Chapter Text
Meat Specialist stared at the camera, jaw slack, eyebrows quirked. “I… the what?” Their partner was centered on their screen, arms raised above their head as they presented the large banner strung above their mantle, reading “The Spaced Out Gang.”
“Do you like it?” Museum Educator asked, bouncing on their heels, eyes sparkling.
“I… I’m struggling to form an opinion on it, if I’m being honest.” They leaned back into their couch, tugging off their uniform cap and dropping it on the side table. They’d barely gotten home from work when Muse had called them and begged them to hop on Zoom, much to their confusion. Things hadn’t gotten better when Muse had started explaining, and now Meat Specialist’s thoughts were a mess of tangled spaghetti. “You don’t know these people. And you’re calling them randomly for…what, exactly?”
“To get to know them, silly!” Muse propped their hands on their hips and retook their seat in the office chair before the camera. Their curls bounced with every movement, and Meat Specialist swallowed the urge to blush. Their partner was so beautiful, and yet they had some of the dumbest ideas.
“Okay,” Meat Specialist sighed. “I know that, with eternity, a lot of people like to try and meet everyone they can, including people they wouldn’t otherwise meet. But isn’t that what the museum is for?”
Muse rolled their eyes. “Yes, but I told you, it’s all the same types of people.” Sure, every couple hundred years, someone would figure to spend the day at the Air and Space museum, but that wasn’t enough for Museum Educator. They needed someone unique, someone they didn’t understand. “And I’m not joining one of those programs, either. I can’t leave the museum behind.”
“There’s gotta be a better way to do this.”
“Well, you’re too late now.” Museum Educator poised their chin in their hands with a smug smirk. “I’m already sending out the call invite.”
“You’re what??” Meat Specialist’s hands flew to their head, brushing back their messy auburn hair. They looked like a mess, and they were about to be in a call with total strangers- Who, granted, were about as unprepared for this as they were. Because Muse. Didn’t. Tell them!
The screen flickered and blurbed with the “join call” sound effect, and a new video box joined Meat Specialist and Museum Educator’s. The camera was on, but the entire box was black, and the only sound that flowed out was the crunching of leaves. The phone might’ve been in the person’s pocket. Meat specialist breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe they could avoid this embarrassment after all.
Not for long. The screen blurped again, and this time an image of a woman sitting in a well-lit living room appeared. Her face was confused as she stared into the camera, and she settled back into the couch, clutching her TV dinner in her lap. “Uhh… did you mean to add me?” She asked, cocking her head.
Museum Educator’s eyes lit up. “Yes! It’s so nice to meet you, I’m—”
“No. We’re not doing this.” Meat Specialist snapped. “Look, I’m sorry… Nancy?” They said, reading the name off the woman’s video box. “My partner here is an amazing, beautiful human being, but this is possibly the dumbest idea they have ever had, and I am very sorry to interrupt you—”
Before they could finish their sentence, the other box, labelled “Navarro - 44” instead of a name, lit up with the speaker highlight.
“Babe, is your phone on?” Said a voice. “Did you forget to pause Garbage Football again?”
“What? No, I don’t—” The voice cut itself off, hushed. “Wait, I think it—” The video shifted, and although it was mostly darkness, Meat Specialist could just make out two faces in the dim light. One squinted at the screen while the other hung back, eyebrows raised. “Uh, I think you have the wrong person.”
“No, wait, don’t—!” Muse piped up, but it was too late. The video vanished from the screen, and the leave call sound effect played. Muse hung their head in shame. Meat specialist dropped their face into their hands. Somebody get me off this planet.
The woman on the other video feed blinked. “Uh… I’m sorry?”
“Just go already,” Meat Specialist groaned. The leave call sound effect replayed, and them and their partner were left alone in silence.
Museum Educator bit their lip.
“Well, we’ll just have to try again next week.”
Meat Specialist’s head snapped up, sneering at the camera. Try again?? “…why couldn’t you go into fast food like a normal person.”
Muse propped their hands on their hips. “Hey! I have a degree in education for a reason.”
Meat Specialist sighed. “So does everyone.”