Archive of Our Own

Celestino tries not to be jealous. He really does. Because he likes Marco and he wants the best for him and he wants him to succeed. But it's just so hard watching him do everything he's ever dreamed of. God, he doesn't even have a Motogp seat. He's such a nobody. On the other hand, Bez is absolutely killing it in Motogp. He's strong and clever and winning races. He's delivering the results like it is exactly what he was made for. Win races and championships. Cele guesses that's always been the biggest difference between them. Bez was born to do this. To ride a motorcycle, to win races, to write his name into the history book. Cele... well he was not like that. Not naturally, not like Bez. Everything seemed to come with more difficulty to him. More work, more dedication to achieve even something remotely close to what Bez did.

He hates himself for thinking like this. Because it's so fucking useless. Even though he's not like Bez, that's okay, that's the whole point. Each and every one of them are there to be themselves. No matter how much the journalists push the next Valentino Rossi propaganda on Bez or other italian riders that are doing good. Same with Marc Marquez and spanish riders. That's so not the point. No one's there to replicate what these two did. He supposes that it'd be an impossible task too. They're all there to prove themselves, to show the world who they are. Marco's out there right now showing exactly who he is and what he's capable of.

When Cele realizes he's falling into a rabbit hole he really doesn't want to be stuck in, he readjusts his position on his bed, his back against the headboard and his legs sprawled before him. He takes his laptop out and puts some video on Youtube on.

He feels his eyes closing, but he's fighting it hard for no real reason. He's really enjoying this video about motor cross history, but the exhaustion is pulling at him, luring him into a very restless sleep.

Just as he feels he's truly about to surrender and fall asleep, he hears a knock on his door. At first he thinks he's just imagined it. Because who the fuck would knock at his door right now? He's at the ranch alone. Vale told him it's fine for him to stay, that he'll come later this week, probably around Thursday. It's Tuesday right now and Cele was supposed to be here alone until the others join whenever they can. He heard Pecco might be coming on Wednesday as well as Franky. Bez was... really uncertain and weird about his arrival to the ranch. Like he wasn't decided yet, but so sure at the same time. Cele didn't think much of it, because well, he can come whenever he wants. Vale only said that he wants to do a family dinner on Saturday so that's that.

Cele truly thinks he's imagined the knock until he hears it again. Now more firm and loud. More pronounced, wanted to be heard. He still doesn't quite believe it. There's supposed to be no one except for him until Wednesday and Pecco would definitely text him if he decided to arrive earlier. He's pretty sure everyone would text him if they'd arrive earlier than expected.

The person behind the door seems to be growing impatient, because they call out his name and that's when Cele recognises the voice and the mysterious person that's been trying to get into his room.

"Cele? Come on, open up, it's me."

It's Marco. Marco's here. Fuck.

Celestino stands up abruptly and strides to open the door. When he opens them he doesn't expect what he sees before him. Marco is always very beautiful. His messy curls that decorate his face, his shiny brown eyes that sometimes tell you way more than his mouth that usually can't seem to shut up. But then he had this black tight tank top paired with pretty short jean shorts. A big contrast to Bez's usually very oversized jorts.

"Hey, Celestino? You okay? I've been trying to get to your room for like five minutes and when you finally open your door you're just staring at me like you've seen a ghost."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He's making things worse every following second. He needs to say something. He needs to fucking say something.

"Hi. Um, sorry."

Wow, brilliant. That was an Oscar performance, Celestino.

Bez just smiles amusedly, maybe a bit confused by the whole situation.

"Are you sure you're okay, Cele?"

"Yeah. Yes, I just wasn't expecting anyone, since you were supposed to come um later this week, right? And Pecco is supposed to come tomorrow. So yeah, just- I guess caught me by surprise."

"That was the whole point, Celin."

"What?"

He just giggles.

"You're more confused and lost than you normally are, Cele. This was supposed to be a suprise for you. Me coming here early, so you don't have to be alone and we can spend some time together. But it seems like I scared you more than anything."

"No, no. I'm sorry. I truly- I didn't mean to react this way. I was just half asleep when you knocked for the first time, so I thought surely I must've imagined that and then I just started thinking about all the possible outcomes and how you'd all text me before arriving here, so it can't be any of you. And so my mind very briefly thought, oh fuck what if someone's robbing this place. But then I was like a thief definitely wouldn't knock on my door like that and how would he even know I'm here, you know? And before my mind could continue putting this scenario together, you knocked again more firmly and so then I was sure the knock is real, but I still wasn't sure who could be on the other side. But then you called out and I knew it was you, so I just jumped out of bed and opened the door for you. And the rest is history."

Marco was looking at him quite adoringly, which was confusing to Cele. Because he just felt like he absolutely embarrassed himself. Yapping his tongue off about such a small little thing that Bez didn't care about.

"Sorry. Sorry for yapping like that, I-"

"No, no, it's okay. Thank you for the explanation, now it all makes sense."

And he says it so reassuringly. Like this truly is okay and he doesn't mind Cele's annoyingness and inability to think before he speaks.

It was still quite early in the day. Some time after 10 AM.

"Did you eat yet, Cele?"

Bez suddenly asks.

"No. I was too lazy to get out of bed."

He answers sheepishly.

"Okay. I'll make us some breakfast, I haven't eaten either. I was hoping we could eat together when I get here."

"Well, this is a win win situation then, isn't it?"

Cele chuckles to himself and at the fact that Bez is going to make him breakfast, just like that.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?"

And he leaves with a smile on his face, leaving the door open. A silent invitation for Celestino to come join him downstairs in the kitchen. 

Celestino actually contemplates it for a few seconds. But then he just changes from his pyjamas to some jorts and t-shirt and makes his way downstairs.

Marco wants to make eggs at first, but Celestino convinces him to make pancakes. It's not like they have a race tomorrow and they can definitely afford to have pancakes today.

Bez frowns at him at first, saying that he doesn't know how to make pancakes.

"Cele, I'm gonna fuck it up. I'd rather do just eggs."

Celestino thinks. There has to be a solution to this precarious situation. He's staring into distance for a few seconds and then he's got it. 

"What if I helped you?"

"What?"

"If we do it together, then if we fuck up it'll be our fuck up. But if we succeed which I'm sure we will, it'll be our amazing teamwork. And we get the pancakes in the end, which is the point."

Cele smiles at his stupid reasoning that barely makes sense. But it seems to be enough for Bez, so he takes this small victory. Now they go on a journey of trying to make pancakes.

Celestino is a clumsy person, there's no debate about that. Marco also happens to be quite a clumsy person, but not quite as much as Celestino. Like some miracle they make it work.

They found a recipe for the dough on the internet. A special one with banana and cinnamon. And they get to work. They mix everything together, Bez cracks the eggs, because otherwise there would be unwelcome crunches of the shell in the final product if Cele was the one cracking them. The flour explodes a little as Cele tries to open it and it paints his face white a little. Marco laughs beautifully at that. His eyes crinkle and his teeth show off. 

"Come here, silly."

He says as he gestures at Cele to come to him with his hands.

Celestino goes without thinking, without any hesitation. Marco is just a tiny bit taller than him. He stops before him and looks up at him. Marco looks back. They lock eyes and it's weirdly nice and comforting.

"Let's clean you up, yeah?"

Celestino just manages to nod as big warm fingers touch his cheeks. Bez starts to brush the flour off. The problem is with the flour coming down Cele's blush is revealing. A nice pink colour now on display on his cheeks. Bez's soft fingers definitely didn't help his case.

Suddenly Celestino became seriously self aware. Breathing started to become a bit harder, his breath hitching. Bez is so close and he's touching his face and he's looking at him like he's something special. And he's not. He's not and why is Bez lying to him and to himself.

Bez must notice, because he asks:

"Are you okay, Cele? Did something happen?"

Celestino stepped back from him, flinched when Marco went after him. That made Marco halt in his motions and stay exactly where he was, unmoving.

"Sorry. I, uhm... I just. Need to use the bathroom."

It's a weak excuse, it's just so something is said, but it has to do for now as Celestino disappears into the hallway and then into the bathroom door.

Fuckkk. He's just making everything worse. And he's not even worth this in the first place. He didn't deserve Marco coming here earlier and surprising him. And here he is ruining it, because of his stupid feelings.

His stupid feelings...

Oh my god.

His feelings for Marco. He has feelings for Marco. Oh no. Oh fuck, that makes everything even thousand times worse. He was already struggling before realising his true feelings. Well they were there this whole time, he just didn't put a name to it. Didn't let it leave his unconsciousness. Didn't let it affect him. Too late for that now.

A knock on the door. And then Bez calling out to him. It feels like a deja vu to an hour ago when Bez was trying to get to Celestino's room.

"Cele! I just- I'm sorry, can you just tell me if you're okay? Or if there's anything I can do to help?"

Marco is still being his sweet helpful self, of course he was. He is a caring person.

"I'm fine. Sorry, I just needed a minute. I'll come out soon, don't worry."

Celestino wasn't sure if he sounded convincing enough, but it's not like Bez could see his expression or actually hear his voice, because it's been muffled through the door separating them.

He was delaying his coming out. He was so scared to face Bez. After everything that's happened in this short amount of time Bez was here.

But he couldn't hide forever and he'd rather resolve whatever this is before anyone else arrives too. He could definitely still save this. Still salvage their friendship.

He goes through the hallway, passes the kitchen into the living room where Bez is sitting on the sofa watching F1 race on TV.

"Hi."

Celestino says quietly, almost like he didn't want to be heard and discovered. Bez jumps a little by his sudden presence.

"Hey, Cele. Hi."

Cele went to sit down on the sofa next to Bez. But he was extremely stiff and for the love of him couldn't relax at all. Everything in him was screaming abort abort abort, but he couldn't.

When Marco realized Celestino wasn't going to be the one to speak up first, he takes it into his own hands.

"Wanna talk about what happened? Also I finished the pancakes while you were in the bathroom."

Was he in the bathroom for that long? For Bez to finish those pancakes that had to be quite some time he was hidden there.

Oh fuck. He didn't help Bez with the pancakes. He let him do it alone, after promising they'd do it together. What a fucking friend he is.

"Oh. I'm so sorry for not helping you with it. I didn't think you'd- Well, honestly I kind of forgot about the pancakes and now I just feel bad, because I was supposed to help you and-"

"Please don't, Cele. The pancakes are my last worry right now. You are my priority."

"I am?"

"You are. So um... Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about it..."

Celin murmurs quietly. Talk about what exactly. It's a stupid question to ask, there's an obvious answer hanging in the air or more like on the floor where he can still see some leftover flour.

"I mean, I won't pressure you, but maybe it'd help? Maybe it'd be better. And I am here if you need me."

"Okay. Okay, I will tell you, because it's becoming too much and maybe it will make things better, right? Like better to speak than to die, they say yeah?"

"Yeah, they do say that."

Bez smiles beautifully, amused at Cele's way of expressing himself. Usually when he's really nervous he starts talking out of topic, a bit of nonsense, unrelated things. Bez doesn't mind, likes to hear what Celestino's mind will produce. Sometimes it's really funny stuff.

"But you have to promise me to not freak out! And that we'll still be friends after it. Like we have a strong friendship, no? This will not ruin us, will it?"

Bez started to look slightly concerned, maybe even confused to a degree. But he had promised.

"I promise I won't freak out and that we'll be friends no matter what. I'm sad you're even thinking that whatever you have to say would come between us. We're us, Cele. No one is separating us from each other. We're meant to be."

Celestino tries to not think about it as a romantic thing, but it's really hard, because it doesn't sound platonic at all.

"Okay, right."

Pause. Silence. Cele felt like instead of blood there was fear circling in his veins.

"Right."

Bez nudges him to continue. Well, it's harder than he'd think. Cele's brain inquires. There is a line he's about to cross now that cannot be uncrossed again. They can pretend they can go back, they probably will, but in reality this is it, right? This is the last moment their relationship will be normal. And Celestino's on his way to ruin them. Same like he does with everything in his life eventually.

"So well... I like you. I like you a lot, Marco. And I was thinking about never telling you, which would be the right thing to do, but oh well I'm me and so scratch that. But then lately I don't know why it just became too much? It was suddenly more overwhelming, but also I didn't realize I had feelings for you consciously until I went to the bathroom today. Well until you touched my face. But it's not like I didn't like you before! No, it was just buried deep in my mind so it wouldn't affect me and us, you know? But I guess you coming here unannounced was just like wow for me, because you can do so many other things than spend some useless time here with me. So that made me spiral a bit. In a sense that like you could be anywhere right now and we'd see each other later this week anyway, you know? Also oh. I am truly sorry about the pancakes, I should-"

"Cele, Celestino, stop. Stop talking for a second, please."

And here it is. Exactly what Celestino was waiting for. Marco hates him now. There's no salvage for this. In the quiet that has grown between them, Celestino realizes half of the things he's said and cringes at himself. Why the fuck can he never control himself when he tries to explain himself? Share his feelings with someone? The only thing that happens every time is that he overshares. Oh, Cele is the king of oversharing, he truly thinks there's no one else in the world who's doing it like him.

Cele was looking down the whole time, easier, because he really didn't want to look Bez in the eyes or at him at all for that matter. It's not like he doesn't have his appearance remembered and saved in his brain by now.

He didn't need to see that disappointment... or maybe anger? Confusion? Resignation? Actually Celestino wasn't at all sure what emotion could be on Marco's face right now.

"Celestino, look at me."

And Cele really wanted to, but he just couldn't. Surely there wouldn't be anything positive to see in his expression. 

"Please."

Marco added desperately. He sounded like he wanted Celestino to return his look, as the former's gaze was burning Celestino's skin and he couldn't ignore it no more.

"Hey, you're okay, you're fine. I like you too, okay? I like you, Celestino."

And Celestino just stared at him, freezed in place. No, no way. This is not happening.

"No. You- you don't need to say that back-"

"I do, I have to, Cele. It's the truth-"

Marco reaches out for him, to touch his face, his cheeks, the same way he did before to brush the flour away when they were making the pancakes.

Celestino flinches back.

"No. Why are you doing this, Marco? There's no way, you would never like someone like me."

"What? Cele, baby, what are you talking about?"

Celestino tries his hardest to ignore that pet name. It's not real, he keeps repeating to himself in his head. None of this is real.

"It wouldn't work, okay? It just wouldn't, because- because I'm me and you're you. You're you, Marco."

Bez doesn't try to reach out again, but stays as close as possible without touching, without any physical contact between them. He's looking at him, trying to understand him, find the answers he's searching for. He's not succeeding in any of those things.

"I'm sorry, Cele. I just- I truly don't understand what you're talking about and-"

"How can you not? I mean, look at you. You're a championship leader, you're winning everything, you're a top Motogp rider. You're beautiful, soft spoken and likeable. And then there's me. It's my what? Sixth season in Moto2. I didn't even win a race yet this year. I might have gotten some decent results, a few podiums here and there, but nothing to write home about. I'm not beautiful or soft spoken or fucking likeable. I'm weird and harsh and... just there, boring, not interesting. That's all I ever was a filled space. Something that's just there. At this stage I will probably never get to Motogp. I'll never get to ride with you or race you or stand on a podium with you... I will never be your equal. I will never be enough. And Bez, Marco, you deserve someone who's enough. Someone who's-"

"Sorry... For interrupting you. I just- Can I touch you?"

Cele takes a deep breath. Actually thinks about it for a second, but the answer was clear to him from the start.

"Yes."

Bez closes the distance Celestino created between them, raises his hands and softly touches his cheeks. He gently brushes his fingers on his cheek bones a few times, looking at him like Cele's something precious. Celestino cannot do much more than dumbly stare at him back, letting him do whatever he wanted to Celestino. After a while Bez uses his hands on his face to guide him into his chest. Celestino takes the hint and moves his body exactly as Bez wanted. Totally resigned, letting the situation flow naturally without him interfering in any way. One of Bez's hands then moves to the back of his neck while the other one travels further down to his back, hugging him tightly.

Oh, this was a hug. Celestino was too stupid to realise until now. Too out of it to think about anything else than the following second. So he decides that this next second he's going to hug Marco back, his arms connecting around his waist. And if he melts into him as well that's just between him and his body.

Celestino shivers as Bez whispers in his ear.

"Please, don't ever speak about yourself like that again."

"But what if it's true?"

Celestino mumbles. Barely, almost incoherently. But by the quick and harsh pull away so he could look Celestino in the face, it was loud enough for Bez to hear.

"Do you truly think that about yourself?"

"Yea, I guess."

"Did I ever make you feel like that? Like you're um. Not enough?"

Bez looked a bit scared asking that question. Like he wasn't sure if he was ready to hear the answer.

"No. No, it was never you or any of the boys. You are my family. I guess- I don't know, maybe it was everyone else? Probably a lot of it was me too. Just my stupid mind and all."

"Okay. Because Cele, we're all equals. It's the same with me and Pecco, would you say I'm not equal to him just because I don't have two championships under my belt?"

"No."

"See? It's the same with you and me and with everyone."

"But you're in Motogp, Marco. You will have a championship sooner or later."

"My success doesn't define my worth, Cele."

Oh. Oh, now this sounds like a quote you find in the middle of the night that changes your life completely. A quote that suits and describes your situation perfectly. It sounds like something he really needed to hear.

When Celestino was quiet and just sort of staring into nothing. Marco realizes this conversation is way more important than he initially thought.

"Your success doesn't define your worth, Cele. Did you hear me?"

Marco lowers his face a little to catch Celestino's eyes that are casted downwards.

"Cele?"

"Yes. Yes. Fuck. Can you repeat it, please?"

Celestino's eyes burn. He really doesn't want to cry, but he's not sure he'll be able to keep the tears at bay. He cannot look Bez in the eyes. Not by his own will. But Bez's fingers hook under his chin and push his head up, so their eyes meet in the end.

His eyes are sweet and pleading. Looking at Celestino with a fire that wants to warm others. That wants to warm him. The colour of them reminding him of honey, calming.

"Your success doesn't define your worth. You're enough, Celestino. You're so beautiful and you're so talented and after hearing this, I'm just so sad you don't see it too. If you could just- well, if you could just see yourself through my eyes... You'd understand how wonderful you are. You're so much more than a stupid trophy. Cele, you're everything."

"Oh."

His voice breaks and a sob that he's been holding down comes up his throat and there's no coming back from this. He is crying.

Marco cradles his face once again, brushing the tears away, just caressing his cheeks really. Wanting Cele to feel him close, feel the contact between them. The connection that's not just mental but physical now too.

"Hey, hey. Oh, you're okay, baby. You're good, you just really needed to hear that, didn't you? Well I'm here to remind you, don't worry. Always, Celestino, always."

"Fuck. This is too much, Bez."

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Should I leave or-"

"No. No, please. Just- I think I just need some time. We could... We could sit on the couch, watch something. Let the time pass. Would that be. Okay? With you?"

"Yes. Yeah, okay. What do you wanna watch? Something fun, no?"

"What about another episode of One piece?"

His lips quirk up. A ghost of a smile.

"You have it, Cele."

Celestino went and sat down on one end of the couch. Leaning over the arm rest, making himself as small as possible. Bez didn't understand why. Celestino was usually stretched out over people, not really caring as long as he was comfortable. His long limbs hard to accommodate. He didn't mind taking space. At least not when he was spending time with them, the academy boys.

He didn't push though. It already was a lot for Celestino, he didn't want to put unnecessary weight onto him. If that's how he wants to sit, then that's okay.

Bez sits next to him, but still pretty far away. He got the feeling that going into Cele's personal space could be a bit risky at the moment. It could scare him, make him jump. Bez doesn't want to see either of those reactions. So he keeps to himself. Let's his presence be felt, he's just there on the edge of touching, but not really. Bez thinks that's the best he can do for now.

When the episode ends and Bez turns over to look at Celestino, he finds him sleeping peacefully. His face relaxed, his body curled up in a little ball. It makes Bez smile. He puts a blanket over him and stays on the sofa with him. They can work everything out later. They can (will have to) talk and he needs to convince Cele that he's worth so much more than what he thinks.

Celestino wakes up to nothing at all. There was no noise, no touch, the light consistently bright. It was like his body wanted him awake for some strange reason. It takes him a minute to realise where he is and what happened.

Right.

He's at the ranch with Bez. And they had that- that interesting conversation.

He looks around him to find where Bez is. From his place at the couch he's a bit limited in his view, but he notices him pretty quickly. Sitting at the table in the dining room just next to the living room where he is. He's working on his laptop. Probably studying data and telemetry. Or maybe he's not working at all. Cele's sight is definitely not good enough to actually see what's on the laptop screen.

But something warm curls in his stomach at the thought that Marco didn't leave him. He left him space as he thought he needed it based on Celestino's reaction. And he doesn't blame him. But he also stayed close enough, in sight so when Cele wakes up he can see him still being here. He guesses that's how it feels like being truly known.

He contemplates if he should say something. Let Bez know he's awake. But he's not sure he wants to break... this. Whatever it is that is between them right now. This peaceful atmosphere. It's like time stopped, the world stopped spinning and it's only them. Nothing feels rushed, every breath comes naturally to him. He didn't feel anything similar to this in a long time.

Celestino decides to not speak just yet. He just continues staring at Marco's back. His mullet, his curls. Oh god, he loves his curls. His arms, his back.

It seems that Cele has been staring too loudly, because Bez turns around and meets his eyes. Celestino doesn't get it, he didn't make a single slightest noise. There was no way Marco could somehow hear him. Or even see him. Maybe he was in the reflection... Or maybe Bez just felt his eyes on him. Maybe he just felt Cele. Celestino likes that thought very much.

"Hey, sleeping beauty."

"Hey, prince charming."

"Oh, that's who I am now?"

"Well, if I'm sleeping beauty, you might as well be."

Celestino is being way too brave. He's dancing too close to the fire. He will get burn soon. He finds that he doesn't really mind if he does.

Something clicked in him after what Bez said to him. Not that everything has changed and that he doesn't feel like that anymore, but a new path in front of him. A different way of seeing things. Maybe he could accept the fact that Marco could like him back. It still feels too surreal, but maybe if he hears it a few more times, if the reassurances keep coming... He thinks he could believe it.

"How are you feeling?"

Bez breaks the silence and their staring battle.

"Better. I just- I can't stop thinking about what you said."

"I meant it, Cele. I meant everything I said."

"I know. I know, Bez."

Bez moves away from the table, starts walking towards him. He sits on the couch next to him. His hand resting on Cele's thigh. His eyes doesn't move up to meet his, he just keeps staring at his thumb gently caressing Cele's bare skin.

"Marco."

Celestino whispers and Bez hesitantly, slowly moves his head up. Meets his eyes. Bez's eyes are nervous, scared. They glisten slightly in this light. Celestino doesn't like that there's fear there. He doesn't have the guts to say anything about it.

Cele shuffles closer to him. It was barely a change of position, it was more of a sign of an act than an actual act. Like he is willing to move close, to close the gap between them, but not brave enough to do it. Yet.

"Cele."

Marco whispers as his hand on his thigh moves higher onto his hip, gripping tightly. He also leans closer, barely.

They're close, there's no doubt about that, but there's clear and undeniable distance still between them. And none of them seem to know how to close it.

They stay like that for a minute. Just freezed in place, both of them contemplating what to do next. What's the right move. How to not fuck this up.

"Cele."

"Hmm."

"Is this real?"

That caught Celestino totally off guard. Is this real? What kind of question is that? Why wouldn't it be?

"What? Bez, I don't-"

"Please, answer."

"Okay. Okay."

Cele takes a deep breath. He never realised he's not the only one who needed reassurance. Obviously, he felt so stupid now. He burst out his confession on him and then totally freaked out when Bez reciprocated it. Even though he was the one to say it first, his reaction after made all the doubts come in. He needs Cele to say something real. Something that would matter. That would make the difference.

"Yes, this is real. And honestly I understand why you asked, because this feels like a dream to me, so I would probably ask to make sure too. I- I'm sorry for how I reacted. It's just- In my mind, we were never truly equals. Not really."

"I hate that, Cele."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologise. It's just that. You really thought that there's no chance I could like you back like at all?"

"Yeah. I wish- I had a good reason for that, but I'm afraid this is it. If only you treated me poorly. If only I had a good reason for all of this... But I don't. You were always the sweetest person and that was almost worse. Because it was hard to try and find reasons and explanations as to why you wouldn't like me back, why you were better than me. Because you never treated me like that. My brain created its own reasonings anyway, so..."

"Oh."

Fuck. He's ruining this. But it's time to reveal the truth, the whole harsh truth. It's only for the best.

"I'm sorry. I know that's so unfair to you. I don't think- I truly don't think it had ever anything to do with you. It had always just been me."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true, Bez. I can't even name one time you were truly mean to me. Or one time you did something, anything for me to think like that. It was me who created that scenario in my head. You had never really anything to do with it, yet it affected you just as much as me."

"Do you think you can change that thinking, those reasonings, that belief in your head?"

The do you think you can believe me? goes unsaid. But Cele hears it anyway.

"Yeah. Yes, I want to try. I- I really want to believe you, Marco."

"Okay."

Bez whispers. And they're still close, they haven't moved. Bez's hand still on his hip and the other one has shifted to his shoulder. And Marco moved closer, now their noses were touching. Marco's eyes were closed, Celestino couldn't help but breathe heavily, staring at this beautiful man right in front of him. He was waiting, let his hand move from his shoulder, to his neck, to his cheek. He let out a nervous breath, his body shuddered. 

Cele realized he might be waiting for a permission from him. Which was stupid, but if that's what he needs, he'll give it to him.

"Marco, please."

He mumbles hoarsely. And that was all it took.

They both lean in and meet in the middle. Bez's hand on Cele's cheek manoeuvres his face to deepen the kiss immediately. Celestino realizes his hands are awkwardly at his sides so he picks them up and puts them in his hair. Tugging at the hairs on his nape.

Marco groans. Celestino whimpers. 

Bez licks his lips, begs for access into his mouth and Cele happily gives it to him. When Bez's tongue collides with his, he thinks he's in heaven. Bez tastes amazing, something sweet and smooth. His tongue exploring his mouth as if that's his life mission. Celestino melts into it, into him. 

He wanted to go forever, kiss him until they both die, but maybe staying alive and kissing him a minute later would be a better solution for the situation. So the fact that they needed to breathe made him pull away reluctantly. They were both panting when they opened their eyes. There was a string of saliva still connecting their lips, their souls possibly. Invisible string made visible.

"Fuck."

Cele mumbled. This was... incredible. He- he could have had this all this time? Wait, since when does Marco like him?

"Since when do you like me?"

Bez seems a bit taken aback by the sudden question.

"Um, well. It's hard to try and find an exact moment when it started, because I think- in a way it has always been you. Even when I didn't let myself believe it. So when I truly realized and accepted it was in 2021 when we were teammates and it was just no longer deniable."

Oh. Oh. Fuck. Since 2021? That's a long fucking time. Wait. It's always been you? What the fuck does that mean?

"It has always- what? Since 2021? I- why did you never say anything?"

"I- it's complicated, right? Our lifestyle is complicated, I didn't want to ruin our friendship. And you never really gave me any signs that you liked me back. Actually... when did you realise?"

"Today. When you cleaned the flour off my face."

Celestino didn't even hesitate. Which might not be the best answer when he takes a second to think about it.

"Wait, really? I thought- wow."

Bez seemed surprised, incredulous.

"It's not- it's not like that! I liked you way before. I don't really remember a time when I didn't. Since you were always there and since I saw you I never really cared for anyone else. They could never match you. You were the one I wanted. I never- I never let myself actually catch up to that though. And when I did, I just denied it to myself after. All those late nights thinking about my best friend and nothing more, of course."

He tried to lighten the whole confession at the end. A dry chuckle leaving his lips. 

"Oh, okay."

Bez huffed and then laughed, it was small, barely counted as a laugh. It looked like he was reliving a memory deep in his mind.

"Just for the record, I've also spend way too many nights thinking about you."

"Good. Now we're equal."

And that made both of them laugh. Marco's laugh has an angelic sound. And his laughs are also very contagious. He always struggles to not start laughing whenever Bez laughs. His smile is the most beautiful thing, Celestino has ever seen. Marco's face is a work of art that he could keep staring at forever. When they stopped after a while, Bez kept staring at Celestino very intensely. It was stressing him out a little.

"What?"

Cele asks curious. There's something behind those eyes, something that wanted to explode right in his face. Wanted to be heard.

"You're everything, Cele."

Bez says and hugs him tightly. He's so warm and his big arms curl nicely around his waist. Cele puts his hands around his shoulders. Squeezes him back. Tries to show how much he's appreciated back. He's not sure he's doing a good enough job. He's not sure he ever will be.

"I don't know how you can say that."

Celestino really tried to be quiet, not to ruin the moment. But he couldn't. Not when Bez said this twice already and Cele's brain couldn't comprehend it at all (both times).

"Because it's true."

Marco replies simply. Without hesitation, like he expected Cele to object.

"A lot of people would disagree with you."

"They don't matter. Do they?"

He challenges Cele, looks at him competitively. Knowing this one is his to win. Because he's correct, other people don't matter. Not in their sport, not even in life really.

"They don't."

"Now my job will be to make you believe it too."

Cele huffs out a laugh at that. He's struggling to comprehend that Bez could think that let alone that he could think that about himself. Marco is setting himself on a long and hard journey.

From the look on his face, determined and ready, he seems to be okay with that challenge. Even willing to do it. Celestino still adds almost mockingly:

"Good luck with that."

Again Bez doesn't miss a beat. Celestino is impressed. But again they've been friends since they were kids, they used to argue for fun. They can read each other as open books, mostly. So it shouldn't really be that surprising.

"Thanks, I'll need it."

And he winks at him. He has the audacity to wink at him. He cannot be serious-

Celestino leans over him, straddles his hips, so he's sitting on his lap as he pins his arms down to his sides.

"Who do you think you are?"

He says before he realises their new position. Fuck, he was acting on whim, so fast he didn't think about the consequences.

Marco only grins more and winks at him again. Letting his smile decorate his face.

"I don't know, you tell me."

It was an invitation to talk about what this makes them. It's a start of a conversation he's as scared to have as anything they've said so far. It makes him halt in his moves. 

Cele removes his hands from his arms, putting them at his own sides, sitting down on his lap for better balance. He didn't want to go away just yet.

"I don't know, Bez."

Cele says and he hates that he can't offer more. He hates that when Bez asks about them and their possible future all he can say is I don't know.

"Maybe we should talk about it though."

Bez counters. It's valid, they could talk it out, Celestino is just scared what might come out of his mouth in that specific conversation.

"Okay, then. But I- I don't even know where to start. Or how to start."

"How about this. Can you imagine me as your boyfriend?"

Oh, Celestino loves the way Marco phrased that question, the words he used, the tone he asked in. It made him feel safe and warm. So warm. Cele's hands found use in laying on Bez's chest now.

When he still hasn't answered in a time he should have already said something, Marco's fingers squeeze his waist. An encouragement. A quiet you can tell me.

Okay. Deep breath. Okay.

"Yes. Yes, I just- can you imagine me as your boyfriend?"

"Yes, of course."

Marco answered immediately, no room for doubt or hesitation. He hated that that was the case. He hated even more how long it took him to answer. He hates almost everything about this conversation.

"Are you- are you sure, Bez?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Why are you asking this?"

"I- uhm. No reason."

"Please don't lie to me."

"Can't I just make sure you're sure?"

"You can, but it isn't really about that, is it? Is that why you took so long to answer?"

Bingo. Once again, Bez has just read him like an open book written in a foreign language that Bez learned how to read over their time together.

"I'll take that as a yes. Come on, what is it, Cele?"

Celestino's head is down, he's still on his lap, which is not a good position for hiding, but he doesn't want to leave. Doesn't want to stop feeling Marco's big palms on his waist, his mindless patterns he draws over his shirt.

Marco pushes his chin up by his pointer finger and thumb.

"Please, tell me."

Cele huffs out a breath, a heavy one. This day can't get more emotional than this.

"I just- I don't think I'd be a good boyfriend. And- and you deserve a great boyfriend or girlfriend. A great person to be with you. I'm just not... sure I can be that for you. I don't want to disappoint you, Marco."

Marco's thumb caresses his chin softly.

"You don't have to be perfect. No one is perfect, I won't be a perfect boyfriend either. I don't know if I'm any good, Cele-"

"Oh, stop it-"

"No, really. All of my previous relationships, they weren't serious, they didn't matter. But you-"

"Stop, you're already perfect, you're so good-"

"No, you stop, Celestino. You need to stop with this. I am not perfect. I never was and I never will be. But that's what makes me human. Same as you. Oh my god, can you please realize that I'm the same as you? We are the same, Cele."

Marco shouts. He also says it way more sharply than he intended. But it was the truth and once again it was something Celestino needed to hear, no matter how much it hurt or how uncomfortable it was.

What hurt the most is how Cele gets down from his lap and sits down on the couch next to him instead. Close enough, but not touching. Deliberate distance. 

"I'm sorry."

Marco doubled down, he didn't mean it. Not like that, it wasn't supposed to sting or hurt. He just needed to let it be out there in the air between them. It was like an elephant in the room anyway, always lingering. Maybe addressing it would make it disappear. Eventually.

"No, no, you're right. You're right, Bez."

Marco turns his head to him, but Cele is staring ahead on the black television. Anywhere but Bez.

"Baby, I was never perfect. And you don't need to be either. I don't even want you to be. I just want you to be yourself. Just be yourself for me, okay? And for you. Allow yourself to be a human being. Please, baby."

"I don't think I know how."

"I can show you. I- in some things I might not be very helpful either, but I'd try my best to be there for you and help you in any way I can."

"See? That's why you're perfect, you're too good for me."

"No. Seriously Cele stop saying that. Can we just forget about perfection and who's too good or not enough?"

Marco wanted to continue, but he wanted to hear from Cele too. Make sure he's listening, that he's paying attention.

"Okay."

"Let me tell you something. I want you. I really like you and I would like for you to be my boyfriend. What about you?"

And he made it sound so easy, so simple. None of that too good or not enough bullshit. Who decides that anyway? Just his stupid brain that doesn't know shit. It's not like he has any information to go from here. Cele never really had any serious relationship either. Hmm, interesting now that he thinks about it.

"Cele? Don't overthink it. Say it how it is. Say what you want."

"I want you, Marco. I want you so much and I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be my boyfriend too. I think- well, I think I love you."

That just slipped out at the end. That definitely wasn't supposed to made it out of his lips, throat or head.

Marco's eyes widen almost comically. He's staring at him like he's the solar eclipse, something rare and special.

"You- you love me?"

He stutters out unbelievably.

Celestino has half the mind to deny it. Say something stupid like he doesn't know him long enough for that. But that would be the stupidest thing to leave his mouth and now that is a real competition to be in.

"I- fuck, yes, I love you, Bez. I love you."

"Fuck. I never thought you'd say that."

"We said it before. A few times."

They were very good friends after all. Friends do say I love you to each other, that's normal. The problem was it was never really normal with them.

"Barely. And this is different. So fucking different and you know that!"

"Yeah, I know."

Bez lets his head fall onto Cele's collarbone so gently, because of his injuries there. And he leaves a few soft kisses there. Celestino's chest is so warm, his heart beating happily.

"I love you too."

Bez mumbles into his shoulder. Muffled by Cele's shirt.

"What?"

He's pretty sure he heard what Bez said, but he might as well make sure. Make him say it to his face. Marco sighs, but there's a smile on his face when he pulls his head up, his eyes still closed.

"I said I-"

"Wait, open your eyes. I want to see your eyes while you say it. Please."

Bez slowly opens his eyes and sees excited Cele in front of him. He tries to contain it, but he just really wants to hear those words. It's selfish, but after he's said them, he had hoped that maybe he'll hear them too. If they feel true enough for Marco, of course.

"I love you, Celestino."

The look in his eyes is so loving. So adoring. This is how it feels like being burned. He feels it now and he loves it. He didn't think he'd like it that much but now he's wondering how he lived without it. He never quite realized how cold he was before.

"Okay, wow. Fuck."

Marco giggles, the sound a comforting music to Cele's ears.

"Those are all the words left in your vocabulary?"

"Yeah. I mean, fuck. For right now, it seems like it. This doesn't feel real, Bez. Like I'm just waiting when I wake up from my nap in my room."

"There's no waking up, Cele. This is real."

Then Bez's hand goes and pinches Cele on his forearm, pretty hard mind you. As Cele yelps dramatically.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for?"

"If you were dreaming a pinch would wake you up, dummy. Everyone knows that."

"Oh my god, you're not serious."

"Oh, but I am."

Marco pinned him down on the sofa, hovering over him, fighting him. Cele was fighting him back, but he was on the back foot. He'd say they're both pretty equally strong. They're almost the same height. Marco trains a bit more now. Maybe, it feels like that to Cele anyway. They were kind of wrestling each other. Just shoving each other, laughing in each other's faces, Cele couldn't help but scream too.

He was winning at one stage. Managed to pull Bez under him, pin him there. Fend of his attacks. But then he reached for his face and kissed him. Just like that, like it's normal. And that left Celestino frozen in place and too out of it, when Marco inevitably flipped them over. Celestino once again under him, when Marco puts his fists up in victory.

"I win!"

He shouts and Celestino just smiles at that. At his happy, satisfied expression. He could get used to this.

"Okay, fine. You win."

He tries to sound annoyed, but his voice betrays him along with his gigantic grin.

"You sound really mad."

"I am."

Then he lunges at him suddenly and starts tickling Cele, his sides, his stomach. Celestino truly cannot breath, he has a fucking laughing attack or something.

"Stop, stop."

He manages to say between laughter. Barely catching his breath, this was fun but he borderline felt like he was going to die.

Marco takes his words too seriously and leaves his skin alone. It's so warm right now, it'll run cold soon again. Without Marco's touch.

"Sorry."

He mumbles quietly. And that's not what this was. He just needed to breath, he just didn't want to die.

"No, I- really enjoyed that. I just needed to breathe. So yeah."

"Oh. Okay."

They both smile and Bez goes down from his lap but as he does Celestino loses balance and almost falls from the couch. Almost is the key word here. Marco catches him naturally. Holds his arm and shoulder, pulls him back up again.

"Careful."

Celestino once again has to remind himself that this is all reality. That he got to kiss Marco, that he loves him. They still haven't really established if they're boyfriends or not, but Cele doesn't really care that much about labels. As long as he can have Bez by his side, it's fine with him.

They spend the rest of the day glued to each other's sides. The vast distance that was there before long forgotten. They were making sure, it's just like it was never there in the first place.

They ate dinner together at the dining table. Cele even put candles there, for the atmosphere. He felt stupid as soon as Marco saw it, started blowing the candles off, but he stopped him immediately and said:

"I didn't know you were a romantic like that." 

And he was so smug about it. Cele felt heat crawl to his cheeks, his whole face probably. His neck too, he was red all over. 

"No, no, it's cute. Super cute." And he pecks his lips. That doesn't help Cele's state. 

He doesn't understand how Marco can just do this so easily. He just goes up to Cele and kisses him whenever he wants. He doesn't overthink it, doesn't ask, not anymore, just does it. And well, Cele likes it. Likes the fact that he can be something like that to him. Something easy, something he doesn't have to think about. Just have him. After all, Cele's his. 

That's another realisation he probably wasn't ready for. He is Marco's. That's the truth, that's the reality. Does he know that? Hopefully he does. It looks like he does. Is Marco his? He's not sure if this goes both ways. Probably? Hopefully?

"Oh, I can hear you thinking, Cele. Relax, baby. It's just us. Let's eat, yeah?"

Celestino doesn't manage more than a simple nod as he takes a seat next to Bez.

After dinner they go sit on the couch again. This couch feels like a really important object to their relationship in Cele's eyes suddenly. Like everything basically happened on it. Celestino stares at it for longer than any normal person would stare at an old couch. He can't stop looking even when Bez turns the TV on. 

It's just- they kissed for the first time here, they said I love you for the first time here, they confessed their feelings here, it's almost too much. It's so stupid, it's a couch in Vale's house. It's not even theirs, everyone sits on this couch. And none of them know what happened on it today. A start of something.

"Hey, you okay? You've been staring at that pillow for a really long time, you know?"

Marco shakes him out of his thoughts with his voice and firm hand on his shoulder.

"Good, yeah, okay. I was just thinking."

"Okay, but you're good?"

"Yeah."

Bez doesn't push, doesn't question him further. Cele really appreciates that. He wouldn't lie to him, not now. He truly was just thinking. His brain pretty much switches off as Bez puts his arm on the back of the couch over his shoulders, pulls him closer into his side. Warm and soft.

Celestino doesn't really think that much anymore for the rest of the night. Just basking in Bez's presence. Watching whatever movie he had put on.

He felt happy. Truly happy for the first time in a long time. And every time he turned and looked at Bez who was smiling the whole time, his heart melted just a bit more.