Archive of Our Own

During the Knights of Favonius’ stay in Nod-Krai, Illuga found himself strangely attached to a certain mint haired Vice Captain. It started out innocently enough, if you could even say that: Lohen had gotten himself injured during a confrontation with the Wild Hunt (fighting alone, as he preferred it). He heard several knights complain about their Vice Captain refusing to rest and get patched up; even their Grand Master, Varka, was trying to get the Vice Captain to rest.

Call him intrigued. He went to pay this Vice Captain a visit and try and patch him up himself. He was up to the challenge, and also a bit concerned for his physical wellbeing. Lohen, as he would soon find out, had also taken this encounter as a challenge. He would dodge Illuga’s attempts and rationalize how completely fine he was (he was not). This had turned into a little cat and mouse chase after that, with neither one refusing to give up.

Illuga only came out of that the victor because Lohen had toppled over in pain after some of his wounds had worsened during the chase. Illuga was extra diligent in making sure his bandages wouldn’t undo themselves; a sort of victory act to flaunt how he won the chase.

Lohen did not seem too happy about it, though. But even through the bandaging, he behaved.

The next time it happened, Illuga remembered his strategies and won again. It sort of became a thing the two of them had; whenever Lohen came back injured, Illuga would find him in his tent and chase him until he yielded. After a while, Lohen had stopped trying all together. He would wait on his bed for Illuga to arrive and let him patch him up.

And then, it sort of took off from there. They started patrolling more together, took long walks with each other, trained each other, and then it took a single, secluded kiss in the woods on one of their walks for the two of them to realize it: they were both head over heels for each other.

Their walks became dates, their training sessions became warm-ups for passionate nights together, and their work apart only made it that much harder to concentrate on anything other than each other. The heat of their newfound relationship had been their strength during the final battles in Nod-Krai.

After their victory, the Grand Master had made the decision to send the Knights back to Mondstadt. They both knew from the beginning that this was coming, yet neither of them had the guts to talk about it. Not until it came time for Lohen to leave.

They promised to write to each other. Lohen said he’d try to visit whenever he had time off, even though the trip to Nod-Krai from Mondstadt takes about two weeks.

Their last day before Lohen’s departure was spent being together as much as possible; seeing the sights one last time, eating Nod-Krai specialties, and of course, falling into bed together for the last time in who knew how long.

That night was filled with so much passion, so much emotion that Illuga couldn’t help but tear up a little as he clung to Lohen one last time, calling his name out with so much affection that Lohen thought his heart was going to burst.

Lohen had been especially intense that night in bed, wanting to drill into Illuga’s head, into every inch of his body, how much he loved him and how much he’d miss him. His romanticism was a bit of a surprise to Illuga when they first started going out. It’s one of the things he’ll miss most about Lohen.

Even after they tired themselves out and laid bare next to each other, Lohen continued to whisper sweet nothings into Illuga’s ears, nipping and kissing him all over, as if every surface of Illuga’s skin hadn’t been touched by him yet. And of course, Illuga held him tight, as if letting go would make tomorrow come faster.

And then tomorrow came. Illuga went with him to the port to see him off. As the last of their things were settled aboard, Lohen gave Illuga one final hug.

“I’ll write to you as soon as I get back to Mondstadt.” He said, breaking away slightly to look into Illuga’s eyes.

Illuga was trying his best not to break down. Granted, it was taking a lot not to cry in front of Lohen, but he still looked up at him with yearning eyes. He nodded slowly, afraid speaking would only make him crumble into pieces.

Lohen leaned in for a slow, tender kiss, grounding Illuga by holding him close. The nerves dissipated a little, as all Illuga could do was melt into it, wrapping his arms around Lohen one last time before he leaves. After their long goodbye kiss, Lohen gently pulled away to rest his forehead on Illuga’s.

“We’ll see each other again, Birdie. You can count on it.”

That was enough for Illuga. He nodded with a small smile, finally letting go. Lohen knelt down to kiss Illuga’s hand (ever one for knightly romantic gestures) before finally boarding the ship.

Illuga watched as the ship set sail, all the way until it disappeared out of sight in the horizon. And even after that, he stayed a little while longer to sit by himself. Flins had been there to see the ship off with him, and he stayed until Illuga got up to leave.

Returning to a life without Lohen had been a difficult adjustment at first. Of course, he was sad he wasn’t there with him, but slowly but surely, he made it work. There were still some residual monsters from the Wild Hunt he had to deal with, as well as outreach programs for those in need. It kept him busy for a while.

And before he knew it, a whole month had passed. A letter from Lohen arrived by this time, and Illuga eagerly went home to read it. Lohen had safely returned to Mondstadt and had been telling him all about his time back home. Illuga wrote back, too, telling him about his work and how he's been.

He finished his letter by nightfall and had it shipped off before the last of the boats left the port. On his trek home, he wondered if he had to get used to this; writing letters to his lover from afar. He’s never had a long-distance relationship, or even a relationship, before Lohen, but it was hard to be away from him like this. Maybe he could start planning a trip to Mondstadt sometime when he wasn’t busy.

He went back to his home and got ready for bed. For a few days now, a strange nausea has been settling in his stomach. At first, he thought it was because he ate something bad, but it has persisted for the last couple of days. Maybe he was working too hard? Lohen would hound him if he found out he got sick from overworking himself, as hypocritical as that sounded coming from him. He decided to take it easy tomorrow and see how he felt.

The next day came, and the bubbling nausea from yesterday heightened in the morning. Maybe he did catch something? He luckily didn’t feel like vomiting, but the lingering sickness was making him feel uneasy.

He took a trip to the clinic to see if he was alright. But out of everything he expected, he did not think this would be what he heard:

“It looks to me like a mild case of morning sickness.”

His eyes widened at that.

“Wait, when you say ‘morning sickness’...” Illuga started. “Do you mean…?”

“As in, for pregnancies? Yes. It shows here that you are about four weeks pregnant.”

Four weeks. Pregnant. Four weeks ago was when he last slept with Lohen on that passionate night before he left. Which means…

…He's going to have to find a way to tell Lohen he's going to be a father. Lohen, the crazy Vice Captain of the Fifth Company, as a father? Now there was something Illuga never would have imagined.

But the image of Lohen holding a bundled up baby in his arms, or him playing with their child outdoors, seemed like such a wholesome sight. Illuga kind of wanted to see what a caring, fatherly Lohen would look like.

He couldn't stop thinking of Lohen as a dad during the whole trek home after his visit. But in the back of his mind, he knew there were still some major things to consider. How would Lohen react? Would he even want it? Or even, would he still want Illuga after this?

The anxiety of the situation finally set in. The nausea he's been feeling has heightened a lot more now that he is alone again. He knew he had to tell Lohen face to face.

The following week was full of working himself more just to escape thinking about the whole thing. He knew he'd have to start planning a trip to Mondstadt soon, but he still had some work to finish off here.

And there was the point of actually telling Lohen the news. How he'd go about it, he wasn't sure yet. He shudders to think of the worst possible scenarios of Lohen’s reaction, which made Illuga make stupid mistakes as he works. This seemed to catch the attention of Flins.

They had just dealt with some Wild Hunt monsters near a small village, and were currently aiding them in medicine and recovery. Now being five weeks pregnant, Illuga was starting to feel the fatigue and sickness that came with carrying a baby. Flins had pulled him aside after Illuga looked like he was about to topple over.

“Young Master, why don't you get some rest? The situation has mostly been taken care of already.”

Illuga, stubbornly, shook his head. “No need, I'm fine.”

“That does not seem to be the case.”

Flins led him to a smoothed boulder, gesturing him to sit. Illuga admits, taking a breather did make him feel a lot better.

“What seems to be troubling you?” Flins asks as he stands beside Illuga.

Illuga debates telling him the truth or not, but the way he hesitates clues Flins in almost immediately.

“Is it about the Vice Captain?” He presses.

At this rate, Flins would deduce it with pure wit alone. So, Illuga nods.

“I… Don't know how to tell him something important and… It's just been on my mind recently.” Was Illuga’s vague answer.

It was enough to get Flins thinking. He hums thoughtfully.

“Well, you can figure it out as you head to Mondstadt.” Flins tells him. “It obviously sounds too important to merely write down in a letter.”

“But what if he doesn't take it well? What if… He leaves me?” Illuga's hands shudder, but he doesn't notice as he looks to the ground with worry.

“If I know anything about the Vice Captain, it's that he cares very deeply about you.” He hears Flins say. “Whatever you might say to him would not change how he feels. I've seen how genuine his love for you is.”

Illuga looks up at Flins to see him offer a sincere smile. It eases the worries a little. His shoulders relax slightly; he didn't even know he was tensing them.

“Ah, and I suppose a congratulations is in order.” Flins adds.

Illuga's eyes widened in shock as he heard that. Flins chuckled lightly at the reaction.

“H-how did you…?!”

“The reasoning seemed sound, with the Vice Captain's departure, your physical symptoms, and your wording. But the biggest clue seems to be your developing maternal instincts.” Flins eyes Illuga’s abdomen region, which made him look down to see his hands subconsciously protecting his womb.

He hadn't even noticed his hands there. He wanted to retract them, but… Keeping them there offered a strange sense of comfort.

“Don’t worry about things here.” Flins says. “Go to Mondstadt and talk to him. I hear stress isn’t good for the young one.”

Right. All this overworking and stress might be bad for the baby. But what was stressing him most was not knowing Lohen’s reaction to this. Even if it ends badly, he would still have a piece of him through this baby. Maybe that would be enough.

And maybe, just maybe, Lohen would be ecstatic by the news, overjoyed to raise a child with him. The thought of that possible future made him feel excited.

Illuga had made up his mind. “Okay. I’ll go to Mondstadt.”

Flins gave him a nod of approval. After that, he had forced Illuga to go and take the rest of the day off.

“And if I don't see you before you leave,” Flins said to him before he left. “Take care of yourself. And write back when you can.”

And so, once he got home, Illuga went straight to packing his bags, eager to leave as soon as possible. The longer he sits with this, the worse it will make him feel. He wanted to take the first ship out to Mondstadt and see Lohen.

It was almost noon by the time Illuga finished packing his stuff. The port should still have ships about to depart, so he quickly made his way over.

Once he arrived, he asked around for any ship leaving for Mondstadt. Since Mondstadt was so far, the people who did say they were going there said it was one of their last stops, which would add too much time for Illuga's liking.

It was difficult finding a ship this late that would sail straight to Mondstadt. He was starting to worry he might have to add time to his travel. But by pure luck, the last ship captain he talked to was going straight to Mondstadt.

“We got an order that's heading straight to Dornman Port.” The captain had said. “We could give you a lift, if you want?”

Illuga agreed instantly. The ship still had to board a few more boxes, so he passed the time by taking in Nasha Town one last time.

Truth be told, he was feeling a bit nervous. He's never left Nod-Krai before, and he has no idea what to expect in Mondstadt. Lohen says it was a lot different from Nod-Krai. The grass was bright green, huge trees were scattered about, and he always talked about how fresh the air was. From the way he spoke of it, you could tell he felt a little homesick.

But Nod-Krai has always been Illuga’s home. The angled cliffs and mountains, the sounds of machines and the smell of the oil and fumes they emit, the beautiful night sky, littered with millions of stars… But he knew Lohen meant a lot more to him.

Instinctively, he placed his hands on his stomach again, as if this little seed of a person had been bigger than it was. He was finding it to be a comforting gesture. He wished Lohen were here, too.

A loud whistle sounds, indicating that the ship was about to depart. Illuga stays on the deck as the ship finally takes off, watching Nasha Town drift further and further out of view.

His two week voyage finally began.

The first thing Illuga thought when he saw Dornman Port in the distance was how bright and vibrant it was. There were flowers of every color in pots and gardens next to brightly colored buildings. People looked bubbly and energetic, as free as the wind. This was the nation of freedom, after all. The sun shone high above the sky, highlighting the blinding town below. Even the sky was different from Nod-Krai’s; a bright blue hue, painted with perfectly white, fluffy clouds.

Illuga was already starting to feel out of his element here, and he hasn't even stepped onto land yet.

Two weeks on a ship had made him eager to touch ground, though. Being at seven weeks and stuck on a ship had spiked his nausea and fatigue, so the thought of walking on sturdy ground and breathing in fresh air was very appealing to him right now. He packed some medicinal herbs to quell his nausea a bit, which did help. Hopefully it would last for a while; he didn't want Lohen to catch on to his pregnancy before he had the chance to tell him.

Finally, the ship made a full stop at the port. Illuga was grateful to feel sturdy wood beneath his feet as he walked out to the docks. Before he went out to search for Lohen, he thanked the captain and crew for letting him catch a ride.

Now that he was on his own, he thought the first thing he should do is locate Lohen. Being a knight probably meant he could be anywhere, but he knew Lohen lived near Dornman Port. His best bet was to ask the knights here where he might be.

Illuga walked up to the first knight he could find; a young man standing near the entrance of the port. “Excuse me, I'm looking for Vice Captain Lohen of the Fifth Company. Do you know where I might find him?”

“The Vice Captain? Sorry, he's usually hard to pin down. You could try the Fifth Company's base.”

After being pointed in the direction of the base, Illuga makes his way over, stopping occasionally to look at the sights.

The way Lohen described this place was more spectacular in person. Illuga couldn't help but marvel at how bright it was here. It was totally different from the cool colors of Nod-Krai. It felt like a completely different world.

He finally made his way to the base. A woman stationed there went up to him, and after he explained that he was looking for Lohen, she pointed him to a restaurant near the docks. And after asking around there, they pointed him to different places around the town.

It really was difficult to pin him down. When Lohen was in Nod-Krai, he would love to seek out the Wild Hunt by himself, so maybe he was fighting monsters somewhere.

So, he exits the port town and heads in the direction of a village called Millhaven. He heard there might be monsters near the fields, so he decided to try his luck.

The countryside was just as luscious and beautiful as the port town. Walking through the path and seeing the lines of brightly colored flowers and fresh green grass made Illuga understand why Lohen must have missed his home so much. It truly was a stunning sight.

He makes his way onto some fields that apparently were known to have some monsters lurking in. It seemed pretty peaceful as he started walking through it, but then he heard the sounds of a group of hilichurls. He looks ahead to see a group of them make a small camp.

It would be dangerous for that village if they just stayed there. Illuga debated dealing with them himself or not.

But then, he heard a laugh come from behind their camp. The familiar clinking of metal, the cheeriness in that laughter, and the calm way the person walked. Illuga knew immediately who he was.

“Haah, they call me all the way out here to deal with a measly bunch of hilichurls? Well, a fight's a fight, I guess.”

Illuga looks over at the direction of the voice to find Lohen standing in front of the camp, his pole arm already summoned. The hilichurls had noticed him and started to attack, but Lohen easily dodged them. He strikes them with ease, not even activating his cryo Vision. In a matter of seconds, the hilichurls were completely wiped out. Illuga heard Lohen let out an annoyed sound.

“Tch. That was too easy.”

Even though Lohen didn't activate his Vision, Illuga felt frozen in place. Lohen was right there. He traveled two weeks just to see him, and now he's getting cold feet? The thought of Lohen leaving him, or looking at him with disgust, suddenly swarmed his mind like a plague.

Even while on the ship for two weeks, Illuga couldn’t figure out how he was going to break the news to Lohen. The thought of them breaking up terrified Illuga. His hands found their way to his stomach again, gently rubbing circles around its flat surface.

Lohen didn't seem to see him, though, as he finishes his job destroying the hilichurl camp. Once he was done, he let out a heavy sigh and turned to leave in the direction he came from. Seeing him walk away made Illuga panic, so he instinctively called out his name.

“Lohen!”

Hearing his name called by his lover made Lohen freeze in his tracks. He turns around and makes eye contact with Illuga, his face full of surprise.

“Birdie?”

Lohen makes his way over to Illuga, and upon reaching him, instantly wraps his arms around him in a hug. Illuga’s shoulders relax as he breathes in Lohen's familiar scent. He wraps his own arms around him, letting himself be held by his boyfriend.

The moment lasted only a few seconds, as Lohen peeled away slightly to look at Illuga.

“I had no idea you'd be coming! I just shipped out a letter to you last week!” Lohen smiles brightly as he looks at Illuga, which makes his heart flutter. “When did you get here? If I'd have known, I could have shown you around Dornman Port!”

“Don't worry about it. It was kind of a, um, spontaneous trip.” Illuga says.

“Well, regardless.” Lohen leaned down to plant a kiss on Illuga’s lips.

Illuga couldn't help but melt into it, savoring the sweet taste of his lover. A soft moan escaped his lips as Lohen deepened their kiss and held him close. Oh how Illuga missed being held by Lohen like this.

Lohen drew away slowly, grabbing Illuga’s hands and planting a kiss on each. Illuga missed that romantic chivalrous side of him too. Their month and a half apart really has affected him more than he thought.

“Since you came all this way, why don’t I show you around a bit? Ah, have you eaten? I know a great place we could go!”

Lohen takes Illuga by the hand, leading him back to Dornman Port. A meal did sound appealing. He could catch up with Lohen as they did. The groundbreaking news could wait until after. For now, he simply enjoyed spending this time with his boyfriend.

After they ate, Lohen had shown him all around Dornman Port and Millhaven. Illuga was really amazed by how freeing and bright everything felt. It all felt very different from his life in Nod-Krai.

In the back of his mind, he was imagining how nice it would be for their child to grow up here, where the grass was bright green and the air was crisp and clean. This place really would be perfect to start a family in.

By the end of the day, Lohen had taken Illuga back to his place. It was in a cute little apartment building near the Knight’s base, all the way on the top floor.

“After you.” Lohen gestured as he held the door open for Illuga.

Illuga stepped inside. It was a pretty small place, with really only the bare necessities; sort of like his own place back in Nod-Krai. He never knew Lohen as someone who would decorate his home, and looking around his place, he was right. There were no bright, pretty flowers or homey decor. The place had a bed near the window, a drawer, a desk, a bathroom, and a kitchen. Well, it suited Lohen, anyway. He probably spent most of his time out training or hunting monsters.

“I assume we’ll be sharing the bed, right?” Lohen says in a sly voice after he closes the door and walks past him.

Illuga chuckles. Of course they would; Illuga knew he didn’t have to say that. Though, if it led to sex… He wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. He worried if the baby would be alright. But what if Lohen questioned him about it? Illuga still hadn’t managed to tell Lohen yet, and the thought of telling him like that seemed like a lousy way of saying it.

“Um, mind if I took a shower? It's been a pretty eventful day, so I think I'll just rest afterwards.” Illuga says as nonchalantly as he could to not raise suspicion.

“Oh, sure. I'll leave a towel out for you.”

He seemed to buy it, at least. Once Illuga was alone in the bathroom, he let out a tired sigh.

Today really was a lot. He's a lot more exhausted than he thought, but it was so nice to be with Lohen again. Part of him still can't believe he actually made it to Mondstadt.

But sooner or later, he's going to have to tell Lohen the real reason he came all the way here. He knows that. But being with the one he loves was just so wonderful; he didn’t want to think about how this news could ruin them.

He has time to ruminate on it. Stressing even more on it isn’t good for the baby. So he took in a deep breath to calm himself, and then headed into the shower.

The next day, Lohen took Illuga to Mondstadt City, showing him places like the Knight’s headquarters, the Favonius Cathedral, the Angel’s Share, and even the Cat’s Tail, where they decided to play a few rounds of Genius Invokation TCG.

Even in the city, life seemed bright and peaceful; a perfect place for a child to grow up in. No worrying about the Wild Hunt destroying their homes, no struggling to get supplies or food, and no harsh environments. Illuga was liking the idea of raising a child here more and more.

Only if Lohen was willing to help him raise this child, of course. Throughout the whole day, Illuga still couldn’t find the right time to tell him he was pregnant, and before he knew it, the sun was beginning to set.

This day had been quite eventful, too. Lohen introduced him to several of his companions, and he even had the chance to see Grand Master Varka again. They walked all around the city, seeing all the scenic sights, and ate a bunch of Mondstadt specialties. Illuga found himself just as tired today as he was yesterday. By dusk, the two walked back to Dornman Port.

“I have to say, this place really is a lot better than you described.” Illuga complimented as they walked.

He meant it. Even if he wasn’t pregnant, Mondstadt would be a great place to live.

Lohen grins. “Why, of course it is! There’s no place like Mondstadt, after all.”

Illuga hums. Describing one’s home certainly feels like that. Nod-Krai had its own beauty that couldn't be captured with just a description alone. He couldn’t imagine any place like it.

“You missing Nod-Krai at all?” He hears Lohen ask.

“Um, well… Yes, I guess.” He admits. “I’ve never left Nod-Krai before. All this is completely new to me.”

He looks at Lohen curiously. “Is this how you felt when you first came to Nod-Krai?”

Lohen hums a little in contemplation. “Well, I’ve been to Liyue before for work once, so it’s not like I’ve never left Mondstadt before. Nod-Krai was the first time I’ve been away from it for a long time, though. It was a lifestyle change, sure. But…” He looks over at Illuga with fond eyes. Illuga's heart flutters seeing those red eyes gaze at him like that.

“I did get one thing from being there.”

Illuga’s cheeks dust pink at the implication of what he said. A shy smile creeps onto his face.

His hand went to touch his stomach, but he stopped himself before he could. Talking about homes and such… This was a good opportunity to bring up his pregnancy, right?

He was thinking about how to go about saying it, but it apparently took too long, because Lohen had already decided to change the subject.

“Hey, what'd you think of that honey roast? Good, right? Oh, maybe we could try the radish soup sometime.”

Illuga’s confidence slipped away, so he just agreed with him and let the conversation take its own course.

It's not like this would be the only opportunity. Today was just as tiring as the day before, so he decided to try again tomorrow.

Lohen had to work today (even though he technically was on duty these last two days), but he took the opportunity to show Illuga what he did for the Knights.

It was nice seeing Lohen act all knightly and polite (even though he knew it was probably an act). Lohen showed him the Fifth Company's training grounds, and even went out to “train” against some monsters in the fields.

Illuga let Lohen have all the “fun” with eradicating the monsters he found. Truth be told, he actually really enjoyed seeing Lohen fight. His drive to get stronger (although in a bit of a crazy way) inspired Illuga. Maybe it was because he felt the same way.

He wondered if Lohen would be this driven to protect their child. It was a nice thought as he went around with Lohen defeating monsters.

And just like these past two days, Illuga let the day end before finding the right moment to tell Lohen the truth. Then, before he knew it, five days had passed. Illuga was beginning to think he could never do it.

On this fifth day though, Lohen was starting to get a little suspicious.

“You sure you're okay? You knock right out to sleep the second you get into bed.” Lohen had told him before Illuga ran to the shower that night.

Illuga tried his best to appear casual, like nothing was out of the ordinary. “Yeah, perfectly fine. It's probably just from all that traveling and walking around we've been doing lately.”

“Well, if that's the case, why don't we stay in tomorrow?”

Anxiety rose in Illuga. He couldn't keep making excuses if they take it easy tomorrow. He'd really have to figure out how to tell him if Lohen gets any more suspicious.

“D-do you not have work tomorrow?” Illuga countered, for some reason. Why was he trying so hard to stall this?

“Heh, I'm the Vice Captain! I say when I work, and if I don't want to tomorrow, I won't!” Lohen snickered afterwards.

“I couldn't ask you to keep skipping work because of me. You've been with me all week.”

The more Illuga was trying to delay “the talk”, the more it was making him feel guilty. Yet, he couldn't stop himself from stalling it a bit longer.

“Just think of it as me taking some time off to spend with you. Like using up my vacation days!” 

Illuga could tell that Lohen was sensing something amiss. Lohen's razor sharp intuition was both a blessing and a curse, and in this case, Illuga wished that they weren't as good as they were.

“You don't have to use your time off for me. I came without any warning anyways, so what if you're needed somewhere tomorrow?”

Illuga might as well be telling Lohen he's keeping something from him, because Lohen wasn't buying it.

“...Seriously, is something wrong? Do you not want me around or something?” Lohen says, his brow raised in suspicion.

“N-no no, of course I want you around!” Illuga stammers. “I-it's just… I…”

His mind was blank. He knew Lohen would catch on, but his nerves were getting the better of him. He couldn't say the words that could change their lives forever. It was too hard.

He had been stalling it for days now. Being with Lohen had just been so wonderful, and if this news meant breaking up with him… It all felt like too much to handle.

“...Birdie?”

Illuga looked over at Lohen to find him staring at him with wide eyes. It wasn't until he felt a wet droplet fall down his cheek to realize tears had begun forming in his eyes.

How embarrassing. It must be the pregnancy hormones and the situation he put himself in. He only had himself to blame. He quickly wiped his eyes and took in a breath.

“S-sorry. This was stupid…”

More tears began to fall, and before he knew it, he couldn’t stop them. Lohen must think he looks crazy like this. There’s no way Illuga could hide the truth now. But Illuga wasn’t ready to leave Lohen, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready to.

“Hey.”

Amidst his thoughts, Illuga suddenly felt Lohen wrap his arms around him in a hug. It was warm and calming, unlike his usual persona, but Illuga knew Lohen only acted this sincerely with him. All Illuga could do was lean onto him, letting himself be held.

“I'm sorry for pushing you.” Lohen says in a hushed tone. “You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”

Illuga shook his head, still sniffling. “No, I… Really should tell you.”

He drew away just enough to look at Lohen. He looked genuinely concerned. It wasn’t fair to keep him in the dark like this; Illuga understood that. He’ll steel himself and tell him.

“...Tomorrow. I swear.” Illuga finally said. “I’ll have the strength to tell you everything tomorrow. And if I don’t keep my word, feel free to kick me out.”

Lohen chuckled softly and nodded. “I wouldn’t kick you out, Birdie, no matter what it is.”

That alone felt reassuring enough for Illuga. He hugged him back, falling into Lohen’s warmth and security again. The more he thought about Lohen taking the news poorly, the more he forgot about the possibility of him taking it well, wanting to raise a family with him, loving him ten times more… More than anything, he wished for that possibility to be true.

But in order to know how he would feel, he would need to tell him first. Only then would he get his answer.

Tomorrow. That was when the truth would finally come to light.

When Illuga woke up the next day, Lohen was already up beside him, reading over some documents. Once he heard Illuga stir, he set them aside, his whole attention turning to the waking form next to him.

“Morning.” He greeted once Illuga was fully awake. “Sleep well?”

Illuga nods, slowly rising to match his level. “Yeah.”

There was a pause after that. Not awkward, but not exactly calming. They knew their talk would be happening today, and it made the air slightly tense, but not suffocating. Illuga looked more nervous than anything. Sensing that, Lohen speaks first.

“Let’s get breakfast first.” He suggests. “Anywhere you want to go? We could even head to Mondstadt City if you want.”

Illuga’s shoulders sagged a little; he must have subconsciously been tensing them. He let himself relax a bit. Lohen was trying to calm his nerves, so he shouldn't be so tense.

“Well, I’ve been craving that Millhaven Morning Plate ever since we first tried it.” Illuga answers shyly.

Lohen gave him a toothy grin. “They’re good, aren’t they? Well, let’s head out to get some.”

After getting ready, they head over to a little restaurant that overlooks the port and order two Morning Plates. Lohen kept the conversation light and cheery, never once bringing up their talk. Of course, it was still a looming thought in the back of Illuga’s mind as they enjoyed their breakfast, but he was grateful that Lohen was trying to raise his spirits.

He thought after their breakfast they would talk, but Lohen had suddenly taken him on a romantic stroll around Millhaven, where the fields of bright flowers grew the most. It was a beautiful area, but really taking their time to admire the flora today made it feel much more special. They took their time as they walked along the path of flowers. After a while, they found a bench to sit and rest on, taking in the view and letting the breeze flow by them.

Illuga felt so peaceful watching the grass and the flowers dance as the gentle wind pushed along them. You could never get flowers as bright as these in Nod-Krai, and the wind was so crisp and clean here. The land of the Anemo Archon really does bless this place with an abundance of wind.

“You know, I never really cared that much about the scenery before going to Nod-Krai. I mean, I’ve seen it almost everyday, so I never thought it was anything to gawk over.”

Illuga suddenly heard Lohen speak after their period of comfortable, calm silence. He looks over to see him staring out at the scenery.

“When I was sent to Nod-Krai, it had a pretty different vibe than Mondstadt. Of course, I was really only looking forward to beating up the Wild Hunt and all those monsters you got over there, but you know…” He takes a breath and lets it out slowly before continuing, “This’ll sound kinda cheesy, but… When I met you, you changed my whole world.”

A blush crept onto Illuga’s cheeks.

“You were always worrying about me even though you didn’t have to, and you’d always take care of my wounds when I was totally fine-”

“Not fine.” Illuga interrupted, a small smile tugging his lips.

“Anyways, you were totally different from me. You were strong-willed and kind, helping everyone you could. You fought with everything you had, despite what you went through in the past. Our walks around Nod-Krai made me realize how pretty the scenery is. All because I was watching it with you.”

Lohen snakes his hand onto Illuga’s, gently interlocking their fingers. Illuga looks down at it, his heart beating faster. He felt like crying, but he didn’t want to freak Lohen out again, so he took a shuddering breath, gently clasping around Lohen’s fingers to ground himself.

They fall into a comfortable silence after that, simply feeling each other’s warm hand as they look out into the scenery together.

He realized that now, with this calming atmosphere, this perfect silence and stillness… Now was a good time for their talk. The one he’d been pushing back all this time would finally be let out. No more stalling, no more waiting. He owed it to their unborn child, and he owed it to Lohen, to tell the truth.

“Lohen.” Illuga said quietly, almost too softly for anyone to hear. But Lohen turned to him with his full attention. “I… I think I’m ready to tell you now.”

Lohen gives Illuga’s hand a gentle squeeze. “No need to be so serious.” He says lightly. “Whatever life-altering secret you may have isn’t going to change the way I feel about you.”

It was a huge reassurance. He let Lohen’s comforting presence wash over the doubts in his mind.

With a newfound confidence, he took a shuddering breath.

In.

And out.

And then, looking straight into Lohen’s eyes, he finally said it.

“Lohen, I’m pregnant.”

A silence followed.

He studied Lohen’s reaction to the news as soon as the words left his lips. Honestly, he found himself more surprised than anything, because Lohen looked completely calm. Maybe a little… Too calm?

“So you finally decided to tell me, huh?” Was what he ended up saying.

Illuga’s jaw dropped, and Lohen couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“W-what?! When did you figure it out?!” Illuga yelled, the tension completely leaving his body. “First Sir Flins and now you? Am I really that easy to figure out?!”

“Well, I’m not sure about him, but it took me a little while to finally piece it all together.” Lohen revealed.

Illuga groaned in embarrassment. Not at the pregnancy, but for being so damn easy to figure out. Maybe all this worrying for so long was a complete waste of time.

“When did you know?”

“Hmm, well, I’ve noticed stuff here and there. You didn’t want to get too touchy-feely in bed every night, you’ve avoided certain foods and smells, you're more emotional than you used to be, I’ve seen you glance at the baby clothes on display when we walked around the shops, and I even found those medicinal herbs in your bag.”

Illuga didn’t even know about the foods and the smells. Has he really been doing that? Lohen was a lot more observant than he gave him credit for. He should have known this from him, but he was probably too nervous about telling him the whole thing to notice.

“But I think what immediately tipped me off is that.”

Lohen pointed at his abdomen, where Illuga realized he had his other hand resting on top of. Illuga hadn’t noticed that, either. He thought he was being cautious about doing that in front of him, but he must think it was too comforting of an action if he misses it at times.

Illuga lets out a sigh. It felt like all the energy was drained out of his body after saying all that.

He realized that Lohen’s hand never left his. Did that mean Lohen was okay with this? It didn’t seem like he took the news badly. Does that mean he could hope for a future where they could raise their child together?

He then heard Lohen speak. “...What do you think about it? Having a kid and all?”

He said it so softly that Illuga thought he was talking to himself. He realized Lohen’s gaze dropped down to his thighs, his other hand clutched in a fist. He couldn’t make out his expression this way. Was he wrong about Lohen’s reaction? Was he actually upset about this?

The anxiety rose up in him again. With his hand tied in with Lohen’s, he felt like he couldn’t escape. But he remained strong. He was already here, so he might as well get everything off his chest.

“Truth be told, I was surprised at first. I have no idea how to raise a baby, and I hadn’t really considered kids of my own being something I could have one day. But…” Illuga smiled faintly to himself. “I fell in love with the idea of raising a family with you. After seeing what your hometown is like, I thought it would be the perfect place to raise a family in. I… Also fell in love with the idea of seeing you as a father.”

Illuga gave Lohen’s hand a gentle squeeze. He’s done that so many times to ground him during emotional moments, so maybe doing it back would help him, just as it grounded Illuga. “I kept worrying about how you’d take it. If you didn’t want me or this child, I was afraid of losing you and having to raise this child by myself in Nod-Krai.”

Lohen suddenly lifted his head, grasping their clasped hands with both of his. He looked earnestly at Illuga, his eyes full of confidence. “Illuga, I would never leave you for this. I won’t ever let you raise this child alone.”

Lohen rarely said his actual name, so he must be serious about all this. That washed away the last of the anxiety Illuga felt. At least he knew now that Lohen wouldn’t leave him, and that they would raise this baby together. That put his mind at ease. The way Lohen held onto his hand was so sincere, that he finally relaxed a bit, allowing himself to breathe.

He heard Lohen take in a breath, and then speak again. “I… Have a confession, too.”

Illuga looked at him curiously, waiting for what he’d say. Lohen had rubbed affectionately on Illuga’s knuckles with his thumbs, as if he was nervous about something. What would he be nervous about?

“The truth is… The night before I left for Mondstadt, I… Wasn’t being very careful with you.” Illuga raised a brow in confusion. Lohen cleared his throat and tried again. “What I mean is… I wanted to get you pregnant that night.”

Illuga’s eyes widened. He didn’t know what to say to that.

Lohen held his hand tighter, almost pleadingly. “Listen, I-I wasn’t thinking straight. I was leaving the next day, and I couldn’t stand the thought of being so far away from you. I had no way of knowing what you’d be up to, or if we’d drift apart because of how far we were from each other. I knew writing to you or traveling back and forth wouldn’t be enough for me. I wanted to find a way for you to stay with me permanently. So I… Thought you’d stay with me if we had a child together.”

He looked down shamefully, avoiding Illuga’s gaze. “I know it was wrong, but… I just didn’t want to lose you.”

He let out a shuddering breath, his hold on Illuga loosening, as if he anticipated him removing it. Illuga was still at a loss for words. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Lohen’s confession, but he didn’t move away.

“...Let me ask you, then.” Illuga decides to say. “Did you… Want to have kids?”

Lohen looked up to face him. Illuga was a little surprised to find a slight blush on his cheeks. “Well… After that night, it kinda freaked me out a little, cause I had no idea what to do with a kid. Kids and I don’t really get along. But after a while…” Lohen smiled a little. “I got curious about what they’d looked like. I wondered about all kinds of stuff, like what their hair color would be, or their eye color, or if they’d be as kind as you or would love to fight like me. And then I just… Loved the idea of being a dad to them. I wanted to see them start walking, playing outside, laughing, being a kid. I wanted to protect them with everything I had, making sure they lived each day as carefree and happy as the winds of Mondstadt.”

What he was saying pulled at Illuga’s heartstrings. He, too, wanted their child to live in a world free of worries, without having to know the pains Illuga or Lohen had when they were growing up. He wanted to see them grow and learn, wanted to see what they inherited from each of them, and see where they’d go. A normal, happy life was what he wanted most for them.

Lohen let out a dejected sigh after that. “But I was afraid you’d get mad at me and leave me if I told you the truth. I wouldn’t put it past you if you did.”

At that, Illuga looked down at Lohen’s hands; the ones barely holding on to him anymore, afraid if he’ll walk away. He smiled slightly, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. They weren’t that much different, were they? Worrying about losing each other, stressing out over the other’s reaction.

His other hand was still comfortably resting on his stomach, the place where their unborn child rests. He slowly takes Lohen’s hands and guides them to his stomach, placing his hands on top of his. Lohen stares at them with affectionate eyes, silently gazing at the spot his hands lie on.

“As unconventional as this whole thing is…” Illuga began, “I’m glad it ended up this way.”

Lohen looked up at Illuga, surprised. “Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Though it would have been better if you'd just told me you wanted a baby instead of making me worry for a month and a half about it.”

“Ah, right, my bad.” Lohen smiled a little. “Starting now, I forbid you from worrying anymore. For you and the baby's sake.”

Illuga smiled back as he said that. Then, he leaned over to plant a kiss on his lips, and Lohen took it wholeheartedly, pressing back with so much affection. It felt like if he didn't, he may not get another chance to. To ease his tension, Illuga raised a hand to his cheek, keeping him grounded, letting him know he wasn't going anywhere, and that this moment was real.

He could feel Lohen’s shoulders sag, like he had been tensing them up this whole time. Lohen let out a sigh against his lips, immediately coming back to them for another kiss, making Illuga chuckle a little at his desperation.

After their kisses, they let their foreheads rest against each other.

“I love you.” Lohen says to him. “I don't care where we go. Be it Mondstadt or Nod-Krai, or anywhere else in the world, I don't care as long as I'm with you two. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you both safe.”

Illuga hums, lovingly squeezing one of Lohen’s hands still on his stomach. “I love you too. I can't wait to start this family with you.”

Lohen cemented his vow with another heartfelt kiss on Illuga’s lips. And just like that, their worries completely disappeared, as if the winds had whisked them away, leaving only their excitement for their growing future behind.

As Flins checked his mailbox one morning, he was pleasantly surprised to find a letter from Illuga. It had been about a month since he had left for Mondstadt. He seemed to have landed safely and is doing well.

Flins opens it to read the contents. Turns out, Illuga will be staying there for the remainder of his pregnancy. He hopes to come back sometime after the baby is born, and he apologizes for making Flins take up his duties for a while.

The contents also explained how Illuga went about telling the Vice Captain about the pregnancy, and how it was actually all his idea in the first place. Flins chuckled after reading that.

He recalled a talk he had with the Vice Captain before his trip back to Mondstadt.

“Vice Captain, you seem to be nervous about something?” Flins had said.

It was the morning of the Knight's departure. Flins had found Lohen staring out into the sea alone, hidden away from everyone else. Illuga had been running around trying to help the Knights pack up their ships; something Lohen should be doing, but not bothering to.

Lohen looks over at him when he comes over, arms crossed and keeping to himself.

“Just… Thinking.” He says, looking back out into the sea.

“It's alright to admit that you're sad about leaving the Young Master.”

Lohen smiles solemnly. “Well, of course I am.” He goes silent again. “But it's not just that.”

He didn't seem to want to elaborate, but Flins remained anyway. The sounds of the water and the wind, along with the bustling town behind them and the voices of the Knights getting ready to leave, were the only things keeping the heavy silence from being too weird.

After a long while, Lohen finally spoke again. “Hey. Could you do me a favor?”

Flins had looked at him curiously.

“Could you… Keep an eye on Bird- Uh, Illuga, for me? He probably wouldn't tell me if anything was wrong with him, and since I won’t be here to take care of him…”

He trailed off after that. He looked like he wasn’t sure how to finish. After a bit, he says, “Just, look after him for me. If something feels wrong, write to me immediately. I’ll take the first ship back here if I have to.”

Flins nods, followed after with a light chuckle. “You certainly care a great deal about him. But do not worry, I shall make sure he is looked after.”

Lohen let out a relieved sigh. He looked like he was about to leave after that; the ships seemed ready to depart anyway, and he looked eager to get back to Illuga.

“Out of curiosity…” Flins said, stopping Lohen in his tracks. “Is there anything in particular to look out for, perhaps?”

Lohen just stared at Flins with an unreadable expression on his face. But he again doesn’t elaborate on it, turning away quickly and walking back to the ships. “See ya.”

Flins let out a light hum.

At that moment, he wasn't quite sure what the Vice Captain meant by that. It seemed like more than just simply worrying about Illuga’s wellbeing; almost like he was hiding something. He looked ashamed, really. About what, Flins couldn't discern at that time.

It wasn't until he observed Illuga's behavior did he piece it together. He looked unwell, like he wanted to throw up. He looked more tired and stressed than usual, too. But what set him off the most was a small gesture; something so minuscule that one could easily brush it off as nothing.

Illuga had subconsciously started putting a hand on his stomach, like the mere act of doing so put him at ease.

That was when the Vice Captain's words started to make sense, and why he looked so nervous before he left.

But if Flins knew Illuga at all, he would know that Illuga was probably just as nervous about this as the Vice Captain was, thinking of all the ways he might be rejected or abandoned.

It made them perfect for each other, despite how opposite their personalities may be.

After piecing that together, he smiled at himself. He then made sure to push Illuga into going to Mondstadt.

Flins hummed in satisfaction, safely placing the letter back into the envelope.