shak: 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️

Holmy: It's not even our team. We don't play until the 14th.

Shak: For a professional hockey player, you really don't like hockey.

Holmy: I like hockey! I just don't care about the NHL.

LP: 😂. Alright, buddy. We get it.


The Four Musketeers

October 13th 2021 9:48 PM

LP: Sawyer Campbell?

Shak: Pass

Holmy: Smash

LP: Pass. He's too old.

Me: Smash. Thirty-eight isn't THAT old.

Me: Maverick Cieplucha?

Holmy: Pass

Shak: Smash

LP: Smash

Me: Smash

Shak: Continuing on the San Francisco theme: Wally Scott.

Holmy: SMASH

LP: Smash smash smash

Me: Smash!!!

Shak: lol.


The Four Musketeers

October 29th 2021 6:34 PM

LP: Luca had his phone stollen and has to get a new phone number. We'll add him back into the groupchat when he gets his new phone.

Holmy: Damn, poor Haasy. Well, we did tell him to stop leaving his phone out 🤷‍♂️.

Shak: Paul! We should make a whole new groupchat.


Danny @daniilpankinhockeyfan

NHL players playing smash or pass with other NHL players being the victims was not on my 2021-2022 season bingo card.

Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaursNHL ✅️

While we are incredibly proud of the young players on our team, we would appreciate it if everyone gives them space to deal with it themselves. They are 21 to 23 years old and deserve the space and dignity that everyone else would get if their texts were leaked. Thank you for your space and consideration.

JulieLaPointe @LaPointeSuperfan

I think the Centaurs purposefully sniff out and hire the queerest players possible. They have 7 full-time queer players and 5 players who have an NHL/AHL two way contract. That's more than any other current team in the league. What do they put in the waters of Ottawa?

Luca Haas @LucaHaas_NHLPlayer11 ✅️

Acceptance.

Ilya Rozanov @81IlyaRozanov ✅️

We love you @LucaHaas_NHL11 @AndreLaPointy @ShakaydenPlaysNHL @PaulyHolmberg91

Shakayden Young @ShakaydenPlaysNHL ✅️

🤙🤙🤙

André LaPointe @AndreLaPointy ✅️

Thank you, 81. Love you too ✌.

Paul Holmberg  @PaulyHolmberg91 ✅️

🖤❤️🖤❤️

Luca Haas @LucaHaas_NHL11

😎

Notes:

I wrote most of this while drunk. I remember starting it and then waking up with it finished. I don't remember writing it and it is pretty different from what I originally planned on writing, but here you go.

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