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It had been one of the longest nights of DS Lisa Swain’s life. Yesterday, Carla Connor, the woman she had feelings for, the woman she had slept with and dumped thanks to Lisa’s daughter, Betsy, not accepting their relationship… had been robbed and knocked out and was now in hospital with a bleed on the brain. Lisa had rushed to the hospital, as soon as Betsy had told her. And she’d stayed all night, awkwardly sitting with Ryan and Roy, Carla’s most trusted people. She had held her hand and cried, lost in her own world. Her own fear of losing someone incredibly special to her. She had already lost someone she loved, while she had been at odds with them. She couldn’t bear for the same thing to happen with Carla. A woman who made her feel incredibly special. A woman who was incredibly special.
This morning, she had gone to work in the same clothes and on no sleep. She had interviewed Matty Radcliffe, who had been nothing but smug an infuriating. Who had insinuated that he knew something about her wife’s death. Unable to concentrate on anything other than Carla. She had still been unconscious when she’d left this morning.
Arriving back on the ward, Lisa pushed the door to Carla’s room open and had the distinct feeling that they had been talking about her. Had they told Carla that she’d been there all night? Had she told them about what had happened between them? Whatever the case, Roy and Ryan made a swift exit, leaving Carla and Lisa in awkward silence.
Lisa sat down beside her again. Even broken and with a ridiculous bandage round her head, Lisa thought Carla looked beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman Lisa had ever met. Certainly, the most beautiful that she’d ever had the honour of kissing. Of taking the bed. Gazing at her now, she couldn’t help but think about the day that Carla had come back to her flat. Told her not to get dressed. Kissed her. It had been the best kiss of her life. The best sex of her life.
But then it had all gone wrong. And now they were here.
“So, erm… have you found out who did this? Who robbed the factory?” Carla asked, breaking the awkward silence between them.
“‘Who’ is not the question,” Lisa told her. “Proving it, however…”
“So, you know who did this?”
“I can’t say,” Lisa said awkwardly.
“What? Oh, Lisa… You know, I get the feeling that you trot that line out quite a lot, ‘I can’t say’.”
Lisa was a little thrown.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Well…. ‘Have you had a nice day, darling?’ ‘I can’t say.’ ‘Have you caught the Stretford Strangler yet?’ ‘I can’t say.’ ‘What do you want for tea?’ Ha!”
Lisa watched Carla sigh heavily, running out of steam.
“Is that supposed to be me and you?” she asked.
“Hmm? No. I mean, of course not! You’ve made that really clear!”
“Good,” Lisa said quietly.
Another awkward silence fell between them.
“Erm… what are you doing here, Lisa?” Carla eventually asked.
“Well, I came to update you on the case,” Lisa lied.
She had come because she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Worrying about her.
“Update me with ‘I can’t say’?” Carla challenged.
“Well, we have a suspect and we’re investigating,” Lisa told her.
“What else can’t you say, Lisa?”
An intense silence fell between them. Lisa swallowed. There were so many things she wanted to tell her. But she had never been good at talking about her feelings.
“I erm…”
Carla gazed at her with wide eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Lisa eventually said. “About… everything.”
“Sorry we had sex?” Carla challenged.
“No,” Lisa said softly.
Without hesitation.
“It truly was amazing, Carla. Not just physically but…”
She trailed off.
“But…?” Carla nudged.
“It’s been a long time since I felt so connected to another person. I loved being with you. Kissing you. Holding you afterwards.”
Carla allowed herself a small smile but then she frowned.
“Shame you dumped me then, eh?” she remarked.
“That’s what I’m sorry about,” Lisa explained.
Carla’s eyes lit up. But she continued to eye Lisa with caution.
“When Betsy reacted like that… I panicked. I suppose it shouldn’t have been a shock that she was angry. She worshipped her Mum. It was no secret that she preferred her.”
She caught Carla’s sympathetic expression.
“But she likes you.”
“Feels like it!”
“She does. And I hoped she’d be happy that I’d met someone special. Someone I really…”
Carla gazed at her. Waiting.
“Someone I really care about,” Lisa admitted.
She dared to reach for Carla’s hand and was glad when she was accepted.
“Because I do, Carla.”
“Care about me?”
Lisa nodded.
“I heard you were here all night.”
“I was,” Lisa confirmed. “I rushed straight here when Betsy told me what had happened.”
Carla sighed. She looked at their joined hands. She remembered how soft and gentle Lisa’s hands had been. But how capable. How easily she had made her come. She looked at her mouth. That had been the same. Lisa Swain had been quite the revelation. Behind that guarded exterior was a lot of passion.
“So, what happens now?”
“If I talk to Betsy then maybe…”
“Maybe your daughter will give you permission to be with someone?” Carla asked sarcastically.
She took her hand away, placing it in her lap. Lisa was desperately trying not to cry.
“I just… I don’t want her to be upset, Carla.”
“And what about you? Will you be upset if we don’t make a go of things? Because I will be. I am.”
“I am too,” Lisa said quietly. “I feel like I’ve been constantly crying since I left your flat.”
“Yeah,” Carla sighed. “Me too.”
“I want this to work between us,” Lisa said. “I can see us being happy together.”
“What, we’ll buy a nice house? Get married? Live happily ever after? Maybe Betsy will see me as some kind of stepmum!” Carla remarked.
She was being flippant but they both wanted the picture she had painted.
“I was so scared when Betsy told me you were hurt,” Lisa said. “All I kept thinking about was… what if you died and we were at odds? What if you died before I got the chance to tell you how I feel?”
Carla looked at her.
“So, tell me how you feel.”
Lisa took a deep breath.
“I think you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever me,” she said honestly. “I’ve been so bloody lonely. For years. And you came into my life like this light… this angry little light.”
Carla laughed softly.
“You were kind to me when you hated me.”
“I never hated you,” Carla corrected.
“You know what I mean. You were always so upset with me and I totally understand why. But regardless, you were kind to me. You’ve been my favourite part of the day for months. A smile or a kind word from you… it made me feel so special. That someone like you would even give me the time of day.”
Carla smiled a little sadly at her.
“And then you actually became my friend and I couldn’t believe it. I was going for drinks with you. Spending time with you. You helped me clear my name. You got those festival tickets. And that day that you hugged me…”
“You ran away and abandoned our friendship,” Carla reminded her.
“I’m sorry,” Lisa said. “I just…”
“Panicked.”
Lisa nodded and apologised again.
“The day you kissed me…” she ventured. “I couldn’t believe it. I thought I just had a crush on you. I never in a million years thought you’d actually…”
“Well, I do,” Carla said. “My feelings for you, they’ve taken me by surprise. I’ve never been interested in women before. It’s been scary and overwhelming. But I thought… I thought you were worth it.”
“Past tense?” Lisa asked anxiously.
“Present tense,” Carla said. “You are worth it. But going forward, it very much depends on if you think I am.”
“I do,” Lisa said quickly. “Carla, I never would have kissed you if I didn’t have real feelings for you. I certainly wouldn’t have slept with you. I told you ages ago that I don’t do casual. I wouldn’t have just slept with you if I didn’t mean it.”
“And yet you slept with me and dumped me. Twice. For both things.”
They both smirked at each other. Lisa could feel herself blushing. Then Lisa faltered.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “Truly I am.”
“So… now what?”
“I want us to make a go of things,” Lisa aid honestly.
“Once you’ve got Betsy’s permission, right?”
“Forget Betsy. I’ll talk to her. Tell her exactly how I feel about you. We can make this work. Can’t we?”
Carla smiled. Tentatively, she reached her hand out. Lisa took it immediately. She stood up and stroked Carla’s cheek.
“I really care about you, Carla,” she said.
Carla could hear the sincerity in her voice.
“I really care about you, Lisa,” she told her.
Feeling brave, Lisa leant in and kissed her.